onetruekev – Random Mutterings

Into The Valley

Yes, I know it’s a very obvious title, using The Skids’ 1979 top ten hit for a game played at The Valley, and when the home team use it as a theme song (along with Dunfermline Athletic where The Skids came from). I was thinking about using something from The Who, in reference to their concert at The Valley back in 1976 which is in the Guinness Book of Records as being the loudest rock concert ever; but I’ve already used a Who song this season, and I vowed to myself not to use more than one song title per artist across the season. Mainly to prevent myself from using thirty Jam songs. I could have used a more oblique reference and had a Big Country song (“Wonderland” or “Look Away” depending on the result) instead, as a nod to Stuart Adamson, co-writer of “Into The Valley”, who left The Skids to form Big Country. But instead, I’ve gone for the lowest common denominator and obvious choice. And I noticed a bit later than I should what the name of the Charlton manager is. That would have been an even lower common denominator song title to use, or perhaps I could have gone for something else from The Supremes.

The Valley is a lot bigger than the Broadfield, but back in the day it used to be mahoosive, and they managed a crowd of over 75,000 back in the 1930s for a FA Cup tie, one of only eight clubs to get over the 75k mark for a domestic game at their home ground. Although it was nearly lost completely under a disastrous spell in the 1980s which saw Charlton ground sharing with Crystal Palace and West Ham before it was reopened in 1992.

Oh yes, today’s opponents are Charlton Athletic, another of the contingent of former Premier League clubs we line up to play this season.

Although not being in the top flight in the seventies, there were one or two players picked up in the Topps cards each year during the period. There were two from my favourite 1976 set, Colin Powell, and Mike Flanagan. The latter being best known for being sent off, along with teammate Derek Hales, for fighting each other, in a 1979 FA Cup tie against Maidstone.

This is our first league outing against them, but we have met four times in the various guises of the Football League Trophy, winning two and losing two, and it being one win and one (pretty heavy) loss at the Valley.

We go into the game eight places behind Charlton, but only six points, with them in indifferent form in the league, but probably buoyed by an easy 4-0 win away from home in the FA Cup on Saturday. We had a different outcome ourselves, but we are down to absolute bare bones with injuries, and for tonight’s game, suspensions, and if people leaving their mics on whilst doing commentary are to be believed, discipline issues, but whoever is out on the pitch they are giving it their all; regardless of what some absolute Clangers are spouting on the forums.

The Clangers moan about our manager, and Rob Elliot is returning to the club he supported as a child, and whom he played for between 2004 and 2011. And squad members JoJo Wollacott, Charlie Barker, Panutche Camara, and Armando Junior Quitirna have all played for Charlton previously, with three of them likely to play some part this evening.

It’s a Tuesday night away game, which is an unusual venture out for me, but I’ve sloped off from work an hour early and have come up on the coach, which is always easier for both evening games and games in London. Sat next to Sooty on the coach and at the game and had a good chat about a variety of things.

It is my first trip to The Valley. There is a programme, which Sooty had flagged up on the forum at the weekend, so scuttled quickly to get one of them,

and had a wander around taking pictures and a poke in their club shop. I can’t help myself. I need to find or create some more metal surfaces in the house to be able to deal with even more fridge magnets, this one is quite large. (And we still need some for Crawley.)

On the whole the programme is decent, eighty pages and some good articles in there, but there are only two pages on us in there, one of which is a nice piece from Steve Herbert, and the other managed to fail the proof reading test as I’m fairly sure we haven’t changed our nickname from The Reds to The Res.

In a rarity for me I got food at the ground and was happy to see Pukka Pies, always a good reminder of my home city of Leicester. And it wasn’t lukewarm in the slightest, if anything I think there might be a volcano somewhere which is missing its lava. I have one less layer of skin on the inside of my mouth.

The teams come out onto the pitch for the pre-game line up and there comes the unwanted addition of a red smoke flare thrown onto the pitch from our support. The Clangers aren’t only on the forum.

Charlton were in their traditional home kit of red shirts and socks and white socks (and almost a full set of players in yellow boots), and we were in out great looking blue third kit.

We start reasonably well, and an early attack gets the ball out to Ronan Darcy on the right wing, but his cross is a bit long and drifts out for a goal kick. There isn’t a lot happening early on, Charlton get a couple of shots away, one is wide, and the other is more of a pass back to JoJo Wollacott. Then we start having some decent possession. A long clearance from Wollacott bounces in their box, does that count as a shot? It was on target and would have trickled over the line if all their players had dropped down dead.

A Darcy cross flicks off a defender and forces a save from the keeper. We get a free kick in the middle of the attacking half; it is worked wide but the subsequent cross is too long. We haven’t quite managed to nail the correct range for crosses yet, they are either going long or hitting the first man.

It is noticeable that Rob Elliot is quite animated and involved on the touchline, there are a few occasions where players are over getting instructions from him as play is progressing. After one such chat with Darcy there is an attack down the left, the ball goes to Will Swan, and he feeds Tola Showunmi, who cuts inside into the box and curls a beauty of a shot into the top corner, and we lead 1-0.

Which brings a chant from the substantial away support of ‘We’re winning away, we’re winning away, how shit must you be, we’re winning away.’

Charlton have a couple of minutes with a bit of pressure, and get a corner which is punched clear, headed back in, headed clear again, and then they have a shot which fizzes wide. But we settle and are putting decent pressure on their players all over the pitch, forcing them to get rid of the ball quickly and inaccurately and are winning a lot of cheap throw ins from it.

The officials signal for a minute of added time at the end of the half and the half time whistle goes with us leading 1-0 and the Charlton fans booing their players off.

The food and drink outlet is swamped, as they have only bothered opening the one stand by the entrance, the other one inside the ground being closed. And they managed to beat us in the early closing stakes as well, as Sooty went to get something not long into the second half and they had shut up entirely.

It is a quiet start to the second half from both sides, and there is nearly ten minutes gone in the half before we get anything resembling a decent attack going. We attack down the left, get it over to the right and Darcy (who on the whole is being well shepherded by their full back) gets a shot that is well saved. Panutche Camara follows up and his shot is well saved as well, it goes back out to Ade Adeyemo, who nearly manages a swing and a miss with more slice than a branch of Greggs. It falls to another player, but they are relieved of the ball and Charlton manage to clear. That little burst of life from the team wakes the away support up and put them back in fine voice again.

Joy Mukena picks up a yellow card for a challenge on the left side outside the penalty area, which seemed a bit harsh. The cross cum shot from the resulting free kick goes wide.

Play is steady, neither side is creating much, but general play is more controlled from Crawley, and we look almost comfortable, an attack down the left see the play switched and put over to Benjamin Tanimu on the right and he hits a shot from about thirty five yards out which dips somewhat worryingly for the keeper to have to make a good save.

Of course, I no sooner make the above observation in my notebook and Charlton go up the other end. A nothing ball across see Wollacott start to come for the ball, only to stop and find himself in no mans land and the Charlton attacker has an easy job of lobbing the ball over his mis-positioned head and into the net to equalise things at 1-1. Which doesn’t dampen the ongoing noisy support of the away fans, if anything, we get louder.

We make out first substitution with Showunmi coming off to be replaced by Bradley Ibrahim. We attack down the right and Tanimu gets a bit of a shove in the back near the penalty area and goes down over dramatically and the ref waves any claims of a foul away (which might not have been the case if he hadn’t made such a meal of it). It is his last action as he and Darcy are substituted, with Harry Forster and Tyreese John-Jules coming on to replace them.

Another attack sees us work the ball out from the back down the right, and then across to the left, where Adeyemo plays it back towards the right and Jeremy Kelly picks it up thirty yards out and shoots. The keeper saves by pushing it away to the right of the area and Max Anderson (who contrary to some sources pre-game, obviously wasn’t suspended) follows up and slams it in from a tight angle for us to retake the lead 2-1.

Before the restart we make our final two substitutions with Camara and Swan going off to be replaced by Jack Roles and Rushian Hepburn-Murphy. From the restart Charlton get a corner almost straight away, and it comes in and a shot is taken. It is high, wide, and not very handsome.

The board goes up for six added minutes. It isn’t nervy in the slightest. I say with no fingernails left and now holes in the tips of each finger in my gloves. There are a lot of nervous glances up at the clock on the scoreboard and it doesn’t appear to be moving at all. The ninety minutes have flown by, these six minutes are taking about three days.

Rob Elliot picks up a booking as he was down the touchline somewhere past Charlton’s technical area and may well have said something to an official as the ref trots over forty yards to wave the yellow card at him.

Charlton get a corner right at the death, by the time they take it there is about ten seconds left of the six added minutes, and they send their keeper up for it. We clear the box and someone tries a vastly ambitious shot from the edge of our own area which looks like it might not even reach the goal even if it was on target, and as it is retrieved by a scurrying Charlton defender the ref blows the final whistle and we have won 2-1.

Cue lots of happy away fans and scenes from players and the manager reminiscent of the last couple of months of last season. Whilst the Charlton fans booed a bit more and traipsed away unhappy with their team’s performance. Albeit there is no need to be saying they lost to ‘a pub team’, or ‘relegation certainties’ as some of their more classless supporters were saying on the BBC HYS.

Most teams around us got wins as well, so we only went up one place in the league, leapfrogging Northampton Town, to go up to nineteenth. We were eighteenth at the final whistle, but in the later kick-off, Rotherham got a late winner against a Lincoln team who I assume were doing it on purpose and stayed above us. But it is tight. Charlton stayed in twelfth, but they are now only three points ahead of us, so we are only a win away from the top half of the table (granted it would need to be by a lot of goals and everyone else would need to lose).

There was no mention of what the crowd was. It was said we had sold more than 600 tickets, but if there were 8,000 in total at the game then they were fiddling the stats.

It was a happy coach going back to Crawley, and the coach voted Jeremy Kelly as their man of the match (with Max Anderson second and Charlie Barker third). Two wins on the spin, and five games unbeaten in the league now. Let’s keep that going as we go again on Saturday, with a home game against Stevenage.

Come on you reds.

More November Musings

Lloyds Bank are muppets. As it would appear most banks are. I’m the treasurer of the Crawley Writers Circle. We took ages to get a bank account opened, and even when we did, they took ages to get a card to me for me to be able to use the online account facilities. I only got one about four weeks ago. Only for less than a fortnight later then to send a letter to say that from the 15^th of January next year, they will no longer be allowing clubs and societies accounts free banking. No, just for holding an account they are going to charge £4.25 per month, and then charge 0.8% fees on any incoming or outgoing transaction. Before the ins and outs that is fifty-one quid a year. For an account that at the end of the CWC’s last accounted year had less than one hundred quid in it, so they want half of the account just for fees. Needless to say we will be looking elsewhere, although the options aren’t massive. Two banks who are open to all, and three who allow clubs and societies accounts, as long as one of the signatories already bank with them. That’s all who don’t charge. That number will probably shrink, so changing accounts may become an annual event.

