Crawley – onetruekev

Can I Play With Madness?

Some late eighties vintage Iron Maiden (head) tuneage for the title for this piece. It comes from the album, ‘Seventh Son Of A Seventh Son,’ which is kind of doubly appropriate as this marks the seventh game of the seventh managerial appointment under WAGMI.

It is a break from the league action after another disappointing loss away to Northampton Town last weekend, saw us mired in the relegation zone. It is FA Cup first round action and an away trip to National League Maidenhead United. A return to Berkshire two weeks after the previous disappointing visit for the 4-1 loss to Reading.

Reggie the Red was spotted in Redz bar on Thursday night. So, still not actually in the ground then. Some of the players were in attendance in Halloween fancy. None of them looked half as scary as our defence does.

Maidenhead have one of the longest FA Cup histories of all clubs, with them being one of the fifteen clubs to take place in the first ever FA Cup in the 1871-72 season. They were quarter finalists in the next three seasons’ competitions.

It was pointed out by Mick Fox (from a club historian Tony Pope reminder) that we have played Maidenhead United before, back in the 1968/69 season in the Premier Midweek Floodlight League where we played them twice and won 2-0 home and away.

Their ground, York Road is acknowledged by The FA and FIFA to be the oldest continuously used senior association football ground in the world by the same club, and it has been home to the club since 1871. A blue plaque commemorating this is placed just inside the home turnstiles on the York Road side of the ground.

It was also pointed out by someone that their manager is Alan Devonshire, the former England and West Ham player, and another who was captured on a Topps football card in the seventies.

We left Crawley early to get up to Maidenhead in time for brunch and a chance to look around. It also meant my first trip on the Elizabeth line, which as a bit of a tube geek is a lot later than it should have been.

Coming up to Maidenhead, the train goes over the Maidenhead Railway Bridge, also known as Maidenhead Viaduct and The Sounding Arch, which spans the River Thames. It is a masterpiece of early Victorian engineering, specifically that of Isambard Kingdom Brunel, and when it was built (completed 1838, opened 1839), the two elliptical brick arches were the widest and flattest in the world. The bridge was immortalised in JMW Turner’s painting, ‘Rain, Steam and Speed – The Great Western Railway’ which hangs in the National Gallery.

Both Helen and I walked under this bridge back in 2012 when we were doing the Thames Path Challenge for charity, walking the 50k from Runnymede to Henley (along with hundreds of others) for Marie Curie. We didn’t really have time to stop and take pictures or test out the echoes under the sounding arch back then. Standing under it, there is an amazing echo. I clapped, there was a second’s pause before what sounded like a rifle retort came back at me.

Overall Maidenhead is a strange place, it has some lovely old buildings, but looking at some of the pictures in its heritage centre it looks as if they just demolished most of the town centre and rebuilt it in drab concrete in the nineties and noughties.

Maidenhead do do programmes, just not for sale at the ground on the day, you have the download option, or you can order a physical one to be printed and delivered to your home address, and I went for the latter because I hate downloads and reading stuff online, which is somewhat ironic seeing as I write and publish loads of stuff online myself.

The seats in the stand are obviously open to all for normal games. A bit of hazard tape and a couple of plastic barriers mark the separation requirement for the FA Cup game, and it is hilariously causing mayhem for the home fans who usually sit where the away fans have been allocated. They keep wandering past the front, finding the way blocked and then stand looking confused at the seats they normally sit.

Crawley are in all red apart from the white/grey socks of the away kit, so they don’t clash with Maidenhead’s red socks they have with the black and white shirts and black shorts.

We don’t start well and should be behind a minute in. A ball played to the left finds Maidenhead attacker with no one within ten yards of him, but fortunately he puts it wide.

There is a lot of possession, but it is so slow and ponderous. We are just not getting the ball forward. It is like there is a forcefield at the halfway line repelling us there and making us turn and pass it backwards.

It takes a while, but we do get the ball forward a couple of times. Yet the final ball is to the invisible man or too strong and out of play. And again, Jack Roles down the right and into the box, he plays it to Panutche Camara on the penalty spot only for him to completely fluff the attempted shot.

Nearly half an hour has gone when we get our first corner. The cross is cleared, played back in and a header on target is caught and carried out for a corner. Cleared again, but Jeremy Kelly picks it up and his cross is deflected for another corner. It is played short to Kelly, and he plays a ball in towards Cameron Bragg who goes down in the box, appeals for a penalty are ignored, and their keeper is down pretending to be injured.

There are two added minutes at the end of the half, enough time for a Maidenhead corner which comes to nothing, and the half time whistle goes with the score Maidenhead 0, Crawley lucky to get 0.

Half time sees the mass migration of home fans from one end of the pitch to the other and closer to our fans. Who they enjoy barracking all through the second half and beyond.

We start the second half more brightly, getting a couple of corners from attacks down the left. There are no shots forthcoming though. An attack down the right sees Rushian Hepburn-Murphy win a corner, again no shot. We win a free kick thirty-five yards out. And waste it.

Maidenhead wake up a bit and attack. They have a long throw that bounces around in the box and have a couple of shots blocked. We break and even that is done slowly but win a free kick on the edge of the box after RHM is blocked off. The free kick hits the first man. Then Roles robs a defender twenty-five yards out and runs into the box but at an angle away from goal and his shot from a narrow angle is pushed over the bar for a corner. The keeper makes a hash of claiming it, but the shot (didn’t see who by) is skied.

We make our first substitution with Ade Adeyemo coming on for Kelly. Another corner from a blocked RHM cross is caught easily by the keeper this time.

At the other end, a tackle is made just as a Maidenhead player gets a shot off and goes down. For a second it looks as if the ref is pointing to the spot, but he isn’t, it’s a goal kick.

Joy Mukena steps on the ball towards halfway and Maidenhead are on it in a flash, driving forward and the shot flies into the top corner and we are behind 0-1.

From the restart we work it down the right, lots of passes, and work the ball to Camara, whose shot from twenty-five yards out is wide.

Maidenhead get a corner given which is clearly a goal kick. From it JoJo Wollacott is clobbered collecting the ball and is injured. To the extent he has to be subbed. Fortunately, we have a keeper on the bench for the first time in weeks and Jasper Shiekh is on. We also substitute Benjamin Tanimu and Camara, bringing on Will Swan and Bradley Ibrahim.

So, we have Shiekh and Roles on, we just need someone to give the team a bit of a rattle. And a few minutes later we do just that when Bragg is replaced by Harry Forster. He almost plays Swan in with his first touch, but it just won’t fall for him.

Ibrahim wins the ball in midfield, but the ref gives it as a free kick to Maidenhead. He misses the kick out at Ibrahim by the Maidenhead player and in the melee that follows, Ibrahim, Roles, and a Maidenhead player pick up bookings. Ibrahim and their number nine have to be separated thirty seconds later as they square up again.

There are eight added minutes.

Forster coming on, along with the melee seems to have galvanised us. We get a corner which won’t fall for anyone to get a shot off. Then Roles has a shot blocked. Forster drives down the right and into the box, gets a cross in, the initial shot is blocked on the line but falls to captain for the day Toby Mullarkey to bundle it home and five minutes into added time we are level 1-1.

We break again and Tola Showunmi is pulled back thirty yards out and there is a yellow card for the defender. Roles takes the free kick, and it eludes everyone in the box. Another crude hack down the left brings another Maidenhead booking and another free kick. It hits the first man, and the full-time whistle goes with it 1-1 and extra time is incoming.

It is like the team has remembered they are two divisions above Maidenhead and start ramping up the pressure in the first half of extra time. Roles has a shot wide. RHM shot goes over the bar. Maidenhead have an attack which is cleared over the stand behind the goal for a corner and the only ball loss of the day. Back at the other end determined work from Roles sees the ball played back to RHM whose shot is curled just wide. Adeyemo gets into the box and his cross is fumbled into the net, but the ref blows for a foul on the keeper. Another attack and RHM’s cross is caught by the keeper. Ball in the box again, two blocked shots and the pressure is only alleviated by the award of a dubious free kick to Maidenhead.

Which sets the bloke a couple of seats down from me off again. Somehow, I always get to be sat near the person giving the ref shit through the entire match.

Maidenhead get the first shot of the second half of extra time, just over the bar. A free kick is punched clear by Shiekh. We make a final substitution with Gavan Holihan making way for Max Anderson.

Then with about three minutes left there is a long ball forward, Swan heads it down to Showunmi and his shot from the edge of the area trickles into the bottom corner of the net and we lead 2-1. Which causes a mini fire drill exit from the seated home fans.

We are playing keep ball as far up the pitch as possible, and manage to play the game out through the two added minutes to hear the relief of the full time whistle and a win, and we are through to the draw for round two of the FA Cup, which is being drawn tomorrow evening on BBC2, and we are ball 34.

The crowd was announced as being 1,814, no split of how many away fans, but the stewards on the way in were under the impression we’d sold about 450 tickets, so that plus any last-minute pay on the doors bods.

It’s been a long time, but I was there for a win. This means Grant, you’re the jinx, not me.

Post match it is round the corner from the ground for a curry, and very nice it was too. Followed by the trek home as I typed most of this up on my phone to pass the time. And I get home to find the match day programme has arrived. It’s not bad, quite ad heavy, but does have a piece on the Premier Midweek Floodlit League season 1968-69 mentioned by Mick Fox. I wonder how much the print on demand and post option costs them to do, and if it is something Crawley could do (isn’t it time for issue three of Reds magazine?)

During the day I lost count of the number of times Helen referred to us playing Maidstone and not Maidenhead, but it doesn’t matter who it was (or even the mainly turgid way it was achieved), a win is still a win. Let’s keep that going Tuesday night away at Burton Albion, we can’t afford to lose to teams beneath us in the league.

Come on you reds.

Broken Heels

After the midweek high I had lots of potential happy titles for this piece, such as ‘Dancing Shoes’, ‘Out Of The Sinking’, ‘Goody Two Shoes’, ‘I Know You Got Soul’, and on and on, but after two hours of watching so-called football, I’m left with goddamn Alexandra Burke.

After the strange old game and loss to Shrewsbury, I’ve not been at a couple of games, I swerved the Reading away because it was going to be tight to get there and then back to Brighton for a Paul Weller gig, and as I’ve missed two previous attempts at seeing the Modfather due to illness, I wasn’t missing this one for any reason. The updates to that game were watched on a phone in a pub/restaurant on the BBC website, and it was difficult to put the crushing 4-1 loss with the match stats and live report updates coming through.

It would seem the obvious issue is the defence – perhaps it’s time to upgrade. Getting an A-Fence or B-Fence might be out of our league, but let’s at least try for a C-fence.

And we seem to pick up a disproportionate number of yellow cards to fouls committed. Not sure how a team can rack up twenty-five fouls and only pick up one booking, especially when there were two players who committed five fouls, there should be bookings on totting up alone for those. Yet we had four fouls and two bookings. It has been a similar issue all season so far.

