Crawley Town – Page 9

Jumping Jack Flash

We’re playing the gas, gas, gas. Well, that’s their nickname anyway. It’s a nice late summer’s evening and we are up to play in the Carabao Cup against Bristol Rovers. And after the way we’ve started the season so far, getting some dodgy far eastern energy drinks down us couldn’t possibly make things worse (perhaps they would give us some gas too).

This time last season, Bristol Rovers were in the same division as us, and they did the double over us, 1-0 at their place, and 2-1 against us at home in a rearranged fixture cancelled due to Covid over the Christmas holiday period. But on the plus side, no one got a cigar stubbed out in their eye. They secured their promotion very late on the last day of the season where a highly unlikely 7-0 win against already relegated Scunthorpe saw them sneak into the last of the automatic promotion slots on goal difference.

They lost their season opener against also promoted Forest Green Rovers but came back to win their last game 4-0. Away. So, after our two opening defeats with only a single shot on target in 180 minutes, things are looking promising for this cup tie. We go into the game as the strongest team in the Football League. As we are rock bottom of the table and holding all the others up.

We amble along to the ground passing kitted out fans outside the Downsman and joining a steady flow of fans heading to the ground. We’re there on time, and I get a programme, a little skinny effort, and no league table, so not appearing on the truncated table isn’t an issue. Al was walking around outside having missed the previous game, he was going to be ‘working’ on the Eden Utilities Stand.

Bristol Rovers were in a black kit with green trim, which meant they blended in perfectly against the west stand. At least the same can’t be said about the officials, who have come dressed by Boss. Just not Hugo, more Stabilo yellow highlighters. The sun is low and bright and there is a lot of squinting required before it disappears behind trees.

Crawley have some early pressure, winning a couple of early corners, and even get a shot away. The crowd, although obviously smaller than Saturday seems more up for it, and the drummer is getting involved early doors as well. There is a good flow to the game.

Twenty-one minutes in and the first ball of the season disappears out of the ground. A Bristol Rovers clearance goes out right alongside the west stand. The away team coach may well have a dent in it.

Just after that Bristol Rovers get a two on one breakaway but Francillette managed to get one of his great long Bambi-esque legs in to poke the ball out for a corner.

Then at the other end we put pressure on their keeper, who makes a poor clearance straight to Tom Nichols on the edge of the area, but he almost returns the favour with his shot being straight at the keeper. At least it is a shot on target.

The game is flowing well. We are a lot better than we were on Saturday. I wonder if it is only a coincidence that eight of the ten outfield starters today were regulars from last season. And we are still a bit hairy at the back when trying to play it out. Inviting pressure on and none of them look really comfortable doing it yet.

In three minutes of added time, we get a corner, it comes out to Francomb who plays it back in, and a headed touch on by Francillette goes just wide of the post. 0-0 at half time, but a much better performance.

The same can’t be said of the DJ at half time. Same songs, same order. And the same two-minute difference between the away team and Crawley coming back out from the half time break.

The second half has barely started, and Bristol Rovers have the ball in the net. But it was a blatant trip on Addai as the back line fannyed around with the ball again. It does seem at times that it is more luck than judgement that we don’t concede whilst doing this.

A few minutes later and ball two goes out, a wayward shot from Bristol Rovers flies over the top of the KRL Logistics stand, and not content with wanting to dent the team coach in the first half, they are now aiming for their supporters’ coach.

Just after the hour mark Bristol Rovers have the ball in the net again. And thankfully, yet again, this doesn’t count. Offside this time, and by a fair distance. The cries of ‘you’re shit, aaahhhhh!!!’ are going great guns in the second half, so much so Bristol Rovers join Crawley in playing goal kicks short in the area to reduce the instances.

Halfway through the second half and we break away, Nadesan is in the box and erm… not quite sure, it wasn’t really a shot, nor was it a pass to another player. It just ended up rolling out for a throw next to the corner flag.

But five minutes later a through ball to Nichols sees him in on the keeper. His first effort is saved, but it comes back to him, and he slots it into the empty net. It is our first goal of the season and Crawley lead 1-0.

This lifts the team even more and a few minutes later we are in on goal again. Oteh comes in from the left and has a shot which hits the post and goes out to the right. It is retrieved and put back over to Powell in the middle of the D of the penalty area, but his effort goes over the bar.

Bristol Rovers create a couple of chances, but Crawley keep playing well, and create another chance which falls to Balagizi in an identical place to the earlier Powell effort. This one misses as well, but by more and it becomes ball three out of the ground, over the Eden Utilities Stand.