I had an interesting chat with the doctor at my eye appointment las Friday. It would seem the injections I have been having into my right eyeball are working and the condition in the back of them is improving. All of the eye drops, scans, photos, and general prodding show my right eye is getting better. My left eye meanwhile has got slightly worse. The reasoning behind why that may be the case is surprising. The fact that my blood sugar has been reducing a lot during the year can cause the macular oedema to worsen as the blood vessels adjust to the lower blood sugar before they calm down again. There was a fair bit of fence sitting by the doctor when pressed on whether I should start having injections in my left eye to help that one along. Yes, it would help, but we can’t advise as there are the potential side effects. Yeah, the same ones I’ve already agreed to for the right eye. It took a lot of pointed questions before they would even give a yes or no answer into whether injections would help the left eye. When they finally relented and said it would then I’ve agreed to have the course of injections for the left eye as well. It would appear it would be easier to get blood out of a stone rather than to get a straight answer about helping the blood vessels in the back of my eyes to calm the fuck down.

Whilst in Horsham hospital waiting in the disorganised queue for my appointment, I was looking around and looked at my shoulder bag. Tie fighter are the words in largest print on the bag. And I was thinking it seems a strange thing to have a fight with. What did the tie do to offend you in the first place? Was it the wrong king of knot? Did the bow not bow to your will? Seriously, who fights with inanimate objects? It’s just stupid.

The night before I was at my Horsham writing group (a lot of Horsham visits this month). There was an exercise run getting people to write about Christmas. Which is not a subject I am happy to write about. It would appear that any kind of Christmas spirit I may have had relied on me having copious amounts of spirits at Christmas. Seriously, being drunk was the only way to be able to deal with all the faux jollity. They say it’s a time to spend with your family. Why? You can see those fuckers any time of the year. Don’t let them come over and interrupt a few days of work when you can spend the time relaxing instead of having to put up with all the family bullshit. Being teetotal nowadays I can’t even mainline rum and port to block this shit out. And don’t get me started on the food. What’s the big deal about turkey? It’s like a chicken on steroids only not very tasty and dry as fuck. And I’m not a fan of roasts anyway. Curry for Christmas dinner was one of the high spots of living in Manchester. No need for seventeen different types of vegetable. No sugar anymore means the nice stuff is off the menu for me. No mince pies, no Christmas pudding, so what is the point? Roll on Boxing Day when all the fuckers piss off back to whence they came, and we can go to the football and watch even more stuffing balls.

It would appear there is no such thing as a quick nip into town. Leaving the house just after ten in the morning, and it nearly being five at night when we get back. But on the plus side a lot of the Christmas shopping is done.

Speaking of shopping, does Poundland actually sell anything for a pound anymore? There’s a bloke with a random trolley/table down near Queens Square selling perfume off it. I’m sure there is no possibility that they are knock off perfumes, or that they have been knocked off the back of a lorry.

Whilst out I think a goldfish would do better than me on the memory front. I have little snippets of what I think are great (and often funny) ideas for things to write flash into my head, only for it to disappear into the ether in the couple of minutes before I get to sit down somewhere and whip the notepad out. Perhaps I should go full Alan Partridge and start carrying around a Dictaphone.

Taking the cat to the vets for his monthly arthritis jab, I saw a poster on the wall which said that 1.2 million cats visit a shelter every year. Why do I think that 1.199 million of that number are just nosy little bastards having a quick look around to see if there is anything to eat, or something interesting to sniff?

Abraham, Martin & John

The title of Abraham, Martin & John by Marvin Gaye had been in my head for the earlier league game at home to today’s opponents, but I never made it to the game as I was ill, and watched it at home instead, and so there wasn’t a match report, just a few ramblings in the one for the following game.

I had done a bit of prep for the Lincoln City league game, and it was what kicked off my latest fad of hunting for old school football cards from the teams we are playing. This one John Ward 1976–77 Topps Card — was one of their random cards with players from lower league clubs they included that year. It was the only one for a Lincoln player in any of the Topps or A&BC sets from the late fifties to early eighties.

I didn’t realise John Ward had been Graham Taylor’s assistant manager at Watford and Aston Villa, and then David Jones assistant at Wolves, as well as being a long-time lower league manager racking up over 750 games in charge for a variety of clubs including both Bristol teams. It’s been a slow week.

Which included going to the Natural History Museum last Sunday, where even there I couldn’t get away from thoughts about CTFC. I can’t think what might have reminded me though.

I also found a match report I didn’t think I’d written. Well, I certainly hadn’t remembered writing about it. A game from the end of the 2018-19 season against Notts County. I’m doing the slow laborious task of having to turn off commenting on all my old blog posts (nearly 500 of them) to prevent all the spam comments I get on a daily basis on my website. And I came across this. It’s not what I churn out now, but I think it’s one of my better ones. If only I could remember how to flow like that now.

And then last night we’d gone to something at Goffs Park Social Club, which I’d been told was a Northern Soul singer. Well, the main act did a few NS songs, and the DJ played some NS records, but there was a lot of Jam going on (not that I would ever complain about that). Regular performer outside Redz Bar – Charlie Cooper was supporting and did a whole host of Jam numbers as well. He also did The Cure’s ‘Boys Don’t Cry.’ I love The Cure, but that song has lost its lustre, mainly because when I hear it now, I automatically think, ‘shit, have we lost again?’

Anyway, back to the football. The game at the end of October was the fifth against them, and we have a good record of three wins, a draw, and a solitary loss against them, and we haven’t played them in any of the cup competitions.

We weren’t playing on Tuesday night, but most of the rest of the division were as they were catching up on games missed due to international breaks. Leyton Orient lost which means we stay out of the relegation zone, but both of the teams who were a point ahead of us in the table and who were playing on Tuesday night (Blackpool and Wigan Athletic) won. Cambridge United got a point and are now three points behind us and still have another game in hand.

And there was an article come out in The Athletic about the problems with the signing and subsequent release of Muhammad Faal. None of the details in the article cover the club (or to be fair, the player’s agent) in a good light. You do wonder if things like that get out and known around the footballing fraternity and in doing so make the job of trying to sign players more difficult.

The club snuck on online match programme for the cup game today onto the club website a couple of hours before kick-off. Using third party software, and it was not available to download. Definitely not mobile device friendly, and it can’t be kept. More half arsed fuckwittery, and it looks like nobody told the staff in the shop about the sudden appearance of an online programme as they were telling away fans there was no programme (but at least they were pointing them in the direction of the Reds magazine this week).

I’d gone straight to the ground from writing, and I arrive just as the Lincoln City team coach is pulling up. I have to do a double take and then have a think about why the name Skills rang a bell. Turned out to be a proper blast from the past for me. Skills are a Leicester company, and they used to provide the coaches whenever we went on any school trips back in the eighties.

There are new random items in the club shop (I was perusing the Red Friday items for potential Christmas presents), and they now have cushions and throws. Both of which could be useful for sitting in the east marquee. Padding for the seat and additional coverage to protect against the wind whipping through the bleachers. I’m not saying I was into the ground early, but the rest of the marquee was empty.

Lincoln City are in an almost all white kit, with just one black diagonal stripe on the shirts, almost like an Orient seventies kit. We start well with a bit of pressure, only for Lincoln to have the first proper attack, down the left and the cross in gets to the back post and the shot is deflected for a corner. But we are soon back on the attack. Decent pressure down the right, and the ball is played into the box where Tola Showunmi’s shot is blocked. It spins out to the left and Ade Adeyemo picks it up and crosses it back towards the penalty spot where Jack Roles is on hand to put a shot into the net, and we lead 1-0.

There is a pause from the restart with a Lincoln player down in our half. Once the game gets back underway a long hoof forward from Charlie Barker sees a bit of panic in the Lincoln defence, Showunmi robs the last defender and gets into the box and in on goal and slots it in and we lead 2-0. Boom.

Lincoln start to come back into the game, they have a shot from outside the box which is tipped around the post by Eddie Beach for a corner. A free kick is given away in the middle of our half. It is floated in, there is a shot blocked, and the ball is cleared to the edge of the area but lost, and then crossed in from the left and a header at the far post slowly loops back over Beach and drops in and it’s back to 2-1.

We attack straight from the kick off and Jeremy Kelly has a shot blocked on the edge of the area. A Lincoln player is down, and the play is stopped. The lino on our side is flagging for something, which is never a good sign. The Lincoln fans are screaming for a sending off as it appears Tyreese John-Jules has kicked out at their defender. It’s difficult to say what actually happened as the ball was elsewhere, TJJ may have been lucky not to have a red, or the Lincoln player may have been a diving cheating twat. On the evidence of the rest of the game the latter is the more likely.

There is a free kick to Lincoln thirty yards out in the middle of the pitch. Not sure why there wasn’t a free kick to us for the challenge just prior to that. The kick hits the wall and is cleared. Poor old Showunmi is getting pulled and pushed all over the place and is getting absolutely fuck all from the ref. This is happening every time he plays. Is there a directive that we haven’t been told about where manhandling Showunmi is allowed?

A bit of a lull follows with some cagey play, but then we break down the left, and the ball is worked across the front of the box to Kelly on the right but his shot limps wide. At the other end Lincoln get a throw, no idea why we didn’t get a free kick which led to us knocking the ball out. The throw is taken and played back to the thrower, they cross it, and Beach comes to claim, or punch, or do something with it but ends up in no mans land and it is flick headed over him and into the net and the scores are all level again at 2-2.

We seem to have lost the impetus completely. There is another Lincoln attack, a cross is scrambled clear, only to be crossed again and there is another free header in the box, and Beach pulls off a great save, only for it to rebound to another Lincoln player for another header on target, but Beach is up and saves this one as well. A stunning double save keeps the scores level.

A Lincoln player ducks out of a headed challenge and Toby Mullarkey goes over the top and is down injured. When he does get back up after the board has been put up for four added minutes, the ref keeps him off the pitch after the restart for a ridiculous amount of time, during which Lincoln win a corner, which is bundled clear, only for them to attack again and have a shot over the bar before the whistle is blown for half time with the score at 2-2.

We make two substitutions at half time, with TJJ coming off to be replaced by the invisible man, sorry Gavan Holohan (or should that be hologram), one I suspect due to TJJ’s booking and another potential booking incident just before the break. The other one is a bit more surprising with Benjamin Tanimu coming off to be replaced by Max Anderson.

Lincoln start the second half in the same way they finished the first, on the front foot. They have a throw near the corner flag on the right, and it comes across and finds an unmarked player in the D, and they rifle a shot into the top of the net, and we now trail 2-3.

And straight from the kick off another attack is not dealt with very well at all down the right and it seems the ball makes it way into the box in slow motion and is nudged into the goal and just like that we have conceded two goals in two minutes and now are 2-4 down.