I did a bit of prep for the Lincoln game and the first thing that came to mind was the John Ward 1976-77 Topps Card – one of their random cards with players from lower league clubs they included that year (I’ve already highlighted Wrexham’s Arfon Griffiths in the away game last season). It’s strange what my mind remembers.

I had thought of the title of Abraham, Martin & John by Marvin Gaye, but instead I was sitting it out at home not very well and trying to make sure that the weekend away in Northampton for this game wasn’t put in jeopardy as well. I was fine walking to the stadium on Monday to get the Northampton tickets, but once back at home I took a dive. I did manage to find it on Now TV and watch it “live.” And there is a mini report below.

It’s odd watching it from the cameras perspectives. There were images from every other angle apart from the one where I usually sit in the east marquee. The commentator was useless, he called us Swindon once in the first half and kept referring to Wollacott conceding lots of goals in the last few matches, despite him not playing in two of them.

I can’t tell who it was doing the shouting from our dug out, but they were shouting instructions constantly. Something we don’t hear from the east marquee usually, although I wonder if the mic was turned right up and was next to the tunnel.

It was a different performance, not so much passing about at the back, and there seemed to be more solidity to the team at the back. There were still the odd heart in the mouth moments, but on the whole the team dealt with the opposing attacks well, and with the majority of set pieces as well.

Aside from the early Darcy chance, there wasn’t much attacking first half, and it looked like Lincoln had the upper hand, but we avoided conceding in the first half, and going into the break 0-0 was an obvious improvement on the last ten games. As the officials went off, there was the rare sight of a Lincoln sub getting a booking for gobbing off at the ref as they left the pitch at half time.

I went to do some washing up at half time and missed our first goal, only seeing it on replay at the end. There are some absolute clown show comments on the forum. Anyone who thinks that was an easy chance or a tap in needs to give their head a wobble. It was a great ball through, but Swan had to adjust the run as the defender got a touch on it, and he absolutely rifled it in at the near post from a difficult angle.

From that point on it was as if we had swapped personalities with Lincoln, they were doing the possession thing we usually do, and we were doing the quick counter attacks which have seen them unbeaten away from home all year.

The second goal looked on when the ball found Darcy in loads of space, but the chance looked to have gone when he checked inside and the defence were regrouping, only for him to fire it between the defenders legs and into the corner well out of reach of the keeper.

The break with RHM and Camara looked to be a shoe in for a third goal, and RHM having chosen to shoot had to hit the target, as the cross to Camara would have been a simple tap in (you know, like the one Swan scored at the start of the half). I threw my head back at the miss and smacked my head on the wall behind me having forgotten where I was whilst watching it.

The commentator was a cockwomble and kept banging on about that missed chance coming back to haunt us as Lincoln kept trying to attack, but we broke again with a good ball from Camara finding RHM and there was no mistake this time as he cooly slotted it in to make it 3-0.

And it was a 3-0 win. Wollacott played well, he saved when required, and he went up and caught a lot of balls in congested areas. People moaning (on here, surely not) about his kicking need to wind their necks in. There is an obvious change in him being asked to put the ball long, which is a complete about face from playing the short ball as he has all season. The long ball is always low percentage, especially as we don’t have tall attacking players.

All in all, it was an important win, and showed we can change style and tough games out. A win and a clean sheet are both confidence building, let’s hope that carries on to Saturday, where hopefully I am well enough to make use of the Northampton tickets I’ve bought.

We are away against Northampton Town, who haven’t had the best start to their season either, they are two places ahead of us in nineteenth and two points ahead of us on twelve points. When Northampton got promoted the season we only just escaped relegation from League Two, they beat us home and away, but overall, the record between the two clubs is fairly even, five wins apiece and three draws. At the Sixfields stadium it is dead level, two wins apiece and two draws. I saw someone point out that Northampton were the first ever league club who Crawley beat in the FA Cup, back in 1991. And of course, Northampton is the hometown of our current on the field captain, Jay Williams, let’s hope this inspires him to a great performance today, and not an over the top, trying too hard one.

There are no Northampton Town football cards from the Topps era, I had to dig back into the A&BC sets, where there were a couple from their only season in Division one in the mid-sixties.

Nowadays there is no hope of cards of clubs outside the Premier League unless you get unauthorised knock off sets off eBay. Of course, it was too tempting not to get the Crawley Town set, just a shame the club don’t do something similar in the club shop.

We travelled up to Northampton yesterday after picking up tickets for next week’s FA Cup game away at Maidenhead. They were loading the team coach up at the Broadfield Stadium when we were there. We had a wander around Northampton both on Friday afternoon and Saturday before the game. There is a lot of the museum about shoes, which is what the town is known for. I know a lot of people (quite a few on the forum) for who this pair of trainers would be wholly appropriate.

However, we found out that a Cobbler is only a fixer of shoes, or a dealer of second-hand shoes. Which means that Northampton Town’s nickname relates to dealing with duds, perhaps if they were nicknamed after the makers of new shoes – Cordwainers – then they might be faring better.

Not only that, but the museum had Elton John’s mega DMs from the film Tommy, nearly enough to have “Pinball Wizard” as a title for this piece.

We also passed the famous lift tower on the way down to the ground. It is where lift companies test their new lifts, the tallest test shafts in the world, where the lifts can go up to twenty miles an hour. I was oblivious about it, but my brother had told me about it earlier in the year as he had been especially to see it some years ago. Strangely my mate Chris, who designs and builds lifts as a job, has never mentioned it. It is the only permanent abseil set up in the UK.

Word is, planning permission for the Midlands longest zip wire to be installed from the top of it down to the Sixfields stadium so that Northampton Town’s mascot Clarence The Dragon can zip wire down to the ground is under consideration. If successful Crawley are looking at getting their own shorter version from the top of the Broadfield Park flats to the stadium for Reggie the Red to do a similar thing at our ground, and his non-appearance at our games is due to the intense training he is undergoing. ** (see note 1)

It was a nice slow amble to the ground after a morning’s sightseeing. At the ground there was someone doing a piece of research on could people tell the difference between “real” replica kits and knock offs. Not sure if we got them right, but there isn’t much difference between any of them. The approach from the north gives a good view down over the ground, which is in a nice dip.

I got a programme, always good, always a tick.

Calling themselves ‘Shoe Army’ at the club shop amused me anyway.

There were plenty of Crawley fans in the ground early on. And up to this point I was enjoying writing this piece, enjoying the trip to Northampton, and had a good feeling about how things would go.

And then we kicked off.

Northampton were in their traditional maroon shirts and socks and white shorts, and we were in out all grey/white second kit. It was a cagey start, but it didn’t take long for the mistakes to start creeping in. Bradley Ibrahim gave the ball away in the middle of our own half which led to Northampton’s first shot, which flew over the bar. The play was nervy, and Northampton got a corner, they took it short and were two on one with Harry Forster, which meant they played around him and got a shot off which Ibrahim managed to get a block on. It was played back in and their striker rounded JoJo Wollacott but put the shot into the side netting from a tight angle.

There seemed to be little let up. Another shot. Fortunately, over the bar again. Then we attack for a change and Max Anderson has a shot from outside the box, which is deflected out for a corner, which is taken too long and easily cleared.

Northampton get another corner, this time from the other side, but it is the same two on one from the short corner against Forster, this time the shot isn’t blocked, and it ends up in the corner of the net and we trail 0-1. Pure stupidity as we obviously didn’t learn from the previous corner on the other side. There are words between some of the players, but anyone having a go at Forster needs to give their head a wobble as there was no support.

This wakes us up a bit and we finally get a bit of decent pressure, down the right wing, a cross is put in, a shot blocked, picked up again and the follow up shot is deflected for a corner, but that is cleared.

However, Northampton are making it look easy every time they attack. They work another ball into the box, and the shot is saved by Wollacott for a corner. We clear and break and Forster has a shot which is saved for a corner. Which is caught easily by their keeper.

Northampton break down the left again, the cross comes over and is just about kept away from their striker as Josh Flint puts it out for a corner. It comes in and Wollacott comes to punch but misses, and it hits Jay Williams and bounces into the net, and it is 0-2.

Ibrahim is having a bit of a mare, giving the ball away yet again, and playing Northampton in, and they get another corner. It is headed out, but another shot comes in, this one going over.

We are playing so slowly out from the back, it is slow, slow, slower, slower, slow. There are glaciers moving forward quicker than we are. The lack of movement is just not funny. It would be ideal if they were playing musical statues, but someone needs to tell them the music is playing again.

Finally, there is a speedier attack down the right. Forster’s cross is half blocked, there is a shot, that is blocked for a corner. That is headed behind at the front post for another corner, that is taken short before being played in and cleared for a third corner which is taken long into the box only for the ref to blow for an imaginary foul and the pressure to come to an end.

There is a guy behind me spending much of the game giving the ref grief, so much so even his family are telling him to give it a rest. He continues saying the ref needs to hear it, only to be told, no, he doesn’t.

There is one added minute before the half time whistle goes with the score at 0-2. It is the best period of play for us before the second half kicks off. As the Northampton keeper takes his place in front of us, I have a double take at the name on the back of his shirt. It says Burge, but I read it as Bulge, which would have been a much more appropriate name. Instead of the usual whoa…… you’re shit chant, you’re fat would have been better (and yes, I know pot and kettle and all that).

Anderson was subbed off at half time, one of half a dozen who could have been, and he’s been replaced by Panutche Camara. Not even thirty seconds into the half and Flint is down injured, didn’t see any contact, but it doesn’t look good as he is helped off and around the pitch in front of us. He is replaced by Rushian Hepburn-Murphy.

We attack down the right a ball is played into Will Swan; he plays it back to Forster to cross and a RHM header bounces across the goal and Swan can’t get his touch on target just beyond the right post.

Northampton attack down the left, it is crossed, a shot blocked, and it is pushed across to the right and another shot comes in and goes in to make it 0-3. It is not a good day.

Heads haven’t dropped completely, and another attack down the right sees a ball come over and Jeremy Kelly gets it on the left-hand side of the penalty area only for him to shank he shot high and wide. Ronan Darcy gets a shot off from the edge of the area and that is well over as well. Another ball into the box sees passes made but it doesn’t fall quickly enough for Swan to be able to get a shot off and the ball is cleared.

Darcy picks up a booking for a nothing challenge in midfield. Another right-wing attack sees RHM fizz a ball across the six-yard box, but no one is there, and it goes out on the far side for a throw. Darcy and Ibrahim are subbed off with Gavan Holohan and Benjamin Tanimu coming on. The latter not being listed in the Northampton programme, seems they are as tardy as our programme makers used to be, as they also have Gonzalez and Papadopolous as being in our squad.

There is a week late tackle which leaves Toby Mullarkey on the deck, but which was so late no one saw it, and play goes on for a while before the ref allows treatment. They announce the crowd as being 6,445 but can’t be arsed to say how many are away fans. Forster is hacked down as he goes down the wing, but no booking is forthcoming. Williams has a late tackle in midfield and does get one. One is also shown to a Northampton player for the resulting melee.