The crowd is announced as 1,816 with 241 away fans, and the man of the match as chosen by the owners WAGMI is Tom Nichols.

Four minutes of injury time are shown on the board, and most of them are spent in the corners of the pitch holding the ball up and running out time, and the final whistle goes, and Crawley have won and will progress into the second round for the first time since 2019, and only the fourth time ever.

The draw is being held tonight live after the Sheffield Wednesday v Sunderland tie.

Anyway, let’s hope we can turn this kind of performance into a more permanent thing and get some league points on Saturday away at Harrogate.

Lo And Behold

It’s the first home game of the season. And as the vagaries of the fixture computer come to the fore again, as we are playing Leyton Orient, the team we played in our last home game of last season. You know the game, where the linesman hadn’t been to Specsavers and didn’t ward the goal when it was a yard over the line, and then the other one let a ten yard offside happen and so what should have been 1-1 ended up being a 2-0 defeat. We also played them in the Papa John’s Trophy at home last season, which was a 4-0 defeat.

But these are unusual home defeats, we usually have a good record against them. So much so, the Leyton Orient fan in When Saturday Comes had their surprise of last season as beating us away.

Last season Leyton Orient finished one place behind us. They started this season with a win and are fourth. We didn’t and are nineteenth.

So, speaking of the first game, it didn’t go well. From before the game started to be honest.

Our new American owners still haven’t quite got the hang of how English Football works. They had put up a YouTube video as a pregame thing. One that was full of trash talking rubbish. To be fair, our own fans were quick to complain, and after an apology tweet wasn’t enough, they took the video down. Not quickly enough to have a response video posted by Carlisle United fans. We are already getting flak as being “the internet team” without our owners compounding it.

The match stats didn’t make enjoyable reading. Crawley dominated possession. Yet with their two of their three top scorers from last season, plus new signing Dom Telford, the league’s top scorer from last season starting, and our top scorer being added to them at half time, we only had six shots all game, and none of them were on target. Perhaps it is only a coincidence that our new manager has come from the Arsenal coaching system. (BTW, Carlisle had twenty-three shots, with nine on target.)

It wasn’t great news that they’d sent Glenn Morris on loan the day before the season started. The new on loan keeper started the game but was subbed at half time. None of this bodes well.

Anyway, back to today’s game. There were doubts about me being well enough to make it, but almost thirty-six hours in bed has seen me able to make it. It is hot out there, and a slow wander to the ground follows. There are lots of people in and around the ground enjoying the sunshine. We set off early and so there was plenty of time to get there, and for me to get a programme.

Which is smaller in dimensions than the one last season, down to an A5 size. I can imagine the size of the print might be an issue for some as it is quite small on most pages. With the exception of the page with the league table on, where perhaps they were still printing to the size of last year’s programme as the table only had the top twenty clubs in the league, the bottom four missed off completely. Do they bother with proof reading this? Or are they being deliberately disrespectful to the bottom four?

There is no pre-game music, they are playing clips of old games on the big screen (which we can see a part of) and commentary through the sound system. Which makes it seem like an even better atmosphere than the good one there is in the ground anyway. There are no big canvases covering any of the East Stand or away standing this year, and there aren’t many spare seats around us when the game kicks off.

Leyton Orient are playing in a kit that I thought was a light gold and black, but after a few minutes it looks more like it is beige and black. Perhaps it is a deliberate ploy to try and lull opponents to sleep.

It may be the weather, but the game starts slowly, with some players wanting it to be over just after the quarter of an hour mark. I’m going to give the benefit of the doubt to Leyton Orient’s Theo Archibald, as to that was why he was trying to swap shirts with Tobi Omole.

A few minutes later Crawley have a breakaway and Teddy Jenks is through on goal but decides to cross instead of having a shot, it goes through to Tom Nicholls who misses the target. And that is it really in terms of notable incidents in the first half. Not even the resident drummer could be bothered to strike up.

Some things don’t change, the half time play list is the same as it ever was. Seriously, just buy some new tunes already. And following on from last year, the Crawley players come out from their half time break two minutes after the away team. It’s not big and it’s not clever, all you are doing is pissing the away team off.

There was a bright start from Crawley, a decent attack down the left wing and an early corner. Which came to nothing. And within five minutes Leyton Orient have a corner of their own after a clearance from a dubious free kick given to them. There is an initial clearance, but Tom James takes a shot when it falls to him outside the area and a big deflection wrong foots our keeper Corey Addai, and Leyton Orient lead 1-0.

