onetruekev – Random Mutterings

Ain’t No Soul (Left In These Old Shoes)

Lots of potential happy titles for this piece based on our opponents being known as the cobblers, such as ‘Dancing Shoes,’ ‘Goody Two Shoes’, ‘I Know You Got Soul’, ‘These Boots Are Made For Walking ‘and on and on, and although it isn’t totally over now, I’ve gone with this Northern Soul classic, with the version by Major Lance. And this is a bit later going out than it usually is as we have had a journey up to Nottingham after the game as we have my Mum’s eightieth birthday to attend at my brother’s tomorrow and left it nearly an hour so we weren’t travelling up amongst the returning Northampton fans.

Those five days have gone quickly, since the 3-1 win at home to Exeter on Monday afternoon which kept the hope of survival alive for at least another few days. This is our last home game of the season with Northampton Town the visitors. We played the away game against them at the back end of October, and it was the game Josh Flint went off injured to miss most of the rest of the season in.

When Northampton Town got promoted the season we only just escaped relegation from League Two, they beat us home and away, and they beat us in the corresponding away fixture back in October 3-0, but overall, the record between the two clubs is fairly even, five wins for us, six for them, and three draws. At the Broadfield it is dead level, three wins apiece and a draw. And in his Retro Reds piece, Mick Fox again pointed out that Northampton Town were the first ever league club who Crawley beat in the FA Cup, back in 1991.

There are no Northampton Town football cards from the Topps era, last time out I dug one out from the sixties A&BC sets from their single season in the topflight (one of six teams to have done that, and one of four of them we have played this season). As for the Exeter Game on Monday, again I’ve gone to the 1991–92 Proset collection, with Northampton Town being in what was then the Fourth Division, and their fixture card with their manager – Theo Foley – on the front (which shows what Proset thought of their players that season) mainly because I had that set out anyway.

More on my football card obsession over the years can be read in the article below.

And Northampton Town are one of the four league clubs whose full name starts and ends with the same letter, and the second we have played this season (after Charlton Athletic).

When I was a kid I loved everything about football, I would read anything and everything about it, work my way through all the Rothmans annuals in the library, and I would watch (and play) at every opportunity, from park football on a Saturday afternoon to Division One on Match Of The Day. But in my thirties and forties I kind of fell out of love with it, stuck in a Premier League bubble and the greedy corporate bullshit cocoon which exists around it. When the European Super League debacle happened and I gave that up and started to follow Crawley I have fallen back in love with football at all levels again. It never ceases to amaze me (and humble me) at the breadth of knowledge there is of the non-league pyramid on the forum, and this season how close a lot of the leagues have been, prime examples being the National League South which going into the final day any one of the top six could win the league, or the Isthmian League where the top three are all on the same points, with only 1 goal difference separating the top two. These season long battles coming down to the last game of the season is what football is all about. Nowadays I hardly ever buy Four Four Two, apart from the season preview and if there is anything relevant to me now (such as the latest issue with the top 50 EFL players article in) as they don’t tend to look at anything below the topflight in any country. WSC and Late Tackle are much more representative of all the levels of football. And I have got the current copy of The Blizzard, and they have a great article on the formation and struggles of Hastings United, currently trying to stave off relegation from the Isthmian Premier League. And Back Pass is great for digging back into history, the great Retro Reds pieces Mick Fox does wouldn’t look out of place in that magazine.

Before any of the kick offs today we are three points (and lots of goal difference) from safety. By kick off Bristol Rovers had lost 2-0 against Reading and so a win would put us above them on goals scored at least. The big game going on at the same time as ours is Burton Albion at home to Cambridge united, who sit just behind us. Usually you wouldn’t want the team directly below you in the league to win when you are in a relegation battle, but Cambridge winning is the best possible result for us to have the best chance of staying up.

There was sad news yesterday as it was announced that long time Crawley Town iFollow commentator ‘Travel’ Ken Blackmore had passed away. There was a whole host of tributes and positive memories to him. One I did notice which shows the regard he was held in came on the forum. The bastion of all things negative, aggressive, and downright rude – Nobby – put a positive and respectful post on, which should be screenshotted and saved for posterity, as it may be the only one ever.

The club have put up the polls for the player of the season and the goal of the season ready for the end of season club awards ceremony. For me there is only one candidate for player of the year, as he always gives his all, full out all game, every game, and that’s Charlie Barker. If he had stayed fit for more of the season then Harry Forster would have given him a run for his money, as there were times during the season when it looked as if they were the only two players who really cared. For goal of the season I’ve voted, not for what appears to be the standard choice I’ve seen everyone else mention, but instead for Will Swan’s goal. He won the header for the flick on, got the ball back in his path and hit if first time with the outside of his right foot, from outside of the right-hand side of the area and curled it into the top left-hand corner of the goal. He has been much maligned by many this season, but that goal was a glorious strike with great technique, it’s just a shame he didn’t do it more often.

The weekly club e-mail came out and there is no mention of the emergency loan for Toby Steward being extended, or of any other emergency loan keeper being taken on, so it looks as if JoJo Wollacott will be back in action today. Only for the announcement to come late in the morning of the match that the loan had been extended and we would be playing Toby, with JoJo still out with a neck injury, though there is no truth in the rumour that he got the injury from repetitive strain injury picking the ball out of the back of the net all season.

With it being the last home game of the season it meant that it is the day on which every season ticket remembers they have free ticket vouchers in the red envelope shoved in the back of a drawer somewhere and they dig them out to invite friends to use them, or for some people, seeing as they don’t have any, inviting randoms they meet in the street. And so there are hoards of people wandering around with no idea where they are supposed to be sitting / stood, and there are vast numbers of people sitting in the wrongs seats as they try to sit / stand near the people who gave them the ticket. In addition to the people end of season rush for free tickets, there is also the last minute need to use up all the free sausage roll / pie and hot drinks vouchers before they become obsolete over the summer. So let’s hope they’ve ordered extra stock in for the game.

With about twenty minutes to go before kick off the club announce that the game is a sell-out. There is a reasonable contingent of away fans, but the crowd is announced – well shown up on the scoreboard as 5,105, which depending on how many away fans there were maybe a bit high, as there were a shit load of empty seats around us in the east marquee.

The away fans had mainly turned up in the club’s bright yellow away shirt, and a few had taken the colour theme a bit further and come dressed as bananas. Northampton Town were wearing their yellow shirts, along with yellow socks and maroon shorts, whilst we were in our all-red home kit.

The minute’s applause before kick off to commemorate Travel Ken was thunderous and taken up by the away support as well which was nice to see.

Northampton kick off and it only takes about thirty seconds for them to have their first throw on our side of the pitch and for TAFKAL to yell out ‘get on with it.’ That first throw was fine for him to yell out the player’s name, but when it reverted to being the full back taking it, the double-barrelled surname wasn’t getting much of a look in.

We get an early corner down the right-hand side. It is taken short going back to Jack Roles and he swings a cross in, it is headed down by a defender and comes to Ben Radcliffe near the edge of the box and his shot goes over the bar. And over the top of the KRL Logistics stand for ball loss one of the game.

Attacking down the right again and Roles swings another cross in which is headed clear to the left side of the box, it is won back, and the ball is played across to Liam Fraser on the edge of the D and his shot goes just wide.

The early stages of the game are a bit disjointed, the possession is there, but it isn’t quite coming together, the final ball forward is just off, as is some of the passing and control from both sides. Another ball goes down the right wing and Rushian Hepburn-Murphy is onto it only to be fouled outside the right of the penalty box. Roles takes the free kick which is punched clear.

There is a coming together off the pitch in front of the west stand and the whole Northampton bench are up and getting involved as are most of the team, with only Radcliffe there, the player taking time to get back up and on the pitch is Gavan Holohan, and although the ref is over there, there is no evidence of any cards.

A lot of our forward play is coming down the right, and it does so again with a ball releasing Roles, his first time cross is slightly behind RHM who attempts a back heel flick to force it goalwards, and it goes wide. Northampton break down their right and Jeremy Kelly cynically stops it and is probably a bit lucky not to pick up a yellow for it. The free kick is played into the box and punched clear by Toby Steward, Northampton play it back into the box and get a weak shot off which is collected by Steward. We give away a cheap corner, which is taken deep and headed behind for another corner on the other side of the pitch. We break and RHM is off down the right wing, played back across to Kelly but just beyond him.

There are a lot of small white feathers floating about on the wind across the pitch and into the stands. It looks as if there may well have been a chicken blown up before the game in some kind of sacrifice to Jabu as in Major League.

We are consistently playing a release ball down the right wing for Roles to get onto. This time he feeds the overlapping Holohan whose cross is collected by a diving keeper before it can reach a striker. We win the ball back in midfield and play it to Panutche Camara, he slips the ball through to RHM to the right of the penalty area, and he shoots across the keeper, and it nestle in the left side of the net, and we lead 1-0.

And we stay calm on the restart, don’t let Northampton get on the front foot as we have against so many sides this season after scoring, and the rest of the half, including one minute of added time is comfortably seen out, and we go into half time leading 1-0.

The second half sees us come out as if they had been prodded by the devil at half time. Straight from the kick off the ball is played over the top to RHM in the box, he plays it back to Camara, but his cross is too deep. At the other end Kelly is penalised for a foul throw and Northampton get the throw on the edge of our box, they swing a cross in which is punched clear and we break down the right, RHM plays it back to Camara, his deep cross is nodded back to Kelly and his shot takes a deflection and hits the underside of the bar and it looks like it has gone up and the fans are up celebrating a second goal, only it isn’t and Northampton manage to clear.

A ball out of defence from Radcliffe finds Kelly down the left, he cuts in, but his attempted ball forward is half cleared out to Charlie Barker, and his shot from thirty five yards out is high over the bar, and over the Eden Utilities Stand for ball loss number two of the day.

We seem to be having an attack a minute. Every time Northampton get the ball into our half we are breaking with pace on them. This time Camara plays Holohan in down the left, he gets to the area and crosses it in and RHM’s shot is over and wide. Then we break down the right, as Roles wins the ball and plays it to Camara and he puts RHM through and clear one on one with the keeper and an absolute age to compose himself and pick his spot, but his low effort is pretty much straight at the keeper, and we wince as that was the kind of chance we really have to take to make sure of such a game.

And we are almost through again straight away, Camara on to RHM and his ball to Holohan is only just cut out by a sliding lunge to the ball by a defender. And again, Camara has it in midfield again and puts another great through ball into RHM in the box, and his shot is blocked out for a corner. It is swung in, there is a bit of head tennis in the box, and it comes to Holohan, and his shot is deflected making it an easy catch for the keeper.

A long ball out is headed down by Radcliffe to Max Anderson who plays it on to RHM and he plays a through ball to Roles, and his shot is just wide. It is difficult to keep up with everything going on, the pen has steam coming off it. We win the ball in out own half, Anderson plays it to Kelly, and he runs forward and shoots from twenty-five yards, it takes a deflection and goes for a corner. It is taken deep, and Barker’s header goes wide.

The ball is won back, and Fraser plays it out of defence to Radcliffe who brings it forward and plays it onto Kelly, his cross is half cleared and comes to RHM, and his shot is over the top. Only for us to be on the attack again, winning the ball in midfield and streaming forward. Holohan times the pass perfectly through to Kelly who takes it into the box and calmly gives the keeper the eyes and sends him the wrong way, passing it into the near corner and finally there is that deserved second goal, and we lead 2-0.

The downside is hearing the news that Burton have taken the lead against Cambridge.

We win a free kick in midfield and Kelly pings it wide to RHM, Barker goes down on the edge of the area clutching his face after a coming together. We keep the ball and RHM has exchanged passes, and he shoots only for it to be wide again. It gets played straight back from the goal kick, Barker to Roles onto Camara and his deep cross is put back in by Holohan and there is a header just over.

There is a rare Northampton foray forward, and a shot is well saved by Steward, and the follow up is deflected behind for a corner. It is taken short, but we win it back and break with RHM only for him to be tackled just inside the attacking half.

And it is time for our first subs, Roles and Camara who have both run themselves into the ground are off to be replaced by the not inconsiderable talents of Armando Junior Quitirna and Kamari Doyle, whilst RHM is down injured on the right wing. There are a few quiet minutes before we make another substitution with Holohan being replaced by Antony Papadopoulos.

The attacking is still going on, Fraser plays a lovely ball out of defence to Kelly on the left, he plays it on to Doyle and his cross eludes everyone and goes out for a throw on the far side. Northampton have a break down the right wing and their player cuts inside Radcliffe and shoots and Steward catches.

Only for us to march up the other end again, Kelly and RHM play it between them down the left and then play the ball back across into the centre of the park, Fraser picks out Doyle in the box and he is calmness personified as he calmly strokes it past the keeper and it is 3-0. Which brings about the fire drill in the away end.

There are four minutes added at the end of the game, and a long ball out of defence to Doyle, he plays it on to Kelly, who lays it back to Radcliffe who clips it into the box looking for AJQ who has gone down and can’t get to it. That is the last meaningful action of the match, but there is a massive wave of a cheer going around as news filters through that Cambridge have got an equaliser. And then the final whistle goes, and we have won 3-0.