Which strangely seems to settle us down a bit, and we have some sustained possession and a bit of pressure, we get a cross in which is headed out for a corner. It is cleared and Lincoln counterattack and put a shot over the bar. A blatant offside is allowed and Lincoln work the ball for another shot from distance which Beach gets down to tip around the post for a corner.

This takes place as a minute’s applause rings round the ground to commemorate former boss Dermot Drummy. The shot from the corner goes over the KRL Logistics stand for ball loss number one of the day. It’s all Lincoln again. Another shot, another save, another corner, and frustrated at the miss, the Lincoln player kicks the ball away angrily, nearly taking out the photographer off the pitch. He does go and apologise, but where the fuck was the yellow card for kicking the ball away?

And we nearly give another goal away from fannying about with the ball on the edge of our own box but are saved again by Beach. Only for him to go down injured and need a bit of treatment. At the other end, a trip on Showunmi finally sees him win a free kick. Roles shot is just wide.

Lincoln attack again, this time down the left and have another shot which goes over the bar. Still nothing being given for Showunmi being dragged all over the place when balls are coming up to him. But the slightest nudge by him when going up for a header brings a free kick against him. Which is pretty much his last action as he is replaced by Sonny Fish. And Lincoln break again and force yet another good Beach save.

The ref gives Lincoln a throw in. It was blatantly a Crawley throw, it clearly came off a Lincoln player, and two Crawley players let it go out so it would be our throw. The lino flags for our throw only for the ref to give it to Lincoln. It is a foul throw, but the ref lets them retake it. But not from where the original cack handed attempt was from, but ten yards further up the pitch in the other half. And they end up winning a corner from it. They attack again and another shot heads out over the KRL Logistics stand for ball loss number two. With the additional precision of going through the (empty) cameraman gantry on its way.

Adeyemo is subbed, with Rafiq Khaleel coming on in his place. We attack down the left, Fish is dragged down in the box, and nothing is given, but we win the ball back and it is played across the edge of the box and Kelly steps onto it and drills it into the bottom corner and there is hope as we pull it back to 3-4.

After the restart there are a chorus of ironic cheers as the ref (who by this point is easily public enemy number one) gives a free kick to Crawley in the middle of the field. Only for us to lose the ball and Lincoln to get another shot off, this one going wide. We win a corner, and it goes into the box and Lincoln win a free kick as one of their players hits the deck.

There are five added minutes. Lincoln break down the left, get a cross in and have another shot which is wide. Charlie Barker is absolutely flattened in midfield, but apparently it isn’t a foul and Lincoln carry on and get another shot away. We launch the ball long, and Mullarkey, who is now playing as a target man up front is taken out on the edge of the box. But that’s fine, as anything goes as far as the Lincoln players seem to know where the ref is concerned.

They do finally pick up a booking. It goes to the keeper for timewasting, something that should have been forthcoming about twenty minutes earlier. But Lincoln attack again and force a final good save from Beach and the final whistle goes with us losing 3-4 and exiting the FA Cup.

The crowd was announced as 2,831 with 427 away fans. That definitely seemed low compared to what I was seeing. Perhaps that might have been correct at the final whistle. I don’t understand why there were so many people leaving with a couple of minutes of normal time left, let alone the added time. There was still the chance of an equaliser (though I’m sure the ref would have found a way to disallow any such goal). Which would have meant extra time and potentially penalties. I never understand anyone leaving early from any game though.

All in all, the result was a fair one, once they settled, and taking the ridiculous play acting out of the equation, Lincoln were a good side. We are down to bare bones and the league game away to Charlton Athletic on Tuesday night is probably more important to us. Beach was a bit indecisive for their first two goals, but he produced a string of good saves to keep the score reasonable and us in the game. Showunmi is a handful, but needs more protection from the refs.

And speaking of Charlton, the next one of these will be coming after that game as I take my first coach trip of the season on Tuesday night.

Come on you reds.

A Whiter Shade Of Pale

The 1967 number one from Procul Harum is this piece’s title, as the chorus has the line ‘as the miller told his tale’, and today’s visitors are known as ‘The Millers’. Which until I started writing this piece always seemed a strange nickname for a club in such an industrial town. Only for it to dawn on me (I can be a bit slow at times) why they were, with both their former ground being Millmoor, and all the steel mills in the town. It never even dawned on me when I had a five-month sojourn living nearby in South Yorkshire back in 2001. I even went to one of their games at Millmoor back at the start of the 2001-02 season, but being a dark time for me I had no idea who it was and had to look it up. I was surprised to find it was the first game of the season and against Crystal Palace. I must have been distracted not to remember a seemingly exciting 3-2 win for Palace.

Two weeks on from our last home game against Huddersfield Town we have the visit of another side who were relegated from the Championship last season, and who are from Yorkshire. There have been two away games in between, but it has been a full week without a game since the entertaining game of two halves away at Bristol Rovers last week, where all the goalmouth action was at the end we were behind. I still don’t understand what xG is, but surely both sides would have had much higher xG than the 0-0 the game finished.

The visit of Rotherham United sees the return to the Broadfield of former exalted boss Steve Evans, who is in his second spell in charge of them having moved there from Stevenage this year. He originally went there after leaving Crawley back in 2012.

We go into the game four points and four places behind Rotherham in the league, as they aren’t doing as well as many pre-season predictions had them to be doing. It’s all the fours this week, after last week’s game saw us start the game on all the fives, five points and five places behind our opponents.

With injuries and suspensions, any steel in midfield protecting our somewhat threadbare backline is non-existent. I’m not sure who is going to take on the mantle of habitual yellow card and starting a fight in a phone box. I’m sure it will be a great quandary to the referee as to who to book to ensure we end up with an unproportionally high number of yellow cards compared to the opposition for the exact same offenses.

I had to dig back into the sixties A&BC card archives to find any Rotherham United cards, and it happens the only year they had any, was the same 1964-65 season I dug the Bristol Rovers card out from last week. Ken Houghton.

This will only be out fifth game against Rotherham, with all previous meeting being league games, the previous two back in 2013-14 were in Steve Evans previous spell as their manager. And with the second of the two games we played against them in the 2011-12 season being less than a fortnight before he left Crawley to take up that role, all games played against Rotherham have seen Steve Evans as one of the managers involved. We have two wins, a draw, and a loss, with the home games being a win a side (or both wins for Evans depending on the point of view).

Tickets have been secured for next weekend’s FA Cup second round tie against Lincoln City, and for the following Tuesday’s away game at Charlton Athletic, the latter just being for myself as Helen now has work commitments and will be at the opposite end of the country. Note to self, I must remember to cancel her seat on the coach. This did mean my usual Friday wander to the club shop to get the tickets (I still prefer getting them in person, even if the new online portal is a lot better), but unusually there was no additional merch bought. Well, Christmas is coming so money will be needed for that to get presents. And speaking of presents, if people are looking for ideas for something to buy for friends, family (or more likely people you don’t really like), then my books are available from Amazon, and I could be persuaded to sign copies.

We saw in the paper that Will Swan has been playing with a dead calf. Why do I have visions of him running around with a baby cow on his back? I’m not sure the Crawley Observer do much along the lines of spell and grammar checking in their articles. Whereas the two Steves look like they do.

I can’t remember exactly when the last time it was when I didn’t come directly to a Saturday home game from writing group, but I suspect it may have been the stupid half five kick off against Blackpool on the opening day of the season. With it being a non-writing group week, it should be a nice easy going slow amble to the ground, but with the rain it is more of a quick scuttle. And I do remember to head into a packed Redz bar to sort out the coach details.

It is properly wet, glad of multiple layers top and bottom because the outside layer is soaking. The pitch looks good though, even if there are a couple of puddles around the apron of the ground. A sure sign the squad is down to bare bones as we are starting with two strikers, and there are two keepers named on the bench. When I got to the ground just before two there were already three Rotherham fan coaches, which swelled to five before kick-off. A large, if somewhat subdued following.

Both teams were out ‘warming up’, but on a day like today with it pissing it down with almost horizontal rain blown across by bitter winds, I don’t think anyone is getting warm out there.

Rotherham are in an all-fluorescent yellow kit with some kind of blue pattern on the front of their shirts. No one is going to miss those kits even in the dreariest of weather. There is a minutes applause before the game following the death of the long-time club cameraman.

The early pressure is from Rotherham, but our first attack down the left is worked across the front of the penalty area and Panutche Camara’s shot is just over the bar. Rotherham attack and get a corner, the shot is saved and then the flag goes up for offside before the follow up comes in. Back to us attacking, this time down the right, but Camara’s cross is easily cut out. We get a free kick on the left-hand corner of the penalty area after a foul on Will Swan. Ronan Darcy takes, but it hits the wall and is cleared.

After some sustained pressure, with attacks down both flanks, a ball is half cleared and picked up by Toby Mullarkey who plays a beautiful curling ball into the box along the floor and Swan gets onto the end of it to steer it into the net and we lead 1-0.

The wind is not helping anyone when the ball goes up in the air, and even six rows back in the east marquee I could do with windscreen wipers on my glasses. With the rain and where the wind is coming from, it is likely the only dry and relatively warm place will be the old codgers southwest corner of the terrace.

There is some back and (mainly) forth play and we get a free kick on the left-hand side, thirty yards out. It is headed clear, and then crossed back in from the right, which is blocked for a corner, and from that Tola Showunmi’s shot goes over the bar. Still attacking we work the ball to the left, Darcy cuts in and his low cross/shot is deflected wide for a corner. The next attack sees a ball played out of defence and put through to Darcy by Jeremy Kelly, he passes to Swan and his shot is saved. Rotherham get a late attack, and have a striker in the box, but the low shot is comfortably saved by JoJo Wollacott.

There is one added minute shown, and the lights come on, but it would appear the wind and the rain is playing havoc with the tannoy system, as there are no announcements coming over (at least in the marquee).

The second half starts with a booking for Max Anderson for what appeared to be a fifty-fifty challenge in midfield. A ball is put through to Swan in the box and he goes past two players, both of whom are attempting to foul him, and the ball runs away from him before he can get a shot off and Rotherham clear. Mullarkey gets a yellow for a pull back on the left wing. The free kick goes all the way across the box and is put out for a corner.

We clear and break and a Rotherham player picks up a yellow card for an attempting (but missed) chopping down of Darcy. Showunmi is subbed off to be replaced by Tyreese John-Jules. An attack down the left sees neat work between Darcy and Kelly, and the ball is passed to Swan on the edge of the area, and his shot is saved.

Rotherham have an attack down the right and win a corner. That is hacked clear for another corner on the other side. That one is cleared for another corner, and that one goes out for a goal kick, and we can relieve the pressure. We attack and the ball gets to Swan, he plays it on to TJJ in the box, it is crossed, and Ade Adeyemo gets it on the right and he can’t get a shot off and it is cleared, and we win a free kick on the left in the middle of the half.