The next forty-five minutes are frustrating as hell. Pass it forward five yards, pass it sideways, pass it backwards, stand with it at your feet for twenty seconds as if you’ve never seen a football before. Repeat. Occasionally run forward with it for a few yards, then pull up quickly as you’ve reached the halfway line and have suddenly developed a nosebleed. Stop. Pass it sideways or backwards. Eventually spot the good run of the striker and play the through ball. Ten seconds late and so they are offside again. FFS, speed the hell up, play the ball earlier, take a risk. Do something apart from being stood there like a lemon with a thumb up your arse.

Even the drummer can’t get into feeling it. One brief attempt after sixty minutes is all we get. There are a lot of moans and groans from the home support.

Six minutes of injury time weren’t ever going to be enough to get and equaliser. It takes until the ninety-third minute for there to be a fast-paced attack with a shot on target. Out first shot on target of the whole season so far.

The same minute also saw the Murray Goldberg in front of us shuffle off. I wonder if he will ever get to see a whole match without rushing off to avoid the rush getting out of the car park.

The crowd is announced as being 3,851, with there being 818 away fans. Over three thousand home fans is a significant improvement on our average last season, lets hope we can keep that up, and that the team improves for them.

It did seem as if the announcer had rocks in his mouth, as I have no idea who the match sponsor was, but according to his announcement, the man of the match was Tem Balokesi. Which I think, from inspection of the players listed on the programme, he meant James Balagizi.

The match stats weren’t pretty either. We matched the possession from the first game 65%, but only had three shots, but at least one on target. Tippy tappy rubbish. I’d suggest stop having the crab sandwiches as part of the pre match meal.

It was fun and games leaving the stadium as well, we got to the underpass and there was a police line separating fans from getting at each other. According to one of the fans on the forum it was because the Leyton Orient fans were mocking the Crawley fans at how bad Crawley were. I’m not sure why that should be a need to fight, it was just a true statement, that deserved ‘yeah, we know’ as a response.

For some reason the East stand had no stewards at all for the first half, I’ll assume they think we are harmless there. They managed one for the second half, but there was no sign of Al, who was missing, even though Brighton weren’t at home. Just a lookalike in the orange hi-vis and faded grey cap.

Anyway, no time to worry about the outcome of this game, we have the Carabao Cup game midweek against Bristol Rovers who got promoted last season and won 4-0 away from home today. I’m just worried that the league table in the next programme won’t include us, as we are rock bottom of it.

Difficult Second Season Syndrome

A new season is almost upon us, and I don’t feel ready for it. It has been a short off season, and the first league game of the season is this coming Saturday, and we will still be in July. Furthermore, we are on holiday this week, and we haven’t been able to pick our season tickets up yet (if they are ready). It’s probably a good job the first game is away (Carlisle this year, they managed to find somewhere even further away than Hartlepool for the first away game this year).

And although the off season has been a short one, there has been a lot packed in. We have a new manager – Kevin Betsy – who came from coaching one of the Arsenal youth sides, and a new assistant manager.

There have been signings. Dom Telford from Newport County, last season’s League Two top scorer. Dion Conroy, the Swindon Town captain for the last couple of seasons. Travis Johnson from Crewe, Corey Addai from Esbjerg, Tobi Omole from Spurs, Jayden Davis from Millwall, Brandon Mason from the MK Dons, a couple from non-league clubs and James Balagizi on loan from Liverpool). And we’ve lost a similar number of players as well, but only Jordan Tunnicliffe was really a regular first team player last season. And that is as I write, there may well be more incoming as I speak.

The new owners haven’t been wasting time. As well as being busy in the transfer market they have been trying to build good relations with he fans, and went as far as holding a poll on which position the next signing should play in.

They deal in crypto. A lot of which, to be fair, goes over my head. I’ve heard of bitcoin, and NFTs, but that’s probably the limit of my knowledge. It was a surprise to me to find out that when clicking on an article on the BBC sport website entitled “Welcome to the internet’s team,” it was about Crawley.

When the article was published (twelve days ago now), we had already sold ten thousand virtual season tickets for the forthcoming season. It is likely to be a fair few more since then as well. The virtual season ticket cost 0.52 ethers (a crypto currency I’d never even dreamt of hearing about). Which, at the time of the article was the equivalent of £350. Three point five million pounds in virtual season tickets. The full ins and outs of which I don’t fully understand but think they can be traded, and the value goes up or down, or they can be converted for Crawley Town content.