The players go off and come back on to do their lap of appreciation, during which there is a disturbance in the force with millions of voices crying out ‘NOOOO!!’ as Burton have retaken the lead and ended up winning their game.

It was odd after the final whistle saying to those fans we know around us, who won’t be making the trip away for the last game, ‘see you next season.’ It’s an odd feeling that we won’t see TAFKAL, Mark, Rick, Grant, Christine, or any of the others now for three months.

Our win saw us climb a place, jumping over Bristol Rovers up to twenty first, but the Burton win means we are still three points off safety and with a deficit in goal difference of twelve. They also have a game in hand midweek against a Wigan Athletic team who are safe in mid table and nothing to play for. Although it is now highly unlikely, we can stay up, it is still mathematically possible. All it needs is three 4-0 results in the next week, two of them as 4-0 defeats for Burton against Wigan and Charlton, and for us to win our final game away at Shrewsbury Town by the same margin. As the annoying meerkats say, ‘simples.’

I think we can all be Wigan fans on Tuesday night, and hopefully old boy Ronan Darcy can muster his new team mates to do us a massive favour.

As for that final game away to Shrewsbury Town, who have been relegated already for a couple of weeks. Well this trip has been booked in for a while, and we will be up Thursday night, ready for going to Loopfest at the weekend, with tickets for Goldie Lookin’ Chain at Shrewsbury Castle on the Friday night already snapped up.

Come on you reds.

Hallelujah

The main track from the Madchester Rave On (EP) from 1989, which was the Happy Mondays first UK top twenty single. I had all sorts of Monday related titles lines up, and some Grey ones (repeating the Grecian 2000 tenuous link from the away game), but with a positive result, and other games going our way, why not a little bit of rejoicing?

What’s this, a 3pm kick off on a Monday, what FSS madness is this. Oh, no, hang on, it’s Easter Monday, it’s traditional, and FSS have not been fucking with the fixture list this time. It’s the penultimate home game of the season, with Exeter City being the visitors, and we still fight to avoid relegation after the away draw against Birmingham City on Friday.

This will be our twentieth game against Exeter City, the first three were FA Cup ties when we were a non-league side, which saw a draw and two losses, and a first-round loss away to them in the League Cup. In the league we have four wins, five draws, and six losses. Our game against them between Christmas and New Year was the rollercoaster of emotions that really sum up our season. We led 4-1 at half time only to squander that lead and end up drawing 4-4, highlighting the season long inability to convert leading positions into wins. But there were also two incidents which point to how hard done to we have been by officiating this season as well. A few minutes into the second half Tola Showunmi was dragged back as he went to kick the ball in the box, a blatant foul, but no penalty. And Exeter’s third goal was another blatant foul, this time on JoJo Wollacott (their manager got sent off in the following match when the same tactic saw the ‘goal’ disallowed). Either or both been given would have seen a win. Similar decisions have cost us points away at Bristol Rovers and Bolton Wanderers, and at home against Wrexham.

On loan Kamari Doyle was on the pitch for that game, but he was then on loan at Exeter, but he was substituted before the comeback started. There have one ex Crawley player in their squad, with Caleb Watts who played one game for us on loan from Southampton back in 2022, getting a hamstring injury after eighteen minutes in his first and what turned out to be last appearance for us.

Regarding cards, again I’ve gone to the 1991-92 Proset collection, with Exeter City being in what was then the Third Division, and their fixture card with goalkeeper Kevin Miller on the front. Looking at that fixture list, Stockport County, Reading, Shrewsbury Town, Bolton Wanderers, Wigan Athletic, Leyton Orient, Birmingham City, Huddersfield Town, and Peterborough United were all in the same division then are they are this season. Five of the teams from that year are no longer in the league (Torquay United, Hartlepool United, Darlington, Bury, and Chester City), and three are in the Premier League now (Brentford, AFC Bournemouth, and Fulham).

The full-on obsession mode is covered in the piece below.

And of course Exeter is now the answer to the quiz question of which is the largest city in England not to have hosted top-flight football, having inherited it from the long-time title holders Hull.

Following on from the discussion piece in Four Four Two I’ve mentioned previously, it would appear that the ‘tactical’ goalkeeper injury is the hot topic in football magazines, as there is an article on it in this month’s When Saturday Comes as well, and that focuses mainly on League One, but doesn’t mention us this time, instead highlighting Birmingham City’s manager Chris Davies’s extensive use of it, and mentioning Bolton Wanderers’ manager Steven Schumacher being a fierce critic of it (so perhaps that’s aimed at us, despite his admission he’s used it himself).

Going into the game we are six points, and a shit load of goal difference of safety, and despite the battling 0-0 draw against champions Birmingham City on Good Friday, we have dropped a place and are now twenty-third. Even winning all of our remaining games may not be enough to save us now, it is out of our hands. Exeter meanwhile sit fourteenth and have secured safety with points in their last three games.

I was at the ground ridiculously early, even by my own standards. Only one of the three Exeter City supporters coaches had turned up, and even by the time I got into the ground at half one, the team coach hadn’t arrived.

There was a reason for me going early, it was to take lots of photographs of little bits and pieces in and around the ground in assorted colour and image settings. Having joined the Crawley Camera Club has done strange things to me. Who would have thought I’d want a close up of a floodlight, or a single colour view of the snack bar in the southeast corner? There isn’t quite one picture per word, but I have enough for at least one in every twenty, not that I’m going to use anywhere near that.

The sun was out when walking up to the ground and when I first sat down, but as kick-off approached, so did the threatening dark clouds and I sit shivering with four layers, hood and gloves and wonder if that is a final omen for the season.

When the team is announced, one of the know it all, know nothing nincompoops on the forum said it was the worst Crawley Town elevens of the season.

Exeter are in blur shirts with white sleeves, blue shorts, and white socks, up against the all red home kit of ours. Exeter have the first attack of the game, working it through the middle and get a shot off from just inside the box which trickles wide. We attack down the left with a ball to Gavan Holohan, he gets into the box and crosses it, Panutche Camara has a volley saved, and the follow up from Liam Fraser if blocked and Exeter smuggle it away.

We have a throw on the right, near the penalty area, and Charlie Barker takes a long throw into the box. It is headed to the edge of the box and there are claims for an Exeter handball, but Jack Roles wins the loose ball and crosses it, there is a header in there by someone (difficult to tell as the six yard box is crowded), which is saved, I think Max Anderson follows up, and it is pushed out to the left and Rushian Hepburn-Murphy forces it in from close range at our fifth attempt and we lead 1-0.

Exeter attack from the restart and get into the box and have a shot which is blocked. It is played out and Camara wins it in the centre circle and breaks clear, there is a two on one and he slides it across to RHM, who progresses with it and then feeds it back to Camara, and he goes into the area and curls it into the top corner and we lead 2-0.

Toby Steward is down injured in the box and the physio is on to treat what appears to be cramp? After ten minutes. Surely it’s a bit too early to be timewasting, especially now that the issue of phantom keeper injuries is a hot topic in the football media.

When play resumes we win the ball in midfield and feed it out to the left, it gets to RHM, and he cuts in and across the front of the penalty area before shooting. That one is more likely to bring down a passing plane rather than trouble the keeper. A long ball down the right is taken down by RHM in the box and there are more appeals for a handball, but it goes to the keeper, and he launches it over the east marquee for ball lost one of the day.

The ball comes out of defence to Holohan, he passes it to Jeremy Kelly, who cuts in from the left and across the front of the box before shooting from the right side of the D and it is just wide, hitting the stanchion behind the goal. More great play through the middle, it is played into Kelly in the box in full stride, he jinks past the keeper and tries to roll it back the other way into the goal , but there is a defender on the line to clear, but only straight to RHM following in, and he knocks it in to make it 3-0.

We haven’t even finished celebrating and Exeter are attacking down the right, they put in a deep cross to the back post and there is no challenge on the header which just goes over Steward, clips the underside of the bar and creeps over the line and in a blink of an eye it is back to 3-1.

The goal scorer and former Crawley player (if only for eighteen minutes) Caleb Watts picks up a booking soon after for what the ref indicates is persistent fouling, as he catches Roles in midfield.

It takes half an hour before Exeter get a throw on our side of the pitch and therefore to involve TAFKAL in proceedings with a yell of ‘get on with it.’ He’s probably grateful it isn’t their number 11 taking it though. Barker attempts to dribble out from the back and is robbed, but Exeter thankfully can’t take advantage, and it goes out for a goal kick. Seriously, concentrate lads.

Exeter have woken up a bit since their goal and they work it inside and have a shot from the edge of the area which is saved by Steward. It is half cleared before Exeter play it back into the box. Fraser has his hand on an Exeter player’s back and feeling it the player goes down like an extra from Platoon. The ref isn’t only not buying it, he stops play and books the diving little shit.

Ben Radcliffe makes a good tackle on halfway and it looks as if play is continuing, only for the Exeter number 11 to roll around in apparent agony, at which point the ref stops play, brings it back to give Exeter a free kick and book the confused looking Radcliffe. As soon as the yellow card comes out, the number 11 is up and running off. Cheating bastards.

There are three added minutes at the end of the half. We work it forward with good interplay between Holohan and Camara down the right, it is hit to the left and RHM gets it and cuts inside and shoots, and this one disappears over the KRL Logistics stand for ball loss two of the game. And we attack again, Fraser in midfield, out to Roles on the right, thorough to Camara, back to Roles who crosses it first time, Holohan throws himself at it with a diving header which goes inches wide. The half time whistle goes with us leader 3-1.

And still I have no confidence, especially after what happened in the away game. It may well be an exceedingly long second half.

Which starts with Exeter getting a free kick thirty yards out near right corner of the penalty area. It is headed half clear, and pumped back in again, and cleared again. We win a free kick in midfield and the ball is pumped long into the box, Barker brings it down and shoots and the keeper manages to save and collect at the second attempt.

TAFKAL is telling the throw takers to take their time. The guy on the end of the row in front of me is having a go at TAFKAL telling him to shut up. TAFKAL isn’t, at which point the guy in front mutters physical violence threats.

There is a ball down the left to Kelly, he pings it across to the right to Roles, first touch into Camara in the box, and he is tackled for a corner. Taken deep it is headed back across goal by Barker and Holohan’s header is cleared off the line. There is a coming together as it is cleared just outside the box and Kelly and an Exeter player get yellow cards.

Playing out from the ball, Steward passes to Barker, who pings an absolute beauty across to Kelly on the other wing, he plays it down the channel for RHM to run onto, he cuts back inside and goes across the edge of the box where he is fouled and we get a free kick on the edge of the D. Roles steps up to take and hits the wall, it comes back to him and the follow up effort hits the wall as well. Exeter attack but we clear and look to break, RHM rolls his man and is away in his own half but is hacked down and Exeter get another booking.

Exeter are showing more in the second half, they win a free kick near the corner flag on the left, it is crossed in and Steward punches clear, it is picked up on the right and crossed back in and the shot goes wide. They win a corner, taken short, worked all the way across to the other side of the pitch and then played in and Steward collects.

And it is substitution time, Exeter make two and we replace Camara with Kamari Doyle coming on to replace him. Exeter have a free kick on the right, half cleared, goes out to the left and crossed in and we head it clear from under our own bar, for a throw on the other side, and we clear and play it long for RHM who wins a throw deep down the other end. And now Roles is off and replaced by Armando Junior Quitirna.

The Exeter number 23 is going to ground every time anyone is anywhere near him, he is winning a lot of cheap free kicks, but the ref isn’t falling for his shit every time. There is a long ball clear and AJQ is after it, the defender is across to head back at the keeper who blocks it outside the area. Our bench are going mad claiming it was a handball in the box and instead pick up a booking for their protests. However, the Exeter City X account even acknowledges that the keeper was lucky not to be penalised for handball outside the box. It’s just a shame Stevie Wonder is refereeing.

We are still trying to press high up the pitch and AJQ forces a mistake and gets the ball in the centre circle, he plays it through to RHM, and he gets into the box only for his cross to be deflected for a corner. Taken and half cleared, played back in and a Barker header is cleared, and we try to keep the pressure on.

When Exeter do come away with it, they win a corner, which is taken deep, too deep for anyone and it goes out harmlessly for a goal kick. They win another corner; the cross comes into the box and the ref blows for a foul. The Exeter number 8 picks up a booking for dissent for arguing about the decision, and that’s his second booking and so he is off.

Which means we will be playing the three added minutes at the end of the game against ten men. Which we manage comfortably passing it around without too much urgency – a bit of a shame we don’t go for it more, that goal difference could be key in the final tally up. The full-time whistle goes, and we have won 3-1.

All in all a good all-round performance and a well-deserved victory, which goes to show the know it all, know nothing nincompoop saying it was the worst Crawley Town eleven of the season, knows absolutely fuck all.

After the game I’m talking to TAFKAL and offer to swap seats with him for the last home game of the season, just for the shits and giggles that would cause.