Some of Darcy’s play and control is just sublime. There is lots of decent play from the team and plenty of hard work from all the players. We use the rest of our substitutions over the next couple of minutes, with Adeyemo being replaced by Benjamin Tanimu, and then Darcy limps off to be replaced by Rafiq Khaleel, Swan is replaced by Jack Roles, and Camara is replaced by Gavan Holohan. It seems that the time taken to make the substitutions has drawn the ire of Steve Evans and the cheers from the west stand as the ref goes over to the bench would suggest he picked up a yellow card.

Roles is fouled in midfield, and then pushed back down when trying to get up twice, which really should have been a yellow. Another attack and the ball is in the box on the right and crossed over to find Khaleel in loads of space on the right. His first time shot doesn’t go as he might have wanted, spiralling off over the Eden Utilities Stand for ball loss number one of the day. Wollacott picks up a booking for timewasting.

The next attack down the right sees Tanimu’s cross put out for a corner. It is cleared and played back in and held up well by TJJ, he lays it back to Holohan, and his shot goes over. Rotherham pick up a yellow for clearing out Roles in midfield. The lights in the stands go on. The board didn’t go up to say how much added time there would be. I could see the board held sideways at ground level but couldn’t work out whether it said two or five minutes (ended up being five). There are no announcements coming over, so no mention of the crowd figure or the sponsor’s man of the match. A late left wing cross from Rotherham eludes everyone in the box and skids out for a much-needed goal kick and the final whistle goes.

A 1-0 win, well deserved, and a good all round team performance. It sees us crawl out of the relegation places, up a solitary place to twentieth, and leaves us a point behind Rotherham. In fact, there are three teams now just a point ahead of us, with Blackpool and Wigan also on seventeen points.

Post match curry was good, especially after a win, and the warm pub after the cold and rain was most welcome.

Teams around us have games in hand and most are catching up on games missed with games on Tuesday night. We don’t have a game and are next in action next Saturday afternoon with the FA Cup tie against Lincoln City.

Come on you reds.

Random November Observations

Absolute Guff

I’m not sure who writes the guff the Absolute early morning presenters read out, but surely if the presenters had half a brain cell, they wouldn’t read it verbatim as they must know it’s a crock of shite. Saturday morning after playing “When I Come Around” by Green Day, they were trying to link to the documentary available on their Rayo app, which is about Green Day’s “American Idiot” album. Apparently, according to the guff read out by the presenter, “American Idiot” was the follow up to “Dookie,” despite it coming out ten years later than it. And that it was them returning after the creative lull following the success of “Dookie.” So, they totally ignore the fact that they had the “Insomniac,” “Nimrod,” and “Warning” albums, and re-released “Ker-Plunk,” predecessor to “Dookie,” and then had a greatest hits album called “International Super Hits” out in the time between “Dookie” and “American Idiot.”

Fine, advertise your documentary, and yes, “American Idiot” is a good album, but don’t treat your listeners as if they are the kind of morons your station employs.

At least that poor early morning presenter is gone by 8am. Unfortunately, it does mean it is time to switch off the radio as the morning slot is now presented by the unfunny personality vacuum, which is Jon Richardson, who seems to have roped in a desperately bored Angela Barnes in to share in his misery. Fuck know what Frank Skinner did to get the push, but they really need to bring him back.

Turns out it isn’t just the poor morning presenter they have reading their guff out either. I’ve heard the same rubbish repeated by a whole host of their so-called musically knowledgeable presenters as well.

Cheap Thrills

We were on the train up to London on Saturday morning, as we were making our way to Maidenhead for a FA Cup game. A woman got on the train at Mersham with her toddler son. She spent the rest of the trip up as far as Farringdon ringing everyone in her phone book to tell them she got a family ticket with travelcard to go anywhere in London all day, and it only cost seventeen quid. She definitely seemed more excited by that ticket cost than her son seemed about being taken to see dinosaurs. Especially when we got to Blackfriars, and he could see boats on the river. It was a case, as far as he was concerned, of fuck the dinosaurs, I want to go on a boat.

More Delivery Dismay

The more times I sit in the window of Maccy D’s watching the world go by as I have my unhealthy, un-nutritious breakfast, the more I become sure I will never order anything through any of the fast-food delivery chumpanies. No Uber Eats, no Just Eat, no Deliveroo, they can all do one. There is no regulation over what their drivers do. How anyone gets food which isn’t stone cold is a mystery. Recently I’ve seen orders picked up in an Aldi bag for life, an M&S cold bag which wasn’t done up at all. Not that any of the lazy bastards picking up deliveries bother to zip up their heat bags if they do deign to use them. And Saturday morning I saw a female Just Eat driver come out of Greggs with an open heat bag in her hand, but the items she had picked up from Greggs weren’t in it. she was holding them above the heat bag in the same hand as it as she ambled casually along the pavement in the general direction of where her transport might be. And of course some of the heat bags do have separators in them to keep hot and cold items apart, but most don’t, and I watch drivers put the bags of hot food in and then put the cold drinks in next to them. So the drinks won’t be that cold on arrival, and the food won’t be warm. And don’t get me started on these chumps’ motorised cycles, whizzing along doing twenty-plus miles an hour on the pavement. No, I’m not getting out of your way, fuck off on the road where your motorised vehicle belongs. I still don’t understand how any of these companies make enough money to keep going and how the millions of lazy fuckers using them put up with lukewarm food, or having to reheat everything. Either go and get it yourselves or go and eat it in the restaurant. It’s cheaper, and the food will be warmer and therefore more edible.

Suddenly, White Goods

I got a bit of a surprise going to work this morning, I turned to go down Brighton Road as usual, going down the lush green ‘valley’ bit under the footbridge, between Southgate Drive and the New Moon pub, only to find someone has dumped a fridge-freezer by the side of the road just past the foot bridge. Yes, a full six-foot-high white fridge-freezer placed by the side of the road. Not just dumped in a haphazard style as if pushed off the back of a lorry, or tipped down the bank. No, deliberately placed there. Someone had driven along there, stopped, got out, unloaded the fridge-freezer, and carefully placed it by the side of the road so it’s not blocking too much of the road. It’s not exactly the most inconspicuous of places to stop. It just boggles the mind.

Let’s Push Things Forward

This is a day late and if I’m honest several dollars short. It’s been a hectic weekend, and I didn’t take my laptop with me. We were at the O2 Friday night to see Kasabian, who were supported by The Streets (which is where this early noughties title comes from – if we had lost, I was going to call it Club Foot after a Kasabian track). After staying near Heathrow, we drove to Bristol, parked up, went to the game, and then headed to Taunton to stay with Helen’s sister last night, getting a very nice Saturday night curry in whilst there. And then the drive back from there to Crawley this afternoon. I’m also distracted typing up all the random snippets of notes from the game because it’s after six pm on a Sunday night in autumn, and so NFL RedZone is on.

Since the entertaining 2-2 draw last Saturday against Huddersfield Town, we had what turned out to be out final game in this year’s Bristol Street Motors Trophy. It was our second away trip of the season to Wycombe Wanderers this season. A Tuesday night fixture at a stupid 7pm kick off time and in an unloved competition saw about fifty Crawley fans make the trip. As it was on FSS+, it was a watch it at home sat on the sofa game for me.

The excitement’s of Saturday’s game continued into this one. Probably a little bit too much for some. We gave away an early goal following a poor pass out from the back by Joy Mukena, straight to a Wycombe player who powered into the box and put it into the corner of the net. We equalised ten minutes later as Tola Showunmi followed in and scored after a Jack Roles shot was saved and spilled. There were other chances. Jeremy Kelly hit a first-time effort too close to the keeper after pressure had panicked the keeper to play a poor clearance straight to Kelly. The Roles corner following it had the keeper in all sorts of trouble, and he only just tipped it wide to prevent it going straight in. Another Roles shot took a deflection on the edge of the area and went just past the post. But against the run of play we gave away a free kick right on the edge of the area, which didn’t look like a free kick to me. But it was executed well and went straight in, and we trailed again. And we couldn’t quite get good enough chances to equalise, let alone claim the win we needed to get through to the knockout stages. It could have been worse, Benjamin Tanimu have away a penalty with a raised arm at a corner. The penalty was pushed onto the post by Connal Trueman to keep the score at 2-1. Our best chance came from Rushian Hepburn-Murphy who after dribbling into the box and beating a couple of players put his attempt to beat the keeper at the near post into the side netting.

Other notes from the game. I don’t think I’ve seen as may foul throws in one game since I used to play for my primary school team. Including two in quick succession from Tanimu (despite showing he was good with his hands later). Roles is like a kid who’s trying too hard. He shows plenty of effort, is always up to get the ball, will chase anything, and is the most likely to try and get a shot off from anywhere on the pitch. But his tackling is usually mistimed (at best). He eventually picked up a booking on totting up numerous fouls, and quite possibly because the ref was sick of him consistently overreacting / over acting / constantly chirping in his ear at every decision. Bradly Ibrahim on the other hand is a much more cultured footballer but seems to get the red mist and play from the school of ‘if you can’t get the ball, get the man’ my dad would advocate when I was a kid, much as Jay Williams seems to be. He was a late sub and got stuck in. There were two late, nasty challenges. He got away with the first as we’d already got a free kick and therefore the ball was dead. The second should have been a yellow card. At the final whistle it would appear he took umbrage at not getting booked and got one for starting a post-game melee at the supposed hand shaking phase. He needs to cut that shit out.

Today’s game is against Bristol Rovers, who start the game five points and five places above us in the league.

I really had to dig to find any old football card for Bristol Rovers, they are rarely in the top two divisions, but A&BC did included a couple of their players for the 1964-65 season, despite them being in Division 3 at the time.

We have played Bristol Rovers thirteen times previously, six in the league, four in the FA Cup (losing replays to them twice), twice in the league cup, both wins at home, including the first win for the club under Kevin Betsy two seasons ago, and we beat them in the first of the knockout stages in the Bristol Streets Motors Trophy, with to me what should have been our goal of the season last season from Harry Forster. In the league we only have one win against them, along with a draw and four losses. And away we have never beat them, two draws in our first two games there, and four losses since.

The run to Bristol was easy enough and we got a parking spot only a short walk away from the ground and being early as usual ventured into their club shop. Which again shows just what we are failing to do at shop level. I managed to satisfy obsessions with maps and fridge magnets in one purchase with one of the ground on a map of the locality in Bristol.

They don’t have a matchday programme anymore (not physical one anyway), but they do have a monthly magazine as we do now. It is very similarly put together as well. Their editor might need some help with proof reading, as they mention all our previous games, but seem to have forgotten about that League Cup one in August 2022. The staff in the shop also suggested looking at it when I asked about a programme. Something our own shop staff pointedly refused to do when the Huddersfield fans were asking after programmes the week before.