We make our final substitution with Swan going off to be replaced by Tola Showunmi. We get a corner which goes deep, there is a coming together and a clash of heads between a defender and Charlie Barker, and the free kick goes to Northampton. The ref is just guessing at this stage. We have a couple of shots which are blocked. There are five added minutes, which considering the injuries, the number of substitutions and the hours of time wasting is taking the piss, but on the plus side it’s only five more minutes of agony to endure.

A Barker shot is tipped over for a corner, and Holohan has a shot from that which is over the bar, but then play migrates up the other end for corner after corner for Northampton before the final whistle goes to signal the end of the 3-0 defeat.

It’s hard to reconcile that performance with the one from Tuesday night. It’s been pointed out that I’m the one jinxing things. But looking at the match stats we spent far too much time fannying about passing the ball around at the back very slowly. With tortoises and snails moving up the pitch quicker than we were. Much less possession on Tuesday saw quicker counter attacking and goals. More of that and less of the painfully slow tippy tappy shit is desperately needed.

The defeat, coupled with the third win in as many games for Cambridge United sees us drop a place back to twenty-second, still only a point off safety, but with an ever increasingly poor goal difference.

** (Note 1) none of that paragraph is even remotely true. Seriously, Reggie has trouble walking and waving at the same time, who in their right mind would allow him anywhere near a zip line? I did take another picture of it on the way back into the town centre for a commiseration curry, just to make sure there weren’t any Crawley fans at the top planning to throw themselves off.

Anyway, it is a week off from league action, as next Saturday sees the FA Cup first round game away at Maidenhead, a there and back in a day trip.

Come on you reds.

It’s A Coffee Table Now

There must be something about Malthouse Road. Something which causes Malthouse Road to be a dog shit magnet. I walk around most places when in Crawley, and so pound a lot of pavements and paths through parks and green spaces. And in doing so I very rarely see any traces of dog shit left on the ground by lazy owners. But for some reason the west side of Malthouse Road is full of it.

From the junction with Brewer Road north to where Malthouse Road stops at East Park I had to avoid five separate little doggy offerings on the pavement. And they were just the whole ones. There were another two which previous unfortunate pedestrians had managed to put their big (and not so big) feet in and smear across a few slabs as well as the soles of their shoes.

Is it a no poo bag zone? Is it passersby giving their own version of social commentary on what they think of Malthouse Road? Or is it that those living on Malthouse Road are just a bunch of lazy bastards who can’t be arsed to clean up after their dogs? It makes it a bit of a shit walk though.

Some may be asking what the title has to do with what has been written above. Those people must have never seen Eddie Murphy’s “Delirious.” And the father’s rant I the cookout scene about the kids not cleaning up the dog shit.

Rat Rapping

Yes, I really am going there, with Roland Rat’s mid eighties novelty hit. Well with the Shrews in town, it’s all rodent related. Or at least small furry mammals.

Back to league action after the rollercoaster of the Tuesday night Bristol Street Motors Trophy game, the 3-4 loss at home to AFC Wimbledon. The week hasn’t been any less thrilling for me as it has progressed, and equally not in the best of ways.

I have been known to use the phrase ‘I would rather stick knitting needles in my eyes than…’ where the … hasn’t just been watching or reading something. A lot. A hell of a lot. However, I feel I may need to stop using that, or at least cut back on using that phrase. Having been diagnosed with diabetic macular oedema my right eye needs treatment, or a course of treatments, which involve injecting something into my eyeball. At which point I found my eyeballs are quite sensitive. They don’t even like drops being put in them. Even the numbing ones, let alone the antiseptic ones. And they don’t like the air blown into them to test the pressure. Eyeball pressure. Is that a thing? Blood pressure, tyre pressure, yes, I know them, but eye pressure is a new one on me. The eye is then clamped open, and a mask put over the rest of the face. I was told where to look (which is harder than it sounds, I seem to struggle to focus on one point unless it is straight on) and whilst concentrating on looking down and to the left they sneak in and stick the needle it the right side of the eyeball away from my peripheral vision. It doesn’t hurt, the numbing drops make sure of that, but it does feel weird (maybe that is psychosomatic as I’m not sure I’m feeling anything). And then there are bubbles of stuff (I don’t actually know what it is) floating around inside the eye. When the numbing drops wear off the eye is a bit sore, but I thank fuck that’s over. Only to remember there are four more injections to come at one a month. Trust me, after that, there is no chance of any fucking knitting needles going anywhere near my eyes thank you very much. Let’s just hope the treatment works and five is all I need and that they don’t decide the left one needs doing as well.

And then there were more needles this morning, one in each arm as I have COVID and flu jabs. But I don’t even seem to notice them going in. I just wonder where they are going to aim to stick the next needle. Let’s hope I don’t need an emergency tetanus shot, and they have to stick a needle in my arse.

The lesser spotted Reggie the Red has been seen. He was at Manor Royal as Crawley Town announced a marketing partnership with Manor Royal BID. As he has only been seen away from the Broadfield Stadium it does beg the question of whether he was identified as one of the phantom flare throwers and has therefore received a stadium ban meaning he is only able to make appearances offsite.

Anyway, on to today’s game and the visit of Shrewsbury Town (with chatter from people I know about how to pronounce it – is it Shrew or Shrow? Quite a rabbit hole to go down). It is one of only two League One games going ahead today due to international call ups. It might have been postponed if Eddie Beach hadn’t been out injured, and so we only had two call ups and not the three required. Shrewsbury are one of the small number of clubs below us in the league before kick-off, with them one place and two points behind us in twenty-second, and they have played a game more than us.

We haven’t played Shrewsbury since being relegated to League Two at the end of 2013-14 season. We did play them three seasons on the trot following our entering the league, as they were one of the other teams promoted that first season. We beat them in the first game we played against them at the Broadfield, but haven’t beaten them since, with two defeats and three draws since then.

I get to the ground nice and early after writing group and armed with my camera having found a new setting on it which automatically turns the photos into cartoonised versions. And it is a new obsession for me to play with, and so it is that setting which has provided all the photos for today’s piece.

Shrewsbury are in what looks like all white at first glance, but it has yellow trim. From the kick off it only takes us ten seconds to get a shot off. Rushian Hepburn-Murphy’s shot is off target, but it is a promising start.

There is a bit of back and forth and then Bradley Ibrahim feeds Ronan Darcy who eludes a tackle and has his shot deflected over for a corner which is taken deep but it goes straight out. The same combination link up again a few seconds later and Darcy’s shot is tipped around the post for another corner which is played short, and then across and back before being cleared. RHM surges forward on the other side and appears to be blocked off and down with a head injury, but it is another thirty seconds and with Shrewsbury up the other end before the ref brings play to a halt for treatment to be called on.

Darcy gets in again and has another shot, it is deflected again for another corner. The keeper flaps at it a bit but it is cleared. Shrewsbury have an attack and get a cross in and there is a clear header in the box, but it is straight at Connal Trueman for an easy save. Back on the attack and Darcy has another shot, but this one isn’t as accurate, and it flies over the KRL Logistics stand for the only ball loss of the day.

Shrewsbury get a free kick thirty-five yards out and float it to the back post and it is headed over. We get a long throw opportunity on the attack again and Josh Flint’s throw is flicked on by Jay Williams and cleared off the line Shrewsbury attack again, this time down the right wing and it is crossed in and half cleared, it falls to a Shrewsbury attacked and although Trueman gets hands to the ball the shot creeps in and we are 0-1 down. This cues up the Shrewsbury fans to start singing ‘How shit must you be, we’re winning away.’ Which appeals to my gallows sense of humour.

We get a free kick near halfway and it is floated in, and headed half clear to Toby Mullarkey whose shot is deflected for another corner. It is played short to Ibrahim who plays it back to Darcy and his shot from a tight angle goes high and wide. There is decent work down the left and Harry Forster crosses and Armando Junior Quitirna plays it back into the middle where Williams has a header tipped onto the bar and Will Swan is on hand to head the rebound in from two yards out to level things up 1-1.

Shrewsbury have a shot over the bar, and then we attack down the right again, but the final ball is just too strong for Swan to get on the end. It’s back up the other end as Shrewsbury attack and the cross goes through the six-yard box but luckily there is no one to get on the end of it. Shrewsbury are beginning to pick up bookings for their persistent fouling, but their number 27 looks unlucky to pick up his, as it was clearly their number 3 who committed the foul.

RHM does some decent work down the left and puts Swan in for another chance, and his shot is blocked and cleared, and Williams picks up a booking. Which I believe is number five of the league season, which means a one game ban for him. There are three added minutes at the end of the half before the half time whistle goes with the score level at 1-1.

The second half starts slowly, and it is a few minutes in when Shrewsbury have an attack, and a shot is tipped onto the post and comes back out before being cleared. At the other end Armando and Darcy link up but the cross is caught by the keeper. Another right-wing attack sees Armando in at a tight angle and his shot just goes past the far post.

Back at the other end Flint picks up a booking which looks a bit harsh, and it means he has also reached five for the season and will be suspended for a game. No, scrub that, less than a minute later he is adjudged to have another pull back on their number 9 and there is a second yellow and a red for him, so that will be two matches banned, and we are down to ten men. Both yellows look harsh, but the second was a silly one to get picked up for having only just picked up a yellow for the first challenge. We’re in a hole a mole would be proud of.

The resulting free kick is played into the box and the header is deflected for a corner, which is cleared for a throw. We attack down the left and Forster crosses from the byline and Armando is at the far post to put the ball in and we lead 2-1. And before we restart the scorer is substituted along with Darcy with Max Anderson and Panutche Camara coming on to replace them.

There is more concerted pressure from the eleven men of Shrewsbury against our ten men, but we do get a couple of breaks. Then Forster is injured defending as he slides to prevent a cross and gives a corner away. He is subbed off before the corner with Joy Mukena coming on to replace him, but at the same time RHM and Ibrahim are taken off as well, with Jeremy Kelly and Gavan Holohan coming on to replaced them. An unusual triple substitution before a set piece. The corner is taken, a shot saved, another sits the post and there is a goalmouth scramble before it is bundled in, and the scores are level again 2-2.

On the next attack a cross comes in from the right wing and the Shrewsbury attacker is going to ground before the ball is anywhere near and before any contact will Mullarkey, but a penalty is given and it’s a booking for Mullarkey, and stop me if you’ve heard this before today, but that makes five bookings for the season and he too will miss the next game due to suspension. The penalty sends Trueman the wrong way and we trail again 2-3. It’s seeming increasingly like the officials are doing their impression of the three blind mice.

We are struggling to get out of our own half now. Another cross comes in from the right and the shot is deflected for a corner. It is headed down at the far post and turned in and we now trail 2-4. It is like the wheel is spinning now, but the hamster is well and truly dead.

There are eight added minutes. We are attacking and Shrewsbury get the ball back and attack down the left, an early cross is put in and their number nine is all alone and puts the ball through Trueman and we are further behind 2-5.

We get a free kick thirty yards out and Kelly lines up to take it. It clips a player on the wall and wrong foots the keeper and finds its way into the net and we have pulled it back to 3-5. We attack again and a Kelly cross finds Swan and it is blocked out. There is still time for Mukena to pick up a late booking for a nothing challenge before the full-time whistle goes with another loss, this time 3-5.

