The title comes from Newport’s finest piss taking hip hop collective Goldie Lookin’ Chain. And perhaps it might be an idea to have a look down the middle aisle of Lidl to see if they have any decent bargain players available to help bolster the squad before the end of the transfer window. Or just to find a book on composure when playing the final ball and shooting.
Answer time, the four clubs to have played one Premier League season only are, Barnsley, Blackpool, Luton Town, and Swindon Town. Chris trying to answer this (and other questions) after I’d published the Grimsby piece last Saturday evening as we sat in the hotel bar was quite amusing.
It’s the first home game of the season. A week to reflect on the not-so-great start to the season away against Grimsby Town, the only positive to take from the game was everyone is positive it was never a penalty. Although I did overhear one councillor say that at least we might still be able to make our way up to that part of the country again next year – assuming Boston stayed in the Nationwide league that is. The opponents today are Newport County, all the way from Wales.
All of our league encounters against Newport County have come in league Two, where we have won eight, drawn five and lost four. There was also a Johnstone’s Paint Trophy Game back in 2013 which we lost to them. At home there was that cup loss, but in the league, it is five wins, two draws and just the single loss back in 2017. We also met them in the Southern League Premier Division (or Dr Martens as it was sponsored back then) in the nineties and noughties, four wins, five losses, and five draws, with just the one win at home, four losses, and two draws. We also played them three times in our last season in the Conference, winning away and losing at home in the league, and winning away in the FA Cup fourth qualifying round.
There is only the single player crossover today, as summer signing Harry McKirdy was on loan at Newport back in 2019.
The next game board at the football roundabout still had the opponents as “Season Tickets Available” during the week (definitely still there Tuesday night), and I didn’t see the actual game opponents for today up on it until I was coming back from work on Thursday night, so it could have gone up Wednesday or Thursday, but seeing as the club is shut Wednesdays, it was likely to have been Thursday.
Newport are one of those clubs who never appeared on football cards in the Topps era, and the original club had gone out of business (and the league) by the time the Proset collections were out in the early nineties. Although there may well have been some badly drawn boys of theirs in the Sun soccercard set of 1979, but I haven’t succumbed to getting that set. Yet. However I do have a programme from a game against them in the Dr Martens Premier League at the end of the 2003-04 season, which I picked up in a batch load a couple of years ago. It’s a nice celebratory cover.
During the week we have signed young goalkeeper Will Heater from Crawley Foundation, which will help with the number of players we can have on the subs bench. Even if we don’t actually put a goalkeeper on it. And speaking of goalkeepers, Ryan Sandford is off out on loan, signed with Eastbourne Borough for six months.
I’ve been reading this month’s copy of Weekend’s Football, which had all the average home crowds for all league clubs last season. We had a big jump up to number 81 on the overall list, and had the third biggest season on season jump of any club between the 23/34 and 24/25 seasons with an increase of 21.1% (only behind Oxford United and Birmingham City), lets hope we can not fall back down into the bottom five this season, and don’t appear in the top five list of declines, but it is a danger as there were some big teams with lots of away support to see us at a higher level.
As always, I was browsing through charity shops during the week, and in one in Horsham I found these two books close to each other on the same shelf. I can’t imagine why I felt the sudden urge to get my phone out and have a quick look at the forum.
I picked up the Utilita football yearbook this morning, as it only came out yesterday, a week after the start of the season. I still want to call it the Rothmans yearbook. It does make me wonder why it took until 1972 to get a football yearbook bible like this when cricket had Wisden’s from 1864.
The teams were coming out to a track by local band Slow Time Mondays, as a member of the band has been diagnosed with cancer. Speaking of music played at the ground, the club put out a social media post asking for suggestions for what should be on the playlists before the game and at half time. There were some interesting suggestions, although my wish is for them to stop playing ‘Boys Don’t Cry’ when we lose. They did play a couple of the suggestions off Facebook at half-time though.
The club also released a video of talking through the improvements made in and around the ground. A lot are much needed but still prompted moaning from the two books highlighted earlier in this piece. And they still need finish off the new steps and handrails up into the marquee, as they have splinter injuries forthcoming.
More sponsorship deals were announced today, with the local Crowne Plaza sponsoring the fan zone.
I got to the ground nice and early straight from writing group, flying solo for the match again as Helen had a previous engagement to attend. There has been a couple of additional areas of new signage in and around the pitch since the Palace friendly, and the pitch looks splendid (as it should really for the first game of the season).
I still think that this particular player warm-up exercise is more akin to the drowning fly than anything else.