Elsewhere Burton Albion, Bristol Rovers, and Cambridge United all lost, we go back up to twenty-second in the table, and the gap to safety is now only three points (and a shit load of goal difference). Burton play Cambridge on Saturday and seeing as Burton have a game in hand to come as well, we have to be hoping for a Cambridge win there.

Next up is our final home game of the season against the now safe Northampton Town after their drubbing of bottom of the table Shrewsbury Town. Needless to say, but I’m all for saying it anyway. We need another win, and not the kind of performance we put in at their place. Steve McQueen hasn’t crashed his bike into the barbed wire just yet, the great escape is still feasible.

Come on you reds.

April Assorted Anecdotes

The sun brings them all out. Fortunate weather for a school holiday. The café’s tables usually sparsely occupied are all filled. People stopping for refreshment, to sit and bask in the sun. the fountains gurgle away happily, the sound of their upwardly expelled water crashing back down onto the concrete slabs is accompanied by the little squeals of joy or excitement from the small children playing among the jets. Short sleeves on the whole are the order of the day and eager men, women, and children take the opportunity to get their legs out on display. Baggy three quarter length, tailored just above the knee, or short short and tight tight hot pants, the whole gamut is here. The sun’s rays are reflected off the chrome and glass of the modern buildings surrounding the square. And there are smaller glints, flashing motion, rebounding off the plethora of sunglasses worn. The pace seems slower, the quick head down scurry of the winter months has gone. It is more a casual stroll, head up as if to enjoy the sun, or for them to pose and show themselves off now they no longer have umpteen layers to protect themselves from the cold and rain. And there are smiles on faces as if the warmth has caused the edges of mouths to curl up instead of pointing down. There is chat, there is energy, but it is relaxed. It is a surprise how little of the masses of flesh on display is milk bottle white. The tanning salons of the town must have been busy over the shorter days and longer nights.

No watching the world go by as I had breakfast on Saturday morning before going away. I wasn’t in any rush and was happy to let a couple of undecided people go in front of me at Maccy D’s, and all the window seats were free. Big mistake, those I let in front of me took all of those window seats. Although the watching isn’t as interesting now that the market stalls have moved from their spots in front of Maccy D’s to their new home of Queensway. Though having walked past their new location since the move a couple of times, they do look better over there.

Inside Maccy D’s none of the usual Saturday morning crew were on, which means it’s the usual piss poor attention to detail. The first words on any order ticket are ‘eat in’ or ‘take out.’ I always select eat in, the sticker attached to the order says eat in, but they dump it all in a bag for take-out, and when I said I ordered it as eat in all I get is a gormless expression of a teenage zombie. It is always the same when there isn’t at least one of the two regular full timers working there.

And they are making a pigs ear of the Just Eats / Deliveroo / Uber Eats collections as well, but as I’m sure I’ve mentioned lots of times before, anyone who uses those companies to get Maccy D’s breakfast deserve all they get. Cold congealed food.

I’m having a coffee with breakfast and as always, I wonder why (apart from misplaced snobbery) anyone would pay two quid more to get a coffee from Costa (especially one of their random convenience store machines where it’s not even being made by a barista) or Starbucks.

Speaking of the latter, now that Amazon Prime foists adverts on us, we have seen the terrible Starbucks start of day advert more times than any sane person would ever need to. The advert is of course made far worse by the fact that AC/DC have lost their collective minds and licensed their music for the soulless corporate coffee smucks to use. If only Starbucks could be thunderstruck, lightning struck, earthquake struck, tornado struck, flood struck, any kind really just as long as they are struck off (the rhyming implication is deliberate).

On Good Friday I’d gone to Birmingham to watch the football. It’s well known that I’m not a fan of the city, the routes there and back were strange because its Easter weekend and there are engineering works going on all over the shop. On the way there I went via Leicester (no time to have a wander around there though), and into New Street. Which is one of the reasons I have a deep-seated hatred of the city, down at platform level it is the place where the seals between worlds will break, and the demons will pour out from platform nine. Fortunately, I arrived at platform ten. Upstairs they have improved it massively. On the way home the train was from Moor Street to Marylebone. What a difference. Only five platforms, but the whole station is above ground and looks like it belongs to a bygone area and wouldn’t be out of place on a heritage railway. I know that New Street is where all the through lines go, but when terminating in Birmingham why can’t they all terminate at Moor Street. I’m sure that if that had been the case when I was younger then the city wouldn’t seem so horrific to go to now.

Forever In Blue Jeans

Neil Diamond’s top twenty hit from 1979 is the title in use this time around. One of several singles that were played a lot on a Dansette when I was a kid, and an early misheard lyric by me, as I thought for years he was singing ‘reverend blue jeans’. Anyway with the top two in the division looking seemingly home and hosed, the opening words from the song (and the start of the chorus refrain) are appropriate for today’s opposition.

After last Saturday’s season in a nutshell defeat to Leyton Orient, I’ve spent the time in between then and today in Lisbon. The closest I got to their two magnificent stadiums (for Benfica and Sporting) was seeing them out of the window of the plane as we took off coming back. But visiting their National Pantheon of revered Portuguese people from history, I was surprised to find Eusebio amongst the tombs. The top scorer at the 1966 World Cup was a legendary player, but you don’t think of football players necessarily being national icons in this way. It made me wonder if there would be any football player included if we had a national pantheon in this country.

Having read Four Four Two in more depth since last weekend, I can’t say I’m impressed with the opinion piece by senior staff writer Chris Flanagan. I do agree with the sentiment of his piece about the cynical time wasting by goalkeepers feigning injury so the manager can gather all the players for impromptu team talks. But it’s clear the example he is using (though he doesn’t mention the teams involved or players) is our game away to Bolton. It’s piss poor journalism to denigrate a player who suffered a season ending injury during the game and was only trying to play on because there was no keeper on the bench to replace him.

Additionally I took a longer look at the top fifty EFL players article. Aside from mentioning Charlie Barker as our ‘close but no cigar’, it was interesting to see Gillingham’s ‘close but no cigar’ was Glenn Morris. Tom Fellows made it into the list proper at number nineteen. And today’s opponents have three players in the top fifty list with Christoph Klarer, Tomoki Iwata, and record League One signing Jay Stansfield.

This week’s rider on the merry go round of goalkeepers is Toby Stewart, who is hopefully no relation of Bar. It is another emergency loan keeper, as it would seem JoJo Wollacott is still injured, and Luke Hutchinson was obviously so traumatised by his spell last week he didn’t want to extend it. This will be our eighth different goalkeeper of the season. I’ve tried seeing if this is some kind of record, but there is nothing definitive. There is a BBC article on Ebbsfleet having used eight keepers in their 2015-16 season, although one of those was an outfield player going in goal after a sending off. And I found a piece on Arsenal using seven goalkeepers way back in the 1899-1900 season. But I haven’t found any mention of eight or more proper keepers in a single season. Anyway, Toby, is twenty, and from Portsmouth, and has only played six senior games himself, for Wealdstone in the National League, so it does beg the question of why the hell don’t we just bite the bullet and use Jaspar Sheik instead of bringing in another keeper who won’t have had time to get up to speed with the ridiculous amount of fannying about we do at the back. You have to feel sorry for anyone coming in at this stage as they are on a hiding to nothing, especially against a team as good as today’s opponents have been most of the season.

My piece after the 1-0 loss to Birmingham City in the home fixture got a few more views and reads than usual. In fact, six times as many as normal as one of the Birmingham City fans posted it on their Small Heath Alliance forum. A brief summary of comments would say I’m a miserable, sad, old, fat, bitter, red spectacle wearing, angry prick, with a shit coat. So, much better feedback than usual, and all good for the stats.

Besides that loss we had only played them once before, back in the League Cup in 2017, when we took a 5-1 tonking.

Having used a couple of examples from the 1976-77 season of Topps cards in that previous piece, I’ve come forward a couple of years and picked Birmingham City stalwart of the seventies – Malcolm Page.

My obsession over football cards is expanded in the piece below.

It’s well known I hate Birmingham as a city, but it is a shame the image they have done so well to throw off is being foisted back on them by the bin situation. It really is rubbish for them. Although the city centre and the walk to the ground is rubbish pile free, apparently, it’s the residential areas which are suffering, and its not being helped by people taking advantage to fly tip stuff that should be off to the tip.

Getting to the game by train was interesting. Traditionally when travelling up from Crawley, it is a straightforward train to Victoria, tube to Euston, train to New Street (or train to St Pancras, walk to Euston), but possibly with it being an engineering works Easter weekend, none of the journeys online wanted to do that. The three routes they kept giving were up to Victoria, tube to Marylebone, train to Moor Street; train to Peterborough, then to New Street; or train to St Pancras, change for one to Leicester, then one to New Street. I ended up with the latter one for the journey up, and doing the first one for the journey back as they are the quickest routes either way. And speaking of travel issues, the supporters coaches had to forgo their services stop as BCFC only informed them yesterday that the roads around the stadium are closed from 1:30 and they have to be there before then.

With Birmingham City promoted and us looking increasingly nailed on for relegation it does seem as if we are those opposite ends of a Newton’s Cradle, dropped at the same time to hit the other balls (teams) in the middle and bounce back to where we came from.

Birmingham are still on course to break the single season records for points, but they suffered a set back in the Vertu trophy final last Sunday (when the fuck did it change its name again, it was still the Bristol Street Motors Trophy when we were going out in the group stage), losing to Peterborough United as they became the first team to successfully defend the trophy under whatever name it is called now.

With them having secured winning the league last weekend we will be giving the guard of honour for them. And with it being their first home game since clinching the title they will be wanting to put on a show for their fans. So if trying to get a result at fortress St Andrews wasn’t hard enough (Birmingham are undefeated at home this season), that will just make it harder with them being the bear that has been poked. Not great.

Going into the game we are six points from safety, but in reality, seven, as Burton Albion’s goal difference is so superior to ours. They are the team we are chasing down as it is so unlikely to be able to win all four of our remaining games which we would need to do to be able to catch any of the other teams above them on 47 points. And make that eight as Burton managed a draw in the early kick off.

Randomly there were a couple of blokes from Crawley on the St Pancras to Leicester train, one was a Crawley fan, but he wasn’t going to Birmingham, he had been persuaded to do a double header with mates and was off to Derby for their early kick off against Luton, and then up to Sheffield for United against Cardiff in the evening kick off. Not a bad way to spend a Good Friday I suppose but not a visceral as going to see Crawley.

The wander down/up to the ground from the centre of the city is full of regeneration and street art. Apparently speaking to someone on the way down some of the grand old red brick Victorian buildings are due to be demolished as the regeneration continues, which sounds a shame. Along the way there are plenty of stalls selling what I’m sure is ‘official’ League One champions gear. The club superstore has a queue and a half, and watching the queue move slowly the security checks of bodies and pat downs is a lot more thorough than the one I got going into the away end.

I picked up a programme along the way, and it is one of the better ones of the season. Definitely more content than adverts, and seven pages on CTFC, with four on the current squad and position (but randomly including a picture of Joy Mukena – remember him?), two pages on our back-to-back promotions from the Conference to League One, and a quiz page.

There are a few changes with Ben Radcliffe (who was announced before the game as William – twice) and Jack Roles starting, and Benjamin Tanimu, Tola Showunmi, and Antony Papadopoulos making rare ventures onto the bench. The game is at St Andrews, but with our position we’d have been better off with the saint being Jude Thaddeus instead.

Birmingham City are in blue shirts and socks and white shorts, whereas we are in the away white/grey kit. They are on the front foot from the outset and a ball over the top beats Radcliffe and their striker is through and Toby Stewart makes a good save. Then Radcliffe is done on the right, and a cross comes in and the shot from Birmingham hits the foot of the post and is cleared. A left-wing cross finds a Birmingham player free in the box, but their header is glanced wide.

Only six minutes in and there is a stoppage. Not sure what was going on, but the ref was over on the sideline with the fourth official. Not sure if they swapped places or not. The large contingent of travelling fans are in good voice and there is decent banter back and forth with the home fans. I’m known for having a gallows sense of humour, but I’m not sure some of the chants from us are necessarily helping our players.

Birmingham get a corner, the headed clearance is miscued, and they get another one. That is played deep and a header at the back post is only inches over the bar. There is another random stoppage. This time because the shit Sky Bet advertising banner behind the right of the goal has escaped its tethers and made its way onto the pitch. It is unceremoniously dumped behind the hoardings, only for it to reappear a few minutes later, which is a shame as fuck betting advertising.

Charlie Barker has swapped sides with Radcliffe and picks up the first booking of the game for a blatant shirt pull on the halfway line. Birmingham attack with pace again through the middle, play it out to the right and a shot comes in which is saved. We break with some decent passing and a Rushian Hepburn-Murphy cross is put behind for a corner. We play it short, but the whistle has gone for an infringement in the box.

