onetruekev – Page 2

Random Scatterings

Sizing

I have been steadily losing weight all year, and there is a general shrinking going on, and because of it I need ever smaller sizes in clothes. Charity Shops are doing a booming trade in my old (and now baggy) cast offs. I have to say it is quite a buzz to be wandering into shops and being able to pick up clothes anywhere. On the whole I am currently in Large. And for the first time since I was a teenager, I’ve just bought a pair of trousers with a thirty-six-inch waist (and they haven’t cut circulation off to the legs). But there is such a disparity in sizes. The Errea kit and leisurewear which they make for Crawley Town is cut notoriously small, so I still need XL from them. Kappa seem to cut their stuff huge, and the Medium t-shirt I have from them is big on me. And then there is the three-quarter zip jumper I got from Trespass. The Large looked huge, and they didn’t have a Medium, but the Small still looked a reasonable size, so I tried that on, and it fitted. Me. In a Small. Fucking unthinkable even a year ago. Although it may say that on the label it doesn’t mean it is true though. And there is the nub of the problem. There is no consistency in how different companies label their sizing. So I end up with tops which all fit pretty much the same on me, but are four assorted sizes according to their labels. How is anyone supposed to deal with that kind of discrepancy? Going in the shops and trying stuff on is fine, but with the proliferation of online shopping, the only winners are the postal services.

Foot Felony

I have also been looking for some new footwear, I need new formal boots, and wanted some high-top trainers after my Reebok 49ers boots just fell to pieces with brittle plastic syndrome. There is a fairly new trainer shop in County Mall called Foot Felony. I went in to have a look and found out how they got their name. I thought it was strange that all of the display trainers are in a hard plastic shrink wrap. Then I turned a couple of them over and looked at the price on the sole. None of the ones I picked up were less than two hundred quid. And the one I liked the look of the most was a mind boggling nine hundred and forty-eight quid. It didn’t appear heavy enough to be made of gold though. I was the only person in the shop. I’m not surprised. I’d be more surprised if they get the volume of sales to justify it being open with three staff, seven days a week.

You can plan a pretty picnic, but you can’t predict the weather.

Went the lyrics in Outkast’s “Ms Jackson”, and of course it is well known that if you fire up the barbeque it is just going to summon the rain gods. So planning a barbeque more than a week in advance is just asking for trouble, isn’t it? Did it rain? Technically yes. Not that the downpour could be described as mere rainfall. I nipped to the local shops to get some soft drinks to take next door to the barbeque, and it is about two hundred yards there. In less than quarter of a mile, of quite rapidly paced walking, I was soaking wet to the extent I had to change my clothes and shoes before going to the barbeque. There were roads out there somewhere, but they were under newly created rivers. It was a surprise not to see an old bloke with a long white beard come past me in a huge wooden boat with a load of animals on it.

You brought what to work now?

I suppose by now I should be used to the completely random stuff people bring into work. The office now has a ‘dog of the day’ where people can bring their dog to work to fuck up the working day of those allergic to, or afraid of, dogs. Having moved buildings last week I’m now on an open plan floor, and in one corner of it there is a pool table, after the old one was removed from the other building months ago. They have cues to use, but that obviously isn’t good enough for some people, as some bloke came in this morning with his own cue in a case, and proceeded to take it out and go and play a game of pool a couple of times during the day. Having passed him a couple of times whilst he was playing, all I can say is, I would stick with the random cues supplied, at least that way the terrible play could be blamed on them, instead of showing yourself up with your own posh cue. And I thought I brought some random shit to work with me.

Fuck Live Forever, Just Die Already

Headlines this week have been dominated by catastrophic news and wall to wall coverage of events most sane people prayed would never happen.

The monobrowed, Thunderbird puppet lookalike, Gallagher brothers have reformed Oasis to pay for a few more years of living lavish lifestyles and are ready to fleece plenty of unsuspecting (and to be fair quite a few willing) victims out of money that could do some good in their own lives instead of lining the pockets of two (well five if you include the other band members) argumentative Manc twats.

The news of their reunion concerts is everywhere. It’s like a time warp has taken me back to the days when at least I could blot out most of their shit with ridiculous quantities of alcohol.

Absolute Radio might as well change their name to Proctology FM, so far up the brothers arses they have crawled in mentioning the reunion at every given opportunity (and a shit load of ungiven ones). Not listening to the radio most of the week I had missed most of it – Helen had changed stations because of the constant barrage of smoke blowing. But Saturday morning when the alarm went off, it was still tuned into Absolute, and I said jokingly to Helen, how long do you reckon before they mention Oasis. Turned out to be less than a minute as they were the first words to come tumbling out of the mouth of whichever sycophantic presenter it was doing the early morning slot on Proctology FM. And he then proceeded to play Champagne Supernova at which point it was alarm off before we could see if time really could fly if you threw the alarm clock out of the window.

I got into town and nipped into HMV to pick up a couple of CDs which had been released this week and contrary to the line of CDs and Vinyl under the heading of playing now, they were playing Oasis as well. There really is no escaping this shit show anywhere you go. Although at least HMV were playing “Definitely Maybe”.

Thirty years ago when that album came out, I loved the album and the wall of sound on it. But it only took them until album two, the much loved and critically acclaimed “(What’s The Story) Morning Glory” for them to start disappearing up their own arses. The two thirty-something seconds instrumentals on the album showed just what a bunch of pretentious twats they were willing to become. Their third album – “Be Here Now” had record breaking first day sales (one I think still stands). Unofficially it also had record breaking day two returns with complaints of how shit it was.

I did live in Burnage in Manchester where they come from back in the early noughties, and I used to frequent Sifters record shop which they name check on “Definitely Maybe”. I can see why they don’t live in Burnage anymore.

I have been to see them live, not that I really wanted to. I went with two housemates – both called Mark – and I’m fairly sure I only went because whoever the ticket I used was originally for couldn’t make it. The gig was at the Old Trafford cricket ground, and it would be a bit unfair to say they were shit. There’s no way they were that good. They were uninterested, just going through the motion, and the only audience participation was to barrack Ryan Giggs who had a hospitality box at the gig. They were obviously only doing it for the money, something I fully expect them to repeat next year.

The main support was Richard Ashcroft, and he was good. But for the Oasis set I found myself moving further back as they played. Partly because they were shit, but mainly because of the moronic, knuckle dragging fans who spent the whole gig filling up bottles and plastic pint pots with piss and then launching them forward over the rest of the crowd. Fuckwits.

The prices of tickets are ridiculous, and it is amazing that people were sharing screen shots of being number 201,769 in the queue for tickets. The fact they had teamed up with Ticketmasterbator to sell the tickets at ‘dynamic pricing’ was not a surprise. All cunts together and all that. And those prices are before every support industry weighs in with their own money gouging shithousery. Hotels are already at it, kicking out previously booked guests claiming ‘technical issues’ and then reselling the rooms for more than twice the price, and fucking up things like weddings in doing so.

Fortunately, there is a lot of piss taking going on as well. Lots of memes, fake e-mails, and jokes doing the rounds. Such as the Facebook status “Marked safe from the Oasis reunion”. Or the joke about I left two Oasis tickets on my car’s dashboard and some cunt broke in and left two more. The e-mail from Uganda saying you have won pre-ballot tickets, send £1000 to secure them is another. Although if you gave me £1000, I might consider going to one of the gigs. And after consideration, common sense would kick in and I’d tell you to stick them up your arse.

Even if the gigs and all the hype around them is going to be painful I do have one positive thought about their reunion. And that is I positively hope that they are only doing the money gouging gigs and that they will not be releasing a new album. That really would be too much for a beleaguered world to have to bear.

Ride A White Swan

Some nice early T. Rex for a title this time around, seeing as we have a new striker with the Swan surname, it fits nicely. Better than any of my attempts to think of something to link to today’s visitors. Although at half time it was tempting to change the name to something else. Such as Rainbow’s “I Surrender”, or Dido’s “White Flag”.

We come into today’s game after two defeats, last Saturday’s 1-0 loss against what all the other stats would tell you versus Wigan Athletic, and then Tuesday night’s 4-0 loss against Brighton & Hove Albion in the Carabao Cup, a score which flattered the Premier League opposition. It took a couple of days to come through but the confirmed away fan numbers for the game were 3,255, out highest away fan total in that competition, and fourth biggest away support ever.

However, the result and the performance have been overshadowed by the shit storm over Jay Williams’ challenge from which Brighton’s new signing Matt O’Riley had to be helped from the pitch and subsequently has led to an operation and him being expected to be out for at least two months. The post-game comments from Brighton’s manager were inflammatory at best and social media and forums have been the expected sewer of bilge and bile aimed at Williams, Crawley Town, Scott Lindsey, and lower league players in general. The tackle doesn’t look great when replayed in slow motion, but wasn’t anywhere near the attempted murder the BHA fans would have the world believe, and certainly not worthy of the death threats aimed in Williams’ direction since.

I was in the club shop, buying more shirts because I’ve got a shirt addiction, and have added the away and third kits to the collection, and so have the complete red, white, and blue for this year. Although two kits went straight back in to game names printed on them. None of the squad on them of course, but a nice custom name and number totally appropriate for me.

Whilst I was in there, I noticed they had boxes of the new club magazine behind the counter, and I managed to persuade them to let me buy a copy early. It is forty-eight pages, A4 size, decent quality paper, contains reasonable content, and there is no sign of the error strewn issues which plagued the final season of match programmes. It isn’t the same as having programmes, but I think it fills a gap quite nicely.

And as deadline day rolled around, we finally signed another striker, Will Swan from Mansfield, who hopefully won’t have to do too much ducking and diving. Today’s title was inspired by the signing. Additionally, I hope he doesn’t get fowled too often; else his goose might be cooked. (I have a hat and a cane to go with the coat I’m going to get.)