And the teams are announced and there is still no goalkeeper named amongst the subs. Newport County are in a black and yellow halved top with black shorts and yellow socks and enforce a change of ends before kick-off. Twats.
Our kick off routine is a bit different, the ball is rolled back to Kyle Scott, who flicks it up and then hoofs a rugby style up and under for the team to chase. (I did double check to make sure we still had normal goals and hadn’t grown some rugby posts.) It was easily cleared. Start as we mean to go on. The first corner goes to Newport, and they take it shortish to the corner of the area, and we are sleeping again, but do manage to clear when they put the ball in.
TAFKAL is back. it doesn’t take long for the first yell of ‘get on with it’ to be aimed at a Newport throw taker. After last weekend’s game it was suggested to him that he didn’t call for the lino to get involved or make a decision this week.
We get a corner; it is flicked on at the near post but then alludes everyone else and goes out past the back post for a goal kick. We have started quite brightly and have more possession in the opposition’s half in the first twenty minutes than we had in the whole of the Grimsby game. But we can’t seem to get a decent final ball or shot off to finish it all off.
Newport have a long throw on the left, it gets played in a Harvey Davies collects and punts it up field, Kabongo Tshimanga is through chasing it only for a despairing lunge by the last defender poking it out for a corner. Which is played low to the near post and scuffed out for a goal kick.
A Newport player is down near the edge of out box and claiming an elbow to the face. Ref stops the game for the physio and then has a word with Jay Williams as he is walking past.
A long ball forward by Dion Conroy finds Ade Adeyemo on the edge of the area, he brings it down well and forces a good save from the keeper. We keep the ball and pressure on only to have a free kick called against us on the cross back in.
And another long Conroy ball to the left wing sees Adeyemo get on the end of it as well, he cuts into the box and rifles a shot in which is forced behind for a corner by the keeper. It comes into the middle of the box and is headed clear. It is good to see at least an attempt of mixing up the corners a bit.
Newport have another long throw and we clear it and break down the right, only for the attempted cross to be mishit. Far too much of that. Newport break down the right and get a corner, we eventually clear after a bit of penalty area pinball. There are handbags afterwards and Davies gives one of their players a shove, and Williams is in there as well.
At the other end there is some bizarre defending by Newport, a miscue high into the air, lot s of letting the ball bounce, and there is a half-hearted claim for a penalty for handball in there as well. Then in quick succession Scott and Tshimanga get dragged down in different areas of the pitch, but no sign of a free kick or a penalty. Charlie Barker puts a long throw in from the right and it goes across the box to the left and Gavan Holohan’s shot is shepherded out for a goal kick.
Newport have a long throw next, the main attacking threat from both sides, and it comes to the edge of the box and the shot back in is brilliantly saved by Davies for a corner. A long goal kick is flicked on to Tshimanga who is being pulled in all directions, but he lays it back to Holohan who snatches the shot high over the EUS terrace for ball loss number one of the day. Another Newport attack sees another of their players down in the middle of the pitch, and Williams is down in the box as well.
There are three added minutes at the end of the half, during which nothing happens, and the half time whistle goes with the score at 0-0. There is a feeling of missed opportunities there.
At half time the other new sponsorship deal made it’s way onto the pitch with County Mall sponsoring the half time challenge. Big banner up across the home terrace goal, but absolutely no mention of just what the fuck they were doing there. Obviously don’t want any audience participation.
Also at half time, Rick gets a birthday announcement ‘Happy birthday to Jack Roles’ biggest fan and east stand block D legend Rick Mansfield from all his football family.’ He was of course, at the bar and missed the announcement.
The second half starts and sees an early yellow card for a Newport player on halfway. The free kick is pumped into the box and is cleared. Another Newport player is down; the ref accidentally stands on his hand whilst calling the physio.
After play restarts Adeyemo goes down the left to the byline and cuts inside to the box and tries to lay it back, it is cut out but then comes to Holohan and his shot from outside the box is pushed around the post for a corner. It is played straight onto Adeyemo’s head about fifteen yards out but his header lacks power and is easily saved.
A ball is played out from defence down the right and then put across to Williams in the middle of the park, he dinks a ball into the penalty area and Holohan heads it down towards Tshimanga who allows the ball to do the work to go round the keeper only for him to snatch badly at the shot and put it into the KRL Logistics stand when it seemed easier to score. There is another Newport booking in midfield (no idea what was bookable about that one), we play it into the box and get a header on it, only for it to go wide. A long ball up the wing from Barker goes to Harry McKirdy who cuts into the box and shoots, it is blocked, and he is screaming that it was by a hand, the ball ends up at the feet of Reece Brown who drags his shot wide.