Bristol Rovers play at the Memorial ground, which they used to share with the rugby club after years playing over in Bath. The rugby club have moved on to a decent stadium. With it being a rugby stadium before and it’s a football stadium now, neither of which explain why they appear to have a cricket pavilion for one of their stands.

Crawley Town away fans stickers were on the water heater in the toilets well before the start of the game.

Hopefully, the match warm up isn’t an indication of how our shooting is going to be for the game. To say it is a bit wayward is a bit like saying most of the club’s communication isn’t too clear. They are a danger to us away fans sat behind the goal they are aiming for, with at least two taken out by attempted shots.

I know there is a stereotype of football fans being hairy arsed men, but surely advertising combs for those hairy arses is taking things a bit too far.

Bristol Rovers are in their traditional blue and white quartered shirts with blue shorts and blue socks, which means we are in our all-red kit.

We have an early attack down the left and Ronan Darcy’s cross is collected by the keeper. At the other end the ref gives a corner to Rovers, he is the only person in the stadium who thinks it is a corner, it blatantly wasn’t, and both sets of players were bemused that it wasn’t a goal kick. It leads to a spell of Rovers pressure and another corner from the other side which isn’t really dealt with, and former red Isaac Hutchinson’s shot hits the bar before we clear. At least he didn’t score against us this time.

A free kick thirty yards out is wasted as we manage to be offside from it. Rovers attack again down the left, get a cross in, and a header goes just wide. Another left-wing cross is met by another header, and it is tipped onto the bar and out for a corner by the still on emergency loan Connal Trueman.

A left-wing attack from us sees a cross into Will Swan and his shot is blocked, goes out to the right and that cross is cleared. At the other end Max Anderson gives away a free kick on the edge of the area and picks up a booking. It is cleared and Rushian Hepburn-Murphy is fouled on the attack, but nothing is given. Rovers break again and work it into the box and only a great save from Trueman keeps the scores level with a corner incoming, The shot from it only just fails to clear the stand we are sat in. It doesn’t take long for Rovers to get the ball back into our box and the outstretched leg of Trueman deflects the ball just over the bar and onto the top of the net.

The Rovers number 22 stands on RHM’s head, and he gets a talking to from the ref but somehow no booking is forthcoming. We get the ball in their area and RHM’s shot is saved and goes for a throw. Toby Mullarkey passes when it looked like a shot was on, he gets it back and drives into the box and attempts a pass again only for it to go straight out for a goal kick. Trueman gets a talking to from the ref for timewasting, and it’s not even half time yet.

There are two added minutes at the end of the half, and we win a corner from a tight wing attack. That is headed clear for another corner, which is taken a lot deeper and over everyone and is cleared and the half time whistle goes with the score at 0-0. Many will say mainly down to the heroics of Trueman, so much show people were calling it the Trueman Show on social media.

The second half starts, and there is a Trueman clearance. Rovers, obviously knowing what had been frustrating them in the first half, leave a boot in on the closing down and Trueman needs treatment. We don’t even get a free kick for it; let alone the booking it deserved.

We are creating the early pressure. We get crosses into the box from both wings, but both are cleared. Bradley Ibrahim is chopped down twenty-five yards out just off centre for a free kick. RHM curls the shot well high and wide and shows his frustration with his own effort.

Another left-wing attack wins a corner, it is punched clear for a throw, and we are keeping the pressure on. A ball to Anderson in the box sees a coming together and he goes down, and the ref has a long serious look before waving the claims for a penalty away. Rovers counterattack and win a corner.

Rovers finally pick up a booking after another late challenge on RHM. Another attack down the left sees RHM get the ball over to Panutche Camara and his shot is blocked on the edge of the area. Rovers attack and get a shot which manages to clear the stand at the other end of the pitch.

We are doing most of the pressing now. Jeremy Kelly breaks into the box on the right side on the byline and is brought down, and claims for a penalty are waved away again. Charlie Barker picks up a booking for a drag back in the middle of the Rovers half to prevent a breakaway after another promising attack fizzled out. Attacking down the left again and RHM has a shot which goes a yard wide.

On seventy minutes we make out first substitutions, with Swan and Alexander off to be replaced by Tola Showunmi ad Ade Adeyemo. Scott Sinclair, only just on as a sub for Bristol Rovers gets a booking for haranguing the lino over the award of a throw in. RHM has another shot which is wide. It is his last action as he goes off to be replaced by recent signing Tyreece John-Jules.

We have a couple of close shots on target in succession, a Kelly shot is blocked by the keeper, and Showunmi’s follow is pushed round the post for a corner. That is worked back to Kelly only for his shot to be high, wide, and not so handsome. There is a brief pause in the action being down in front of us as Rovers get a corner, but then it is back to us attacking.

A free kick thirty yards out is played quickly into TJJ in the box and his cross is deflected for a corner which is cleared. Kelly is subbed off to be replaced by Jack Roles, and he gets a chance for a shot nearly straight away after being set up by Darcy which goes just over the bar. We work another attack from left to right and Adeyemo has a shot which is saved for a corner. It is played short and then crossed in, but a free kick is given to Rovers. Another ball into the box sees Darcy down and rolling out over the byline, there are muted calls for a penalty from the fans for a penalty, the ref does signal for nothing given, and the Rovers defender has a few choice words whilst standing over Darcy off the pitch.

There are four added minutes.

A ball into the box is flicked goalwards by Showunmi, but there isn’t really any power on it. A Rovers break is ended by a great tackle from Joy Mukena. We attack again and the cross comes in and TJJ is bundled over in the box and penalty claims are waved away. Showunmi is then dragged down in the box and the ref properly bottles it as that one was a stonewall penalty (the other four were all dubious at best) and instead blows the final whistle and the game ends 0-0. And Bradley Ibrahim picks up another post final whistle yellow card, this one for dissent and not starting a melee, as he was arguing about the non-award of the penalty for the foul on Showunmi. Another unnecessary booking.

The crowd is announced as people start to leave, as 7,411 with 264 Crawley fans in attendance making more noise than the home fans.

A point is better than nothing, and after the first half where we could easily have been three down if not for the Trueman show, but with it being 0-0 at half time, we should really have got more than a point from the second half performance and chances, and should have had a penalty if there were a better ref. It was amusing that at one point in the game the Rovers fans were singing, ‘it happened again, it happened again, we’ve got a shit ref, it happened again.’ Can’t disagree with the sentiment, but at the end of the game they were the beneficiaries.

There were lots of chants from a very noisy away support of ‘is this a library?’ Which personally I find a bit presumptuous. What makes us think that their fans can read?

The point doesn’t move us in the table, we stay in twenty-first, now a point behind Leyton Orient and Wigan Athletic, but they have two games in hand on us, and in fact all the teams around us have games in hand. Clean sheets, improved performances, and not losing is better, but we need to be converting some of these draws into wins.

Got back this evening and saw Helen and I made it onto the club’s twitter feed from pictures from the crowd at yesterday’s game.

We have a full week before next Saturday’s home game against Rotherham United, a chance for some quality training time for the manager (something he bemoaned he was missing), and hopefully a chance for some of those players who are struggling through games despite not being fully fit, to get some recovery time in.

Come on you reds.

No Fronts

Some late nineties rap metal for the title of this piece, with the band being Dog Eat Dog and their only song to even remotely threaten the higher echelons of the chart. (Well, we were playing the Terriers.)

I wasn’t at the Tuesday night away game at Burton, as I was in another six-letter location beginning with B and having an O, an R, and an N in it. Some of King George V’s final utterances spoke of the place as he said ‘Bugger Bognor’. Whereas in Burton it was a case of both teams scoring bugger all, and on the whole neither side looking as if they were going to score.

Panutche Camara kept finding himself in the right place, in or around the penalty spot as balls were fed into that space. Which is all well and good if he could shoot from there. Those on target would have the owners of powderpuff calling for copyright infringement, and you wouldn’t want to be counting up his shots if he was playing golf with the number of air shots. There are two possibilities to take from this. First, get him shooting practice twenty-four seven. Stand him on the penalty spot with obstructions between him and the goal and keep firing balls into him from all angles. Or, secondly, get him to train our strikers on how to get into these positions on a more regular basis.

On the plus side from Tuesday, we, and returning emergency loan keeper Connal Trueman, kept a clean sheet. And it is a point away from home, but it really was a game we should have been taking three points from.

Especially as next up are another of the pre-season favourites for promotion, one of the teams relegated from the Championship last season, and another of the former Premier League sides in the division in the shape of Huddersfield Town. They are famous for being the first side to win the league title in three consecutive years, back in the 1920s, but unlike the others to achieve the same feat (Arsenal, Liverpool, Manchester United, and Manchester City), those three titles were the only ones they ever won. For the first two of those seasons their manager was Herbert Chapman, who then moved on to become the famed manager of Arsenal, and who was their manager when the won the first of their three consecutive titles in the 1930s.

As a Premier League team in the not too distant past there would be plenty of recent cards and stickers featuring their players, but for my seventies vintage Topps mind they didn’t feature, and I had to go back to the A&BC cards of the late sixties and early seventies to find some from when they were in the top flight then. There were some wonderfully named players back then, as Dick Krzywicki will attest to.

Going into our first ever game against Huddersfield, they sit in eighth place on twenty-two points, double our total, as the point we picked up on Tuesday night saw us go up a place to twenty-first, but still left us in the relegation zone, though we are level on points with Leyton Orient above us, only they have a game in hand on us, and Cambridge United just below us have two. So, points today are desperately needed.

Sunday night’s FA Cup second round draw saw us get a home tie against the winners of the Monday night game between Chesham United and Lincoln City, which the latter won. Not sure the Lincoln manager’s disparaging remarks about Crawley after that win were the wisest seeing as they had lost here 3-0 less than three weeks before.

It is a bit of a return to the home match routine for me, having writing group in the morning, and a 3pm kick-off. The first such one since September. We are dragging two additional ‘fans’ with us to this game as both of Helen’s sons are in attendance. I got those tickets online. And I missed my usual Friday morning trip to the Broadfield as I had an appointment to have the second of my eye injections on Friday instead.

So, it was straight to the ground after writing, getting there earlier than even I usually do so that I could get tickets for next Saturday’s away game against Bristol Rovers. I also went and booked and paid for places on the coach to the Charlton Athletic game in early December, picked up the third edition of Reds magazine, and got some other new merch I don’t already have (I was wearing seven different layers of Crawley Town gear by the time the game kicked off, I’ll either end up collapsing from heat exhaustion, or spontaneously combust due to all the polyester layers rubbing together). Whilst in Redz bar I did gaze longingly at this kit again, I need to track down one of these beauties for myself.