Then there was Nigerian social media reports that Nigerian Internation Benjamin Tanimu had signed for us from Tanzanian league side Singida Black Stars. That turned out to be fake news, but waking up this morning we found we had signed former Arsenal player Bradley Ibrahim from Hertha BSC on loan for the rest of the season.

Today’s visitors are Barnsley, the third former Premier League team we have played so far this season in four league games. We have played them twice before, back when we were in League One in the 2014-15 season when we did the double over them, beating them 1-0 at Oakwell, and thrashing them 5-1 at home, a high point in our relegation season. Here’s hoping we can keep the winning run against them going today.

We go into today’s game in eighth place in League One, only outside the playoff places at this very early stage in the season on goal difference. Our visitors Barnsley are one place below us in ninth two points behind. Barnsley have been in the League One playoffs for the last two seasons having been relegated from the Championship three seasons ago.

Barnsley have Max Watters likely to be playing for them. He had a remarkably successful, albeit short spell for us in the 2020-21 season where he scored 13 goals in 15 games and saw a reputed £1m transfer to Cardiff City on the back of it, but he has never recreated that goal scoring frequency.

Neither Fish nor Faal in the squad, but there are rumblings coming out that Faal and Gonzalez may be on their way out anyway due to “attitude” issues. If they want to buy that particular magazine, I think that’s entirely up to them.

New signing Will Swan was on the bench, as was fit again Harry Forster. And with Jack Roles suspended after his sending off on Tuesday night it leaves me wondering who Rick behind me is going to shouting at to shoot seeing as he can’t call out ‘Shoot Jack’.

Barnsley line up in a dirty white / pale grey kit, which looks like they left a single black sock in the industrial wash for the rest of the kit.

An early ball over the top sees former Crawley man Max Watters race onto it leaving Joy Mukena in his wake, but he pulled his shot just wide. Only for him to be subbed off with less than ten minutes of the game gone as he’d gone down with some injury in midfield. It’s worth pointing out Jay Williams was nowhere in the vicinity at the time.

Crawley really haven’t settled into the game at all. The ball is taken away from Mukena in the middle of the half and Barnsley get a shot on target which Jojo Wollacott tips around the post for a corner. That one is flapped out for a corner on the other side of the pitch. That is taken long and a free header beyond the back post is put across the keeper and into the corner of the net and we trail 0-1.

Nearly straight from the kick off Barnsley attack again and get the ball to the edge of the area and the shot comes back off the inside of the post and is cleared away. I’m not sure who this team of imposters are, but they are nervy as hell and are playing like they’ve never met each other before and aren’t used to round objects of grass beneath their feet.

We give away a needless free kick in the middle of our half which leads to another Barnsley shot on target which needs to be saved by Wollacott. Only for us to give the ball away on half way a couple of minutes later and for Barnsley to cut through us as if we were the paper tissue targets at the end of an episode of Takeshi’s Castle, and for their number nine to slot their shot into the corner of the net to make it 0-2.

It takes us until the half hour mark to win a corner on our first proper attack of the game, only for us to play it short and waste it. Perhaps there are signs of life, we get the ball into the Barnsley box and exchange passes but there is no shot and no final ball before it is cleared and it is soon back up the wrong end as far as we are concerned and Barnsley get a couple of corners in quick succession with the second one being headed just over. The goal kick doesn’t clear it for long and there is another corner soon after, which we manage to clear.

The board goes up for three added minutes at the end of the half, and Panutche Camara gives the ball away for the umpteenth time – I can only assume he was a bit confused and thought we were playing in our away kit, as he was abysmal in the first half, the worst of a bad bunch – and Barnsley work the ball into the box, Mukena sticks a leg out and the Barnsley number 8 takes the invitation and goes over it. A penalty is given, and the number 8 gets up and takes it himself putting it straight down the middle as Wollacott dives to his right and it’s 0-3.

The half time whistle can’t come soon enough for this most dismal of halves of football I’ve had the misfortune to watch Crawley play this year. When it goes the players trudge off the pitch and down the tunnel where hopefully Scott Lindsey will be extremely enthusiastic in his half time team talk.

The second half sees us make two substitutions, with Max Alexander and Cameron Bragg being taken off and replaced by returnee Harry Forster and new signing Will Swan. And we do start the half a lot brighter than we played in the first half and we win an early corner. And then a free kick on the left-hand side of the box, but it is crossed straight into the Barnsley keeper’s arms. We then win a free kick in midfield, played into the box and the cross is easily collected by the keeper.

Barnsley win a corner themselves and it is headed clear as far as a Barnsley player on the edge of the box who chests it down and volleys a shot in which is well saved by Wollacott for another corner which is headed over.

We get a free kick thirty yards out and load the box, it is floated to the rear post and the header hits the side netting. Camara gets fouled in the centre circle but somehow manages to pick up a booking in the process before we take the free kick, playing in the middle he seems to be playing a lot better than being on the right wing in the first half. Swan has started his Crawley career brightly and is getting stuck in and showing some decent touches. Rushian Hepburn-Murphy wins a corner, and Barnsley break from it and get another shot off which is well saved by Wollacott again before a sliding tackle earns a Barnsley player a yellow card.

A long clearance hits the back of a Barnsley head and goes out for a corner. It’s played short and gets eventually to Camara on the edge of the area only for his shot to be closed down and blocked, and again Barnsley break at speed and force another Wollacott save.

With quarter of an hour to go, ball number one sails out over the Eden Utilities Stand when an attempted Barnsley clearance ricochets off Forster. RHM is substituted and Ade Adeyemo comes on in his place. A couple of minutes later ball two disappears over the KRL Logistics stand from a wayward Barnsley shot.

Decent work from Swan sees the ball played through to Adeyemo in the box, and he battles against three defenders before the ball comes back out to Williams whose shot goes over the bar. We win a free kick thirty yards out just right of centre. It is floated in, punched away by the keeper, and falls to Toby Mullarkey but he is tackled, and the ball goes out for a corner. We get a cross in and a sliced clearance goes for another corner which goes straight out of play. Forster is dragged down on the right wing and somehow the free kick is given to Barnsley. We win it back and work it down the right, it comes back to Camara who swivels and shoots and the shot is easily saved as our first shot on target as we pass the end of normal time.

The added time to be played wasn’t announced. We give the ball away again in our own half only for Barnsley to pull their shot wide. There are five minutes of added time played before the final whistle goes on a very disappointing performance and a 0-3 loss.

The crowd was announced as being, 4,704 with 847 away fans. There was no sponsor’s man of the match announced, possibly because that may have been considered as taking the piss.

Barnsley’s win sees them leapfrog us in the league, moving them up two places to seventh place, as we drop to twelfth, so at least still in the top half of the table.

After today we have two weeks before our next game as next week’s away game at Burton Albion has been postponed due to their international call ups. We have call ups of our own with both Jojo Wollacott and Eddie Beach due to be playing next week. It means out next game is in a fortnight’s time where we will be playing unbeaten top of the table fellow promotees Stockport County at home. When hopefully we will have shaken off the apparent lethargy we showed today.

Come on you reds.

Last Bongo In Brighton

DJ Format’s sample heavy track from 2000, whose title was a play on the Incredible Bongo Band’s “Last Bongo In Belgium”, but didn’t use that track for one of the many samples. It did sample Muppets, so is doubly appropriate for today.

It was a strange feeling on Saturday with not being at a game. I didn’t make the trip to Wigan, the first competitive match I’ve missed this season and the first since the Newport game back on Easter Monday. Watching the live text on the BBC website and having FSS news on isn’t the same. Going to games is addictive. There was never an intention to be going to away games when we first got season tickets for the 2021-22 season, but it gets under your skin and is an itch which needs scratching more regularly now. The addictive nature I have is kicking in for something else now.

We went and got our tickets for tonight’s game on Wednesday evening. And I got drawn into the plethora of choices of merchandise out in the club shop. My pre-season kit envy for the black training kit with the red trident up the back was sated, and I just about managed to resist buying one of every different item and limited myself to two pieces (both black, and Helen got two as well, both red), but I can see it only being a temporary reprieve for my wallet, especially as the away and third kits aren’t even in stock yet.

Amusingly the club had also found a load of cardboard clackers somewhere and were giving them away. I didn’t take one, the chant from the Cambridge game the previous Saturday of “stick your clackers up your arse” was still fresh in my mind.

Having gotten our own tickets, we then needed to sort two more out once they went on general sale on the Thursday. Getting those two tickets was painful. Brighton’s website is more painful to buy tickets from than our own. It shouldn’t take more than twenty minutes to buy two fucking tickets. I just about stopped myself from throwing my laptop through the window during the process.

I was quite happily going to get the park and ride to the ground from my office in Hove as for the last couple of years, the car park at my office has been open for parking, with buses from outside it to the stadium for Brighton games. Only for my smug assurance to be shattered when I found out that my office is not a park and ride site for Brighton games this season. I had to hurriedly try and get places on one of the coaches from Crawley instead.

Anyway, the away game I missed was our first defeat of the season. A 1-0 loss in a game in which we dominated in all statistical categories apart from the one that matters – goals. And even the one Wigan scored wasn’t on target, with the free header going wide before hitting Joy Mukena’s head and deflecting in. I got around to watching the highlights of the game on FSS and what a biased crock of shit they were. Anyone watching them would have thought Wigan dominated the game. They only included five of our fourteen shots, and none of the three we had on target. Wankers.

So, after playing the under 21s last week, it is the Brighton & Hove Albion full side this evening. Although hopefully not that full strength a side after their impressive unbeaten start to the Premiership season, with them being one of the sides with two wins out of two. Outside of the Sussex Senior Cup, the only previous meeting between the sides was a third round FA Cup tie back in 1992 which Brighton won 5-0.