The substitutions seemed strange and poorly timed, but our propensity to pick up stupid bookings cost us today. It was strange for us to have scored three goals in back-to-back games after a streak of scoreless games, and for us to lose both of those games.

The crowd was announced as being 4,215 with 384 away fans. There was no mention of a sponsors’ man of the match.

The loss sees us swap places with Shrewsbury and we drop to twenty-second in the table. More worryingly it looks as if we will be without Jay Williams, Toby Mullarkey, and Josh Flint for the away trip to Reading next week. Let’s hope Benjamin Tanimu makes it back from international duty fit and raring to go, we will need all the defensive help we can get next week.

Monday night sees the draw for the first-round proper of the FA Cup. It is on TV at 7pm and we are ball eighteen in the draw. Let’s hope for a decent draw for a change, a home tie against lower league opposition would be good.

Celebrity Skin

Some nineties grunge for a title this week, courtesy of the Courtney Love led Hole, the reason for which will become apparent later.

Another week, another Tuesday night game, another competition. After the disappointing 2-0 loss to Mansfield Town last week (after which there were reminders, such as the two brothers who sit behind us (and who you can blame for encouraging me with all the terrible role/rolls puns to come), and the name of the street near the bus station when I was in Leicester at the weekend),

there was a game away at Wycombe Wanderers on Saturday, which ended up with another disappointing loss, this time 1-0. It is strange when you watch the EFL show, what they show in highlights. The mutterings from those who had gone to Wycombe on Saturday was it was a mediocre performance. Yet in contrast to games where we had played much better in the run of losses, the highlights showed us having good chances, and not a slough of Wycombe ones. Performance, it would seem, is in the eye of the highlight editors.

That defeat left us in the relegation zone, but we stayed in twenty-first (even if at one point in proceedings on Saturday afternoon we were down in twenty-third).

But it isn’t league action we have come to watch this evening; it is the second of the group stage games in the Bristol Street Motors Trophy. And we host (not you will notice, welcome) AFC Wimbledon. Which brings me back to the title of this piece, a nod to the massive hole in their pitch after not so recent flooding. (But not a ‘Super Massive Black Hole’, something to Muse on.)

The last time we played them it was a 1-0 win on a dark Tuesday night in south London last February when they were looking the more likely playoff candidates. Nearly eight months later we are a division above them, but still can’t get away from playing them.

We start with a new keeper. With JoJo Wollacott on international duty, and Eddie Beach injured we have an emergency loan keeper in from Millwall in the shape of Connal Trueman. The lineup may be quite different from Saturday’s loss as the new manager being likely to take a look at some playing time for those not involved in the last three league matches.

There may be some apathy to this competition, and for some fans it isn’t a priority, but getting a goal and a win might just be a kick start and confidence building ahead of the important league game on Saturday.

AFC were in all blue, and the officials were in the Stabilo Boss yellow highlighters. Quite a few changes for us from recent league action. We have an early attack and Jack Roles feeds Gavan Holohan in the box (not sausage rolls though) and his shot is just wide. A couple of minutes later Rushian Hepburn-Murphy drives down the left and cuts inside and has a low shot from the edge of the area which is straight at the keeper. At the other end AFC get a shot off which is blocked.

There is decent work down the right with Toby Mullarkey, Rafiq Khaleel, and Holohan working well together, and the final ball into the box is just knocked back off Holohan for a goal kick. On the other side RHM is taken down after beating the last defender for pace on the wing, which brings a yellow card for the defender. The cross is headed clear for a throw on the other side. It is cleared and Khaleel pulls an AFC attacker back to prevent a counter, but somehow doesn’t pick up a yellow for it.

Tola Showunmi is put through and takes the ball into the box but seems scared to shoot and stops and tries to pass only for it to go out for a goal kick. We have more possession and work the ball from the right to the left wing to RHM who cuts in and takes a shot which is well saved for a corner. That is played in, bounces about and we get another shot off, but it is straight at the keeper.

AFC attack and a mix up in defence sees a one-on-one opportunity, and the attacker sends our emergency loan keeper Connal Trueman the wrong way, but the shot is well wide. Back on the offensive down the right wing Showunmi crosses, and Roles attempts to play the ball into the middle of the box only for it to be cleared (like bowls after some Arctic Roll). Showunmi manages to find himself offside a couple of times in quick succession.

There is another great ball into the box and Holohan’s shot just comes off the toe of the tracking defender and out for a corner. It is cleared and AFC get up the other end and shoot which Trueman saves well. At the other end, Roles has a shot which clears the KRL Logistics stand for ball loss one of the game (and is still rolling). AFC attack again and Trueman saves well again, it is cleared but put back in and he is forced into another save. AFC get a free kick on the right corner of the area and shoot, and Trueman completes a hat trick of saves in just under a minute.

Mullarkey picks the ball up near halfway and surges forward. There are shouts of ‘shoot’ from behind me, he does, and it goes well wide, which brings out shouts of ‘don’t shoot’ from behind me. At the other end, an innocuous right-wing cross is allowed to bounce in the middle of the six-yard box and is easily slotted home by the unmarked attacked and we are down 0-1 just before one added minute at the end of the half is announced. There is time for a Charlie Barker clearance to sail over the east marquee before the half time whistle goes and we traipse into the dressing room somehow down 0-1.

We start brightly in the second half as well winning an early corner after some decent persistence from RHM. A couple of minutes later a ball into the box sees the keeper just about beat RHM to the ball and it won’t quite fall for Roles who slips trying to get a shot off (a buttered roll?). Barker goes down with a blow to the face, from the angle I’m at I can’t tell if it was from the ball or a stray hand (and I remembered my glasses this week but no additional help).

A couple of minutes later and AFC get a corner, it comes all the way over to the back post and from all of about two yards out it is easily headed in and we trail 0-2. It doesn’t get any better as almost from the restart AFC attack again down the left and cross it in and there is James Tilley of all people with the freedom of the penalty area to head it in and it is 0-3.

Which brings the first of the subs out. Khaleel and Holohan are off and replaced by Jeremy Kelly and Ronan Darcy. The change in play isn’t immediate, AFC get another cross in, there is another free header, but Trueman saves this one at the expense of a corner, which is cleared, and played back in and mishit for a goal kick. Barker is still feeling the effects of the earlier incident and is subbed with Bradley Ibrahim coming on to replace him.

And still AFC are attacking, getting another shot, this one well wide. Which brings our last two subs into play, Showunmi and Roles depart (they will play no more role in this show) with Armando Junior Quitirna and Will Swan coming on in their places.

There is some Crawley attacking now. Kelly gets a shot blocked, we win it back and get a corner. Armando has a shot, and we get another corner. It is played in, and Armando gets fouled just inside the left of the box and the ref points to the spot. Darcy steps up to takes, sends the keeper the wrong way and we have out first goal in over six hours of play. 1-3.

We win a free kick twenty-five yards out on the right-hand side. It is played into the box and headed in. The celebrations are short lived as the flag is up for offside. Back down the right Armando cuts inside and gets a shot away which is just wide. We win a corner, and Darcy whips it in and RHM is there to head it in, and it is 2-3.

AFC attack and the defence is a bit nervy, we half clear and it is put back in and their header is just wide. We attack again, this time down the left, Kelly to Darcy, and the cross goes through the six-yard box with no able to get near it. Armando wins it back and crosses it, it falls to Kelly and his volley is well saved. Another cross gets to Kelly and he pokes it back to Josh Flint who controls, turns, shoots, and scores and it is 3-3.

Tails are up. A Kelly cross is clipped in and RHM heads it wide. Another attack and an Ibrahim shot is blocked for a corner. It is played short and then crossed and another RHM header goes in slow motion and hits the post and bounces wide.

The board goes up for seven added minutes. We have two more shots, both blocked, one on each side of the area. AFC have woken up again and get a shot just wide, and another is well saved by Trueman. Kelly puts a cross over from the left wing and it looks to be a blatant handball in the middle of the box to clear it, but nothing is given. AFC attack again and a shot is blocked on the edge of the area, only to fall back to the same player who shoots again, and it goes into the top right-hand corner off the underside of the bar, and we trail again 3-4.

Ball three sails over the KRL Logistics stand from another AFC shot as they try to waste the time to see the game out. We attack again and there is another penalty shout for another handball as a shot is deflected out for a corner, only for the final whistle to go before it can be taken and we have lost 3-4.

A loss isn’t ideal, but it is only the Bristol Street Motors Trophy, and even if some of the defending wasn’t great, there were three goals scored, which after the recent drought will hopefully give the team a bit of confidence to get on and take a few more shots.

The crowd was announced as 1,438 with 273 of them being visiting fans to see an entertaining game played at times in torrential rain and with a lightshow and sound show from the accompanying storm. With Barker’s facial injury and the storm, it really could be called a blood and thunder cup tie. It did sound as if the east marquee might blow away at any point in the second half. With this weather it is likely the hole at Plough Lane is just getting bigger. The sponsors’ man of the match was RHM. The loss sees us stay in third in our group with just an away game at Wycombe to come, a game which if won would see us through to the knockout stages.

It is back to league action on Saturday with the visit of Shrewsbury Town, one of the few teams below us in the league, and what really should be a must win game for us.

Come on you reds.

Making Plans For Nigel

Yes, I know it isn’t the best thing to be focusing on right now, but I’d done the title for this game before other news came out this afternoon. It’s back to the early eighties and this hit for XTC as the title for this piece.

After a disappointing 2-0 home defeat to Bolton Wanderers on Saturday we have another home game hot on its heels with the visit of Mansfield Town this evening, another of the clubs promoted from League Two last season. It means the return to the Broadfield for perennial miserable bastard Nigel Clough for amusingly (to me anyway) his fourteenth visit. Not bad for someone who said many years ago, “at least I won’t have to go to places like Crawley again.” Always nice to see you as well Nigel. Especially on the back of the visit of his padawan learner Ian Evatt at the weekend.

We shared the spoils with Mansfield last season, they won 3-1 at the Broadfield in December, but we got revenge in style at Field Mill with the great 4-1 win in April as we moved into the playoff places. We have played them seventeen times previously in the league, winning five, drawing four and losing eight, with four wins, two draws, and three losses at home.

Will Swan was signed from Mansfield on deadline day and will hopefully be up for scoring against his old club. Meanwhile former striker Tom Nichols may play at some point for Mansfield, and Hiram Boateng who made one appearance on loan for us many years ago has been ever present for Mansfield this season and scored their consolation goal in that 4-1 win at Field Mill last April.

Coming into the game we sit twentieth in the league above the relegation places on goal difference only. Meanwhile Mansfield have had a decent start to the season and sit in sixth on a combination of goal difference, goals scored, and alphabetical order, being on the same points as third placed Lincoln City, and they have double the number of points we have.