Getting to the ground as early as I did, I found there was a massive posh car outside the main entrance (it looked nice, but I know fuck all about cars, so couldn’t tell you what it was). Next to it, chatting to fans and signing autographs is none other than Patrick Stewart. Yes, Jean-Luc Picard is Huddersfield Town’s club president and lifelong supporter. Which does kind of trump Rob and Ryan at Wrexham. We might need some enterprise to win today. Could be a bit of a trek. Let’s hope this next generation of players can do the job and don’t need beaming up after the game. I hope the access all areas video doesn’t include the toilets. No one needs to see the captain’s log.

When I was in the club shop there were Huddersfield fans coming in and asking about programmes. OK, we don’t do programmes as such, but surely those working in the shop should be pointing them in the direction of Reds magazine as it acts as a mini programme for each of the games played in the month. I pointed this out to them, only for them to continue to not mention it to anyone else who popped in and asked. There’s a large potential loss of income right there every time they send them away with nothing. And it’s not as if Reds magazine is packed full of waffle and adverts as many programmes are nowadays. To me it is a disappointing attitude.

The mystery of where is Reggie the Red is partially solved. They are trying to find someone to take on the role after the departure of the previous wearer (there is still the question of what happened to them). It turns out that for the publicity shots when out and about and doing deals it has been vice chairman Ben Levin in the costume. Seeing as Grant behind us has been giving it the big one about what the mascot should do, we will be finding the correct channel to nominate him for the role. And speaking of Grant, some of you may have seen the drone videos he has posted on the supporters group, well he does a lot of video and photography work, and he won picture of the year last week at the British Photography Awards. So, if you want some decent photography doing, he’s the man you need to be hiring. And definitely not me with my wonky snapshots.

There are plenty of away fans packing the terrace and in fine voice before the game kicks off. Huddersfield are in a green and purple kit, which is the exact colour scheme of the aliens I have created in the Sci-fi novel I’m currently writing. I might have to use a photo of their kit to give whoever does the cover art for the book the idea of what I’m looking for. Meanwhile we are in our standard home all red kit.

With it being Remembrance weekend, the Last Post is played before the immaculately observed minute’s silence before kick-off.

The first real action of the game sees a surge from Harry Forster from his own half past halfway and putting a ball through to Will Swan in the box, who can’t find an angle for a shot, and he puts it back to Panutche Camara, only for his return ball to be cleared. At the other end there is nearly another trademark defensive catastrophe but the cross from the ball given away doesn’t find anyone and is half cleared, the next Huddersfield cross is blocked and goes out over the Eden Utilities stand for ball loss number one of the day and the corner goes out for a goal kick.

We give away another corner fannying around at the back, it is cleared, and we break down the left and Forster gets to the edge of their area, but then we manage to play it all the way back to Connal Trueman in goal in six passes. So fucking frustrating.

A ball gets through to a Huddersfield striker in the box, but we are doubly fortunate as their shot is wayward, and then the flag goes up to indicate they were offside. They are exerting more pressure and win a couple of corners in quick succession. We dilly dally on the ball at the back again and a Trueman clearance is charged down but it goes out for the safety of a goal kick.

We win a free kick just near the centre circle and it is taken to the edge of the area by Ronan Darcy where Bradley Ibrahim’s header is well wide. Huddersfield get a cross in and Forster is in a tangle with one of their strikers and both go to ground, and the ref blows the whistle. Forster is up protesting his innocence, with the ref agrees with and the free kick goes our way. I was fully expecting it to be a penalty from the angle I was at (and my eye was OK after yesterday’s injection).

There is a bit more attacking intent coming from us and after some pressure Ibrahim wins a free kick to the right edge of their penalty area. It is taken deep and headed back across but cleared for a corner, which is in turn cleared. The counterattack is on and there is a low cross from the left which finds a Huddersfield attacker and the shot is well saved by Trueman. They get a free kick on the edge of our box, which is blocked then cleared and we have a sort of a break down the left wing.

A scuffle in our own box breaks out off the ball and the ref gives a few players a talking to, but at least there are no yellows appearing. Going forward we win the ball in midfield and Darcy plays a ball down the left wing which looks too long and easy for the defender, but Rushian Hepburn-Murphy turns the afterburners on, eludes the crude challenge on it, takes it into the box and curls it around the keeper and into the net to make it 1-0. It may be against the balance of play, but I’ll take that all day long.

Huddersfield get a free kick thirty yards out as the board is put up for one additional minute at the end of the half. It is easily collected by Trueman when played in and the half time whistle goes with us leading 1-0.

The second half starts with us on the front foot. We get a free kick on the right wing, it is played deep and cleared, played back in and Swan is tackled before he can get a shot off. Huddersfield break and put a cross in which goes over the bar.

It is a much brighter start by us, and we are playing some good stuff, so it is disappointing to give a silly corner away. It is taken low to the front post and a diving header flicks it goalwards and into the net and against the run of play Huddersfield equalise, making it 1-1.

Straight from the kick off we attack, and a Darcy shot is blocked on the edge of the area. We make our first substitution with Swan being replaced by Tola Showunmi. On our next attack a ball is played to Darcy who slips it into Max Anderson in the box and his shot goes in to give us back the lead 2-1.

There is a bit of god knows what they were doing in our own box, we do clear it, but it comes back in and a cross finds a Huddersfield player near the penalty spot and they fire it in, and the mad few minutes sees the scores level again at 2-2.

The madness doesn’t look like stopping there, again we attack straight from the restart, and a Darcy floated ball from the left has the Huddersfield keeper desperately back-pedalling for the ball, but it just lands inches behind the bar on the roof of the net. There are a flurry of attacks in both directions and a Huddersfield cross sees a header go just wide.

We make two more substitutions with RHM and Camara coming off to be replaced by the first Sonny Fish appearance in my lifetime (may be an exaggeration, but you get the point), and Jeremy Kelly.

Huddersfield are doing most of the attacking now. There is another cross, another header, and this one is bundled over the bar by Trueman for a corner. It is part cleared, played back in and a scramble sees a clearance off the line as it is a bit backs to the wall now.

Another substitution is made, Darcy (who is named as the sponsor’s man of the match later) is off to be replaced by Gavan Holohan. It doesn’t stop the Huddersfield attacks. Another free kick near the corner flag (after the ball disappears down the side of the east marquee for ball loss number two of the day) is headed clear, and a shot back in from distance goes over.

Showunmi picks up a yellow card for a high boot, but the west stand sound agitated about that suggesting there wasn’t anything near contact. In fact, Showunmi is being very hard done to. Not quite sure just what he needs to do to get a free kick given his way, him being held, shirt pulled, bundled over, nothing given. Then Anderson is blatantly pulled back in midfield, almost as if the Huddersfield player were trying to change shirts mid game, but no yellow card. Charlie Barker is cleared out in midfield by a two footed lunge, and again no yellow is forthcoming. All making Showunmi’s booking more of a joke. When he finally is given a free kick for a foul on him there is ironic applause.

There are six added minutes indicated, where the board was put up after all the stand lights had been turned on. Ball three goes out in the same place as ball two did. The long throw from it is headed clear for a corner, and we clear that. Ibrahim picks up his now customary booking for a blatant pull back in midfield to prevent a break, which begs the question where was the one for the same offence on Anderson earlier. And the full-time whistle goes with the final score being 2-2. Given the direction of play for the last twenty-five minutes, that feels like a decent point gained, rather than two lost.

The crowd was announced after the final whistle as being 4,752 with a whopping 1,265 away fans making the trek down from Yorkshire. The point keeps up in twenty-first position, but Leyton Orient won, so we are now two points behind them, and Wigan Athletic above us.

One thing I noticed from today’s results was that the bottom side of all four league divisions at the start of play won. It’s not something I’ve ever looked for before, but I do wonder how often it happens, it can’t be that often surely. The things I notice when going for curry, playing pool, and shuffleboard.

Anway, it is on to a Bristol based week. Tuesday night sees the final group stage game of the Bristol Street Motors Trophy away at League One leaders Wycombe Wanderers, before another away game next Saturday against Bristol Rovers.

Come on you reds.

Can I Play With Madness?

Some late eighties vintage Iron Maiden (head) tuneage for the title for this piece. It comes from the album, ‘Seventh Son Of A Seventh Son,’ which is kind of doubly appropriate as this marks the seventh game of the seventh managerial appointment under WAGMI.

It is a break from the league action after another disappointing loss away to Northampton Town last weekend, saw us mired in the relegation zone. It is FA Cup first round action and an away trip to National League Maidenhead United. A return to Berkshire two weeks after the previous disappointing visit for the 4-1 loss to Reading.

Reggie the Red was spotted in Redz bar on Thursday night. So, still not actually in the ground then. Some of the players were in attendance in Halloween fancy. None of them looked half as scary as our defence does.

Maidenhead have one of the longest FA Cup histories of all clubs, with them being one of the fifteen clubs to take place in the first ever FA Cup in the 1871-72 season. They were quarter finalists in the next three seasons’ competitions.

It was pointed out by Mick Fox (from a club historian Tony Pope reminder) that we have played Maidenhead United before, back in the 1968/69 season in the Premier Midweek Floodlight League where we played them twice and won 2-0 home and away.

Their ground, York Road is acknowledged by The FA and FIFA to be the oldest continuously used senior association football ground in the world by the same club, and it has been home to the club since 1871. A blue plaque commemorating this is placed just inside the home turnstiles on the York Road side of the ground.

It was also pointed out by someone that their manager is Alan Devonshire, the former England and West Ham player, and another who was captured on a Topps football card in the seventies.

We left Crawley early to get up to Maidenhead in time for brunch and a chance to look around. It also meant my first trip on the Elizabeth line, which as a bit of a tube geek is a lot later than it should have been.

Coming up to Maidenhead, the train goes over the Maidenhead Railway Bridge, also known as Maidenhead Viaduct and The Sounding Arch, which spans the River Thames. It is a masterpiece of early Victorian engineering, specifically that of Isambard Kingdom Brunel, and when it was built (completed 1838, opened 1839), the two elliptical brick arches were the widest and flattest in the world. The bridge was immortalised in JMW Turner’s painting, ‘Rain, Steam and Speed – The Great Western Railway’ which hangs in the National Gallery.

Both Helen and I walked under this bridge back in 2012 when we were doing the Thames Path Challenge for charity, walking the 50k from Runnymede to Henley (along with hundreds of others) for Marie Curie. We didn’t really have time to stop and take pictures or test out the echoes under the sounding arch back then. Standing under it, there is an amazing echo. I clapped, there was a second’s pause before what sounded like a rifle retort came back at me.

Overall Maidenhead is a strange place, it has some lovely old buildings, but looking at some of the pictures in its heritage centre it looks as if they just demolished most of the town centre and rebuilt it in drab concrete in the nineties and noughties.

Maidenhead do do programmes, just not for sale at the ground on the day, you have the download option, or you can order a physical one to be printed and delivered to your home address, and I went for the latter because I hate downloads and reading stuff online, which is somewhat ironic seeing as I write and publish loads of stuff online myself.