There is a bit of back pass related danger from us for a change. Steward miskicks the ball straight to a Birmingham player on the edge of the box, their shot is blocked and the follow up sees them just run the ball out of play. We have a break and Panutche Camara is taken out on halfway. The free kick is taken long diagonally and goes straight out near the corner flag for a goal kick. Camara is fouled again on the edge of the centre circle, and the free kick is wasted again.

We have some decent possession and work it down the right, RHM plays it back to Barker and he crosses deep and finds Jeremy Kelly all by himself at the back of the area, but it bounces too high for him to get it down to get a shot, but it is worked back in and RHM wins a header at the back post but it goes well wide.

You can see how Birmingham have won the league, there is that constant underlying threat that it will suddenly click for them and that that final ball will go right rather than not quite working. (Although how many times have I said that about us this season?) We have a counterattack down the right and the cross is deflected for a corner, which goes straight out for a goal kick.

And we break again from defence, a ball to Camara in midfield and he slots it to the right and RHM and he has a shot which is saved and goes for a corner. Which is season long traditional style we waste, and it goes for a goal kick.

There are three added minutes at the end of the half and Birmingham have possession for most of it. It is almost as if they are trying to walk the ball into the net. A lot of very neat, quick, close, incisive passing cutting straight through our defence, but the final shot is a bit weak and easily saved. The half time whistle goes, and we are level 0-0.

Not wanting to tempt fate but Camara is having his best game of the season for us so far. TAFKAL is only three rows in front of me, but we are a long way away from both the linesmen, and from anyone taking throw ins so he has been remarkably quiet. Speak to Rick and Grant at half time, they are sat on the lower levels.

The second half starts, and it doesn’t take us long to try and commit defensive Hari kari with a back pass which Steward does well to smuggle out for a throw. It is taken long, and Birmingham get a shot which goes wide. They are attacking more again and win a corner, it is flicked to the back of the box, and crossed back it, which is defended well and goes for a throw. We give away a free kick just outside the right corner of the penalty area. It is taken deep and headed back across goal and the header from that goes just wide.

Birmingham are claiming a penalty after a coming together in the box and one of their players goes down, but it isn’t given and we break and sweep it forward to RHM just in his own half he runs through to the box and tries to cut inside and goes down and as seconds before at the other end, claims for a penalty are waved away.

Then the Birmingham keeper has a CTFC style aberration and plays the ball straight to RHM on the edge of his area, RHM takes one pace forward and shoots. Badly, it is well over the bar, and that may be our best chance gone. It is substitution time and Kamari Doyle goes off to be replaced by Gavan Holohan.

We have a break and there is a blatant stop the break foul in midfield, but the ref plays advantage, but when the ball does go out of play for some reason the deserved yellow card is not forthcoming. (Just as blatant as the foul Barker got one for in the first half.)

Birmingham look really dangerous every time they go down the left-hand side, their winger ha the pace to get past the back line every time. They win yet another corner, but it is too deep for a change and goes harmlessly out for a goal kick.

Another substitution, Camara is going off, as he must be fucking knackered with the shift he has put in today. Max Alexander comes on to replace him. We are on the attack and Bradley Ibrahim loses the ball in the box and is claiming a foul. Birmingham break and go down the left again and Barker manages to shepherd the ball out for a goal kick and is pushed off the pitch. Ibrahim sprints sixty yards to get involved and pushes a Birmingham player, there is a bit of a melee, and Ibrahim picks up a booking. For fucks sake, sometimes he is a moron, why run sixty yards just to get another fucking booking. That makes fifteen for the season and a three-game ban, which means this will be his last appearance for us.

We have a throw on the right in the attacking third, Barker takes it long and it is headed behind for a corner. The cross is half cleared and falls to Kelly just outside the box, his shot gets to about the penalty spot before it is blocked and cleared. We break again and its played out to RHM on the left, he cuts inside but his cross is blocked. And again he gets the ball on the left and passes it across to Holohan only for his shot to be easily saved. Whilst this is going on a steward (not our keeper) has gone down to have a word with Grant and tell him to put his camera away.

RHM is taken out on the halfway line on a break and finally one of these challenges sees a booking for a Birmingham player. Another break comes down the right and Holohan is fouled. Kelly puts it in the box low down and it is cleared for a corner, which is taken low again and cleared and Birmingham are off down the left wing again and get a cross in which we manage to clear, but it is played back into the box and it looks like a striker may be on the end of it but Steward is down low to it and gets there first.

We give away a free kick on the left wing, but it taken deep and goes for a goal kick. There are four added minutes at the end of the game. Birmingham are attacking again and a cross just about misses everyone in the box and sneaks out for a goal kick. We make a substitution with Jack Roles going off and Antony Papadopoulos finally getting some game time, albeit three miserly minutes.

A strong back pass is mis-controlled by Steward and is goes out for a corner. We clear but give it away again it is crossed back in and goes for a goal kick. The four minutes seem like ten before the final whistle goes and we have escaped from St Andrews with a point in a 0-0 draw. The five bar gate on the Birmingham shirts was a bit optimistic.

Elsewhere Bristol Rovers picked up a point at Wrexham, and Cambridge United managed to win away at Huddersfield, and so even with a point we have now dropped to twenty-third in the league and are still six points (seven with goal difference) from safety.

Next up on Easter Monday is the home game against Exeter City. As many of our games have been recently another must win fixture.

The crowd was announced as being 27,325, but no mention of how many of those were away fans, but word was yesterday that there had been over 700 tickets sold. And it seems the title of the piece may have jinxed Wrexham who are now no longer in the automatic promotion places.

Come on you reds.

Johnny Remember Me

Following on from my reference at the end of the last piece about hoping we would be one of Charles Bronson, James Coburn, or Johnny Leyton, rather than the more likely seeming Steve McQueen from The Great Escape, and the fact we are playing Leyton Orient, then here I am using the title of Johnny Leyton’s 1961 number one hit (his only number one single).

We are back in action at home a week after the spirit sapping disappointment of another lacklustre away performance as we contrived to make the equally shite Stevenage look remotely decent in the last ten minutes and let them come away with all three points in a 3-1 loss for us.

Being a bit of a stats geek I was looking at SoccerSTATS.com during the week, and after last weekend’s game we have the unenviable record of being the team in League One who has had the lead in games for the least time on average (15.1% – even Shrewsbury have 15.3%), and not content with that, we are also the team who have been losing in games for the longest time on average – 40.8% (again Shrewsbury are the next worst on 37.2%).

What I was actually looking for was the added time at the end of the game for the season to save me having to go into each game separately. But I had to do that anyway. I was interested to see what the difference was in added time when we were winning as opposed to trailing. When losing, the added time indicated averaged out at 4 minutes and 44 seconds, and on average 5 minutes and 55 seconds were played. When drawing these times went up to 5 minutes 16 seconds and 6 minutes 38 seconds, and when winning then went up again to 5 minutes 38 seconds and 7 minutes dead. So not only does the added time go up if we are drawing or winning, but the additional time played after the indicated time also goes up more when winning or drawing.

And whilst I’m moaning about seeming inequalities, we have the fourth least fouls conceded in the division, yet the second highest number of yellow cards, the only side with less than five fouls conceded per yellow card. I know some of that is Bradley Ibrahim’s mouth, but it is ridiculous. We are the ninth most fouled side, yet yellows against us is down in fifteenth. And it’s an absolute joke that we’ve only been given one penalty all season, back in September against Stockport.

On Friday we announced the emergency loan signing of yet another keeper, this time Luke Hutchinson from Bolton Wanderers as he is in due to an ‘unfortunate injury’ to JoJo Wollacott. When he plays it will be the seventh goalkeeper of the season, only one behind the number of clean sheets.

That was following other announcements during the week, such as the design a new Reggie is back on, this time without CTSA involvement, and then the one that the pissheads may enjoy more, a CTFC lager is being released in time for today’s game – Red Devils Lager – with the strap line of ‘one hell of a beer’. It would need one hell of a lot of them to wipe the memories of this season out.

The latest Four Four Two magazine has an article on the best fifty players in the EFL. It may surprise you to know but no Crawley players make the list. However, they do include one player from each club who didn’t ‘quite’ make the list, and for us it is Charlie Barker.

Back to today and our opponents. We have played Leyton Orient eighteen times in the league, winning ten, drawing one, and losing seven, with a record of five wins, a draw, and three losses at The Broadfield. And there is one loss in the football league trophy three years ago.

That includes the terrible away defeat back on Boxing Day, where we lost 3-0, and we were lucky to score nil, and even luckier that the goals against wasn’t in double figures. Going into the game we are six points off safety, meanwhile Leyton Orient are five points and three places off the play off places, and both of us are realistically chasing the one side.

As is always the case, here’s hoping we don’t get a perfectly good goal disallowed like we did in our last home game of the season back in 2022. But given the state of some of the ridiculous decisions and non-decisions given against us this season I’m not going to hold my breath.

For the away game I managed to dig out a Topps Card from the last of the seasons they did the standard sized cards when they were in Division Two and had just signed Ian Moores from Tottenham Hotspur. The thing was I was sure I’d remembered one from that era for John Chiedozie. But after scouring the checklists, there wasn’t. That was because I was misremembering, and the John Chiedozie card wasn’t from Topps, but was a Top Trumps card from their British Strikers set. So only partially losing my mind.

My football card obsession is covered in this piece.

I’m at the ground early, even by my standards, so early the Leyton Orient team bus hadn’t even turned up yet, and I was waiting to be let through the turnstiles before half one, so with being here so early I hope I’m not flagging by the end.

The woolly hats, six layers of branded clothing, and gloves have been replaced for today and it is short sleeves, a cap, and sunglasses needed as I take my seat in the east marquee and finish off writing the short story I started at writing group earlier. It is a welcome change.

The away end is filling up with fans in good voice well before kick-off. Leyton Orient are in an all pale blue kit, almost Coventry City from the eighties like. And as usual we are in our all red home kit. Before we kick off, the early results saw Wrexham fail to win, which means we will be doing the guard of honour thing on Good Friday as Brimingham City have been confirmed as League One champions. It could be a double celebration for them as they are also in the Bristol Street Motors Trophy final tomorrow, so they will be going all out to put on a performance next week. Just what we need.

Our emergency loan keeper signing, Luke Hutchinson appears to have a hell of a kick on him. Watching in warm up he was effortlessly booming the ball down the pitch into the opposite penalty area.

It’s kick off time, and we start well, a god early attack down the right wing, Armando Junior Quitirna and Toby Mullarkey link up well, and the latter puts a ball through for Kamari Doyle to get on the end of, his cross is deflected off an Orient boot into Rushian Hepburn-Murphy’s face and goes back across to Doyle, only for the flag to go up for offside a good ten seconds later.

Which wakes TAFKAL up nice and early. He is in fine voice throughout, having been away on holiday for the last couple of games he has given his throat a much-needed rest and is looking to get involved.

We attack down the left and Jeremy Kelly plays it across midfield to Liam Fraser, and his shot from twenty-five yards out is closed down and blocked on the edge of the area. There is lots of attacking intent, a ball down the channel finds RHM on the right for a change and his ball into Doyle in the box is just too close to the keeper. We have a break down the left and Doyle is hauled down and an Orient player picks up an early booking.

The lino on our side is fiddling with his earpiece. I’m assuming he is making sure the cheese is firmly embedded in there to protect against TAFKAL. (Yes, that is an incredibly old ‘Allo ‘Allo reference.)

Orient break down the right and get a cross in and force a good save from Hutchinson. Then they break down the left only for it to be stopped by a great sliding challenge from Fraser. Charlie Barker plays a long ball over the top from the back and Doyle is onto it and away, and from the left edge of the box he shoots but it goes wide right.

There is another break down the left, a well-timed pass from Kelly finds RHM is lots of space, he cuts inside in the box and has a shot, but it is straight at the keeper, and he saves down low.

We have a sustained bit of possession across the front of the Orient box but can’t find a telling pass in to get a shot, and although we keep possession, we end up playing it all the way back. A ball is played through and Panutche Camara goes down under a challenge, nothing is given and Orient break and win a corner. It’s difficult to tell, but Camara picks up a booking before the corner is taken, whether it is because the ref thought he dived, or because Camara was bending his ear too vociferously about being fouled, who knows. The corner is well claimed by Hutchinson.

AJQ is showing lots of good stuff in attack, beating players with pace and skill and tricks, and is getting manhandled on and off the ball, including a stray knee to the head for which the ref doesn’t stop play. But he finally wins a free kick just over halfway, and it is swung into the box by Kelly. Barker gets his head to it but is stretching and can’t control the contact and it goes over the bar. We are having a lot of decent possession, but as with so many other games this season, we are desperately in need of that final killer ball.

The Orient keeper goes down with an injury, and whilst he is down all the other players on the pitch are over by the dugouts in the shade. It takes a couple of minutes for him to get up and he is moving gingerly, so surely time to try and put some pressure on him. But it’s Orient doing the attacking down the left, they work in a good cross, and only some reasonable defending pressure sees the header at the back post go harmlessly wide.