It was less than a week ago since Scott Lindsey upped sticks, stones, and broken bones, and headed to Milton Keynes. And this afternoon the club confirmed they had appointed a replacement in Rob Elliot, the former Charlton Athletic, Newcastle United, and Republic of Ireland goalkeeper (and not to be confused with Robbie Elliott, the former Newcastle United full back).

The appointment has taken place quite swiftly, which is a change for the club and would suggest they might have been checking out potential replacements before Scott departed (which would be understandable as he hadn’t wanted to sign an extension to his contract). Rob comes to us from National League Gateshead, where he won the FA Trophy last season. It would appear he plays the same kind of passing football we have been set up for. There are the predictable moans that he has no league management experience, but I think it is a lot less of a gamble than the Kevin Betsy experiment, or the Matt Etherington appointment (yes, I got gamble and Etherington in the same sentence again).

Tonight sees the first game under the new Kaizen ticketing system. There were reports that the scanners still hadn’t arrived at the weekend, and there has only been five days available for season ticket holders to pick up their new QR code enabled season ticket cards, so it remains to be seen how smoothly things go with getting into the ground this evening.

Today also sees the availability of issue two of the programme replacement Reds magazine, so there was that to pick up before trying the turnstiles. It is another good issue, and the new season ticket worked, so happy with that, even if I was cutting it fine to be in before kick-off. I was in so much of a rush I didn’t pick up my glasses and so there was a lot of squinting going on, whilst trying to make accurate notes.

Mansfield were in their traditional colours of yellow shirts and socks and blue shorts. There is no sign of the late twilight sun going down this evening, one it’s persisting it down, and two the nights have already drawn in and it would be dark anyway.

Starting on the front foot we get an early corner, and it hits the first man. Mansfield get a corner, hit deep, and headed back across and cleared. We have some good attacking possession but manage to then give away a silly corner whilst fannying about with the ball at the back. That is cleared, but there is another corner soon after, it is deep again, headed back again and poked in and we are 0-1 down, having survived twice as long as we did on Saturday before conceding.

From the restart there is a Mansfield booking for a foul in midfield. We are having better possession and get a corner which beats the first man and goes into the box but is cleared. Mansfield attack and look yards offside, and their shot is put behind for a corner, which we deal with this time.

Back up the other end we get a free kick on the left edge of the box, there is a shot from it which is saved for a corner, and that is cleared. Decent play down the left sees a cross come in, and go over to the right, it is crossed back in from there and we get a shot off which is straight at the keeper.

Ade Adeyemo gets a booking for a fifty-fifty challenge in midfield, we aren’t even halfway through the first half and Mansfield have begun cynically timewasting. They claim a penalty when tackled in the box, but it is waved away, and we break down the left and Harry Forster wins a corner. It is played short and then across and Ronan Darcy’s shot is blocked and cleared. We attack down the left again and win a free kick near the box and Mansfield draw a booking for a high boot. The ball in is caught by the keeper.

JoJo Wollacott hoofs a clearance on the right over the roof of the east marquee for ball loss number one. Mansfield win a corner from the throw after it, but it is cleared. There is an innocuous free kick in the centre of the park, but a bit of a melee emerges from it, and it ends up with a booking for both Jay Williams and Bradley Ibrahim. Another Mansfield player goes down in the penalty area, but this time there is no one within five yards of him when he does. Not quite sure what the diving twat thought he was going to get for that.

Armando Junior Quitirna gets the ball down the right wing and then cuts in and drives towards the box, everyone is shouting for him to shoot, and he obliges, and the shot only just misses. The corner flag that is. Darcy goes down the left, beats two men and gets the ball into the box, but it just won’t fall for anyone to have a shot and then a heavy touch from Adeyemo gives the ball back to Mansfield. Forster goes on a storming run down the left and is hacked down at midfield and draws another Mansfield yellow card.

There are two added minutes at the end of the half before the whistle goes with the score 0-1.

We make a half time substitution with Jack Rolls on for Adeyemo. Mansfield make three half time subs, probably replacing all their booked players as well. Mansfield are almost in on goal from the kick-off, Wollacott just gets something on the ball ahead of the attacker, it does spin to a Mansfield player in the box but they can’t get a shot off, and cleared, a long throw comes in, half cleared and they get another corner, hit long, and played in again but it goes out for a goal kick.

At the other end Josh Flint goes on a rampaging run into the box and his cross is cleared, it is played back in, and we win a corner, which is cleared as well. We attack down the right, passed across the front of the box and to Flint and his shot goes just wide. Another attack down the left sees another Flint cross cleared for a corner, which is hit deep and skims off a Mansfield head for a throw on the other side.

Mansfield get a corner and Wollacott comes and punches clear, and clears out a Mansfield attacker as well, the crowd are screaming for a penalty, which they don’t get. Nigel Clough loses his shit on the touchline, and for the second game on the trot, the opposing team’s Crawley hating manager picks up a yellow card, much to the delight of a somewhat vocal west stand. At the other end we get a free kick thirty yards out on the left and make three substitutions before it is taken with Ibrahim, Will Swan, and Forster coming off to be replaced by Max Anderson, Rushian Hepburn-Murphy, and Jeremy Kelly coming on.

The curling cross/shot from Darcy comes back off the foot of the post and the follow up shot is put wide. And then silly season starts. Darcy is chasing a back pass and the defender steps in front of him to block him off and then goes down five seconds later, and Darcy is given a yellow card. Joy Mukena makes a hash of things in the middle of the field and leaves a Mansfield attacker one on one with the keeper, but Wollacott saves well with his feet, which is a bit of a let off for us. Then a Mansfield attacker runs straight into Toby Mullarkey, and it’s no surprise how the ref reads that one. Yes, it’s another yellow card for a Crawley player.

We get a fortunate corner off a miscue after a poor ball through from Williams, but from it another Mansfield player falls over and they get a free kick. They make their last two subs, with former player Boateng going off, and former player Nichols coming on.

Darcy has another shot from thirty-five yards out, and their keeper spills in, but it doesn’t quite fall to a following in Crawley player. Flint has a shot which is blocked, and we get a corner which the keeper pushes away for a thrown on the other side. We work it back in, have a shot blocked, play it in, and there is a bit of pinball in the box and a back header from a Mansfield defender is just about collected under the bar by the keeper.

Mansfield attack and have a shot which is heading for downtown Broadfield over the KRL Logistics stand, but instead nearly takes out the sodden cameraman on the scaffold behind the goal and comes back into the ground. Somehow Roles picks up a booking as well.

The board is put up for five added minutes. There are a steady stream of people leaving from the east marquee, so missed some of this. There was a Mansfield throw, the next I see the ball is in the box and their striker has a shot which takes a bit of a deflection off a defender and goes past Wollacott into the bottom corner, and it is 0-2. And the steady flow of leavers becomes a full-on fire drill.

Mullarkey tries his luck with a shot from thirty yards, which is wide, and the full-time whistle goes with a second consecutive 0-2 home defeat. No announcement was made about the crowd numbers, or who the sponsors’ man of the match was.

The loss, coupled with a Bristol Rovers win, sees us drop one place into the relegation places, whilst Mansfield jump up three places to third.

Next up is an away game against Wycombe Wanderers on Saturday, which I can’t make as there is a family thing to attend in Leicester at the weekend, before more Tuesday night home action next week with the visit of AFC Wimbledon in the Bristol Street Motors Trophy.

Come on you reds.

Lucille

I had initially thought about having Ben as the title, but I’ve already had a Michael Jackson title this season, and Ben was written about a rat, so not really appropriate. There was lots of chatter on the forum about appropriate songs for today’s game and I added a load of possible titles in for that (The Cure – Gone, Paul Young – Everything Must Change, Marilyn Manson – This Is The New Shit, Scorpions – Wind Of Change, Depeche Mode – New Life, Rainbow – Since You’ve Been Gone, Dry Cleaning – New Job, Sam Cooke – A Change Is Gonna Come, Bucks Fizz – New Beginning, Style Council – All Gone Away, Howard Jones – New Song, Jellyfish – New Mistake, Deacon Blue – Real Gone Kid), but I’ve ended up going for Kenny Rogers’ 1977 number one hit for reasons I’ll come back to later.

It has been a fortnight break for us since the 1-1 draw at home against Stockport County. We didn’t make the trip to Wrexham this year where we went down 2-1 despite having the upper hand in all the stats (including shots on target for a change), a defeat which saw us slip to seventeenth in the fledgling table.

The new online ticketing system went live with tickets becoming available for the Wycombe Wanderers away game (twenty seven quid, the robbing bastards), and the home Bristol Street Motors Trophy game against AFC Wimbledon, probably a good job it is at home and not at their place after flooding caused a sinkhole to appear in their pitch which may take quite some time to fix.

The change over window for season tickets holders opened on Thursday. The changeover has caused a lot of moaning on the forum and the Facebook page. But what doesn’t, and it brought out the most facetious in me, with my post below.

I don’t think it matters what the club did, there would still be people on here moaning. Even if the new season tickets had been gift wrapped and hand delivered by a naked super model with a blow job thrown in, there would still be complaints from the grumpy old men contingent on here.

I went into the club shop yesterday to get the new season ticket, there was no queue, and it was an easy handover. And whilst we were there, we got the tickets for the AFC game. I could have done it online, but I hate that shit and having to print them off myself. However, the new system seems impressive. First up it had automatically linked season ticket accounts with Helen, and also our next-door neighbour who comes with us, so they were able to do all three tickets easily, and by the time I was leaving the shop I’d had an email confirming the ticket purchase. It would appear we may well have entered the twenty first century from a ticketing perspective. Although there was a bit of confusion as Helen was halfway through cutting her old season ticket in half before I stopped her before she’d cut all the way through it.

Only for the next day there to be something for us to really moan about.

Scott Lindsey has gone.

Yes, out manager has departed.

And gone to the plastic Milton Keynes Dons

In a lower division.

FFS.

Which brings me back to the choice for this post’s song title, as it suddenly came to me whilst I was in the pub having post-match curry, that there was an easy rewrite of the chorus of Kenny Rogers’ hit as below.

You picked a fine time to leave us Lindsey.

With two important home games against difficult teams.

After the good times, there will be sad times.

And this hurting just stings like a bee.

You picked a fine time to leave us Lindsey.

Of course, this brings out a lot of the doom and gloom merchants. And it does worry me as the squad has been reassembled to play to Lindsey’s style of play and so any replacement needs to be the right fit to make the best use of the players we have (before Lindsey comes back and raids us for them in the January transfer window that is).

Ben Gladwin has been names as the interim manager as WAGMI scour the globe for a suitable replacement (though how many managers they are going to find in a theatre watching Shakespeare plays is anyone’s guess). Not that there was a great deal of choice, as most of the rest of the coaching staff have gone with Lindsey. The only possible upside is he’s also taken Ellywelly16 from the forum with him. Every cloud and all that.

It is an early kick off, which means I miss half of my usual morning writing group, and it means I’m not the first in line to get through the turnstiles when they open. It is of course the doing of FSS, whose spin off money grabbing venture Now TV has been ridiculously useless in being able to watch match highlights. The Stockport game won’t play at all (it keeps playing other games instead), and Wrexham hasn’t appeared on there yet.