The seats in the stand are obviously open to all for normal games. A bit of hazard tape and a couple of plastic barriers mark the separation requirement for the FA Cup game, and it is hilariously causing mayhem for the home fans who usually sit where the away fans have been allocated. They keep wandering past the front, finding the way blocked and then stand looking confused at the seats they normally sit.

Crawley are in all red apart from the white/grey socks of the away kit, so they don’t clash with Maidenhead’s red socks they have with the black and white shirts and black shorts.

We don’t start well and should be behind a minute in. A ball played to the left finds Maidenhead attacker with no one within ten yards of him, but fortunately he puts it wide.

There is a lot of possession, but it is so slow and ponderous. We are just not getting the ball forward. It is like there is a forcefield at the halfway line repelling us there and making us turn and pass it backwards.

It takes a while, but we do get the ball forward a couple of times. Yet the final ball is to the invisible man or too strong and out of play. And again, Jack Roles down the right and into the box, he plays it to Panutche Camara on the penalty spot only for him to completely fluff the attempted shot.

Nearly half an hour has gone when we get our first corner. The cross is cleared, played back in and a header on target is caught and carried out for a corner. Cleared again, but Jeremy Kelly picks it up and his cross is deflected for another corner. It is played short to Kelly, and he plays a ball in towards Cameron Bragg who goes down in the box, appeals for a penalty are ignored, and their keeper is down pretending to be injured.

There are two added minutes at the end of the half, enough time for a Maidenhead corner which comes to nothing, and the half time whistle goes with the score Maidenhead 0, Crawley lucky to get 0.

Half time sees the mass migration of home fans from one end of the pitch to the other and closer to our fans. Who they enjoy barracking all through the second half and beyond.

We start the second half more brightly, getting a couple of corners from attacks down the left. There are no shots forthcoming though. An attack down the right sees Rushian Hepburn-Murphy win a corner, again no shot. We win a free kick thirty-five yards out. And waste it.

Maidenhead wake up a bit and attack. They have a long throw that bounces around in the box and have a couple of shots blocked. We break and even that is done slowly but win a free kick on the edge of the box after RHM is blocked off. The free kick hits the first man. Then Roles robs a defender twenty-five yards out and runs into the box but at an angle away from goal and his shot from a narrow angle is pushed over the bar for a corner. The keeper makes a hash of claiming it, but the shot (didn’t see who by) is skied.

We make our first substitution with Ade Adeyemo coming on for Kelly. Another corner from a blocked RHM cross is caught easily by the keeper this time.

At the other end, a tackle is made just as a Maidenhead player gets a shot off and goes down. For a second it looks as if the ref is pointing to the spot, but he isn’t, it’s a goal kick.

Joy Mukena steps on the ball towards halfway and Maidenhead are on it in a flash, driving forward and the shot flies into the top corner and we are behind 0-1.

From the restart we work it down the right, lots of passes, and work the ball to Camara, whose shot from twenty-five yards out is wide.

Maidenhead get a corner given which is clearly a goal kick. From it JoJo Wollacott is clobbered collecting the ball and is injured. To the extent he has to be subbed. Fortunately, we have a keeper on the bench for the first time in weeks and Jasper Shiekh is on. We also substitute Benjamin Tanimu and Camara, bringing on Will Swan and Bradley Ibrahim.

So, we have Shiekh and Roles on, we just need someone to give the team a bit of a rattle. And a few minutes later we do just that when Bragg is replaced by Harry Forster. He almost plays Swan in with his first touch, but it just won’t fall for him.

Ibrahim wins the ball in midfield, but the ref gives it as a free kick to Maidenhead. He misses the kick out at Ibrahim by the Maidenhead player and in the melee that follows, Ibrahim, Roles, and a Maidenhead player pick up bookings. Ibrahim and their number nine have to be separated thirty seconds later as they square up again.

There are eight added minutes.

Forster coming on, along with the melee seems to have galvanised us. We get a corner which won’t fall for anyone to get a shot off. Then Roles has a shot blocked. Forster drives down the right and into the box, gets a cross in, the initial shot is blocked on the line but falls to captain for the day Toby Mullarkey to bundle it home and five minutes into added time we are level 1-1.

We break again and Tola Showunmi is pulled back thirty yards out and there is a yellow card for the defender. Roles takes the free kick, and it eludes everyone in the box. Another crude hack down the left brings another Maidenhead booking and another free kick. It hits the first man, and the full-time whistle goes with it 1-1 and extra time is incoming.

It is like the team has remembered they are two divisions above Maidenhead and start ramping up the pressure in the first half of extra time. Roles has a shot wide. RHM shot goes over the bar. Maidenhead have an attack which is cleared over the stand behind the goal for a corner and the only ball loss of the day. Back at the other end determined work from Roles sees the ball played back to RHM whose shot is curled just wide. Adeyemo gets into the box and his cross is fumbled into the net, but the ref blows for a foul on the keeper. Another attack and RHM’s cross is caught by the keeper. Ball in the box again, two blocked shots and the pressure is only alleviated by the award of a dubious free kick to Maidenhead.

Which sets the bloke a couple of seats down from me off again. Somehow, I always get to be sat near the person giving the ref shit through the entire match.

Maidenhead get the first shot of the second half of extra time, just over the bar. A free kick is punched clear by Shiekh. We make a final substitution with Gavan Holihan making way for Max Anderson.

Then with about three minutes left there is a long ball forward, Swan heads it down to Showunmi and his shot from the edge of the area trickles into the bottom corner of the net and we lead 2-1. Which causes a mini fire drill exit from the seated home fans.

We are playing keep ball as far up the pitch as possible, and manage to play the game out through the two added minutes to hear the relief of the full time whistle and a win, and we are through to the draw for round two of the FA Cup, which is being drawn tomorrow evening on BBC2, and we are ball 34.

The crowd was announced as being 1,814, no split of how many away fans, but the stewards on the way in were under the impression we’d sold about 450 tickets, so that plus any last-minute pay on the doors bods.

It’s been a long time, but I was there for a win. This means Grant, you’re the jinx, not me.

Post match it is round the corner from the ground for a curry, and very nice it was too. Followed by the trek home as I typed most of this up on my phone to pass the time. And I get home to find the match day programme has arrived. It’s not bad, quite ad heavy, but does have a piece on the Premier Midweek Floodlit League season 1968-69 mentioned by Mick Fox. I wonder how much the print on demand and post option costs them to do, and if it is something Crawley could do (isn’t it time for issue three of Reds magazine?)

During the day I lost count of the number of times Helen referred to us playing Maidstone and not Maidenhead, but it doesn’t matter who it was (or even the mainly turgid way it was achieved), a win is still a win. Let’s keep that going Tuesday night away at Burton Albion, we can’t afford to lose to teams beneath us in the league.

Come on you reds.

Broken Heels

After the midweek high I had lots of potential happy titles for this piece, such as ‘Dancing Shoes’, ‘Out Of The Sinking’, ‘Goody Two Shoes’, ‘I Know You Got Soul’, and on and on, but after two hours of watching so-called football, I’m left with goddamn Alexandra Burke.

After the strange old game and loss to Shrewsbury, I’ve not been at a couple of games, I swerved the Reading away because it was going to be tight to get there and then back to Brighton for a Paul Weller gig, and as I’ve missed two previous attempts at seeing the Modfather due to illness, I wasn’t missing this one for any reason. The updates to that game were watched on a phone in a pub/restaurant on the BBC website, and it was difficult to put the crushing 4-1 loss with the match stats and live report updates coming through.

It would seem the obvious issue is the defence – perhaps it’s time to upgrade. Getting an A-Fence or B-Fence might be out of our league, but let’s at least try for a C-fence.

And we seem to pick up a disproportionate number of yellow cards to fouls committed. Not sure how a team can rack up twenty-five fouls and only pick up one booking, especially when there were two players who committed five fouls, there should be bookings on totting up alone for those. Yet we had four fouls and two bookings. It has been a similar issue all season so far.

I did a bit of prep for the Lincoln game and the first thing that came to mind was the John Ward 1976-77 Topps Card – one of their random cards with players from lower league clubs they included that year (I’ve already highlighted Wrexham’s Arfon Griffiths in the away game last season). It’s strange what my mind remembers.

I had thought of the title of Abraham, Martin & John by Marvin Gaye, but instead I was sitting it out at home not very well and trying to make sure that the weekend away in Northampton for this game wasn’t put in jeopardy as well. I was fine walking to the stadium on Monday to get the Northampton tickets, but once back at home I took a dive. I did manage to find it on Now TV and watch it “live.” And there is a mini report below.

It’s odd watching it from the cameras perspectives. There were images from every other angle apart from the one where I usually sit in the east marquee. The commentator was useless, he called us Swindon once in the first half and kept referring to Wollacott conceding lots of goals in the last few matches, despite him not playing in two of them.

I can’t tell who it was doing the shouting from our dug out, but they were shouting instructions constantly. Something we don’t hear from the east marquee usually, although I wonder if the mic was turned right up and was next to the tunnel.

It was a different performance, not so much passing about at the back, and there seemed to be more solidity to the team at the back. There were still the odd heart in the mouth moments, but on the whole the team dealt with the opposing attacks well, and with the majority of set pieces as well.

Aside from the early Darcy chance, there wasn’t much attacking first half, and it looked like Lincoln had the upper hand, but we avoided conceding in the first half, and going into the break 0-0 was an obvious improvement on the last ten games. As the officials went off, there was the rare sight of a Lincoln sub getting a booking for gobbing off at the ref as they left the pitch at half time.

I went to do some washing up at half time and missed our first goal, only seeing it on replay at the end. There are some absolute clown show comments on the forum. Anyone who thinks that was an easy chance or a tap in needs to give their head a wobble. It was a great ball through, but Swan had to adjust the run as the defender got a touch on it, and he absolutely rifled it in at the near post from a difficult angle.

From that point on it was as if we had swapped personalities with Lincoln, they were doing the possession thing we usually do, and we were doing the quick counter attacks which have seen them unbeaten away from home all year.

The second goal looked on when the ball found Darcy in loads of space, but the chance looked to have gone when he checked inside and the defence were regrouping, only for him to fire it between the defenders legs and into the corner well out of reach of the keeper.

The break with RHM and Camara looked to be a shoe in for a third goal, and RHM having chosen to shoot had to hit the target, as the cross to Camara would have been a simple tap in (you know, like the one Swan scored at the start of the half). I threw my head back at the miss and smacked my head on the wall behind me having forgotten where I was whilst watching it.

The commentator was a cockwomble and kept banging on about that missed chance coming back to haunt us as Lincoln kept trying to attack, but we broke again with a good ball from Camara finding RHM and there was no mistake this time as he cooly slotted it in to make it 3-0.