There were four coaches making the trip and we were on the ‘Jeremy Kelly’ one bringing up the rear of the convoy behind Jay Williams, Harry Forster, and Ronan Darcy. Having rushed straight from work I hadn’t looked on social media during the day and therefore missed that the away and third kits were now on sale. Something for Friday then.

We hadn’t even got inside the ground when the issues started. The sniffer dog singled Nathan out for a more thorough check. And I got pulled aside because I had a camera. Which they wanted to take off me. I had read the ground rules before going and they don’t allow video cameras or DLSR ones, but mine is neither. They did let me in with it, but only after taking pictures of my ticket and my driver’s license and threatening to throw me out of the stadium if I took the camera out of its bag.

Once inside the stadium it is cashless because they like to find additional ways to be cunts. I was looking for a programme. The stewards told me to go to a food outlet for it. I did and asked for a programme only to be told they don’t sell Cobra! I spelt the word programme out and was still met with blank looks before a colleague pointed me to the next food outlet. Who pointed me back to the first one. At outlet four I finally got one.

I used to moan about the quality of our own when we had one, but the Brighton one was truly shit. A single sheet of paper folded three times to give a laughable “16” pages, but in the kind of fold out poster style you’d get from an eighties Smash Hits pull out.

The atmosphere in the concourse is electric, and the Crawley fans are really bringing the noise.

Brighton are in their Tesco carrier bag shirts and white shorts, we’re all in red. Being low down behind the goal is a totally different perspective from which to watch the game. Even with my glasses on I can’t see the far end in great detail.

We have early possession, but BHA have the first chance, poked past Jojo Wollacott but cleared well before it gets near the goal line. The follow up shot from twenty yards out is just high and wide.

There are a couple of early Jay Williams fouls and he gets a talking to / warning from the ref, and his second victim has to be subbed.

A long ball is crossed by Rushian Hepburn-Murphy, and we win a corner. Which we work to the other side and a cross / shot is turned in and celebrations start, but the flag is up for offside.

On 15 minutes, Williams foul number three sees the inevitable yellow card. From the free kick BHA get a cross in and the header is in the net, but the offside flag was up well before the cross.

We have possession in their box but don’t pull the trigger at all, just keep passing it across the area, and a spell of decent possession only has a blocked shot to show for it.

Armando Junior Quinirta gets a cross in and its turned behind for a corner. We work a shot, well saved, we keep the ball and across to Ronan Darcy and his shot is well saved and Josh Flint’s long throw is cleared.

At the back Wollacott passes it straight to a striker but Joy Mukena makes a great tackle to rescue it. We clear long and Armando gets taken out on the edge of the area. The cross finds a Crawley head but it goes wide.

BHA break, the ball is played through to a suspiciously offside looking striker and Wollacott gets hands on it, but it still finds its way into the bottom corner and it’s 0-1.

Toby Mullarkey gets a yellow for a tug back at halfway. RHM gets into the box, but his cross is cleared. Flint long throw cleared and cross back in hits the top of the bar and goes behind.

BHA attack and the shot is straight at Wollacott. RHM is taken out in attack which sees a booking for a BHA player. Free kick is 35 yards out, crossed over, headed back, and cleared for a corner which is cleared for a throw. They break, stopped by Jeremy Kelly. There are three minutes of added time. Darcy finds RHM, but cleared off his toes before a shot, work it back in and get a corner. Some concerted pressure and only scrambling defence prevents an equaliser before the half time whistle goes with the score at 0-1.

We start brightly in the second half, Darcy gets to the byline and his cross evades everyone in the box, BHA break and score from nothing and it’s 0-2.

Heads don’t drop though. We work it down the left and a RHM cross is poked out for a corner. It is worked across the box and then put out for another corner. Short, then played to back post and Mullarkey shoots across goal and wide.

BHA break at pace again, a shot is saved for a corner. Cleared and RHM gets ball out wide, cuts into box and appears to be brought down, but nothing given. Darcy wins ball and it deflects off a defender and goes out for a … goal kick. Stevie fucking Wonder has taken over as ref.

We make some substitutions with RHM, Max Alexander, and Williams off for Ade Adeyemo, Panutche Camara, and Charlie Barker on.

Armando is taken out on right wing, and it brings a booking. BHA clear and break again and force another Wollacott save. A blatant unpunished foul see BHA in the area again, but the ball is cleared off the line. Twice. And a third time for a corner.

We break and Adeyemo feeds Darcy and his cross is headed just wide by Camara. Adeyemo surges down the right, and into the box, but the final effort isn’t quite on target for a shot or close enough to anyone for a cross and it goes wide. The next attack sees the same players link up down the right this time, and Darcy’s ball is fizzed across the six-yard box, but no one can get on the end of it, and it goes out on the other side for a throw. We win it back and work it down the left, Kelly lofts a ball into the box and Armando’s header is blocked at close range by the keeper. It is all Crawley attacks at the minute, and on the next one Darcy goes down in the box after a push to the chest, but the ref just raises his eyebrows at him.

It’s Darcy’s last action as he is replaced by Jack Roles. A Flint long throw is flicked on, and then headed out to the edge of the area, and the shot comes in, but it is a comfortable save for the BHA keeper. We win a free kick on the left-hand side in line with the edge of the area, and have a bit more pressure, only for BHA to break and win a corner. It’s played to the near post and headed in and it’s now 0-3.

Almost immediately BHA win the ball back thirty yards out from a blatant ungiven foul, they are two on one with the keeper and slot the ball in and it is 0-4. They announce the BHA man of the match, but there is no announcement of the crowd numbers. Roles dives into a challenge in the middle of the field and is shown a straight red for his troubles and we are down to ten men for the five minutes of added time. Armando is played in on the left and from thirty yards out over near the sideline shoots after the ref has blown for offside, and his shot hits the post, not that it would have counted.

The full-time whistle goes, and it is a 0-4 loss, and we are out of the Carabao Cup. The score makes it sound a lot worse than it was. We gave Premiership opposition plenty of problems, the main differences being their sheer pace, which we struggled with at times, and clinical finishing (and a worrying return to not taking a shot on and looking for a sideways pass instead).

They put the crowd up on the board at the end as being 19,165, and there were over 3,100 tickets sold by Crawley, and the noise was immense, out singing (and I use the word singing loosely) the home support (and I use the word support just as loosely) throughout the game, even after the final whistle and a 0-4 loss.

It wasn’t a downbeat coach journey back. We go again on Saturday with a home game in the league against Barnsley.

Come on you reds.

Motor Mania

Well, it is the Bristol Street Motors Trophy, and it is good to dig out some of the lesser-known songs from 1983. This Roman Holliday track was one of my favourites of that year, but wasn’t a big hit, only scraping its way to number forty. Although on seeing the squad numbers for the opposition this evening I was tempted to go for I’m The Face or Zoot Suit by The High Numbers, but I’ve already used a Who title this season.

It was a good weekend, with an away win over Cambridge United seeing us climb to third in the league, and a draw between Bolton and Wrexham on Sunday meant we stayed there after all the weekend’s fixtures had been completed. FSS initially put the highlights for that game in the League Two section, continuing their inept start to the season and the new TV deal.

In the aftermath of the win, and the smoke flares (which not only caused damage to Cambridge’s pitch but also to other Crawley fans’ clothing and skin), the club have reiterated their condemnation of the use of smoke bombs. Expect even more security checks incoming.

And looking at the foot of the League Two table Saturday night I was amused to see that the bottom two were the teams we beat in last season’s playoffs. Looks like we’ve ruined them then.

Another Tuesday night, another cup game, but a different competition this time around, as it’s the first game in the group stages of the Bristol Street Motors Trophy. We had a decent run in the competition last year, winning our group, and getting to the knockout stages for only the second time since the competition introduced the group stages ten years ago. We also won our first knockout game since the change before losing to eventual winners Peterborough United. The only other time we got out of the group stage we also lost to the eventual winners (Coventry City). So, if we make it out of the group and lost in the knockout stages, everyone will know who to bet on to win the trophy.

We are playing Brighton & Hove Albion U21s, the first time we have played this particular lot of under 21s (or formerly under 23s), and a change from Aston Villa’s who we’ve played the previous two seasons. Despite it being an under 21s side, they could actually play a side with no one under the age of 21. They have to play six players who were under 21 on the 30^th of June, and therefore who could all have had birthdays since then, of the others they can have a maximum of two players who are aged over 21 and have also made forty or more senior appearances, so technically speaking they could play Lewis Dunk and James Milner, which makes a bit of a mockery of it being an under 21s side.

For League One and League Two teams I didn’t realise there are limits to how weak a side they can put out. They must have four ‘qualified’ outfield players. Although ‘qualified’ is quite broad. It includes any player who started the previous (or following) first-team fixture (not sure if they have Mystic Meg checking who is going to play the next game). Or any player who is in the top ten players at the club who has made the most starting appearances in league and domestic cup competitions this season. Or any player with forty or more first-team starting appearances in their career, including International matches. Or any player on loan from a Premier League club or any EFL Category One Academy club. Which, at this stage of the season probably means we can play who the hell we want.

Tickets have gone on sale today for next Tuesday night’s game away against the full Brighton side. There have been queues, both on the phone and at the ground for the season ticket holders to get their tickets before the 3,180 allocation go on general sale on Thursday. A job for me for tomorrow when I’m not in the office and can pop to the stadium.

Popping to the stadium always seemed more hurried when trying to get there for an evening kick off after a day in the office in Hove, the morning rain has gone away, and it is still daylight as we head to the ground, even if it will be properly dark before we leave.

Haven’t seen any sight of our mate Al stewarding before today, and there has been no sign of Reggie the Red at our home games yet either. Which makes me wonder whether the latter is depending on the former for a lift to the ground, or are they the same person?