We are hosting another former Premier League team in Bolton Wanderers, one of the pre-season favourites for promotion, but who haven’t started very well and currently sit one place below us in the league in eighteenth, behind us on goal difference.

We have played them only twice in the league, with a win at their place, before they beat us at the Broadfield 4-1 to clinch promotion out of League Two back in 2021. We had also beaten them in the league cup back in 2012 at the Broadfield. It sees the return of their manager Ian Evatt, who after that promotion clinching game showed he had been to the Nigel Clough charm school with comments about not coming back to Crawley as it was a shithole. Having spent a week in Bolton with work once, it is definitely a case of glass houses and all that.

The game should have seen the return of one of last season’s heroes, for the third time this season (after Will Wright for Swindon and Corey Addai for Stockport County) but Klaidi Lolos is injured and won’t be playing.

I got to the ground before kick-off, just not as early as usual and saw our friend Al the steward for the first time this season, he isn’t a supervisor all the time this season, and there have been some Brighton game clashes. But there is still no sign of Reggie the Red though, so they aren’t the same person after all.

There was the added bonus of the guy who sits in front of me (whose name I shamefully can’t remember for the life of me, it will probably come to me about five minutes after I publish this) getting me one of the seven inch singles I am searching for to complete the top fifty from the day I was born, so that’s Marvin Gaye’s “Abraham, Martiin, & John” is now ticked off the list.

Bolton are in their traditional white shirts and socks and dark blue shorts, and the away end is packed prior to kick off.

There is an early Bolton shot which is tipped around the post by JoJo Wollacott for a corner. It is taken along the ground and our defence is asleep as a solo Bolton runner goes towards the ball and slots their first time shot in and we are behind 0-1.

And it doesn’t take long for Bolton to have it in our box again and they have three shots in quick succession all blocked and not properly cleared and we give away a free kick on the left wing, which we do clear.

We get some possession in the Bolton box, and there is plenty of passing but no shot and finally put a cross, but it just drifts out wide. There is a lot of possession, but Bolton intercept and break quickly, their number ten is a rapid bastard, and his shot is tipped around the corner by Wollacott for another corner which is cleared this time.

Toby Mullarkey takes the ball down the pitch from his own half to the edge of the Bolton area where he is pushed over from behind, but the referee ignores it, and waves play on. It seems like it is going to be like that then. The same thing happens to a Bolton player on their own goal line, and they give the free kick given. Their number six kicks Will Swan and gets a free kick given to him. There are ironic cheers when we win a free kick.

Armando Junior Quitirna gets a cross in and it is just taken off the toes of Jeremy Kelly for a corner. It gets played to Cameron Bragg on the edge of the area and his shot is just wide. Josh Flint skins a defender on the left wing and is hacked down for his trouble giving us a free kick and gaining the defender a yellow card. The free kick hits the first man.

Jay Williams and the Bolton captain are having quite the battle in the middle of the park, there is pushing and shoving and then the Bolton captain shows he is a clown, being a play-acting cunt. We get a free kick in midfield and Ian Evatt loses his shit on the sideline and gets a booking for his troubles. Bless.

Their number ten puts the after burners on again and has another shot which takes a deflection out for another corner. At the other end we get a couple of corners which come to nothing after being taken short. There are two added minutes at the end of the half. It’s a surprise it isn’t more as Bolton have been play acting and time wasting since they scored early doors.

We work the ball down the right and then across to Mullarkey whose shot is straight at the keeper. At the other end, a Bolton shot is tipped onto the bar and half cleared and the follow up shot is blocked, and the half time whistle goes before a third shot can be gotten off. As everyone leaves the pitch the Bolton fans are chanting ‘shit referee.’ Can’t say I disagree with them on that, but probably have different reasons to them.

The second half isn’t more than thirty seconds old before there is a clash of heads between Flint and a Bolton player. And another early clash between Williams and the Bolton captain. We work the ball well down the left and the ball comes to Bragg on the edge of the area, but the shot is half blocked and goes out for a corner.

We are having more possession now, there is another blocked shot. Bragg is assaulted in midfield by the Bolton captain who gets a yellow card and a load of verbals from Williams for good measure.

And the substitutions start. Swan is off for Ade Adeyemo to come on. He goes down the right and his cross is cleared for a corner. Which hits the first man. Then Bragg and Panutche Camara go off and are replaced by Bradley Ibrahim and Harry Forster. Bolton are gifted a free kick near the corner flag, and it comes over and their brick shithouse of a centre back gets a header in which Wollacott tips over, and the corner is cleared.

Adeyemo beats the beast for pace and is pulled back, but he still wins the ball, and we get a throw in instead of the free kick we deserved. Quitirna floats a ball in, and Flint gets a header on target, but it is easily saved.

We get a throw near the corner flag, but before it is taken, we make out final two subs with Quitirna and Williams going off to be replaced by Jack Roles and Rushian Hepburn-Murphy. The throw is taken much deeper than where it was given and then Bolton intercept in midfield and attack down the left, the ball is crossed, and their sub is just inside the box he controls, and he rifles it into the top corner, and we now trail 0-2.

Roles gets a shot, but it is tame and straight at the keeper. Kelly gets a yellow card after a frustrated kick at one of the Bolton players. We get a corner, it is cleared, played back in, cleared again, and get a free kick. The Bolton players are rolling around and pretending to be fouled as they ramp up the playacting and time wasting. There are six added minutes, which is on the low side.

Their number nineteen gets a booking for time wasting as he kicks the ball away. There is a booking for Joy Mukena for winning the ball a minute later as the same number nineteen goes down like he has been shot by a sniper. As soon as the yellow card comes out, he is up as if nothing has happened.

The full-time whistle goes, and we have lost 0-2. We had lots of possession and some decent play, but the final ball and more of a willingness to shoot needs to be better or it will be a long hard season for us. An extra pass isn’t always the better option. At least we aren’t cheating playacting bastards though.

The crowd was announced as being 4,696 with 1,069 away fans, and the sponsors’ man of the match was announced as being Josh Flint. The defeat sees us drop to twentieth in the table, just outside the relegation places on goal difference.

There isn’t much respite before the next game as we host Mansfield Town on Tuesday night, the first game under the new ticketing system.

Back In The UK

Nothing to do with the fact we have had players away on international duty, or anything to do with the two teams today, but just that I fancied a bit of Scooter on the end of season playlist. So, hold tight posse.

Anyway, speaking of international duty, it has been two weeks since our last game due to the fact our game against Burton was postponed due to the fact that they had had (at least) three international call ups. Ours was one of nine League One games which were postponed for the same reason. I don’t know which is more surprising to me, that there are at least nine teams in the division with at least three internationals, or that Wrexham weren’t one of them.

Since our last game and a couple of days after the transfer window had been shut it turns out we have made another signing, which was just awaiting international clearance. It wasn’t fake news as thought last time, but we have signed Nigerian Internation Benjamin Tanimu had signed for us from Tanzanian league side Singida Black Stars, with the ridiculous figure of £650k being bandied about as the fee.

It does mean that we may become one of those sides with three international call ups in future international break windows, as both of our keepers were called up last week, and the new signing was in the Nigerian squad.

We have the new signing, but we have also lost our loan signing from Bournemouth Anthony Dacosta Gonzalez, as it would appear he picked up an injury in preseason, and it has been decided it is best if he goes back to his parent club to be treated. And yesterday it was announced that Antony Papadopoulos has joined Maidstone United on loan until January. Quickly followed by Muhammad Faal being sold to Worthing for an undisclosed fee, which puts an end to my neither Fish nor Faal statement about the matchday squads.

The international break meant there was a need to find something else to fill the time. I’ve joined the Crawley Camera Club, in an attempt to improve my photography skills, and to try and move to quality over quantity for photos taken. Because that has worked so well with all the writing groups I have joined.

There was also the weekly obligatory visit to the club shop where I bought myself the insulated / padded lunch bag. Mainly for the triggering effect it will have in my office. I work in Hove, and so the CTFC logo in the fridge amongst all the BHA fans will be interesting. I didn’t buy another different top though.

And my other main sporting love started last weekend with the first week of the NFL season. Only for Fuck Sky Sports to make a hash of that coverage as well, cutting off the last fifteen minutes of RedZone and replacing it with adverts and highlights from random games from last season. It’s not just League One coverage which they are incompetent over.

Then on Tuesday the club shop rang to say my shirts were back with the custom printed name and number. In less than the two weeks they had advised, so it meant another Friday trip to the club shop. I’m happy with them, safe in the knowledge I’m unlikely to be sold on at the end of the season.

I’ve also been on eBay looking for some of the old programmes from games I went to before I became a Crawley fan. It’s a surprise just how few Crawley programmes from the last ten years there are on there. Plenty of older ones going back to the sixties though. Not a rabbit hole I should be going down though, stick to the actual ones I’m looking for, such as this one from beating Ipswich in the Capital One Cup (as it was then), when I got guest tickets from the ref, and was amused by the fact the officials had to discuss and then ring and check to see what the extra time / penalties rules were for the competition for that season.

And it’s been announced that we will be having a new ticketing system from the start of October, which will require season ticket holders to get new season tickets which can be scanned by the new system. The announcement caused uproar amongst the usual suspects on the forum, as the window for swap was shown to be between the Bolton game on the Saturday at the end of the month, and the Mansfield game on the following Tuesday. Which isn’t a large window of opportunity, but when in the club shop I did hear the staff saying that window is worst scenario, they are hoping to have the new season tickets a week before the Bolton game.

Anyway, onto today’s game. We went into today in twelfth place in the table, only to have dropped to fourteenth before kick off due to other early kick offs in the division. Whilst our opponents Stockport County, had been top but were overtaken in the international window as they didn’t play either and start the game in second in the league. They were another of the promoted teams from League Two last year, winning the title along the way. Our two games against them both finished in draws, and our two games the season before that saw one victory apiece.

Plenty of happy looking Stockport fans were milling around the stadium pre-game and they had four coaches parked up when I arrived. Stockport were playing in blue shirts and socks with blue bases to their white shorts. They have one of the heroes for us last season – Corey Addai – in goal, let’s hope there are no heroics from him today.

There is still no sign of Reggie the Red, and no update on the misper. If he is being held to ransom somewhere he might well be shit out of luck as all the money has reputedly gone on our new Nigerian signing.

We start brightly and on the front foot, but it is Stockport who get the first attempt on goal, when a header from a cross goes over the bar. There are a few early long balls pumped from JoJo Wollacott down the right wing looking to find Rushian Hepburn-Murphy, but they aren’t quite working. And on six minutes a Stockport attack down the left sees the ball worked across the box and a shot is drilled back across Wollacott and into the bottom corner and we are down 0-1 early doors again.

But we aren’t letting them steamroll us like Barnsley did a couple of weeks ago. The ball is worked well down the left between Ronan Darcy and Jeremy Kelly and the cross finds RHM on the far side of the box, but it is whipped off his toes for a corner. We have a similar attack a couple of minutes later, which goes out for a long throw from Josh Flint. A Crawley player is dragged down in the box, but no penalty is forthcoming, and we get a corner instead. It is cleared and Max Anderson picks up a booking for a pull back to prevent the break.