We have been doing our usual fannying about taking goal kicks and free kicks in the box, and it looks as if the ref is striding toward Hutchinson to give him a yellow card. Dion Conroy makes a decent interception and takes the long talking to by the ref who has obviously had enough of us fucking about with the ball in the box at set pieces. A bit cheeky, he’s only here for today, we have to put up with it every week. Can see a timewasting yellow card coming if they persist with this shit in the second half.

There are two added minutes at the end of the half, which sees another break down the right from Orient, and they win a corner, from it they work it short, and get a cross in and a header at the back post, but Hutchinson claims it and the whistle goes for half time with it 0-0.

It was a good job I’d been to writing before the game, I didn’t realise how little space I had left in my little matchday notepad and would have run out if I hadn’t got my other stuff with me today.

And we start the second half quickly as well, a switch from the right finds Kelly on the left, he plays Bradley Ibrahim into the box, his attempted cross is blocked but it comes back to him, and he shoots which is saved and goes for a corner. It comes in and goes high in the air and Mullarkey wins a header and when it comes back down there is a handball (although it did look more like a forearm smash on Mullarkey and should have been a red). Miracle of miracles, we get a penalty, only the second of the season, which still leaves us bottom of the list. Anyway when everyone is back on their feet AJQ steps up and smashes the ball down the middle and we lead 1-0.

From the restart we attack again through AJQ, but his cross is cleared. It is hoofed down the pitch and is in the air a long time (someone we were speaking to after the game suggested it was in the air so long; he’d had the chance to go to the bar and get a drink before it landed). Anyway Conroy lets it bounce and then misjudges it and doesn’t get near it when it comes down a second time, an Orient attacker is on it and slots it in to equalise 1-1. (That time leading stat isn’t going to improve like that.)

I blinked and missed what the fuck we were doing at the restart but suddenly Orient have the ball in our box again, somehow, they have three on one over on the left wing and play it through the statues of our defence. Hutchinson saves twice but is at the feet of an attacker trying to prevent a third attempt and is deemed to have brought him down and it is a penalty. And a yellow card for Hutchinson. Who gets sent the wrong way and we trail 2-1.

Seriously, what the fuck was that mad three minutes about.

We haven’t let heads drop though and Doyle wins the ball in midfield and slides a lovely ball through to Fraser in the box, but his shot is saved. RHM is having an afternoon of it. He gets wrestled to the ground (again) and gets a free kick, but where was the deserved yellow card for that piece of thuggery? He is bundled over again seconds later but nothing given this time, instead Orient play on and have a shot which is deflected for a corner.

On the other side of the pitch AJQ is down injured, and it isn’t good as he has to be replaced, with Will Swan coming on in his stead. We also withdraw Doyle from proceedings with Jack Roles coming on, much to Rick’s excitement behind me. There is a lot of pushing and shoving going on in the box before the corner is taken and the ref goes in to have words. No sooner does the corner leave the taker’s foot then the ref has blown the whistle for a free kick to us.

RHM is bundled over yet again in midfield and the Orient brick shithouse is given a yellow card on totting up I would assume, rather than for that somewhat less innocuous one. Orient are making subs and send both subs on when the board is up for the first change. When the board goes up for the second one and no one comes on the ref goes looking for the second sub and finding him already lined up on the pitch gives him a yellow card as well.

As is often the case we are trying to do a spell of attacking but are almost undone by a fast break down the left wing, but at least the Orient shot is wide. We attack down the right and win a corner. It is cleared to where Camara is standing in the centre circle, but he makes a hash of controlling it and leaves us having to defend again. A free kick isn’t cleared and a cross flashes across the six-yard box only we are fortunate that there is no one following it up at the back post. The Orient striker lies on the edge of the box injured and takes an absolute age to be subbed. We make a substitution as well with Fraser going off to be replaced by Tyreese John-Jules.

Orient have a long throw into the box from the left wing which is just about smuggled clear. The board goes up to show eight added minutes (and the second of my pre-match stat rambles to get shot down).

And yet again we are masters of our own downfall, pressure down the left on Barker sees him play it back to Hutchinson, but the box is full of Orient players, he plays it toward Ibrahim on the edge of the box, but it is too short and slow and an Orient player nips in and slots the ball in and we now trail 1-3, and no amount of added time is going to save us. This prompts a serious attempt at a fire drill from the east marquee. I have a lot of sympathy for Hutchinson. He’s brought in as an emergency loan without much a chance to get up to speed (granted, that of a snail) with how we play. Surely it would be far better just to stop the fannying about at the back and just tell him to launch it.

We do win a corner from the restart, but it should have been more, the ball to TJJ was a peach, but his control was terrible and instead of a decent shooting opportunity, it went wide, and he had to attempt a cross. We take it short and waste it.

TAFKAL has been getting on at the full back to hurry up and for the lino to do his job, but some of the locally seated fans seem to not be in the mood for his return from holiday and three of them have turned around angrily and shouted at him to shut up. Not going to happen.

Eight minutes are soon up, and the final whistle goes, and it is another defeat 1-3. It isn’t good. There are more harsh words from fans to players and the manager who looks less than impressed by this.

The crowd shown on the scoreboard said 4,796, but we’ve given up announcing it and there is no mention of how many of them were away fans (or how many of us can actually see the fucking scoreboard).

Although Bristol Rovers lost again, Burton Albion had a comfortable 3-0 win against Huddersfield (that 5-1 looks worse and worse now), and they have gone ahead of Bristol Rovers. In reality we can only catch these two, the gap to anyone else is now 11 points and there are only 12 to play for. In reality we need seven and hope neither Bristol Rovers nor Burton pick up any points (the extra point required is because of the massive seventeen goals better goal different Burton have over us).

And we have champions Birmingham City on Friday. I have my ticket and have five days in Lisbon in between to not think about football.

Come on you reds.

No One Knows

Trying to get any title even remotely related to Stevenage is tough, No one wants or needs Shakin’ Stevens, so I end up going with Queens Of The Stone Age and their 2002 top ten hit. One of my all-time favourites, and I still love it and the mad video, even though I had the CD single as my alarm for eighteen months. Every day waking up to the same song would put most people off a song for life, but not me, even if it were like Groundhog Day all over again. And it is quite apt as no one knows what kind of performance Crawley are going to put in from game to game.

Following on from the roller coaster, but ultimately disappointing 4-3 loss on Tuesday night at home to Peterborough (the second loss to them of the same score this season, and our fifth 4-3 loss in all competitions this season), it’s an away game in our twin town of Stevenage.

Just over two years ago this was my second away game following Crawley. And the first time of really taking in the special atmosphere generated by the Crawley away support. It was the game where Preston Johnson was on the bench after Matthew Etherington had resigned and Eben Smith had spent all afternoon toxically tweeting. The match ended up being like a long game of Simon Says. “Stand Up / Sit Down” if you “Love Crawley / hate WAGMI,” and “shoes off,” which led to the surprise of turning to my right and seeing two hundred fans stood up waving one shoe at the pitch. Lots of worried stewards as the chant of “we’re coming on the pitch,” and then “Preston Johnson, we’re coming for you” rang out as we lost, and then surrounding the team coach after the game chanting, “Preston Johnson, we’re waiting for you.” What that second away game showed which has been seen countless times since is just how good the away support is.

It was such an enormous difference to the first away game I’d gone to up at Harrogate Town at the start of that season. A sedate August afternoon and a boring 0-0 in the early Kevin Betsy days. Where I found out that seat numbers on tickets were only a guideline. When I got the first season ticket (this is my fourth season of it now), I never expected to be going to away games. And once going to an away game I never expected it to be anything approaching a regular thing. But it sucks you in, and you end up working out which games can be attended. And building in visits to relatives, trips to towns and cities with history to soak up before and after a game, and anything remotely local. Only for it now to feel off not to be going to any game, home or away.

Stevenage weren’t a league club back in the twentieth century (having only gained league status the season before Crawley), so there is nothing resembling a football card for them. But I did dig into the big box of old programmes I picked up a couple of years ago, and there are some Conference encounters against them in there, back when they still had Borough in their name, and a couple of more recent ones from League Two that I’ve been to.

There is an away one from Stevenage Borough from 2006.

In it they had a piece by Leigh Edwards where he had apparently spoken to a lot of Crawley fans and team officials and then put together a Crawley Town dream team, which was made up of; John Maggs, Bob Glozier, Roy Jennings, Cliff Cant, Tony Vessey, John Leedham, Tony Towner, Brian Gregory, Terry Robbins, Eric Whitington, & Vic Bragg. If the same people were asked now, how much would that have changed?

Speaking of programmes, that away game was the first game I’d ever been to where there wasn’t a physical programme available. We were still doing them at the time, so it was odd, but it’s more common now, more’s the pity.

Wandering charity shops yesterday I found this book. I was kind of hoping with me being in my fifties, it was a guide to how I could still play football now, but it’s not. It is interesting that in the last year covered in the book five of the teams currently in our division were in the top flight, and only four of the current League One were in the old Third Division (the first one after they stopped having third division north and south and had third and fourth divisions) – Reading, Wrexham, Mansfield Town, and Stockport County. Four teams are no longer in the league, and three of them are in the Premiership.

Then last night there was the news that Jack Roles has been recalled from his loan spell at Gateshead. Rick will be a happy man. Obviously, although he’s been recalled and will be available for selection, it doesn’t mean he will be. But he may get plenty of game time, just like Antony Papadopoulos did when he was recalled at new year.

Anyway, back to the game and today’s opponents Stevenage. In the league we have won six, drawn six and lost nine against Stevenage, away it’s three wins, three draws and five losses, and in League One, it’s two wins, a loss and two draws, with a win and a loss at Stevenage. We also played against them for six seasons in the Conference, where our record against them wasn’t great either with only three wins, one draw, and eight losses, plus a loss in the Conference Cup. We beat them in the home fixture less than two months ago 3-1, in one of our better performances (and results) of the season.

We need more of the same this afternoon, and every other afternoon for the rest of the season. Well, results more than performances. We start the day six points from safety.

Helen and I were on an early train, a chance to get brunch in Stevenage. We went to a place called Lolo, which to me summed up our form for most of the season – Lost One, Lost (another) One – which as it turns out was also a premonition.

I wanted to check out the record shop in the old town, but that was as unsuccessful as the game.

Then poking around in charity shops as well, where I saw this in one. Unfortunately, it wasn’t based on us last season, but apparently on Tottenham winning the FA Cup in 1981. I vaguely remember having the game when I was a kid, and randomly took a card out, apparently, I’ve drawn Hull City of the fourth division in the next round and will earn £17,000 pounds from the tie.

We came through the town centre and only knew it wasn’t Crawley because they still have their clock,

And then on up to the ground through the underpasses, where someone has managed to stick a CTFC sticker in the middle of the helmet of the mural of the astronaut.

In the ground the away end is filling up nicely twenty minutes before kick off and they are in fine voice, so many crowding in up at the back that they were spilling down the gangways and standing on the stairs, which meant we had to change seats to see any of the game.

Pregame, and at half time, it was nice to see the sprinklers were coming out in support of the LGBTQ+ community.

Stevenage were in white tops with some dashes of red in them, red shorts, and white socks, which meant we were in our blue / black third kit.

It was a slow start, both sides were struggling to get going. It was five minutes or possibly more before there was an attack from us, a break down the right wing after decent work from Bradley Ibrahim set Armando Junior Quitirna free, and his cross was cleared away.

There is a lot of play in midfield without much coming from it, and of course as soon as I wrote that sentence down in my notebook there is a chance and Rushian Hepburn-Murphy has a shot which is saved. It is what you would call cagey at best, and piss poor if being honest.

Stevenage win a corner, and it goes straight out for a goal kick. Which as was the fashion for most of the game we fannyed about with and slowly played it out. We lost the ball in midfield, and Panutche Camara made clumsy challenge and gave away a free kick about twenty-five yards out to the right of the box. JoJo Wollacott is trying to set his three man wall up and wants them to move further across, but they’ve turned their back and he gives up shouting at them, lines up too far to the right of the goal and the free kick is whipped in, and with the help of the wind flies into the top corner and we trail 0-1.

We are having a lot of possession. Slow possession. Very slow possession. There were a couple of snails on the sideline getting up the pitch quicker than we were. It seemed as if there were five minutes where we had the ball but didn’t really get past the halfway line. When we do we win a free kick about twenty-five to thirty yards out on the right wing. It is played in, and cleared, Jeremy Kelly gets bundled over as play goes on, and then we win another free kick about thirty-five yards out, dead centre. It is lifted into the box and headed back, and we play it all the way back to Wollacott. Again.

I don’t know what it is, but the pace and urgency of the last few games has gone out of the window. As it has been most of the season, we are just so painfully slow whenever returning captain Dion Conroy is playing. I’m going to have to assume that there is a gold-plated clause in his contract which states if he is even remotely fit, he will start.

There is a decent attack down the left, Charlie Barker injects a bit of pace to proceedings, playing it to Kelly, and he plays it on to Kamari Doyle, he switches it to the right to AJQ, and his shot is blocked for a corner. It is taken short and AJQ gets a shot off which is well high and wide.