And it was a 3-0 win. Wollacott played well, he saved when required, and he went up and caught a lot of balls in congested areas. People moaning (on here, surely not) about his kicking need to wind their necks in. There is an obvious change in him being asked to put the ball long, which is a complete about face from playing the short ball as he has all season. The long ball is always low percentage, especially as we don’t have tall attacking players.

All in all, it was an important win, and showed we can change style and tough games out. A win and a clean sheet are both confidence building, let’s hope that carries on to Saturday, where hopefully I am well enough to make use of the Northampton tickets I’ve bought.

We are away against Northampton Town, who haven’t had the best start to their season either, they are two places ahead of us in nineteenth and two points ahead of us on twelve points. When Northampton got promoted the season we only just escaped relegation from League Two, they beat us home and away, but overall, the record between the two clubs is fairly even, five wins apiece and three draws. At the Sixfields stadium it is dead level, two wins apiece and two draws. I saw someone point out that Northampton were the first ever league club who Crawley beat in the FA Cup, back in 1991. And of course, Northampton is the hometown of our current on the field captain, Jay Williams, let’s hope this inspires him to a great performance today, and not an over the top, trying too hard one.

There are no Northampton Town football cards from the Topps era, I had to dig back into the A&BC sets, where there were a couple from their only season in Division one in the mid-sixties.

Nowadays there is no hope of cards of clubs outside the Premier League unless you get unauthorised knock off sets off eBay. Of course, it was too tempting not to get the Crawley Town set, just a shame the club don’t do something similar in the club shop.

We travelled up to Northampton yesterday after picking up tickets for next week’s FA Cup game away at Maidenhead. They were loading the team coach up at the Broadfield Stadium when we were there. We had a wander around Northampton both on Friday afternoon and Saturday before the game. There is a lot of the museum about shoes, which is what the town is known for. I know a lot of people (quite a few on the forum) for who this pair of trainers would be wholly appropriate.

However, we found out that a Cobbler is only a fixer of shoes, or a dealer of second-hand shoes. Which means that Northampton Town’s nickname relates to dealing with duds, perhaps if they were nicknamed after the makers of new shoes – Cordwainers – then they might be faring better.

Not only that, but the museum had Elton John’s mega DMs from the film Tommy, nearly enough to have “Pinball Wizard” as a title for this piece.

We also passed the famous lift tower on the way down to the ground. It is where lift companies test their new lifts, the tallest test shafts in the world, where the lifts can go up to twenty miles an hour. I was oblivious about it, but my brother had told me about it earlier in the year as he had been especially to see it some years ago. Strangely my mate Chris, who designs and builds lifts as a job, has never mentioned it. It is the only permanent abseil set up in the UK.

Word is, planning permission for the Midlands longest zip wire to be installed from the top of it down to the Sixfields stadium so that Northampton Town’s mascot Clarence The Dragon can zip wire down to the ground is under consideration. If successful Crawley are looking at getting their own shorter version from the top of the Broadfield Park flats to the stadium for Reggie the Red to do a similar thing at our ground, and his non-appearance at our games is due to the intense training he is undergoing. ** (see note 1)

It was a nice slow amble to the ground after a morning’s sightseeing. At the ground there was someone doing a piece of research on could people tell the difference between “real” replica kits and knock offs. Not sure if we got them right, but there isn’t much difference between any of them. The approach from the north gives a good view down over the ground, which is in a nice dip.

I got a programme, always good, always a tick.

Calling themselves ‘Shoe Army’ at the club shop amused me anyway.

There were plenty of Crawley fans in the ground early on. And up to this point I was enjoying writing this piece, enjoying the trip to Northampton, and had a good feeling about how things would go.

And then we kicked off.

Northampton were in their traditional maroon shirts and socks and white shorts, and we were in out all grey/white second kit. It was a cagey start, but it didn’t take long for the mistakes to start creeping in. Bradley Ibrahim gave the ball away in the middle of our own half which led to Northampton’s first shot, which flew over the bar. The play was nervy, and Northampton got a corner, they took it short and were two on one with Harry Forster, which meant they played around him and got a shot off which Ibrahim managed to get a block on. It was played back in and their striker rounded JoJo Wollacott but put the shot into the side netting from a tight angle.

There seemed to be little let up. Another shot. Fortunately, over the bar again. Then we attack for a change and Max Anderson has a shot from outside the box, which is deflected out for a corner, which is taken too long and easily cleared.

Northampton get another corner, this time from the other side, but it is the same two on one from the short corner against Forster, this time the shot isn’t blocked, and it ends up in the corner of the net and we trail 0-1. Pure stupidity as we obviously didn’t learn from the previous corner on the other side. There are words between some of the players, but anyone having a go at Forster needs to give their head a wobble as there was no support.

This wakes us up a bit and we finally get a bit of decent pressure, down the right wing, a cross is put in, a shot blocked, picked up again and the follow up shot is deflected for a corner, but that is cleared.

However, Northampton are making it look easy every time they attack. They work another ball into the box, and the shot is saved by Wollacott for a corner. We clear and break and Forster has a shot which is saved for a corner. Which is caught easily by their keeper.

Northampton break down the left again, the cross comes over and is just about kept away from their striker as Josh Flint puts it out for a corner. It comes in and Wollacott comes to punch but misses, and it hits Jay Williams and bounces into the net, and it is 0-2.

Ibrahim is having a bit of a mare, giving the ball away yet again, and playing Northampton in, and they get another corner. It is headed out, but another shot comes in, this one going over.

We are playing so slowly out from the back, it is slow, slow, slower, slower, slow. There are glaciers moving forward quicker than we are. The lack of movement is just not funny. It would be ideal if they were playing musical statues, but someone needs to tell them the music is playing again.

Finally, there is a speedier attack down the right. Forster’s cross is half blocked, there is a shot, that is blocked for a corner. That is headed behind at the front post for another corner, that is taken short before being played in and cleared for a third corner which is taken long into the box only for the ref to blow for an imaginary foul and the pressure to come to an end.

There is a guy behind me spending much of the game giving the ref grief, so much so even his family are telling him to give it a rest. He continues saying the ref needs to hear it, only to be told, no, he doesn’t.

There is one added minute before the half time whistle goes with the score at 0-2. It is the best period of play for us before the second half kicks off. As the Northampton keeper takes his place in front of us, I have a double take at the name on the back of his shirt. It says Burge, but I read it as Bulge, which would have been a much more appropriate name. Instead of the usual whoa…… you’re shit chant, you’re fat would have been better (and yes, I know pot and kettle and all that).

Anderson was subbed off at half time, one of half a dozen who could have been, and he’s been replaced by Panutche Camara. Not even thirty seconds into the half and Flint is down injured, didn’t see any contact, but it doesn’t look good as he is helped off and around the pitch in front of us. He is replaced by Rushian Hepburn-Murphy.

We attack down the right a ball is played into Will Swan; he plays it back to Forster to cross and a RHM header bounces across the goal and Swan can’t get his touch on target just beyond the right post.

Northampton attack down the left, it is crossed, a shot blocked, and it is pushed across to the right and another shot comes in and goes in to make it 0-3. It is not a good day.

Heads haven’t dropped completely, and another attack down the right sees a ball come over and Jeremy Kelly gets it on the left-hand side of the penalty area only for him to shank he shot high and wide. Ronan Darcy gets a shot off from the edge of the area and that is well over as well. Another ball into the box sees passes made but it doesn’t fall quickly enough for Swan to be able to get a shot off and the ball is cleared.

Darcy picks up a booking for a nothing challenge in midfield. Another right-wing attack sees RHM fizz a ball across the six-yard box, but no one is there, and it goes out on the far side for a throw. Darcy and Ibrahim are subbed off with Gavan Holohan and Benjamin Tanimu coming on. The latter not being listed in the Northampton programme, seems they are as tardy as our programme makers used to be, as they also have Gonzalez and Papadopolous as being in our squad.

There is a week late tackle which leaves Toby Mullarkey on the deck, but which was so late no one saw it, and play goes on for a while before the ref allows treatment. They announce the crowd as being 6,445 but can’t be arsed to say how many are away fans. Forster is hacked down as he goes down the wing, but no booking is forthcoming. Williams has a late tackle in midfield and does get one. One is also shown to a Northampton player for the resulting melee.

We make our final substitution with Swan going off to be replaced by Tola Showunmi. We get a corner which goes deep, there is a coming together and a clash of heads between a defender and Charlie Barker, and the free kick goes to Northampton. The ref is just guessing at this stage. We have a couple of shots which are blocked. There are five added minutes, which considering the injuries, the number of substitutions and the hours of time wasting is taking the piss, but on the plus side it’s only five more minutes of agony to endure.

A Barker shot is tipped over for a corner, and Holohan has a shot from that which is over the bar, but then play migrates up the other end for corner after corner for Northampton before the final whistle goes to signal the end of the 3-0 defeat.

It’s hard to reconcile that performance with the one from Tuesday night. It’s been pointed out that I’m the one jinxing things. But looking at the match stats we spent far too much time fannying about passing the ball around at the back very slowly. With tortoises and snails moving up the pitch quicker than we were. Much less possession on Tuesday saw quicker counter attacking and goals. More of that and less of the painfully slow tippy tappy shit is desperately needed.

The defeat, coupled with the third win in as many games for Cambridge United sees us drop a place back to twenty-second, still only a point off safety, but with an ever increasingly poor goal difference.

** (Note 1) none of that paragraph is even remotely true. Seriously, Reggie has trouble walking and waving at the same time, who in their right mind would allow him anywhere near a zip line? I did take another picture of it on the way back into the town centre for a commiseration curry, just to make sure there weren’t any Crawley fans at the top planning to throw themselves off.

Anyway, it is a week off from league action, as next Saturday sees the FA Cup first round game away at Maidenhead, a there and back in a day trip.

Come on you reds.

It’s A Coffee Table Now

There must be something about Malthouse Road. Something which causes Malthouse Road to be a dog shit magnet. I walk around most places when in Crawley, and so pound a lot of pavements and paths through parks and green spaces. And in doing so I very rarely see any traces of dog shit left on the ground by lazy owners. But for some reason the west side of Malthouse Road is full of it.

From the junction with Brewer Road north to where Malthouse Road stops at East Park I had to avoid five separate little doggy offerings on the pavement. And they were just the whole ones. There were another two which previous unfortunate pedestrians had managed to put their big (and not so big) feet in and smear across a few slabs as well as the soles of their shoes.

Is it a no poo bag zone? Is it passersby giving their own version of social commentary on what they think of Malthouse Road? Or is it that those living on Malthouse Road are just a bunch of lazy bastards who can’t be arsed to clean up after their dogs? It makes it a bit of a shit walk though.

Some may be asking what the title has to do with what has been written above. Those people must have never seen Eddie Murphy’s “Delirious.” And the father’s rant I the cookout scene about the kids not cleaning up the dog shit.