There are a couple of off the ball challenges from Stockport which if not unnoticed are certainly being ignored. We have a nice long spell of possession, knocking the ball around neatly all over the pitch, and end up with a corner, which goes all the way across the box and runs out to Panutche Camara who attempts to drift it into the top corner, but it floats just over the bar.

At the other end there is a bit of frantic play in the box and appeals for a Stockport penalty are waved away. We attack again and Camara gets another shot off from just outside the box, but it is dragged wide. It is a bit back and forth and Stockport have another shot which is well wide. In the middle of the park Jay Williams picks up his customary booking after lunging after a ball he has mis controlled and given away.

There is a bit of sloppy play, and we give the ball away again and Stockport pounce and get another shot off, this one is on target and Wollacott is down well to save and push round the post for a corner. There is a clash of heads in the box and a Stockport player is down and requiring treatment. And when play is restarted Stockport win another corner. The board goes up for four added minutes at the end of the half, and right at the end of that we win a free kick, dead centre, twenty-five yards out which Kelly lines up to take and puts well over with it crashing into the boards above the KRL Logistics stand, and with the miss comes the half time whistle.

We start the second half brightly as well, and get an early corner, it is cleared, but we put another cross back into the box only for that to be cleared as well. We attack again and get the ball into Camara in the box and there is a clash of bodies and Camara and a Stockport defender go to the ground. Darcy goes down in another challenge, but the ref gives it as a foul against him and Stockport can clear.

The next attack is intercepted, and Stockport break quickly and get a shot off which goes wide. Ball one disappears out over the top of the west stand from a Crawley clearance and from the throw Stockport attack again and get a decent chance which is only just wide. A couple of challenges in midfield see both managers up off the bench and berating the fourth official and the ref comes over and books the pair of them.

Another attack sees the ball worked to Darcy in the middle of the field and he has a shot along the ground from outside the box which is an easy save for Addai. We win a free kick on the edge of the area to the right of the D, and before it is taken we make three substitutions, with Will Swan, RHM, and Williams coming off (the latter probably to save him from being sent off after a talking to following another challenge a couple of minutes before), and Ade Adeyemo, Bradley Ibrahim, and Armando Junior Quitirna coming on. The latter takes the free kick, it comes back off the wall and he takes it into the box where he is fouled, and the ref does point to the spot this time. Having won the penalty, he gets up and takes it and sends Addai the wrong way and it is level, 1-1.

We attack again almost immediately, but Camara is robbed in midfield and Stockport break and force a good save from Wollacott. It’s a mad twenty seconds as the corner is dropped, half cleared, and a shot is blocked out and then another shot comes in and is cleared for a corner, which gets put behind on the other side for another corner, which is thankfully put straight out of play and things calm down again.

We are forcing some mistakes at the other end, and get a corner from an error, which is cleared, Stockport go up the other end and get a corner themselves. We get a free kick in midfield, it is played into the box and cleared for a corner. It is worked to Alexander whose shot is blocked. We are applying some pressure, but the final ball isn’t quite there. There are three added minutes and the game peters out and finishes 1-1. A decent point against early pacesetters.

The crowd was announced as being 4,538 with an away contingent of 803. The point saw us claim back one of the spots we dropped at lunch time, and we are now thirteenth in the table, whilst Stockport dropped two places to fourth.

No post-match curry this week as we headed straight into town and Crawley Live on the high street and had pizza instead sat outside watching various performers, none of whom were as entertaining as the game this afternoon.

Next up is the away trip up to top of the table Wrexham, one we aren’t making this year. But hopefully it will be a rewarding trip for those making it.

Come on you reds.

Ride A White Swan

Some nice early T. Rex for a title this time around, seeing as we have a new striker with the Swan surname, it fits nicely. Better than any of my attempts to think of something to link to today’s visitors. Although at half time it was tempting to change the name to something else. Such as Rainbow’s “I Surrender”, or Dido’s “White Flag”.

We come into today’s game after two defeats, last Saturday’s 1-0 loss against what all the other stats would tell you versus Wigan Athletic, and then Tuesday night’s 4-0 loss against Brighton & Hove Albion in the Carabao Cup, a score which flattered the Premier League opposition. It took a couple of days to come through but the confirmed away fan numbers for the game were 3,255, out highest away fan total in that competition, and fourth biggest away support ever.

However, the result and the performance have been overshadowed by the shit storm over Jay Williams’ challenge from which Brighton’s new signing Matt O’Riley had to be helped from the pitch and subsequently has led to an operation and him being expected to be out for at least two months. The post-game comments from Brighton’s manager were inflammatory at best and social media and forums have been the expected sewer of bilge and bile aimed at Williams, Crawley Town, Scott Lindsey, and lower league players in general. The tackle doesn’t look great when replayed in slow motion, but wasn’t anywhere near the attempted murder the BHA fans would have the world believe, and certainly not worthy of the death threats aimed in Williams’ direction since.

I was in the club shop, buying more shirts because I’ve got a shirt addiction, and have added the away and third kits to the collection, and so have the complete red, white, and blue for this year. Although two kits went straight back in to game names printed on them. None of the squad on them of course, but a nice custom name and number totally appropriate for me.

Whilst I was in there, I noticed they had boxes of the new club magazine behind the counter, and I managed to persuade them to let me buy a copy early. It is forty-eight pages, A4 size, decent quality paper, contains reasonable content, and there is no sign of the error strewn issues which plagued the final season of match programmes. It isn’t the same as having programmes, but I think it fills a gap quite nicely.

And as deadline day rolled around, we finally signed another striker, Will Swan from Mansfield, who hopefully won’t have to do too much ducking and diving. Today’s title was inspired by the signing. Additionally, I hope he doesn’t get fowled too often; else his goose might be cooked. (I have a hat and a cane to go with the coat I’m going to get.)

Then there was Nigerian social media reports that Nigerian Internation Benjamin Tanimu had signed for us from Tanzanian league side Singida Black Stars. That turned out to be fake news, but waking up this morning we found we had signed former Arsenal player Bradley Ibrahim from Hertha BSC on loan for the rest of the season.

Today’s visitors are Barnsley, the third former Premier League team we have played so far this season in four league games. We have played them twice before, back when we were in League One in the 2014-15 season when we did the double over them, beating them 1-0 at Oakwell, and thrashing them 5-1 at home, a high point in our relegation season. Here’s hoping we can keep the winning run against them going today.

We go into today’s game in eighth place in League One, only outside the playoff places at this very early stage in the season on goal difference. Our visitors Barnsley are one place below us in ninth two points behind. Barnsley have been in the League One playoffs for the last two seasons having been relegated from the Championship three seasons ago.

Barnsley have Max Watters likely to be playing for them. He had a remarkably successful, albeit short spell for us in the 2020-21 season where he scored 13 goals in 15 games and saw a reputed £1m transfer to Cardiff City on the back of it, but he has never recreated that goal scoring frequency.

Neither Fish nor Faal in the squad, but there are rumblings coming out that Faal and Gonzalez may be on their way out anyway due to “attitude” issues. If they want to buy that particular magazine, I think that’s entirely up to them.

New signing Will Swan was on the bench, as was fit again Harry Forster. And with Jack Roles suspended after his sending off on Tuesday night it leaves me wondering who Rick behind me is going to shouting at to shoot seeing as he can’t call out ‘Shoot Jack’.

Barnsley line up in a dirty white / pale grey kit, which looks like they left a single black sock in the industrial wash for the rest of the kit.

An early ball over the top sees former Crawley man Max Watters race onto it leaving Joy Mukena in his wake, but he pulled his shot just wide. Only for him to be subbed off with less than ten minutes of the game gone as he’d gone down with some injury in midfield. It’s worth pointing out Jay Williams was nowhere in the vicinity at the time.

Crawley really haven’t settled into the game at all. The ball is taken away from Mukena in the middle of the half and Barnsley get a shot on target which Jojo Wollacott tips around the post for a corner. That one is flapped out for a corner on the other side of the pitch. That is taken long and a free header beyond the back post is put across the keeper and into the corner of the net and we trail 0-1.

Nearly straight from the kick off Barnsley attack again and get the ball to the edge of the area and the shot comes back off the inside of the post and is cleared away. I’m not sure who this team of imposters are, but they are nervy as hell and are playing like they’ve never met each other before and aren’t used to round objects of grass beneath their feet.

We give away a needless free kick in the middle of our half which leads to another Barnsley shot on target which needs to be saved by Wollacott. Only for us to give the ball away on half way a couple of minutes later and for Barnsley to cut through us as if we were the paper tissue targets at the end of an episode of Takeshi’s Castle, and for their number nine to slot their shot into the corner of the net to make it 0-2.

It takes us until the half hour mark to win a corner on our first proper attack of the game, only for us to play it short and waste it. Perhaps there are signs of life, we get the ball into the Barnsley box and exchange passes but there is no shot and no final ball before it is cleared and it is soon back up the wrong end as far as we are concerned and Barnsley get a couple of corners in quick succession with the second one being headed just over. The goal kick doesn’t clear it for long and there is another corner soon after, which we manage to clear.

The board goes up for three added minutes at the end of the half, and Panutche Camara gives the ball away for the umpteenth time – I can only assume he was a bit confused and thought we were playing in our away kit, as he was abysmal in the first half, the worst of a bad bunch – and Barnsley work the ball into the box, Mukena sticks a leg out and the Barnsley number 8 takes the invitation and goes over it. A penalty is given, and the number 8 gets up and takes it himself putting it straight down the middle as Wollacott dives to his right and it’s 0-3.

The half time whistle can’t come soon enough for this most dismal of halves of football I’ve had the misfortune to watch Crawley play this year. When it goes the players trudge off the pitch and down the tunnel where hopefully Scott Lindsey will be extremely enthusiastic in his half time team talk.

The second half sees us make two substitutions, with Max Alexander and Cameron Bragg being taken off and replaced by returnee Harry Forster and new signing Will Swan. And we do start the half a lot brighter than we played in the first half and we win an early corner. And then a free kick on the left-hand side of the box, but it is crossed straight into the Barnsley keeper’s arms. We then win a free kick in midfield, played into the box and the cross is easily collected by the keeper.

Barnsley win a corner themselves and it is headed clear as far as a Barnsley player on the edge of the box who chests it down and volleys a shot in which is well saved by Wollacott for another corner which is headed over.

We get a free kick thirty yards out and load the box, it is floated to the rear post and the header hits the side netting. Camara gets fouled in the centre circle but somehow manages to pick up a booking in the process before we take the free kick, playing in the middle he seems to be playing a lot better than being on the right wing in the first half. Swan has started his Crawley career brightly and is getting stuck in and showing some decent touches. Rushian Hepburn-Murphy wins a corner, and Barnsley break from it and get another shot off which is well saved by Wollacott again before a sliding tackle earns a Barnsley player a yellow card.