Getting there later does mean I can pick a team sheet up, and from it I can see we’ve only named four outfield subs. The squad contains neither Fish nor Faal. Again. I’m not sure when, or if, I’ll tire of that pun. We are all in red, and BHA are in their traditional Tesco carrier bag kits. The officials have come dressed as a pack of Stabilo Boss yellow highlighters.

We are a bit slow out of the blocks, I’m wondering if there was some pre-match napping going on. Eddie Beach had a couple of early attempted clearances blocked by a BHA striker, but fortunately neither rebounded into the goal. And Rafiq Khaleel is taking some time to get up to speed and is looking like he’s running through treacle. But we begin to wake up and Ade Adeyemo puts a ball through to Jack Roles in the box, but the shot is straight at the keeper.

They appear to be trying to walk the ball into the net, Roles, Khaleel, and Panutche Camara are passing it between themselves in the penalty area but can’t seem to get a shot off. And on ten minutes a hoof up field bounces and Toby Mullarkey takes the decision to try and chest the ball back to Beach whilst on the turn. He doesn’t get enough on it, and a BHA attacker nips in between the two, and strokes the ball into an empty net and we are behind 0-1.

Hopefully, that will wake us up. We win a corner, and it appears as if it is wasted, fannying about with it on the left wing, a ball comes in and a shot is block at source and comes back to Charlie Barker just outside the area and he smashes it in to equalise within three minutes of us going behind. 1-1.

There is a lot of possession play and not much action for fifteen minutes until BHA get a half chance and a shot cannons off the near post and out from seemingly nothing. At the other end Camara has a shot blocked and then thirty seconds later launches another shot high over the KRL Logistics stand, and it probably cleared the car park as well, and would have been heading off down the underpass on its way to Southgate.

After that brief piece of action there isn’t much on show and one added minute is played at the end of the half and the whistle goes with the score at 1-1. Toby Mullarkey gets a chance to rest his chest (hey, that rhymes), and is subbed at half time with Max Anderson coming on in his place, and Barker drops to the back three.

It must have been coffee at half time instead of the sleeping pills before the game as Crawley come out attacking. Antony Papadopoulos has a shot blocked on the end of an attack straight from the kick off. We keep possession and play it into the box, but the final ball just isn’t quite there. BHA attack and Beach makes a save, and we work it back out well down the pitch, and across the field and Khaleel has a shot / cross deflected out for a corner.

But then play is becoming a bit sloppy, lots of misplaced passes and BHA get more chances and force another save from Beach.

And as soon as I had written the above in my notepad, we get the ball back and attack again and Papadopoulos drills a shot into the net from twenty-five yards out and we lead 2-1. Meanwhile I’m thinking he would have been a more appropriate scorer in this competition a couple of years ago when it was sponsored by Papa Johns.

Joy Mukena takes the ball out of defence and runs, and runs, all the way to the edge of the BHA area, where his attempted ball through is deflected for a corner, which is actually crossed into the box for a change and there is a header which goes just wide.

Roles gets the ball in midfield about thirty yards out, as he did in a similar position last week, and like last week, Rick behind me shouts ‘Shoot Jack’, and he does, but this week it sails way over the top of the Eden Utilities Stand. Camara is subbed off and replaced by Armando Junior Quitirna.

Papadopoulos runs past a defender, but the defender doesn’t want to let him go, Papadopoulos continues to run with the ball for fifteen yards with the defender still pulling his shirt back before the ref finally gives a free kick. Which we waste. And BHA are still dangerous on the break and work it well to the left and have a shot which is just wide.

But we attack again down the left and Ronan Darcy, who has come on for Adeyemo, plays it to Roles in the middle of the park, who plays it across to Armando and his shot is just wide. However, the sloppiness is never far away, and we give the ball away in the middle of our own half, they play it to the left at pace and the cross comes over, there is slipping and falling in the box and the BHA striker at the back post pokes it in and it is all square again. 2-2.

From the kick off we attack, and Darcy and Roles exchange passes, and Darcy sees his shot go just wide. We make our final possible outfield substitution with Barker coming off to be replaced by Jeremy Kelly.

There are five added minutes, during which Darcy is clattered about a week after the ball has gone and is down injured, but there is no free kick. After treatment on the pitch, he continues getting treatment on the sideline and we are playing with ten men, and BHA are trying to take full advantage, and a last-minute shot hits the outside of the post and goes out for a throw. The full-time whistle goes, and it ends 2-2, which means in this mad competition in the group stage it is penalties time.

As the toss is done for which end the penalties will be taken and who will go first, Darcy is helped gingerly from the pitch and off, and that is a worrying sight. The penalties are taken in front of the home terrace, and BHA go first. Their first penalty is smashed against the bar. 0-0. Cameron Bragg takes our first with casual nonchalance and sends the keeper the wrong way 0-1. BHA score, Roles slams his penalty into the bottom corner 1-2. BHA score, Armando sends the keeper the wrong way 2-3. BHA score again, Josh Flynn sends a thunderbolt into the roof of the net, 3-4. And Beach saves the final BHA penalty, and we pick up the bonus point.

It wasn’t a great performance, and the injury is a worry, but there was decent playing time for squad members, and it may lure the senior side into a false sense of security for the Carabao Cup game next week.

After a hectic start to the season, I get a week off, as I’m not going to Wigan, so my next game will be away at the Amex next Tuesday, so I will see you next Tuesday.

Come on you reds.

Long Hot Summer

The song used in this piece’s title had nothing to do with the weather or the time of the year (not even I’m that sarcastic to suggest we’ve had a long hot summer). It is because this Style Council single from 1983 has been chosen because of its video, which was filmed on the River Cam in Cambridge.

The early season rush of fixtures continues apace with the first away game of the season coming after the opening home league win against Blackpool, and the rollercoaster midweek Carabao Cup win at home against Swindon Town. We are playing Cambridge United, one of three league games Thamestink trains can take us directly to this season from Three Bridges.

Since my last piece, the draw has been made for the second round of the Carabao Cup, and it is a very tasty tie, away against Brighton & Hove Albion. Which means that we will be playing their u21s on Tuesday and then the full team the week after on the Tuesday. If we follow that through it should mean the Tuesday after next, we will be playing their old boys, and I can’t wait for the pace of Ade and RHM to be going at Steve Foster and Mark Lawrenson.

And we have a new striker in the considerable shape of Tola Showunmi, who we’ve got from the USL side Louisville City. Let’s hope he turns out to be as good as our last signing from the USL – Jeremy Kelly.

First time playing Cambridge United since the League Two 2020-21 season when we won at home against them 2-1 and lost the away trip 3-1. In total we have played them twelve times, with five wins and seven defeats and no draws at all.

In the Cambridge squad there is Sullai Kaikai, who had a brief loan sojourn with us back in 2014. In the other direction, Jack Roles, had a season on loan there back in 2019-20. Also there in 2019, and also on loan was Rushian Hepburn-Murphy. It would be nice if the pair of them could score at the Abbey stadium for old times’ sake.

We’ve won both of our games so far this season and Cambridge have lost both of theirs, let’s hope we can keep both of those runs going.

The FSS billboard with us on it was up at Crawley station, but at the other end I just had my camera out to take a picture of the Cambridge United one on their station when a train pulled in in front of it.

It was a slightly later start than planned, but we were in Cambridge before 11 and out wandering through historic and increasingly busy streets with grand college buildings and churches either side of us.

And there were plenty of opportunities to keep up with my blue plaque obsession, which reminds me I need to finish writing up the rest of the Crawley ones.

The lure of the tat shops and another fridge magnet were too strong to resist. I did see a t-shirt which any number of people on the forum could/should be wearing.

Once satisfied the meandering route got us to the ground and a welcome sit down and drink in the shade away from the sun. The camera is well worn out before we even get to the Abbey Stadium.

The Abbey Stadium is an old school ground, and in the away end is the Steve Claridge bar. I’d forgotten he’d played for Cambridge. I remember him from when I lived in Leicester and all the City fans going mental in the Golf Range when he shinned in the last-minute winner in the playoff final to see Leicester promoted to the Premier League.

Cambridge still have a programme and it looks quite stylish. The ground’s main stand is sponsored by petrest who appear to be a pet euthanasia company. Not something to be reminded of at games.

Neither Fish nor Faal are in the squad. There is a lot of noise from a full looking away terrace and there is a red smoke flare set off before we’ve even kicked off. We are in our white/grey away kit and Cambridge are in their traditional amber and black.

Rushian Hepburn-Murphy charges down an attempted early clearance from the Cambridge keeper, but unlike the Blackpool goal last week it flies up and hits the top of the stand behind the goal.

A couple of early heavy Cambridge challenges only see the players get a talking to. Cambridge attack, Jojo Wollacott saves and the follow up is cleared off the line by Josh Flint, and only when the ball is up at the halfway line does the lino put his flag up for offside.

A third heavy challenge does see a Cambridge player get a yellow card and the free kick from thirty yards out on the right is cleared. And Jay Williams picks up a booking for clearing out one of their defenders. Cambridge break from a corner and have a shot which goes wide but they looked suspiciously offside, and the lino gets a load of abuse. And then sticks his flag up on their next attack but it is the last time he does all half.

A Cambridge defensive clearance heads over the main stand for ball loss one of the day. They are doing most of the attacking. Another header is just wide, and we try to gift them a goal from the goal kick, but the shot is easily saved by Wollacott. They get a free kick on the left edge of the area and the shot is straight at Wollacott. A corner just after sees a chance headed over. And they attack again and have a shot just wide.

We finally get an attack as Williams intercepts the ball in midfield and plays it through to RHM in the box, but he is tackled before he can get a shot off.