These ten thousand virtual season tickets were an incredible number for me to see. Last year there were seven hundred season ticket holders, and the average home crowd (not included the away support at games at the People’s Pension Stadium) was around two thousand.

As with most clubs at our level we were losing money, and now, within the space of two months we’ve probably got as much money to spend as any club in the league.

The owners are ambitious. They want promotion by the end of next season at the latest and have vowed to put themselves up for election for the chairman if that isn’t achieved. They have also been mentioning the Premier League as a mid-term ambition.

Crawley finished last season at a bit of a limp, and we just about stayed in the top half of the table, finishing twelfth for the second season on the spin. With the signings made and the backing we now have it isn’t a stretch to say we should be doing a lot better than that this season.

The pre-season has gone well. There have been plenty of goals, and plenty of spirit in coming back from deficits to draw against Championship side QPR, and last season’s third placed team in the Scottish Premiership, Hearts. Yes, they are only preseason friendlies, but there are good signs.

I would say that automatic promotion should be achievable. At the very least we should be looking at a play off place. Imagine clinching promotion at Wembley. But money doesn’t always make it up out of this division easily. For several years Mansfield Town, and now Salford City have had big budgets and bigger expectations and have struggled. Other teams up their game against them trying to prove it isn’t all about the money. And I think we can expect the same this season when teams come up against us.

In the pre-season reviews in the football magazines, Bradford City (who our owners WAGMI tried to take over before moving on to us), AFC Wimbledon, Crewe Alexandra, Sutton United, and Stockport County fans have all specifically mentioned Crawley Town in a none too friendly manner. And the magazines haven’t rated our chances in the league very highly either. Four Four Two have us to finish fourteenth, whereas When Saturday Comes have us at a quite frankly insulting twentieth.

Hopefully, our style of play will be better on the eye than some of it was last season. And an improvement in home form would be a much-needed boost and should help us make that leap up the table into the playoff positions, which is where I realistically see us finishing. From there, in the lottery of the playoffs, anything is possible.

We were dreadful in the cup competitions last season, going out as early as possible in all three. I’d be happy with any improvement. But we should be able to get out of our group in the Papa Johns’ Trophy and negotiate the first round of the Carabao Cup. Much depends on the draws from there. The third round in both Carabao and FA cups would be a good haul, and a proper run at the Papa Johns Trophy could see us get to the final.

And for the first time, this season will see us head to some away games. We’ve already booked travel and hotels for the Harrogate game. Barrow away on Easter Monday is also a strong possibility as it can be worked in with a visit to relations in Morecambe. Sutton, Wimbledon, Gillingham, and Stevenage are all easy travel days as well as we look to extend our support as we move into our second season.

Come on you reds.

End Of Season One

So, how did the first season as a Crawley Town supporter go then? Well, it would appear that my pre season predictions were a tad on the optimistic side. Crawley managed to scrape into the top half of the table on a very similar number of points to the previous season. However, the cup competitions were woeful. First round exits in both the Carabao and FA cups, and we were out at the group stage of the Papa John’s trophy (which appeared to have lost the Papa John name somewhere during the season). Bottom of the group, but consistent throughout. Three 4-0 losses and the worst record of any team in the competition.

It was a strange season. Crawley struggled for home form most of the season. Their away form was up there with the best in the division, but only those scrapping against relegation had worse home form.

And talking about relegation bound sides, we managed only three points in four games against the two of them. Losing away and drawing at home with Scunthorpe United, those four points being a sixth of their total points for the season. And home and away draws with Oldham Athletic, 2-2 at home and 3-3 away on the last day of the season. That being the second time in the season where we had scored three goals in an away game and failed to win. An early season 6-3 whupping away to eventual champions Forest Green Rovers being the other.

Speaking of the champions we did manager to beat them at home. A result which came during the only season improvement in home from. Our form did improve overall towards the end of the season and with four games left to play we were top of the current form guide in the division. Only to fail to win any of those last four games.

Back in the ‘spoiled bastards’ league the ‘fans’ are still whinging about VAR. What we would have given for VAR at the People’s Pension Stadium this year. John Yems bombastic style wasn’t an official’s favourite, and there were plenty of bizarre and outright anti Crawley decisions during the year. The final home game putting the icing on a very nasty tasting cake. A goal not given when the ball’s a yard over the line, and a ten yard offside not being given for the second away goal of the game deep into stoppage time. The level of officiating at this level is shocking.

Four sending’s off from the bench during the season doesn’t really help matters. And nor does the dickhead behaviour from some of the crowd, especially those in the Ryan Cantor Club Stand terraces.