A long clearance hits the back of a Barnsley head and goes out for a corner. It’s played short and gets eventually to Camara on the edge of the area only for his shot to be closed down and blocked, and again Barnsley break at speed and force another Wollacott save.

With quarter of an hour to go, ball number one sails out over the Eden Utilities Stand when an attempted Barnsley clearance ricochets off Forster. RHM is substituted and Ade Adeyemo comes on in his place. A couple of minutes later ball two disappears over the KRL Logistics stand from a wayward Barnsley shot.

Decent work from Swan sees the ball played through to Adeyemo in the box, and he battles against three defenders before the ball comes back out to Williams whose shot goes over the bar. We win a free kick thirty yards out just right of centre. It is floated in, punched away by the keeper, and falls to Toby Mullarkey but he is tackled, and the ball goes out for a corner. We get a cross in and a sliced clearance goes for another corner which goes straight out of play. Forster is dragged down on the right wing and somehow the free kick is given to Barnsley. We win it back and work it down the right, it comes back to Camara who swivels and shoots and the shot is easily saved as our first shot on target as we pass the end of normal time.

The added time to be played wasn’t announced. We give the ball away again in our own half only for Barnsley to pull their shot wide. There are five minutes of added time played before the final whistle goes on a very disappointing performance and a 0-3 loss.

The crowd was announced as being, 4,704 with 847 away fans. There was no sponsor’s man of the match announced, possibly because that may have been considered as taking the piss.

Barnsley’s win sees them leapfrog us in the league, moving them up two places to seventh place, as we drop to twelfth, so at least still in the top half of the table.

After today we have two weeks before our next game as next week’s away game at Burton Albion has been postponed due to their international call ups. We have call ups of our own with both Jojo Wollacott and Eddie Beach due to be playing next week. It means out next game is in a fortnight’s time where we will be playing unbeaten top of the table fellow promotees Stockport County at home. When hopefully we will have shaken off the apparent lethargy we showed today.

Come on you reds.

Last Bongo In Brighton

DJ Format’s sample heavy track from 2000, whose title was a play on the Incredible Bongo Band’s “Last Bongo In Belgium”, but didn’t use that track for one of the many samples. It did sample Muppets, so is doubly appropriate for today.

It was a strange feeling on Saturday with not being at a game. I didn’t make the trip to Wigan, the first competitive match I’ve missed this season and the first since the Newport game back on Easter Monday. Watching the live text on the BBC website and having FSS news on isn’t the same. Going to games is addictive. There was never an intention to be going to away games when we first got season tickets for the 2021-22 season, but it gets under your skin and is an itch which needs scratching more regularly now. The addictive nature I have is kicking in for something else now.

We went and got our tickets for tonight’s game on Wednesday evening. And I got drawn into the plethora of choices of merchandise out in the club shop. My pre-season kit envy for the black training kit with the red trident up the back was sated, and I just about managed to resist buying one of every different item and limited myself to two pieces (both black, and Helen got two as well, both red), but I can see it only being a temporary reprieve for my wallet, especially as the away and third kits aren’t even in stock yet.

Amusingly the club had also found a load of cardboard clackers somewhere and were giving them away. I didn’t take one, the chant from the Cambridge game the previous Saturday of “stick your clackers up your arse” was still fresh in my mind.

Having gotten our own tickets, we then needed to sort two more out once they went on general sale on the Thursday. Getting those two tickets was painful. Brighton’s website is more painful to buy tickets from than our own. It shouldn’t take more than twenty minutes to buy two fucking tickets. I just about stopped myself from throwing my laptop through the window during the process.

I was quite happily going to get the park and ride to the ground from my office in Hove as for the last couple of years, the car park at my office has been open for parking, with buses from outside it to the stadium for Brighton games. Only for my smug assurance to be shattered when I found out that my office is not a park and ride site for Brighton games this season. I had to hurriedly try and get places on one of the coaches from Crawley instead.

Anyway, the away game I missed was our first defeat of the season. A 1-0 loss in a game in which we dominated in all statistical categories apart from the one that matters – goals. And even the one Wigan scored wasn’t on target, with the free header going wide before hitting Joy Mukena’s head and deflecting in. I got around to watching the highlights of the game on FSS and what a biased crock of shit they were. Anyone watching them would have thought Wigan dominated the game. They only included five of our fourteen shots, and none of the three we had on target. Wankers.

So, after playing the under 21s last week, it is the Brighton & Hove Albion full side this evening. Although hopefully not that full strength a side after their impressive unbeaten start to the Premiership season, with them being one of the sides with two wins out of two. Outside of the Sussex Senior Cup, the only previous meeting between the sides was a third round FA Cup tie back in 1992 which Brighton won 5-0.

There were four coaches making the trip and we were on the ‘Jeremy Kelly’ one bringing up the rear of the convoy behind Jay Williams, Harry Forster, and Ronan Darcy. Having rushed straight from work I hadn’t looked on social media during the day and therefore missed that the away and third kits were now on sale. Something for Friday then.

We hadn’t even got inside the ground when the issues started. The sniffer dog singled Nathan out for a more thorough check. And I got pulled aside because I had a camera. Which they wanted to take off me. I had read the ground rules before going and they don’t allow video cameras or DLSR ones, but mine is neither. They did let me in with it, but only after taking pictures of my ticket and my driver’s license and threatening to throw me out of the stadium if I took the camera out of its bag.

Once inside the stadium it is cashless because they like to find additional ways to be cunts. I was looking for a programme. The stewards told me to go to a food outlet for it. I did and asked for a programme only to be told they don’t sell Cobra! I spelt the word programme out and was still met with blank looks before a colleague pointed me to the next food outlet. Who pointed me back to the first one. At outlet four I finally got one.

I used to moan about the quality of our own when we had one, but the Brighton one was truly shit. A single sheet of paper folded three times to give a laughable “16” pages, but in the kind of fold out poster style you’d get from an eighties Smash Hits pull out.

The atmosphere in the concourse is electric, and the Crawley fans are really bringing the noise.

Brighton are in their Tesco carrier bag shirts and white shorts, we’re all in red. Being low down behind the goal is a totally different perspective from which to watch the game. Even with my glasses on I can’t see the far end in great detail.

We have early possession, but BHA have the first chance, poked past Jojo Wollacott but cleared well before it gets near the goal line. The follow up shot from twenty yards out is just high and wide.

There are a couple of early Jay Williams fouls and he gets a talking to / warning from the ref, and his second victim has to be subbed.

A long ball is crossed by Rushian Hepburn-Murphy, and we win a corner. Which we work to the other side and a cross / shot is turned in and celebrations start, but the flag is up for offside.

On 15 minutes, Williams foul number three sees the inevitable yellow card. From the free kick BHA get a cross in and the header is in the net, but the offside flag was up well before the cross.

We have possession in their box but don’t pull the trigger at all, just keep passing it across the area, and a spell of decent possession only has a blocked shot to show for it.

Armando Junior Quinirta gets a cross in and its turned behind for a corner. We work a shot, well saved, we keep the ball and across to Ronan Darcy and his shot is well saved and Josh Flint’s long throw is cleared.

At the back Wollacott passes it straight to a striker but Joy Mukena makes a great tackle to rescue it. We clear long and Armando gets taken out on the edge of the area. The cross finds a Crawley head but it goes wide.

BHA break, the ball is played through to a suspiciously offside looking striker and Wollacott gets hands on it, but it still finds its way into the bottom corner and it’s 0-1.

Toby Mullarkey gets a yellow for a tug back at halfway. RHM gets into the box, but his cross is cleared. Flint long throw cleared and cross back in hits the top of the bar and goes behind.

BHA attack and the shot is straight at Wollacott. RHM is taken out in attack which sees a booking for a BHA player. Free kick is 35 yards out, crossed over, headed back, and cleared for a corner which is cleared for a throw. They break, stopped by Jeremy Kelly. There are three minutes of added time. Darcy finds RHM, but cleared off his toes before a shot, work it back in and get a corner. Some concerted pressure and only scrambling defence prevents an equaliser before the half time whistle goes with the score at 0-1.

We start brightly in the second half, Darcy gets to the byline and his cross evades everyone in the box, BHA break and score from nothing and it’s 0-2.

Heads don’t drop though. We work it down the left and a RHM cross is poked out for a corner. It is worked across the box and then put out for another corner. Short, then played to back post and Mullarkey shoots across goal and wide.

BHA break at pace again, a shot is saved for a corner. Cleared and RHM gets ball out wide, cuts into box and appears to be brought down, but nothing given. Darcy wins ball and it deflects off a defender and goes out for a … goal kick. Stevie fucking Wonder has taken over as ref.

We make some substitutions with RHM, Max Alexander, and Williams off for Ade Adeyemo, Panutche Camara, and Charlie Barker on.

Armando is taken out on right wing, and it brings a booking. BHA clear and break again and force another Wollacott save. A blatant unpunished foul see BHA in the area again, but the ball is cleared off the line. Twice. And a third time for a corner.

We break and Adeyemo feeds Darcy and his cross is headed just wide by Camara. Adeyemo surges down the right, and into the box, but the final effort isn’t quite on target for a shot or close enough to anyone for a cross and it goes wide. The next attack sees the same players link up down the right this time, and Darcy’s ball is fizzed across the six-yard box, but no one can get on the end of it, and it goes out on the other side for a throw. We win it back and work it down the left, Kelly lofts a ball into the box and Armando’s header is blocked at close range by the keeper. It is all Crawley attacks at the minute, and on the next one Darcy goes down in the box after a push to the chest, but the ref just raises his eyebrows at him.

It’s Darcy’s last action as he is replaced by Jack Roles. A Flint long throw is flicked on, and then headed out to the edge of the area, and the shot comes in, but it is a comfortable save for the BHA keeper. We win a free kick on the left-hand side in line with the edge of the area, and have a bit more pressure, only for BHA to break and win a corner. It’s played to the near post and headed in and it’s now 0-3.

Almost immediately BHA win the ball back thirty yards out from a blatant ungiven foul, they are two on one with the keeper and slot the ball in and it is 0-4. They announce the BHA man of the match, but there is no announcement of the crowd numbers. Roles dives into a challenge in the middle of the field and is shown a straight red for his troubles and we are down to ten men for the five minutes of added time. Armando is played in on the left and from thirty yards out over near the sideline shoots after the ref has blown for offside, and his shot hits the post, not that it would have counted.

The full-time whistle goes, and it is a 0-4 loss, and we are out of the Carabao Cup. The score makes it sound a lot worse than it was. We gave Premiership opposition plenty of problems, the main differences being their sheer pace, which we struggled with at times, and clinical finishing (and a worrying return to not taking a shot on and looking for a sideways pass instead).

They put the crowd up on the board at the end as being 19,165, and there were over 3,100 tickets sold by Crawley, and the noise was immense, out singing (and I use the word singing loosely) the home support (and I use the word support just as loosely) throughout the game, even after the final whistle and a 0-4 loss.

It wasn’t a downbeat coach journey back. We go again on Saturday with a home game in the league against Barnsley.

Come on you reds.