Meanwhile the Stevenage timewasting has started in earnest, which just contributes to the ridiculously slow pace of the game. It is a surprise there is only one added minute at the end of the half (there was a collision between a Stevenage player and the Crawley bench which saw a stoppage of longer than that in the half), and as with much of the rest of the half, nothing happens in that minute, the half time whistle goes and we traipse off (slowly) trailing 0-1.

Hopefully, a whole box of rockets were used at half time.

We do start a little brighter than in the first half. Camara is wiped out on the edge of the area for a free kick, and it brings a booking for a Stevenage player. Doyle lines up to take but can’t replicate the free kick by Stevenage in the first half and it goes harmlessly over the bar for a goal kick.

There may well have been some rockets at half time as there is a lot more urgency now, more intent to get forward. We win a free kick in midfield, and it is put in deep to the far post and Toby Mullarkey wins the header, but there isn’t much power on it and their keeper – Cooper – collects easily. He is really rolling out the barrel with his timewasting. By this point against Bristol Rovers, Wollacott had already got a yellow for it. Just saying.

A long ball is played from the right and finds Kelly on the left wing, he plays it across the edge of the area to Camara, and once he gets it under control, he manages to get a shot off, which goes over the bar.

We make our first substitution with Camara going off to be replaced by the returning Jack Roles, to a mixed reception running from Arctic through to mini. Stevenage make a couple of subs as well and it leads to a drop in the quality of the play (no, I didn’t think it was possible either).

After five dull minutes we have an attack down the right, when not getting in each other’s way, AJQ, Doyle, and Roles combine, and Roles get to the byline and puts a cross in. Ibrahim chests it down and pokes the ball goalwards and into the corner of the net and we have equalised 1-1. Time for a celebratory sausage roll then. It takes seconds for Rick to message the WhatsApp group with praise for the role played by Roles.

Stevenage have a free kick in their own half, and the keeper has a long punt into our box, Wollacott comes to punch, or collect, or something, no one knows really, but he gets nowhere near it, but the header on goes nowhere dangerous and we manage to clear. We counter down the right, AJQ plays in Mullarkey, and he gets a cross into the box, but the keeper makes a barrel dive and the ball rolls to him before Doyle can get on the end of it. It goes straight up the other end down their right and a shot is saved by Wollacott.

Substitution time again, Liam Fraser goes off and is replaced like for like by another defensive midfielder – Tyreese John-Jules. Eh? What do you mean that isn’t right? TJJ is a striker? Are you sure?

Anyway we are still trying to attack, and AJQ and Mullarkey are combining well down the right, another Mullarkey cross is deflected out for a corner, which is taken and goes straight to the keeper. TAFKAL would be absolutely doing his nut yelling at the keeper to ‘get on with it,’ but the ref doesn’t seem bothered, his wave seems more of the ‘hi, how are you doing’ variety than ‘hurry up.’

Again down the right an AJQ cross finds Kelly at the back post and his first time volley is on target but lacks power and is straight at the keeper. Stevenage counterattack down the left and have a shot which goes over the bar. Ibrahim gets a booking in midfield; it wouldn’t be a Crawley game without that happening. The resulting free kick is floated to the back post and headed over.

We have the ball in the back of the net a cross comes on, it is flicked on and finds Kelly at the back post, he puts it in, and it comes off a defender and goes in. But the lino has the flag up. I would like to say it was premature eflagulation from the lino, but more just because having made the phrase up I need to use it at any given opportunity, not because I think Kelly wasn’t offside – he was.

More substitutions. Mullarkey is replaced by Ben Radcliffe, and Doyle is replaced by Gavan Holohan. A minute later Stevenage have a throw down the right wing it is taken long, flicked on, and unlike anything we’ve seen this season, there is a free header available to an opposing attacker at the back post, and it is nodded in, and we trail 1-2.

The board goes up for four added minutes. Four. Their keeper took longer than that for a single goal kick. Eight substitutions, two goals, a faked injury, and a piss taking goalkeeper, and it’s just four minutes. Seriously all the officials in this league can just fuck off now, the discrepancy in added time between when we are leading, and when we are chasing a game, with there being the exact same kinds of timewasting going on is a fucking joke.

Not that more time would have done us any good (as has been the case most of the season), but the time there was, was plenty to make it worse. A break down the right sees Stevenage cross it to the edge of the box and there is a shot which seems to go straight through Wollacott, and the score is worse 1-3. People are moaning that Wollacott is too inconsistent. I disagree; he is most consistent. He is the most consistently inconsistent player on the team.

Four minutes actually seems a godsend now, before it can get any worse the final whistle goes, and we have lost 3-1. Burton also lost, as did Bristol Rovers, but we are still six points off safety with five games to go, and Burton have a game in hand and a much, much better goal difference. We can catch Bristol Rovers’ goal difference, but if Burton get ahead of them, then we will struggle. Even if we win all five of our remaining games, which looks unlikely now the new manger bounce bubble has popped, we are still reliant on other teams picking up only one or two points themselves. I fear we are more likely to be Steve McQueen than Johnny Leyton, Charles Bronson, or James Coburn this season.

The crowd was announced as being 4,403 with a spectacular 688 away fans having made the trip up from Crawley. And a vocal minority of them weren’t helping matters post-game, chants of ‘you’re not fit to wear the shirt’ aren’t helpful when we’re in the relegation places. I’m not a fan of club captain Dion Conroy, him being given the nickname calamity by others does make me smile but singling him out and abusing him and making gestures at him when the players came over to clap the support isn’t on. At least some fans were supportive, and there were shouts of ‘keep your chins up,’ which gave me a flashback to that hostile night when I was last here, and Nick Tsaroulla coming over to the fans at the end of that defeat and gesturing for us to keep our chins up.

Post-game we went back to the old town for a curry in Spice Rouge, which certainly saw the spiciest performance of the day. I love a Downsman curry, but if for no other reason, we need to stay up so we can try some other dishes on the menu from here.

Next week sees the visit of Leyton Orient. A week to calm down. A week to try and get some semblance of order to the team, to try and get the best eleven out on the pitch if the injury to Josh Flint isn’t serious. And then to turn up next Saturday and support the fuck out of the team. No abuse of the players, no sneaking off early as if there’s a fire drill. Just support and hope for the best. Even if it is the hope that kills you.

Come on you reds.

P.O.S.H.

I had a few titles in mind depending on how the game went, it was bright sunshine all day and it was still light when getting to the ground for the first time in six months, so was tempted by The Questions’ “Tuesday Sunshine”, if it went badly then there was always Stevie Wonder’s “Tuesday Heartbreak”, and a tough game could have been Sheryl Crow’s “No One Said It Would Be Easy” from her album “Tuesday Night Music Club”, but I couldn’t resist Lionel Jefferies from the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang soundtrack, linking in with our opponent’s nickname, and by the end we were certainly Pissed Off, Sodding Hell.

We didn’t go to the Rotherham game on Saturday but spent most of Thursday evening and all day Friday to make the decision yes or no. it had been bouncing around in my head all week to go. There was FOMO there without a doubt. And unlike Huddersfield two weeks before they were selling tickets at Rotherham on the day. I had confirmed this at the club shop when I’d gone in Friday afternoon to get Stevenage away tickets, and Helen had double confirmed by ringing Rotherham. We had been through all the different time combinations on ticket splitter (for some reason it was cheaper to go from Crawley than Three Bridges), had selected trains and clicked on buy, only to not complete the purchase. The umming and aahing suggesting to Helen I wasn’t fully committed. I should be, I think the rightful FOMO was being overtaken by the fear of memories – all bad – of Rotherham itself.

What a dumbass decision. Our best result of the season. The new (old) manager bounce continuing apace, even if it does question (to me anyway) just how fucking unprofessional a lot of the players were being the last couple of months. I busied myself doing other things, writing, and going to the last of the month’s Crawley WORDfest events, ten choirs singing in the bandstand in Memorial Gardens. I probably knew then I’d made the wrong decision, as just about the time the game was due to kick off, the rock choir were on the bandstand just about to start singing ‘Somewhere Only We Know,’ talk about signs. And it made a change not to be walking past there when there were performances on and them not to be singing god damn ‘Boys Don’t Cry.’ And as it turns out, the win turned out to be the last game of this Steve Evans era at Rotherham, as he was let go on Sunday morning, his post-match interview suggested he knew the writing was on the wall.

Anyway, after the Bristol Rovers match when I had mentioned thinking about using Second Coming as the title, I did put a poem together containing most of all the Stone Roses song titles as an ode to Scott Lindsay

The Second Coming

I am the resurrection.

As the second coming is declared,

So the fan’s love spreads.

You’d have to be made of stone,

Not to feel it in the air.

In the stands, in the crowd.

It is a ten storey love song.

As she bangs the drum,

It echoes in the heartbeat,

And there are tears like a waterfall,

As the crowd is united with one love.

Is it what the world is waiting for,

Or at least the Crawley fans.

Give it straight to the man.

He is driving south, it’s daybreak.

Now he stands arms open wide,

As if saying I wanna be adored.

Everyone hopes the team are now all for one.

Don’t stop bringing the good times,

We don’t want to shoot you down,

Or be walking the tightrope.

The need is that your star will shine.

Make us feel as if we are breaking into heaven.

Tell me, I’m begging you,

That this beautiful thing, so young

Will not turn out to be fools gold.

Without a doubt there is a manager bounce from the arrival of Scott and his motivational powers, but there is an element of luck with the return of Josh Flint, and some of the other players need to take a long hard look at themselves for the lack of effort over the last couple of months under Rob.

Having gone to the away game against Peterborough I’d already done one old card from them, so as for Bristol Rovers last time it’s back to the faithful 1991-92 Proset series this time.

Me constantly reminding myself about old football cards did lead me to write a piece about that obsession which can be found at the link below.

And linking to that, whilst casually flicking through eBay (as you do) I found these beauties from the 1976-77 Scottish set at an incredibly low price.

What fascinated me more about these was as part of the packaging they had wrapped the cards in four random pages torn out of a January 1978 Mansfield Town football club programme. Once I’d gotten over the horror of such sacrilege, I found it was an interesting snapshot from FA Cup third round weekend, and that it included their club shop price list. It seems our club shop is missing a few tricks. Who wouldn’t want from CTFC underpants, or even a club ashtray. Especially at those kinds of prices.

This, along with stuff I’d picked up when staying at my mums for the Blackpool game, led to me to write another piece, this time on the love of any kind of old programmes.

I was selling my exercise bike (clothes rack / dust collector) through Facebook marketplace, and it had been on for about a week with no interest, so it was a surprise when someone was interested and that they just happened to be Mark Dunford. After he picked it up, Helen’s son casually remarked, ‘he’s going to use it less than you did.’ Thus nailing two insults with one sentence.

I’ve gone off at so many tangents that I’ve started to develop sidelines in other trigonometric functions, which now sees me going off at sines, cosines, secants, cosecants, and cotangents. I know I can be obtuse, but it is a reflex. It may not be right, but it is an acute issue.

This will be our eighth game against Peterborough. We won our first two against them in our second season in League One in 2013-14, but then have lost the other five, three others in League One, one in the League Cup, and one in the Bristol Street Motors Trophy last season. Our home record against them is won one and lost one. Our fixture away to them back in December was another slobber knocker of a game when we scored three but still conspired to lose 4-3. Their games in League one this season have the total most goals scored, and we are third (after Bolton), so this one has goals written all over it. Perhaps I should change my standard prediction from 2-1 to something more realistic with the goals per game involved here. 0-0 anyone?

We go into the game seven places and nine points behind our opponents, but with two wins on the bounce we are now only six points off safety, and another win tonight would make the hope of survival so much more tangible.

No Helen for tonight’s game as she is at an enforced work meeting / prison up in London, and I worked from home, so was able to get to the ground nearly as early as I do for Saturday afternoon kick-offs. It was still light before kick off and the sun was just disappearing over the corner next to the west stand.

In the warmup it looked as if the two Peterborough full backs, and one of the linos were wearing ear defenders. Word of TAFKAL must have gotten out there. But they are worrying in vain as we have a TAFKAL free zone this evening whilst he is on holiday.

Speaking of TAFKAL, I’m sure he’d have had a field day yelling at their number 10, as the lettering looked as if his name were OOOH not Odoh. Peterborough were in all blue with some white trim on their shirts, and we were in out home all red.

We start well, pressing high up the pitch and force a mistake by a defender and Rushian Hepburn-Murphy is on to it but his shot is just wide. At the other end it doesn’t take long for ball one to disappear over the gap between the west stand and the Eden Utilities stand as JoJo Wollacott takes a bit too long with a clearance and it is closed down and deflected out. We have a lot of the ball in the Peterborough half, but they break quickly and Oooh is away down the left and his cross low into the box is cleared for a corner.

From it we break, and the ball gets to RHM, but his shot is deflected which takes the sting out of it and it falls into the waiting arms of the keeper. A ball out of defence and Jeremy Kelly goes across midfield and clips its through to the edge of the box, Armando Junior Quitirna just beats the keeper to the ball on the edge of the area and is in and calmly slots it in to give us a 1-0 lead.