Then it is straight back to Cambridge attacks and another couple of chances for them and lots of possession before Armano Junior Quinirta has a shot just wide in our first attack in about ten minutes.

There are two added minutes at the end of the half, enough time for ball two to be hoofed over the roof of the stand we are in, before the whistle goes for half time.

During which there is some “sumo” (their words, not mine) in the centre circle and somebody Pickering wins it two nothing for Crawley. Our best performance of the game so far.

We start the second half with a Scott Malone shot over the bar. Their number 11 gets a booking on totting up quickly followed by one for Toby Mullarkey. Joy Mukena loses the ball near the area, but Wollacott saves and as he dives on the ball is clattered by their striker and needs some treatment.

Another Cambridge attack sees a save and then a scramble before the (other) lino puts the flag up for offside. Back at our end the lino remembers how to use his flag and waves it to say Armando is offside and he is then booked for kicking the ball away.

We get a corner from an Armando shot which is deflected behind off an arm, but it’s just a corner and not the claimed penalty. The ball is worked in, and the shot is saved. Three subs follow with Alexander, Armando, and Malone off, and replaced by Panutche Camara, Ade Adeyemo, and Cameron Bragg.

A general improvement in play follows and we have more attacking play, working the ball all over the pitch before finding Ronan Darcy whose shot from twenty yards out is saved. Another substitution follows with RHM off and Jack Roles on. A corner is played to Darcy and his shot is blocked. The ball is recycled in and Adeyemo’s shot is well over the bar.

A free kick into the area sees a header from Mullarkey go over the bar and land on the roof of the net.

With less than five minutes of normal time left a ball played over the top finds Adeyemo and he takes it round the keeper, but wide, yet manages to steer it in from an acute angle and we lead 1-0. The goal is celebrated with a red smoke flare thrown onto the pitch.

After a delay, from the restart we are almost through again, but this time the final ball doesn’t fond Adeyemo.

There are seven added minutes. A long clearance from Wollacott is mis-headed behind for a corner and we’re in no rush to take it. A Cambridge attack is headed back and forth across the box before it ends up in Wollacott’s hands. There is time to substitute Williams for Barker, but only just as the whistle goes for full time after the ball is thrown back in, and Crawley won 1-0.

The players come over and none of the 494 Crawley fans (out of a crowd of 6,720) are in any hurry to leave. And I manage to make a hash of trying to get a picture of Scott Lindsey mid arm pump celebration, I either mistime it, or someone suddenly stands up in front of me, or it ends up blurry. I will get one of them eventually.

Cambridge didn’t announce their man of the match, but I suspect it went to the lino on our side of the pitch.

We may have ridden our luck a bit in the first half but were much better in the second and the win leaves us in third place in the fledgling table.

I don’t think the grounds staff were overly impressed by the scorched earth on the pitch after the game.

Helen had had the foresight to book a table at the curry house opposite the ground and it was all the tastier for an away win. Cambridge fans were moaning about their profligacy and the smoke flares, as they had items taken off them and a raffle ticket given for them to collect it after the game, but our fans had got flares in. Which was a surprise as the bag check and pat down on me was quite thorough.

The sun has long gone by the time we get home, tired but happy after an enjoyable day out.

There is no respite, we go again back at home on Tuesday night in another different competition with the Bristol Street Motors trophy starting early for us with the visit of Brighton U21s for the first game in our group stage.

Come on you reds.

Rockin’ Robin

A young, Motown affiliated Michael Jackson kicks us off this time around as I reference the opposition’s nickname to make a tenuous title link again.

After the great opening day win against Blackpool on Saturday, it is back to action quickly with midweek action in the Carabao Cup. And we are playing Swindon Town, who, over the last couple of years we have had a number of dealings with, as out manager Scott Lindsey was let go by them, last year’s club captain and now one of our coaches – Ben Gladwin came from there, as did current club captain Dion Conroy, and then we have had Ronan Darcy and Rushian Hepburn-Murphy from them as well. Going the other way, one of the stalwarts of out promotion winning side last year, Will Wright has gone the other way, and he made the same start for them on Saturday as he did for us last season, with a thunderbolt of a goal. It will also give us the chance to scout their current team for any more of their contingent we might like to sign.

We last played them on New Year’s Day when we beat them 3-1 at home, somewhat making up for the 6-0 drubbing we had at their place last August. We haven’t played them in the Carabao Cup (in any of its incarnations) before. But we did play them in the FA Cup winning 3-2 away in a second-round replay in 2010 after a 1-1 draw at home. And overall, we lead the head-to-head against them with eight wins to their six, with seven draws.

Elsewhere, the managerial merry go round has started early, and Preston North End (no relation to our co-chairman) have sacked their manager after one game, and the bookies have initially made Scott Lindsey as the favourite for the job. To which all I can say is fuck off Preston. And the same for bookies.

As well as being live and direct at the Broadfield Stadium, the game is going to be live on FSS as well. For those who can’t make it to Crawley for the game, let’s hope that FSS don’t fuck up again, and actually show the whole match after their failure to do so on Saturday when they cut off after 93 minutes.

With it being a midweek evening game, there will be no getting to the ground three hours before kick-off like there was on Saturday. More like twenty minutes. The underpass still looks clean, just a couple of items left behind by litterbugs.

And in an act of obvious shithousery Swindon name Will Wright as the captain for the game. When the teams come out for the game it would appear that Swindon are wearing our third kit from last season. Was that part of the payment for the deal for Rushian Hepburn-Murphy? For us neither Fish nor Faal are in the squad.

We get an early chance, working the ball well in a tight space down the right and then switched over to the left where Jack Roles cuts inside and tries to curl one in only for it to go wide. Toby Mullarkey is showing some skills going forward and is putting in some good tackles on defensive duty.

A free kick on the left is floated to the edge of the area and headed on. Ade Adeyemo tries to delicately float it over the keeper and in, but the keeper gets back and pushes the ball over the bar for a corner. Which is played out to Roles outside the box, and he is fouled. He takes the free kick himself and drills it low and just wide of the post.

Swindon are starting to come into the game a bit more, but a good move sees Jeremy Kelly feed the ball to Rafiq Khaleel on the right and his shot is tipped round the post for a corner. Which was wasted. But we keep the ball, and it is played in and out of the box, but we can’t quite fashion a shooting opportunity.

At the other end Swindon win the ball and get into the area and get a shot off which is just wide. It did look as if we’d fallen asleep for a moment there. On thirty-five minutes we work the ball forward and Roles puts the ball through to Adeyemo in the box and his shot is close to the keeper, but it seems to go through him and squirms its way over the line and we lead 1-0.

A through ball from Mullarkey see Khaleel in the box, but he is squeezed out to the right and his shot is from a tight angle and easily saved by the Swindon keeper. Another long ball is played through to Adeyemo in the box but his shot loops into the air and out for a goal kick. There is one minute of added time at the end of the half and the half time whistle goes with us leading 1-0.

Looking on social media at half time and it would appear that the FSS feed is shit, with both wonky camera work being moaned about, and the game disappearing off screens for a bit with ‘technical issues’. The much-vaunted FSS coverage isn’t what it was cracked up to be.

We make two substitutions at half time and take a bit of time to get going. From the second of a couple of early corners Swindon have a shot which is well saved by Jojo Wollacott. From the third successive corner the shot is high over the bar and is only stopped from being the only ball of the night to disappear over the stand by coming back off the empty camera gantry on top of the KRL Logistics stand. It would seem that Carabao Cup games don’t warrant a second FSS camera at the ground then.

Finally, we get a bit of the ball and counterattack, the ball is worked out to Khaleel on the right and his shot is saved. And from another Swindon corner we break again down the right and Khaleel’s cross is blocked out for a throw near the corner flag. A bit more pressure follows, and the ball ends up with Roles after a pass from Armando Junior Quitirna. Rick who sits behind me and is Jack’s biggest fan shouts ‘Shoot Jack’ (not with a gun as some might think), and Roles obliges and unleashes from thirty-five yards straight into the top corner and we lead 2-0.

Which kind of led to the team thinking it was all over and they relaxed far too much for anyone’s liking. A couple of minutes later there was some slack play trying to pass the ball across the edge of our own area and the ball was hoovered up by a Swindon player and passed on and a shot from the edge of the area nestled in the net to make it 2-1.

The Swindon number 9 was living a charmed life. There were three heavy and late challenges which could all have been bookings, but after the third one he only got a talking to. Even on totting up he should have had a booking by now. Swindon get a free kick just inside our half and Will Wright takes it quickly and puts it into the net from forty yards, but the ref pulls it back as the whistle hadn’t gone. A couple of minutes later Swindon get a ball in the box and attempt a cross which Antony Papadopoulos (if he plays a lot I’m going to have to be cutting and pasting that name) slides to stop, but it hits his arm, and a penalty is given. Will Wright steps up to take and Wollacott makes a great save to push it round the post. The relief from that doesn’t last long though. The corner comes all the way over to the back post and it’s a free header and it’s 2-2.

Which sees us make two more substitutions. Khaleel gets a booking on the right wing for a nothing challenge. Which is a surprise as I’d assumed the ref hadn’t brought his cards out onto the pitch with him. Seconds later the Swindon number 8 goes straight through the back of Roles, and nothing is given. At all. That was dangerous, studs up, and late, and could have been a red, but waved away and only two meters in front of the lino with the white stick.

Swindon are really up for this now and they are doing most of the attacking. Wollacott is forced into a couple of saves before we get out of our own half and attack. The ball is worked to Papadopoulos (yes copy and paste was used for that) and his shot is just over the bar. Roles then commits a foul on the edge of the D, and the yellow card is whipped out in record time. The shot is round the wall, but Wollacott makes another good save, and the rebound is headed over. Another foul near the corner flag sees Josh Flint pick up a booking. At this stage the ref is just taking the piss.