Trying to be clever bringing it out from the back and we give it away in the middle of our own half. A one touch ball forward sees the Newport striker through in the box, he takes it past Davies (who looks like he went down too early), and with composure (I know, who would have thought we would see some of that at the Broadfield Stadium), rolls it into the goal from an acute angle and we are 0-1 down, very much against the run of play. So nothing unusual there then.
On the way back for the restart McKirdy is still ‘discussing’ the possible handball from out previous attack with the linesman. And within a couple of minutes a long Newport throw is flicked on at the near post and not dealt with at all and prodded in at the back post and we are 0-2 down. It is all so familiar. McKirdy is back in the linesman’s ear about this one as well as they let the previous throw to the one, they scored from be taken in the wrong half and twenty yards nearer out goal from where it went out. TAFKAL is also trying to ‘help’ the linesman out with decision making.
It’s subs time, Holohan and Brown are off to be replaced by Jack Roles and Louis Watson. Roles first touch sees him fouled on the left edge of the box. Conroy takes the free kick, and it is tipped over the bar for a corner. It is taken deep. Too deep and goes out for a throw on the far side. A Davies clearance goes over the west stand for ball loss two. The Newport players start going down with injuries at any opportunity. Williams get fouled on halfway and is up moaning at the ref that he has been trodden on. The ref isn’t impressed and calls Conroy over to have a word. You get the impression it’s Williams last warning.
So, what does the brainless idiot do? Twenty seconds later he runs after the perceived aggressor and blatantly trips him over thirty yards away from where the ball is and play is happening. Unfortunately, the ref is almost directly behind him, and the yellow card comes out (79th minute for any sweepstake).
We play ourselves into more trouble in midfield, Adeyemo loses concentration, and the ball is whipped off his toes, and Davies just beats the onrushing attacked to the ball on the edge of the area. A free kick is played in, and the clearance sees ball number three clear the west stand. A long clearance from Davies skims off a defender’s head for a corner to us, it goes to Roles at the back post, and his shot is saved.
More subs, with Adeyemo and Williams off, the latter probably to prevent him talking or kicking himself into a red card. They are replaced by Louis Flower and Max Anderson. We get a ball into the box; it’s headed down and a shot is blocked and cleared.
The board goes up for seven minutes of added time, a bit lenient considering. We get a ball into the box, and the cross/shot is blocked and cleared and there is another phantom Newport injury. After they go off, we pump it into the box only to slice a shot wide. We get a throw on the left and Josh Flint throws it long; it comes back to the edge of the area and Anderson gets a shot to go in through all the bodies and make it 1-2. Which is promptly followed by another Newport injury, they are going to need a fleet of ambulances rather than the team bus for the journey home.
Another Flint long throw gets headed back to the edge of the area and Roles shoots, but it curls wide, and the ref blows the full-time whistle, and it is another loss 1-2.
It is so frustrating, and all so familiar. Defensive lapses. Decent enough possession, but an inability to get a final quality ball in, and absolutely no composure when having a strike on goal (if we even venture to have a shot that is). Newport will be enormously happy with that. I’m not sure either side will be happy with the officiating though, bizarre, and inconsistent doesn’t even begin to cover it. I saw this on the EFL page today, and from what we’ve seen this season it is a true likeness.
The crowd was announced as 3,189 with 275 away fans who were all huddled together tightly behind the goal. I know it is early days, but there is a whiff of the start of the Betsy season, lots of pretty possession, but no cutting edge, bad defending, and seemingly no plan B.
Despite the lower crowds there was still the same amount of rubbish strewn around after the game. Take the fucker with you, you physically pass a bin on your way out of the marquee at the base of every set of steps.
Question time.
Who were the last team to win the FA Cup at a venue outside of London or Cardiff?
Next game is Tuesday night, away in the Carabao Cup to Championship Swansea City, with a ridiculously early 7pm kick off. I won’t be going to that one, but in another batch of programmes from the 2012-13 season which I picked up off eBay this week, there is a programme against the same opposition in the same competition (even if it did have a different name), from the third round and at home.
The next league action is away against Crewe Alexandra. And we all know what happened the last time we played them don’t we. Although we were flying then, whereas they are two wins out of two so far and top of the league, whereas we are no longer the strongest team in the league, having managed to sneak up a place to twenty-third on goals scored as Barnet got another beating today. Come on you reds.