More pressure wins us a throw down by the right corner flag and Charlie Barker’s long throw is cleared, and Bradley Ibrahim picks up a booking in midfield, more for the intent of the sliding tackle, rather than there being any contact before the Peterborough player dived over his leg. That free kick gets through to the edge of our area and Toby Mullarkey picks up a booking for a challenge. The shot from that free kick is well saved by Wollacott. The corner is headed over the Eden Utilities Stand by Barker for ball loss two and another corner.

We break down the left and Kamari Doyle and Kelly exchange passes, and Kelly puts a cross in which gets blocked and cleared. Peterborough break down the right and Mullarkey has to be careful already being on a yellow, the ball is crossed over and Barker goes full stretch to cut it out but misses it, and Oooh picks it up, cuts back inside and curls a shot past Barker and Wollacott into the far corner of the net and it is all square 1-1.

The game is being played at breakneck speed, and there are quick breaks by both sides, but Peterborough’s wingers look to have the pace advantage on our defence. Mullarkey keeps going backwards with the ball under pressure and gives away a needless corner. It comes in and Barker wins the header which is more up than out and on the edge of the area Oooh hits a first-time volley into the other bottom corner of the net and we now trail 1-2. Oooh goes and celebrates in front of the home fans.

After the restart it feels as we have possession in the Peterborough half for an age, playing it back and forth across the front of the area. Over on the left it looks as if Doyle has lost the ball, but he shows some determination and wins it back, gets to the byline and crosses it low into the six yard box, and Kelly gets a touch on it and the ball dribbles over the line and we are level again 2-2.

Another attack and RHM has a shot blocked on the edge of the area. Peterborough break and Barker slides in and clears the ball and then Oooh goes over him a couple of seconds later trying to claim a foul. The terrace are less than impressed with him and are chanting at him ‘you’re going to cry in a minute.’

At the other end AJQ gets a booking for breaking up a possible attack. Then in midfield Panutche Camara is shoved over and the ref waves play on, Peterborough play it to the right and their wingers gets into the box and plays a ball nearly across the goal line and it is us who are crying as Oooh is there again at the back post to tap it in and claim his hat trick. Again he celebrates in front of the home crowd, and this time he picks up a booking for doing so.

From the restart Peterborough pick up another booking for pulling back Kelly on the left wing. There are three added minutes to the end of the half. AJQ gets down the right and crosses, it is half cleared, and Ibrahim gets a shot in which is blocked. AJQ gets taken out in midfield, and the ref plays advantage, and we get another free kick, this time on the edge of the box just left of the D. The ref comes back and books the Peterborough player who took AJQ out. Doyle takes the free kick which hits one of the wall, the one who had already ran three yards out from it before the kick was taken. And the half time whistle goes, and we trail 2-3.

There was a lot going on. I check to make sure I have a spare pen and enough paper if the second half carries on in the same vein.

And we get an early chance in the second half with Doyle through, but his shot is well saved and goes out for a corner. Caught by the keeper. Kelly slides a ball down the left to RHM and his cross just gets slid out for a corner, which is caught again.

Meanwhile Peterborough break and it is Oooh again, he gets a cross into the box and it finds an attacker and their shot is saved by Wollacott and then cleared. We are still trying to keep the high press going and in doing so we force a poor back pass, RHM beats the keeper to it, but takes it out wide, but then slots it in from an acute angle (the trigonometry is back again) and it is level yet again 3-3.

We get an unforced corner in almost a repeat of the one Mullarkey gave away in the first half. But we can’t take advantage as it comes in and is caught by the keeper again. We win it back and Doyle gets a shot in the box which comes back off the post and is cleared.

More decent work down the left between Doyle and Kelly, a cross comes into the six-yard box and is cleared, it comes to Ibrahim and his shot is saved and goes for a corner. There is an absolute melee in the box with the ball bouncing around all over the place, but there is no clear-cut chance, and it is cleared. RHM is down in midfield injured.

Peterborough break down the right and win a corner, and one of their players is now down in midfield injured and gets subbed. The corner is headed clear by Barker. We work the ball forward, Kelly plays it over the top to Camara on the edge of the area and he knocks it down to RHM, his shot takes a deflection and ends up with the keeper. We win it back quickly and get it out to the left only for Doyle to slice his cross and it to end up on top of the net.

A ball down the right and RHM is haring after it, the keeper comes out and picks the ball up. The Ref blows to say he has handled it outside the area, gives a free kick and a booking. Should that be a red? The free kick is taken short to AJQ, and his shot skims the top of the cross bar and goes out for a goal kick. Which as with everything else this half the Peterborough players take an absolute age to take.

We attack again, and again Doyle is in the box with the ball, but his shot is blocked and cleared. And it is time for our first substitutions of the evening, with Camara and Kelly coming off to be replaced by Ade Adeyemo and Will Swan.

The next five minutes are a bit of a stalemate, but we are trying to pressure up the field more. Swan has a shot which is deflected for a corner, it is half cleared and played back in, and a header goes just wide. Adeyemo picks up a booking to prevent a break. But Peterborough are attacking more, down the right they beat us for pace again and the cross goes right across the six-yard box, but fortunately there is no one there to turn it in and we clear.

There are six added minutes, which is probably less than there would have been if we had been wasting as much time as Peterborough were. But Peterborough are threatening again and a ball into the box sees something akin to pinball with there being three shots blocked by who knows what in quick succession before it is cleared. We make another substitution, with Doyle going off to be replaced by Gavan Holohan (although not according to the BBC website).

Again Oooh goes down the left and Adeyemo is struggling to keep up and clips his heels and it is a penalty. There is a lot of pushing and shoving on the edge of the area before it is taken. Wollacott dives the right way, but it is a good penalty, right into the side netting and we trail 3-4. As most of the Peterborough players celebrate in front of their own fans in the corner, their number 14 slaps Holohan round the back of the head nearer to midfield and Holohan reacts and pushes him back and is moaning at the lino about it. Nothing is doing, but one of the Peterborough subs gets a booking for joining in with the celebrations on the pitch, and the Peterborough bench get a talking to.

We try to hoof it up into the area, but it is being cleared time and time again and the full-time whistle goes, and we have lost 3-4. Their number 14 carries on being a dick after the final whistle and being in the Crawley players faces and gets a post-match booking, which doesn’t stop him still giving them shit before one of their coaches drags and then carries the little shit away.

It is another of those heartbreaking losses, one we have seen more times than we care to remember this season. It finished with the same scoreline as the away fixture against Peterborough did back in December. It is the sixth time this season we have scored three goals and lost, and the seventh we have scored three or more and not won. It does keep up both teams records of being in high scoring games.

The defeat sees us stay six points off safety, with Bristol Rovers, and Northampton Town (another point ahead) both losing, But Burton Albion won, and they are only three points from safety with a game in hand.

Six games left, probably five wins needed, next up is the twin town derby away at Stevenage. Come on you reds.

Step Stickers

I was back in the library again today, it was writing group time again, and my rain man tendencies were kicking in whilst going up the steps to the first floor. Counting how many there were. I do it every time I’m in there, and I know that there are three sets of ten steps each up to the first floor, and that there are the same sequence and number of steps from the first floor up to the second floor.

When I came to the WORDfest crime panel event earlier in the month I had stopped on the ninth step up to the second floor and had a random thought (yes, I know, most of my thoughts are very random), should this step be named the 39^th step and have a sticker across its riser saying – John Buchan – The 39 Steps?

I hadn’t thought about that since then until this morning, and then sat in the library I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Could there be a case for having a sticker across each riser on each step, each with an author and book title on it, where the title includes a number of the step it is attached to? I immediately thought about step two and it having J.R.R. Tolkien – The Two Towers.

Seriously, it is a rabbit hole and a half for my poor underworked brain to fall down into. I read a hell of a lot, but it goes to show how much music tends to override everything else in my head as the numbers coming to mind were turning out to be song titles first and not book titles. ‘Seven Drunken Nights’ by the Dubliners was straight there a long time before Enid Blyton’s Secret Seven slowly crawled through the mire of my mind. And if it wasn’t song titles then film titles were flooding in. Although I suppose there is always a good chance that the film is an adaptation of a book.

And then I found that the numbers coming to mind that were related to books were a lot higher than needed for only having sixty steps to fill. Fahrenheit 451, A Hundred And One Dalmatians, 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea. For some reason, my knees started screaming at me when that one came to mind, the thought of 20,000 steps up obviously scaring the shit out of them.

I didn’t go through all sixty, in fact I’ve just quickly noted enough to come up with about twenty percent of the steps and they are very much influenced by stuff I’ve read more recently, so Olivie Blake – The Atlas Six, Kevin Rodriguez-Sanchez – Five Go Mad In Manchester, Richard Marsh – Under One Flag, Nick Hornby – 31 Songs, Martin Cruz Smith – Three Stations, Alex Pavesi – Eight Detectives, Robin Sloan – Mr Penumbra’s 24 Hour Bookstore, Paulo Coelho – Eleven Minutes, and Mark Hayden – The 13^th Witch. But not that I’ve started I’m sure I will come back to fill in the rest of the list. All I will have to do once it is complete is talk to the library and persuade them it is a great idea to do the step riser stickers.

Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come

The lead single from The Wombat’s current album ‘Oh! The Ocean’. Partly due to the fact we went to see them in concert on Wednesday night, and also because it has felt a bit like that when sorting ourselves out to get motivation to get to recent games.

That kind of feeling was intensified by the poor 5-1 drubbing away last Saturday at the hands of Huddersfield Town. Sometimes I’m not sure how things are going to be for any given weekend. But it is harder and harder to just wing it and go to away games of football. Despite Crawley hardly ever selling out its allocation of tickets, a lot of clubs refuse to sell to the away fans on the day at the ground, which means you have to plan ahead by at least one day, if not two because you have to go to the club to get a ticket, and the cut off is usually 3pm on the Friday, sometimes the Thursday, which takes the last minute decision making off the table. Add the ridiculous on the day train fares, and it could be expensive. I was looking out of idle interest at what it would be to get to Huddersfield and for just me a return was £166, reduced to £119 via ticket splitter, but would have been another forty quid less if booked a week before. It is a lot for an impulse decision to go. It turned out it was probably a blessing not going.

But whilst at the gig on Wednesday night, between the opening act, Red Rum Club, and main support, Everything Everything, I glanced at my phone and saw the announcement that Rob Elliot was no longer our manager. And that his coach, Louis Storey was going to be interim manager. I was rubbing my hands together at the prospect of deliberately using a misspelling to make lots of ‘story’ related quips. But as it turns out, it wasn’t even a short story, even flash fiction might have been stretching it. Not even a drabble would have been short enough (one-hundred-word stories – for examples buy my book of them), more a #vss. As late on Thursday evening it was announced that Scott Lindsey was returning as manager and had a contract through to 2028.

Cue much rejoicing. I can see why, last season’s glorious playoff win is fresh in people’s memory. I’m going to hold my rejoicing. For a while at least. Most seem to have forgotten we were on a seven-game winless streak before he moved on earlier in the season. One nincompoop on the forum even seems to have forgotten he was managing us at the start of the season.

Besides the potential diabetes diagnosis and subsequent eye injections because of it, my last full medical showed that I was made up of eighty-seven percent cynicism. And it is certainly to the fore here. There has been a clammer from fans to bring Scott back since the MK Dons parted company with him last month. And as if by magic their wish has been granted. The deeply ingrained cynic in my feels that with the shitstorm of anti WAGMI sentiment that has been growing with the Carol Bates incident, the quiet January transfer window, Sam Jordan stepping down from the board, CTSA calling for them to sell up, Tobias Phoenix doing whatever happened (depending on which side you want to believe), and the almost certain relegation facing us, it seems a great time to have a ‘don’t look behind the curtain’ moment of misdirection. And that if the second coming doesn’t work out how we’d all like it to (perhaps promises aren’t kept), then WAGMI have the ready-made opportunity to throw it back in the fans faces of ‘you wanted this’. Plus there is the old adage of ‘Never Go Back’!

After the return of Scott we also announced the emergency loan signing of goalkeeper Thimothée Lo-Tutala from Hull City for seven days to cover for JoJo Wollacott who is away on international duty.

And to think, I’ve been trying to be overly optimistic all season. Anyway, the second coming (unfortunately a Stone Roses album title, not a song title) is in time for a game where Bristol Rovers are our visitors. There is a coincidence for me, as I went to the away game back in November, and that was just after going to a gig at the O2 as well. That game finished 0-0, where after an abysmal first half display, we were on top in the second half and had five decent penalty shouts waved away, including a stonewall one in added time. That was by the same muppet referee who waited until eleven minutes before kick-off on New Year’s Day before calling the game against Charlton Athletic off.