But we appear to have woken up after nearly half an hour of slumber and do some attacking, with a couple of blocked shots. We keep the pressure on, and the ball is worked across from Khaleel to Roles in the middle of the park and he strokes the ball into the bottom corner from twenty odd yards out and we lead again, 3-2.

From the kick off, Swindon play it back to the keeper who hoofs it up the pitch we win it back and Roles is wiped out by another horrendous tackle, but we break and Armando crosses to the right and Khaleel picks it up and scores to make it 4-2. There is still no booking forthcoming for a Swindon player, who appear to have been given licence to kick the shit out of Jack Roles.

There are six added minutes at the end of the game and it takes until the very last one of them before the ref finally remembers he is actually allowed to book a Swindon player for their thuggery, and that is pretty much the end of the action and the final whistle goes with us coming out 4-2 winners and booking a place in round two, the draw for which is made tomorrow evening. Let’s hope it’s a good draw for us.

The crowd was announced as 2,396 with 315 away fans. It did look like there were more than that though. And the sponsors’ man of the match was the scorer of two stunning goals, and general punchbag for the Swindon players, Jack Roles.

That was harder work than it should have been, but it gave a lot of players a bit more competitive game time which is always good, and we did win. And now it’s on to Cambridge United away on Saturday.

Come on you reds.

Start

Song title to kick off the new season’s worth of match reports comes from the second number one from the greatest group of all time – The Jam (even if they did nick the riff from The Beatles’ “Taxman”). Definitely better than picking something by Tangerine Dream.

A new season is upon us, Saturday afternoons will have meaning again, and this season it will include Saturday tea times, Saturday lunch time, Sundays perhaps, Tuesday nights (and doubtless any other night of the week now). It won’t quite be a case of 24/7, but it might seem like that.

I won’t rehash the offseason, I covered enough of that in my preseason piece earlier in the week.

Won’t Get Fooled Again

Although since then we have signed a Chelsea under 21 keeper on loan and I’ve got the new, what is now called the Utilita football handbook. However, I couldn’t remember it was sponsored by Utilita when I pre-ordered it in Waterstones, instead my mind went back to my childhood, and I called it the Rothmans yearbook. Whilst I was at it, I should have checked the cricket scores in the John Player Sunday league and the Bensons & Hedges trophy, the Embassy snooker world championship, and been cheering on the Maclaren, Lotus, and Ligier formula one teams sponsored as they were by Marlboro, JPS, and Gitanes. All of which were smoking hot.

I know all the info in the yearbook is online nowadays, but I like having the heft of the book. It is heavy. Heavy is good, heavy is reliable, and if there’s an argument over some stats you can always hit them with it. Although I do miss the now defunct News of the World / Nationwide annual, as it had most of the data of the Rothmans, but it would fit in your pocket. It just isn’t an effective a weapon to beat people with. And I didn’t realise Utilita were sponsoring Blackpool.

Who we play in the first game of the new season in League 1. They are the first of eight former Premier League sides we will be playing this season, half of whom begin with the letter B. The four season preview tables I included in my preseason piece had them finishing 6^th, 7^th, 8^th, and 9^th, so all well above our predicted places.

For some reason when I think of Blackpool, I always think it is a shame Dion Dublin didn’t play for them. Seeing as Dublin translates from Gaelic to English as Black Pool, it would have meant Blackpool would have been playing for Blackpool. That’ll just be my stupid mind thinking that though.

Also, Blackpool does remind me of one of my old housemates from my Manchester days. He was a degenerate gambler whose common phrase when dragging us into the casino at three in the morning was ‘always bet on black’. Something he took to his fixed odds betting for a season with him always choosing Blackpool and Blackburn on the sheet every week. And winning nothing.

Mentioning Blackpool and Blackburn together reminds me of another story (yes, I even go off on tangents to my tangents). Back on Easter Monday 2002 I was persuaded to go to Ewood Park as an away fan to watch Southampton play Blackburn. In the away end there were twenty fans in orange Blackpool shirts. I thought to myself perhaps they have come to the wrong black town, but it turns out they had come to see Brett Ormerod play having sold him to Southampton earlier in the season.

We have played Blackpool just the twice, back in the 2016-17 season, and we won 1-0 at home and had a 0-0 draw away. I’d be more than happy with a repeat of those results this season.

I didn’t sleep well last night, not because of nerves, but because my stupid brain wouldn’t shut off and had thoughts of winning the lottery and sorting out premises for the Crawley Town megastore in town and then thinking of all the merch that could be stocked in it. I really need to get out more.

Whilst I was out at writing, Helen was on social media trying to drum up support / help to clean up the underpass to the ground. Some of the negativity in the responses was sadly predictable. And although there was no help forthcoming, the job she did on it was remarkable and it looks great.

I know I like to get to the ground early, but coming straight from writing would have been ridiculous, wouldn’t it? Due to the stupid 5.30pm kick off, what kind of idiot would turn up to the ground four hours before kick-off. The kick off time is for the benefit of Sky Sports, or Fuck Sky Sports (FSS) as I call them. It certainly isn’t for the benefit of the supporters. Anyway, I stopped and had a coffee and a chat and was only at the ground three hours before kick-off. When walking through town there was a band on at the bandstand and they happened to be playing ‘Boys Don’t Cry’ as I walked past them. Not something I want to be hearing come twenty past seven.

When I arrived at the ground everyone was outside as the fire alarm had gone off. Hopefully not another sign of things to come.

The new kit is in the shop. I got a shirt and as predicted I had to go two sizes bigger than I am in normal clothes. I could have got away with one size, but it would never go over layers when they will be required when the weather gets nasty. Custom name printing will have to come during the week. They also had new caps in stock, and even if it is packaged as an autograph book, it is a branded notepad and pen. All I need now is a fridge magnet.

Being early I took refuge from the sun and sat in Redz Bar watching the first half of the Community Shield. As I don’t drink, I don’t usually go in there, and when I have it has always been packed so I hadn’t noticed the framed shirts on the walls before. I now have shirt envy over this one.

I was inside the ground well over an hour before kick-off. The pitch looks amazing.

This lot have done a wonderful job.

Turns out it isn’t a solid backing on the east marquee, it is netting and at the top only. It isn’t flappy, but it will let the wind whistle through it later in the year. The team line-up was announced and there was neither Fish nor Faal on it. The officials haven’t even started the game and they’re getting abuse. Little high pitched kids voices are shouting ‘run faster lino’ as they jog past on their warmup.

Blackpool are in a mainly dark blue kit with some kind of squiggle pattern on the front of the shop. The two fan coaches were cutting it fine, but the away end looks reasonably full. Their number 3 is called Husband, but there is no player called Wife in their squad, so they aren’t a husband and wife team.

Into the game and the early pressure is from Blackpool, and it takes us more than five minutes to mount an attack down the left wing. It is well worked but we can’t quite get a clear shooting opportunity, and the final attempt from Scott Malone is blocked at source.

Quarter of an hour into the game and we have settled now. A ball from Jeremy Kelly is lofted over the defence and Rushian Hepburn-Murphy takes it down and then dinks it over the keeper and we are 1-0 up.

And there is decent pace from RHM again a couple of minutes later and it takes a last-ditch challenge to just take it off his toes before he can get a shot away. There is some back and forth, and we get a ball to Armando Junior Qunitirna, but his shot is over.

A free kick from in the attacking half is played to RHM and he dinks it past the keeper and into the net again, but the joy is short lived as a somewhat dubious foul has been given in the build-up. Blackpool attack, a shot is saved and then cleared, and we break, and Ronan Darcy’s cross goes out.

A ball is played from midfield by Darcy to Armando on the left. He cuts past a couple of players and into the box, and his shot/cross takes a deflection and loops over the keeper and into the net to make it 2-0. And that puts us top of the table at that point in time.

Jojo Wollacott is booked for timewasting when taking a free kick (in the first half without any warning FFS), only for the free kick to be returned to be taken again as the ref wasn’t ready. That’s really taking the piss. There were a couple of Blackpool chances but both shots end up going wide. And there is one minute of added time at the end of the first half. In which there is another chance for Blackpool, a shot from outside the area is blocked near the line and cleared, but they attack again, and another shot from distance hits the outside of the post before the whistle goes for half time and a 2-0 lead.

The second half starts with another Blackpool attack and their shot is dragged wide. It’s fairly even but Blackpool are trying to put more pressure on. Josh Flint hoofs a clearance out over the KRL Logistics stand for ball loss number one of the day and a corner. Which we break from and Max Anderson’s shot is wide.

We get the ball back quickly and Darcy’s shot takes a touch off a defender which takes the pace of it and it is comfortably saved by the keeper. We get a free kick by the left corner and the cross is cleared to Darcy on the edge of the area but his shot is high and wide.

Flint appeals about giving a corner away and is booked for his protestations which looked nearly as harsh as Wollacott’s booking in the first half. The corner is cleared and a minute later ball two disappears out over the side of the west stand. Blackpool are upping the pressure and get a couple of corners in quick succession, and the second is cleared at the third attempt.

There is fannying about at the back and Wollacott’s attempted clearance is straight at the onrushing striker and it bounces back off him and into the net and it is now only 2-1.

It is getting tense now, but we win a corner, which comes to nothing. There is more and more Blackpool pressure, but we break, and Ade Adeyemo gets a shot on target which is just about bundled behind for a corner. There is a pattern emerging in the last few minutes of the game. Blackpool pressure and us breaking. We do so again, and the ball is in the net from Panutche Camara from a Jack Roles cross, but the linesman’s flag is up for offside, and it doesn’t count.

There are five minutes of added time and Jay Williams clears a ball out over the east marquee for ball loss number three of the day, the throw is cleared, but comes back in and Blackpool get a corner, and after more pressure we break again, Adeyemo feeds Camara, but his first touch is a bit heavy and the keeper gets a hand to it, but it comes back to him and he tries a back heel, which goes past the keeper but it is slow moving and the keeper turns and stops the ball before it goes over the line.

And the full-time whistle goes, and we win 2-1. What a start to the season. The crowd was announced as being 4,718 (so I was only 98 out with my silly guess of 4,816 – and my score prediction was 2-1, so not a bad week), and Josh Flint was named as the sponsor’s man of the match.

The result leaves us sixth or seventh depending on which muppets are producing the table. And it is now onto the Carabao Cup on Tuesday night with the visit of Swindon Town before the next league game and the first away trip of the season to play Cambridge United.

And it would appear that FSS managed to drop the final couple of minutes of the game which no one watching at home needs.

Come on you reds.

Won’t Get Fooled Again

Who better to start off the new season preview than The Who? This season it will be the actual song titles, and not bastardised versions. How relevant the titles will be to what is going on will be anyone’s guess.

Do you remember that brilliant end to last season, the playoff wins, the Wembley victory, and the promotion it secured. The celebration at the Broadfield Stadium two days later? The pictures with the playoff winner’s trophy?

How long did it take for that balloon to deflate? Well, not long, after a day of get your picture taken with the playoff win trophy, and the initial burst of record season ticket sales (which are now over 1900) came lots of pieces of news that were less than optimum.

It could have been a case of having a title of Another One Bites The Dust, as for a couple of weeks that was what it was like, another day saw another of the promotion winning squad disappear off out the door. Incoming players weren’t quite as quick at appearing. There were plenty of gallows humour posts, and things like ‘the turnstile number 8 operator has been transferred to Dorking’, and ‘the tea lady has moved on to Three Bridges’.

I was disappointed to see the programme editor had moved on as well. Oh, no, hold on, we don’t have a programme do we. (I can’t promise that this will be my last mention of this, even if I should follow the suggestion one of our fans shouted to Scott at the Lewes friendly – ‘Let it go.’ Although there is talk of a monthly fanzine / magazine to start in September which will cover some of the programme needs, so need to see how that pans out I suppose.)

On the forums there was the inevitable outcry, and the thread to throw any incoming player rumours into. Of course, I made my own less than helpful suggestion based on a lifetime of reading comic strips.

Can we get the following XI, sod the formation.

Ben Leiper

Kurt Panzer

Sebastian Griswell

Bobby Booth

Hamish Balfour

Billy Dane (as long as he’s still got his old boots)

Kevin Mouse

Jon Stark

Nick Jarvis

Roy Race

Billy the Fish

That lot should see us get promoted.

We had the saga of Preston Johnson standing down as co-chairman, only to come back and relocate his family to Crawley to step back in after the worst of sales furore. There have been some reasonable pieces coming out from him as the off season has gone on. And the fan forum with new co-chair Ben Levin on Monday was very positive and there were a lot of things covered that I have moaned about previously (club shop, extra turnstiles, east marquee – if not immediate fixes then at least they are on the radar, along with a new digital ticketing system before the end of the year.)

There have been signings. The same kind of mix of players who were hardly household names in their own households as we had last season, but there are players in that mix who have played in the top flight, albeit (apart from the new keeper) not the English top flight, but the Dutch and Scottish ones, and we have got a couple of loans in from Premiership sides. But we are still at least a couple of players short, and especially light up front. But that is apparently being worked on as I write this.

And the turnover of players will mean there will need to be some turnover in the fan chants. It depends on who plays regularly and does well, but Pat Boone’s ‘Speedy Gonzales’ seems a possibility

Oh Speedy Gonzalez (speedy Gonzalez)

Down the wing he roams

Oh Speedy Gonzalez (speedy Gonzalez)

Leaves the defender all alone

Then, as I mentioned in my friendlies piece, traditional Irish classic, Molly Malone has been bouncing around in my head already.

In Crawley’s fair town

At the Broadfield Stadium Ground

We all set eyes on our own Scott Malone

As he runs down the wing

And gets his cross in

We cry, head it, or kick it, just get the ball in

And I’m sure someone could do something with Meet The Flintstones for Josh Flint.

The new kits were unveiled, red, white, and blue, and all with a very nice trident design in the pattern of them. We have gone back to them being produced by Errea, which as I have mentioned before is the Italian for ‘two sizes smaller than it says on the label’. Although when they have gone on presale, the footer note says to buy a size bigger than you would usually wear, so at least they know their sizes are a bit on the snug side. The sell off of all the old Adidas gear did see me pick up a lot of bargain clothing, including the day before the Palace game where there was a lot of stuff not at the trophy picture day sell off. I got one of the puffer hooded coats for £25, a bargain not to be missed. Now I’m wondering just how many layers of CTFC gear I can wear at the same time.

I made it to the first two preseason friendly, the remainder were trickier. The two other midweek games were too far to get to on time on a workday evening, and the only home (and weekend) game, against Crystal Palace, was a ridiculous 12:30 kick off. Which as it is a friendly and clashes with my writing group, means the writing group wins. It will be a tougher choice once the proper season starts. It’s a battle of things important to me which is going to happen more often during the season now that Sky Sports is on the scene fucking up kick off times. I understand it brings in a fair amount of money for the club, and it raises the club’s profile both here and overseas, but as usual, no one gives a shit about the fans. Shifting game start times (and days) willy nilly. Making travel more difficult. Just leave them at 3pm on a Saturday. Crawley have a few televised games early in the season. I would love to have a big banner screaming FUCK SKY SPORTS to unfurl at those games (and in smaller print underneath ‘we want our 3pm back’). But I suspect that would just get me banned, something I definitely don’t want to be. Anyway, I did make it to the last of the friendlies as well, and there is a piece on all of them together at the link below.

Are Friends Electric

A wish from me for the season is for people to clear up after themselves. I can guarantee that by the end of the game the stands will be litter strewn hovels. People can manage to get the food and drink to their seats but can’t possibly take the litter away with them at the end. They just drop it and expect someone else to clean it up. And again most of them have to walk past the wheelie bins placed next to the bottom of each set of stairs out of the stands when they are leaving. And the clean up all costs the club money, which might be able to be spent on other things, such as the playing budget or stadium improvements.

It does look as if something has been done along the back of the east marquee as when passing it the last few times it doesn’t look as if there is still tatty, flappy tarpaulin there. I’ll see when at the game on Saturday what they’ve actually done, but hopefully it is something a bit more solid / wind resistant.

It was my birthday over the summer break and one of the presents was a print of the painting of the Broadfield Stadium, so that has now been framed and is up for people to see as soon as they walk into the house.

I found the book Soccernomics in a charity shop over the summer, and although it is about ten years old now, there are a couple of chapters in there that show how the kind of data driven transfers we have seen from WAGMI came about at first, and how clubs are somewhat reluctantly beginning to use that kind of data. It was an interesting read.

There was also time to watch the latest series of Welcome To Wrexham. We had a few seconds of action included from our home game, but there was no mention of the drubbing at their place towards the end of the season. I know they get berated as FC Hollywood, but it is still interesting to see what they are doing to help the wider community as well, not just the football side of it.

And with a week to go, the season preview football magazines are out. Both Four Four Two and When Saturday Comes have the same predictions as they did for us last season. Rock bottom of the division. But as we all know, this season it is a different division, as we defied their predictions and got promoted, so what do they know?

Both Sam Jordan (in FFT) and Carol Bates (in WSC) were well reasoned and optimistic in their answers to the questions set.

The answers from other teams amused me as well. In WSC, Mansfield said their worst moment of last season was us thumping them 4-1 at their place, and Crewe had their playoff final loss to us as their worst moment. We might have made it a hat trick, but WSC still boycott asking the MK Dons questions.

It would seem Mansfield take the cue from their manager and are obsessed with us. In FFT their respondent said they were least looking forward to playing us this season, and the one player they wanted there was Klaidi Lolos. Crewe’s respondent was saying that Jack Powell will be their key player for the new season. And Gillingham’s respondent said the player they would gladly drive to another club was Ashley Nadesan, so I’m assuming they went on a trip to Sutton last week.

Opta weren’t quite so pessimistic about us, they still had us as being relegated, but going down fighting in 21^st and not dead last, and less than two points from survival.

Elsewhere on the web, the Real EFL followed the magazines and had us rock bottom. The common denominator for them all is we are taking Shrewsbury with us.

Whilst reading the magazines I did find the most random of stats which piqued my interest. Apparently, there is now only one side in the Premier League / Football League whose ground is situated in a parliamentary constituency with a Conservative MP this season, and that is the newly promoted Bromley.

So, enough random tangents, time for my predictions for the season. I tend to be a natural pessimist, but I won’t be going for us for relegation, no matter what all the magazines and websites and bookies (fucking pox on the world) say. I would be happy with 20^th, but that leaves a lot of squeaky bum time to have to contend with during the season. I will go for us being somewhere in the teens.

As for the cups, well, I’d hope we were able to get out of the group stage of the Bristol Street Motors Trophy again this year. Given the draw I’d also hope to see us make the second round of the Carabao Cup, but that might well be it for us this season. And I’m hopeful that we will get a January FA Cup game this season as well.

All that is left is to get the new kit, get my custom name and number on it and settle down in the usual place near the halfway line in the east marquee and welcome Blackpool for the first game of the season. Tickets for the first two cup games of the season are in pocket, as is the one for the first away game of the season at Cambridge.

There are some tasty away trips this season, both from a perspective of big clubs to be pitted against, and some lovely historic cities to visit. Lincoln being a Tuesday night is a pain as will probably miss that one, and Exeter between Christmas and New Year is an arse, but still lots of others to go to, and nice weekends away to be had (oh, and Birmingham as well).