We have played Bristol Rovers fourteen times previously, seven in the league, four in the FA Cup (losing replays to them twice), twice in the league cup, both wins at home, including the first win for the club under Kevin Betsy two seasons ago, and we beat them in the first of the knockout stages in the Bristol Streets Motors Trophy, with to me what should have been our goal of the season last season from Harry Forster. In the league we only have one win against them, along with two draws and four losses.

They have Isaac Hutchinson, who was on loan with us back in 2022, in their squad and for some reason usually plays out of his skin when up against us.

Having had to dig to find any old football card for Bristol Rovers, eventually finding an A&BC from the 1964–65 season, I’ve moved forward and used the 1991-92 Proset and had six to choose from, but went for Devon White, a big old unit I remember from the time, and despite the fact he is now in his sixties, one I’m quite glad isn’t playing today given our issues with defending set pieces.

Going into the game we sit twenty-second in the league, with nine games left. We are twelve points from safety, the team occupying that holy grail of twentieth place being today’s opponents, who themselves were on the wrong end of a five-goal salvo last weekend. A decent win today would not only close that points gap but also help massively to close that additional point our terrible goal difference makes.

Pre-game this morning sees the second meeting of a now Sam Jordan-less Devils Advocates group. Having heard the agenda, it sounds quite busy, especially to cram into an hour and a half. I think the only things not being covered this morning were third world hunger and the potential shortage of Donald Trump’s spray tan.

It’s funny how much an appointment the fans clambered for happening makes a difference to the atmosphere. There is a real buzz in and around the ground. There are lots of fans inside and around the pitch before I get in.

I spoke to Grant before the game and he is doing his fan cam shots pregame, but he is actually going to be sat in the stands today for the first time in ages, well, since his shot of Charlie Barker took off and got him pitch side access and in the papers. He has kindly given me the use of some of his photos from today taken whilst (mainly) sat behind me. If you aren’t already, then you need to be following his Mansfield Media page on Facebook.

The banner is back.

Bristol Rovers have the blue and white quartered shirts, at least on the front, the back, their shorts, and socks are all blue. We are in our usual all red home kit.

It is a bit of a cagey start from two teams not in the best of form. It is mostly back and forth in the middle of the park, and it takes nine minutes before there is a shot in anger, which comes from Rovers and is over the bar from outside the box.

Which seems to inject some life into us, we attack down the right, Charlie Barker plays it to Armando Junior Quitirna, and then on to Kamari Doyle who’s cross along the floor of the box eludes Rushian Hepburn-Murphy and gets cleared. Then there is a break into the box, a nice one-two between AJQ and Louie Watson and AJQ is shoved over from behind. No penalty is the decision, and although it is a different ref from the one in the away game, it is the same level of not giving us a penalty. (As a side note, there was moaning on the forums about how we are worst in the league at winning penalties. As if that is our fault. It’s not, it’s the shocking standard of refereeing.)

But we aren’t overly perturbed, again there is a ball out from the back down the right, RHM slips his man on halfway brilliantly and he races forward, and cuts inside and goes across the field before feeding Doyle on the left, and he goes into the box and shoots and it is in and we lead 1-0.

Almost straight away we are down the right again, Barker to Watson to AJQ, and he is in on goal and shapes to shoot. Not sure if it was a poor shot, or an intended cross, but it finds Doyle on the left of the box again, only his shot hits the side netting, from what looked to be an easier chance than the one he scored.

In the middle of the park Watson dances his way through tackles in midfield, pirouetting like a ballerina before he feeds it through to AJQ, who goes into the box, and his shot takes a deflection which wrong foots the keeper, but it is saved. On a side note, it does seem unfair that Rovers have two people in goal, even if they are only those annoying Irish failed pop stars JedWard.

There are two fouls on our players at the same time in different parts of the field, but they are ignored, and Rovers play on and get in the box, but we clear it. This wakes TAFKAL up for his first contribution of the afternoon with the Lino on the receiving end. Josh Flint, in his first start back from injury, gives the ball away in our own half and Rovers are through on goal, but their shot is wide.

Barker picks up a booking in midfield for breaking up a break. A deserved booking, but it doesn’t work both ways. A Rovers player goes straight through AJQ after the ball is gone, there is a free kick but no booking. Then RHM is bundled over near the box as the last man, again a free kick, but no booking. The free kick is in a good position, but it comes into the box and is easily caught by the keeper.

We break down the left, RHM cuts into the box and shoots and his shot is well saved, it falls to the right of the box and Watson picks it up, he plays it to AJQ, and he lays it back to Liam Fraser whose shot is on target but lacks pace and is easily saved. There is a bizarre yellow card for a Rovers defender who picks up a booking for trying to take a free kick early and deliberately playing it against one of our players. Perhaps I’m surprised it isn’t us picking up the yellow card for preventing the kick being taken.

There is one added minute, and the free kick goes long and falls into the box and a Rovers shot is saved by emergency loan keeper Timothée Lo-Tutala. And then the half time whistle goes with us on the attack again and we go into the break with a 1-0 lead.

The second half starts nearly as slowly as the first half did. There are some bemusing refereeing decisions against both sides. An attack down the right sees AJQ and RHM and it is crossed but it eludes Doyle in the middle. There is more pressure, a Doyle shot from the edge of the area is blocked up and out for a corner. It is half cleared and AJQ shoots from the edge of the area and his shot is saved.

We make a couple of substitutions with Watson and Jeremy Kelly coming off to be replaced by Panutche Camara and Harry Forster. And almost immediately Forster is in action down the left and his cross finds AJQ, but the ball is smuggled away for a throw. We win a free kick on the edge of the area on the right, but the cross is too deep and goes out for a throw.

Forster and Doyle are linking up well, one cross gets cleared, and then Forster feeds Doyle, his cross goes through the six-yard box to AJQ who slots it in, but the offside flag is up against Doyle in the build up and it is ruled out.

A Rovers free kick in midfield is played long into the box and it is cleared for a corner. The ref is talking to the players before the kick is taken, and when the corner comes in the ref blows for a free kick for us.

It is time for more subs. RHM, AJQ, and Bradley Ibrahim are going off and being replaced by Tyreese John-Jules, Will Swan, and Max Anderson. And Rovers have made all their subs as well. One of the Rovers subs has the first name of Lino (it may be pronounced differently), so it is a difficulty for TAFKAL, as it is mixed messages shouting ‘get involved Lino’ now.

It is a bit disjointed now. The energy and verve of the first half seems to have dissipated, back to one of those old bromine in the tea half times we were used to last season. The Rovers number 24 is spending a lot of time diving trying to win free kicks and penalties. In fact more of the play is coming from Rovers now. They get a somewhat dubious free kick on the right-hand edge of the box, it is headed clear, put back in, headed clear, put back in as well, and TLT collects.

At the other end we are not getting any decisions in the attacking half going our way now. TLT picks up a booking for timewasting, another joke of a decision. I fluke managing to see the unannounced crowd on the scoreboard, and I think from the bottom of the numbers I saw it was 4,427, no idea how many away fans that included.

Forster and Doyle do keep trying to plug away down the left wing, getting crosses in but they are getting cleared. Meanwhile TAFKAL has adapted his usual shout of ‘get a move on xxx’ at the opposing full back. instead he is now shouting ‘take your time Hunt’.

Ball one goes over the Eden Utilities Stand as we block an attempted clearance in the corner. Liam Fraser picks up the sponsor’s man of the match, and the board goes up for seven added minutes. It is amazing how much more added time there is when Crawley are leading a game.

It is a nervy seven minutes. There is a free kick to Rovers thirty yards out dead centre, but they play it short and wide and cross it in and we head it clear. It seems a lot longer than seven minutes before the final whistle goes and we have won 1-0.

There is the old Scott Lindsey fist pump celebration post-game. It is a win, and the first half was good, but the second half wasn’t. The substitutions seemed to deflate us, although it is worth pointing out we did hold on for a change, but they were timed poorly, and were exactly the same kind of substitutions Rob Elliot had been getting dogs abuse for all season.

The win means we are now nine points from safety, having caught up three on today’s opponents and Northampton Town. Next up is another trip up to Yorkshire for an away game, this time it is Rotherham United. Let’s hope the new manager bounce can continue and that those above us can keep on failing to win.

Let’s see what this week brings, I’m sure it can’t be as crazy as last week. But who knows.

Come on you reds.

March Mutterings

I may be getting sensitive due to having all the eye injections over the last six months, but I do find myself wondering more and more whether my eye and brain connect the same way as they used to, and as they should. On the train I glanced up at one of the posters in the clipboards on the train and automatically thought it said, “A little blindness goes a long way”. Which is a very strange thing to be advertising. I immediately thought, are they trying to take the piss? Are they trying to say that blind people end up travelling further because they can’t see when the train is at the station they need to get off at? Only for it to click on about the fourth or fifth glance up at the poster that it didn’t say ‘blindness’, but the word was actually ‘kindness’, which makes a lot more sense. But I’m still left with the quandary of, is it my eyes or is it my brain that is fucking with me now? Spookily, I wrote that in my notebook on Saturday afternoon. I started to type it up on Monday, and I had only completed as far as saying eye injections when my phone rang. It was East Surrey hospital, saying that looking at the scans from last month they want to arrange further, urgent, eye injections for my right eye, and could they book me in for later in the week. It would therefore appear to be my eyes which probably have the issue.

Anyway, up in London on Saturday and we have arranged to meet in a pub called the Earl of Essex, which we followed up by going in one a hundred yards along the road called the Duke of Cambridge, as if we were doing a tour of East Anglian lorded gentry before heading for dinner in the Tamil Crown. And all on a day when we had been to the football playing against a side nicknamed ‘the Royals’. So of course, after having eaten the post food pub would be called the Island Queen. But only one of the group was heading on home via King’s Cross.

I did an author talk on Sunday. Even writing that still doesn’t feel right. It is difficult to label myself as an author, even if I do have three books published. I had been asked to do a talk on life writing and self-publishing. For a change I had done some preparation. I had put a slide pack together and written up extensive notes a long time before the day. The problem is, between writing them and the event I hadn’t really looked at them, and was then internally flapping about how I would cope with getting the words out and making it sound as if I knew what I was doing. Lots of dread and nerves. But it was fine. Nobody left during the session. People laughed. In the right places. And there were relevant questions. I even sold a couple of books. And the time flew past. Whether I’d do another one is debatable. We’ll see.

After more than four months having camera club meetings via Zoom, we are back in the huts in Tilgate Park, which to me is a blessed relief. I don’t care if it is cold, or if there is rain. It is a good twenty minute walk each way, well twenty there and about nineteen back. it may seem strange for someone who doesn’t do social activity very well, but I fucking hate Zoom, as who wants to be on conference calls in the evening when I’ve spent most of the day on calls at work. People are sat in the huts in their coats, some hats, some gloves, but it is real life and not a little screen. And as it is prints competition night, there is a need to have the physical items there in person. (Came in the middle of the entrants, three of my four photos were middle shelf, so reasonably happy with that.)

Then it was another night, something else to do. It has been one of those fortnights, Previous Monday was camera club on Zoom, Tuesday Mother Tongue, Wednesday camera club in the huts, Thursday, a writing group, Friday, wilding talk at Ifield Barn, Saturday was a writing group, football, then up to London for Helen’s birthday meal, Sunday I was presenting a session on life writing and self-publishing, Monday fantasy author’s panel, Tuesday football, Wednesday camera club, Thursday crime writers panel, Friday book club / romance authors panel. So roll on Saturday and a break.

Well, I say that. I’m well known for DIY standing for destroy it yourself. As a child my nickname (from my parents) was Clouseau. But there was a success on Saturday. The old blinds in the living room have been up there longer than I’ve lived in the house. There has been a new set of venetian blinds sat in the storage cupboard at the front of the house for at least three years waiting to be put up. Mainly because I’m scared of making my usual monumental mess, this time of the walls around the window and / or the new blinds. Taking the old blinds off was interesting, they hadn’t been screwed into the walls or the lintel above the window space, no, they had been screwed into the pvc frame of the double-glazed windows themselves (and I thought I was a fuckwit at DIY). But we managed to get them down, drill holes into the walls for twelve plasplugs and they all worked, a wooden block was added to mean the blinds would fit snugly and then installed the blinds. More than twenty-four hours later they are still in place, and working as expected, which means they are doing a hell of a sight better than the fold down desk I attempted to put into the spare room which fell off the wall on its first use.

Sometimes you’re not sure how things are going to be for any given weekend. But it is harder and harder to just wing it and go to away games of football. Despite following a League One side which never sells out its allocation of tickets, a lot of clubs refuse to sell to the away fans on the day at the ground, which means you have to plan ahead by at least one day, if not two because you have to go to the club to get a ticket, and the cut off is usually 3pm on the Friday, sometimes the Thursday, which takes the last minute decision making off the table. Add the ridiculous on the day train fares, and it could be expensive. I was looking out of idle interest at what it would be to get to Huddersfield and for just me a return was £166, reduced to £119 via ticket splitter, but would have been another forty quid less if booked a week before. It is a lot for an impulse decision to go. It turned out it was probably a blessing not going as it ended up being a 5-1 walloping, which would have definitely put a damper on the day out.