Come on you reds.

Are Friends Electric

Tubeway Army kick off the latest season as there is a brief look at the three preseason friendlies I managed to get to. I hadn’t been to any Crawley preseason friendlies before as a Crawley fan, I had been to a couple at the Broadfield Stadium back when I was a Tottenham fan, and their kids would get their preseason beating as I stood in the away end. So new ground for me really.

First up was the game at Lewes on the 16^{th of} July.

I hadn’t had the pleasure of going to Lewes’s ground before and really liked it, and the whole friendly atmosphere. The seats are comfortable (they are old Wembley ones), but the leg room is non-existent, they would be ideal if I could unscrew my legs. It is also the first time I’ve been to a preseason friendly as a Crawley Town supporter. I had been to a couple years ago, but that was in the away end and as a Tottenham fan. There is a good turnout and a lot of familiar faces. With all the comings and (mainly) goings, it’s difficult to tell who a lot of the players are, and which are new signings, and which are the trialists. It takes me a few minutes to work out that if there is a name on the back of the shirt they are signed, and just a number is a trialist. We are in the new blue third kit, and the more I see it the more I like it. I am also getting kit envy about the squad’s black training kit with the red trident on the back of it.

There is some good passing play and plenty of chances created, the Lewes keeper is having a blinder, but we eventually get a goal just before half time after Ronan Darcy knocks in the rebound after another decent save. For me, the standout player of the first half is the triallist in the number 2 shirt. Flying up and down the left wing getting involved. He’s quick, and does decent work, even if he is a bit rough around the edges.

There is a complete change of personnel for the second half, and the triallist wearing the number 2 shirt in the second half isn’t anywhere near as involved as the one in the first half. Another triallist, wearing the number 12 shirt scores a second goal for us, but that concluded our scoring for the game. Jay Williams is on, and he really doesn’t understand the concept of friendly – whoosh – through anybody and anything. Scott Lindsey is giving the ref verbals about a few decisions, and the ref gets to the point where he’s had enough and marches over to tell Scott to keep his opinions to himself. Scott is still chuntering away later in the half and a fan yells from the crowd ‘let it go Scott, it’s only a friendly’, Scott turns around with a smile and asks, ‘what’s that?’

We need to get a CTFC scarf up on the wall with all the other club’s ones.

I did toy with writing a full match report but was on a bit of a writing CBA then. I had a killer title lined up as well – “Out Of The Dripping Pan And Into The Dire”. But we weren’t that bad.

Roll on East Grinstead on Saturday. Which followed on the 20^{th of} July.

East Grinstead are certainly taking their wasps nickname serious. Perhaps this is where Wiz Khalifa got his inspiration for “Black And Yellow”. Everything is decked out in black and yellow, even the goal nets. We look as if it is pretty much a first XI to play the first half. The ground is filling up nicely, and it’s not a bad ground, not as good as the Dripping Pan on Tuesday night though. As people are coming to their seats and to stand around the perimeter of the pitch a lot are carrying beers. I wonder what level does no drinking in sight of the pitch go down to? Or does it not apply for preseason friendlies?

A few notes from me on the game. There was a decent sized crowd, and always interesting to see people changing what end they stand in at half time, following their team’s goalmouth action (hopefully).

I think it was almost a full strength first XI for the first half, and they did look quite cohesive. They were wearing their white second kit, there looks to be a lot more grey in it than there looked at the kit launch.

Didn’t hear what the two minutes silence was for as their PA system doesn’t make it out as far as the seats, but it was well respected. Jeremy Kelly was playing in the position vacated by his namesake Liam, and I thought he did a decent job there. Jay Williams opened the scoring with a well taken goal from outside the area. He really has no chill at all and could easily start a fight in a phone box, it is a worry as to just how many yellow cards he’s going to rack up in the forthcoming season.

Rushian Hepburn-Murphy is not inspiring confidence as our main (only) striker. He works hard but the finishing looks woeful. There is a lack of composure. One shot cleared the ground, and headed off through the trees and the last time anyone checked it was halfway down the A264 on its way to Tunbridge Wells.

Everything seemed to come down our left-hand side, Harry Forster doesn’t quite look fully fit yet. On the other side Malone got himself into acres of space numerous times but rarely saw the ball and took a knock just before half time and was subbed off.

A complete change at half time saw us field five trialists in the second half. The number nine showed some of the composure RHM is missing and slotted in a nice second goal. Ade Adeyemo was immense. Raf played well in that central midfield pivot role, and I told him so when I saw him on his way into EG train station after the match (by himself – a bit strange I thought), he seems quite shy. I hope he gets more game time this season, even if it is off the bench.

Gonzalez showed flashes, but looks a bit raw, but does seem to link up well with Adeyemo down the right. And although he didn’t see as much of the ball as on Tuesday night, the left wing back trialist in the number 2 shirt still looked useful when he did get the ball.

Overall, it was a reasonable pair of performances, albeit against much lower league opposition. But as Sooty and others have been saying repeatedly, we desperately need additional strikers.

As for EG, none of them stood out as much as the Lewes number 4 did on Tuesday night, but I did wonder if their sub in the number 12 shirt was wearing number 12 because that’s his squad number, or because that’s a reminder as to how old he was.

And finally, their number 15 inspired me no end. So much so that I decided to walk home to Southgate from EG along the Worth Way (which is how I saw Raf going into the station). I thought that if I lose a couple of more pounds and sharpen my fitness a bit, then I too might be able to win a raffle and get a game with some club or other.

The next Tuesday saw an away game against Wealdstone, too much of a trek on a working day for me, and it was a 1-0 loss.

Although I didn’t go to the Palace game, Helen did, and I missed a goal fest and by all accounts some great comedy defending, with it finishing as a 6-3 loss. RHM scored a couple which will hopefully settle him down.

And he scored in the Tuesday night game away at Aldershot, one of those places that is a pain in the arse to get to at the best of times, let alone on a Tuesday evening after work. After scoring we gave away a comedy goal within a minute but got another in the second half to win 2-1.

Then on to the final preseason friendly. You would think that two hours should be more than enough to get to Ebbsfleet from Crawley, but no period ever seems to be enough when having to deal with the vagaries of the M25, with two long hold ups, which seemed to be caused by people who don’t know how to drive on the motorway. And then Google maps was its shitty self, sending us round the houses (literally) to get to the car park.

First impression of the Ebbsfleet ground was the stand on the main road looks good, and even redder than our own. If only they could spell cufflink properly. The signs pointed us the wrong way, seeing as there was no segregation, signs to the away end were redundant, but fortunately a woman told us there was only the one entrance before we’d gotten all the way around.

They have a ladies toilet block, so despite being non-league they are already ahead of Mansfield Town in the facilities stakes.

We got there about ten minutes in, and it was 0-0, and for most of the first half it seemed like there was a forcefield at the halfway line preventing Crawley from attacking. I don’t know what the first ten minutes were like, but for most of the rest of the half we were having plenty of defending practise. Dion Conroy went down a couple of times with injuries in the first half and was subbed at half time. It took until the forty-third minute for us to see Crawley get a shot off, and RHM put it just wide and over after some decent work from Malone (for some reason all I can think of now is ‘cockles and mussels, alive, alive-o’).

In the blue away kit, and I noticed we now have short sponsors. Beaufort. Now, I have no idea what the company Beaufort does, but I have heard of the Beaufort Scale, which is what they use to measure wind speeds. Does this mean we now have indicators with the squad numbers as to how many tins of beans each of the players have been eating?

I have a wander about at half time and again quite like the ground. You can see that the new shiny stand is a change of sides for the main stand. The seats have plenty of leg room compared to the ones on the other side, and that stand still has the old brick built dug outs in place. You wonder if it gets a bit too feisty on the sidelines whether one side can bugger off and use the set on the other side. It is an interesting ground, looking out from it you can see the old fossil fuel industry of the area with a refinery in the background, and then further along, the more modern renewables shows its face with wind turbine tips rotating above the top of the trees, and pylons carry lines over one corner of the ground.

We come out much better in the second half, I think there may well have been a lot of ‘enthusiasm’ from Scott at half time. And when Ade Adeyemo and Harry Forster come on just after the hour mark it was easy to see the jump in intensity and attacking threat those changes brought.

Ebbsfleet brought former Crawley player Tom Dallinson on at seventy minutes. I happened to bump into his dad in the toilets when leaving after the game and he was saying how much Tom enjoyed his time playing for us.

A couple of minutes after he came on, we scored. A cross-field ball took a slight deflection straight into Forster’s path, he took it into the area and his shot took a slight deflection as well and went in the top corner.

Although we were better going forward, it is clear to see we are still susceptible to pace at the back. And to the soft own goal. And on eight six minutes that is what happened, a pacy attack down the left saw a cross come in and Joy Mukena (I think) prod it in from a few yards out. It could have been worse as in injury time another cross from the left ended up hitting the crossbar, and not long after the final whistle went.

It was probably a fair result, but it doesn’t inspire masses of confidence for the step up in opposition when the season starts next weekend.

The crowd was announced as 885, no idea how many Crawley fans there were there, as both sets of fans were in red and they were inter-mingled and spread out all over the place in their 5k or so capacity ground.

After the game Utred recognised me from my terrible profile picture and introduced himself, and a few Ebbsfleet fans came up and wished us well for the new season as we were leaving. And the journey home wasn’t anywhere near as painful as the one going.

It’s been good fun getting to the friendlies, seeing a few new grounds, and having that totally different atmosphere from competitive and segregated games during the season. How much of a serious guide it gives to the season ahead is debateable though. But there have been enough flashes to give even an eternal pessimist like me some cause for optimism for the forthcoming season.

Come on you reds.