During the season we had the game stopped, and tannoy announcements made due to racial abuse. Game stopped as they were pelting the away keeper with coins. Game stopped as they’d thrown a flare onto the pitch. Oh, and with a stoppage because the sprinklers came on ten minutes into the second half of a game, I’m sure we were written up and fined numerous times during the season, and picked up a reputation along the way.

Racism raised its ugly head at various points during the season. Early games saw a group of pre-teen screecher monkeys sat behind us, and they were full of it. Calling both opponents and our own black players names was unacceptable. Plus, they were chanting ‘Kwesi Appiah get out of our club’, something which even they must have been grateful he didn’t do. They moved after the third game, probably to the Ryan Cantor Club stand where they would have been more at home.

Then late in the season, just after the takeover of the club by crypto currency backed WAGMI, allegations were made against the manager John Yems, first highlighted in the Daily Fail, and still under investigation by the FA. The club and manager have parted company ‘by mutual agreement’. I doubt if it was either mutual or had much agreement in it.

It is also worrying to notice just how much crypto currency has devalued since the takeover. Surely both of these are only a coincidence.

I think it is fair to say that both Helen and I have thoroughly enjoyed being season ticket holders, and we plan to be next season as well. There is even talk of going to the occasional away game.

It didn’t take as long to get into it as I thought it might, and the chants were easy enough to pick up, and player recognition was quicker than expected. We could just do without the stress when Crawley seem to ease off at the eighty-minute mark of the game and it suddenly becomes like the fucking Alamo by our goal.

I would also question some of our tactics during the season. There was a long phase of hoofed balls. The ball spent a lot of time in the air and there was a lot of head tennis in the middle of the park. Which is fine when you have a tall, well built team to contest such things. But for a lot of games it was like watching hobbits versus giants out there. Just why? We play some decent stuff on the ground.

If we could find a really speedy striker, some of the balls behind the opponents’ defence would reap us lots of one on ones with the keeper, and if they could also shoot, we could get a load more goals. I hope that off season training concentrates on crossing and shooting practice, as out final ball in is dire most of the time, and there is a crazy lack of desire to take a shot, instead fannying about with an extra ten passes. Or the shot being powderpuff. So frustrating when the build-up has been good.

End of Season Awards.

Player of the year – runner up number two.

Kwesi Appiah. He pretty much single-handedly made a top half finish possible with his goals giving us points in October and November when no one else in the team could hit a cow’s arse with a banjo, let alone score. If not for the periods out due to injury he might have sneaked the best player award.

Runner up number one.

Glenn Morris. Lots of saves. He kept us in a lot of games, and kept us in the lead no end all season. But he does worry the hell out of Helen every game when he wanders out to the centre circle whilst we are attacking.

Winner

Joel Lynch. He’s been a rock at the back all season, has scored a couple of important goals, and was also good going forward, being instrumental in starting attacks. There was only the dubious sending off against the Port Vale thugs as a downside.

Favourite Chant

Can only be the age old and very infantile “Oooooooooooohhhhhhh, you’re shit aaaaaahhhhh!” every time the opposing keeper takes a goal kick or free kick. Never fails to make Helen laugh.

Least Favourite Chant

Any of the away fan taunting ones that come out when we are leading at home. (“2-0 on your big day out”, “Can we play you every week”, “We forgot that you were here”, etc.) As they invariably lead to their team’s comeback.

Best One-Off Chant

“Pull Your Shorts Down”. Not something you expect to hear at a game, and aimed at a Forest Green Rovers full back who had some very eighties style short shorts action going on.

Best Home Performance

The win against the aforementioned Forest Green Rovers. Everything good the team could do encapsulated into about seventy-five minutes. (The first five and last ten was the usual watch through fingers fare.)

Worst Home Performance

The tepid draw against Scunthorpe United. There were a few performances in contention, but this one, a week before their relegation was confirmed summed it up perfectly.

Worst Referee

Trevor Kettle. Bizarre decisions, and lazy as fuck. In one game when the sun was out, he didn’t move out of the small area of shade provided from the Mayo Wynne Baxter Stand for the whole game. Let the Port Vale thugs get away with murder, sent off Joel Lynch for an off the ball incident he didn’t see and that none of his officials could have done either. After a foul throw, gave it back to the same team to take again.

Worst Decision

It waited until the last home game of the season. The ball was clearly over the line, a yard or so, but Stevie Wonder as the far side lino waved it away as not in. Think Pedro Mendes at Old Trafford, but more obvious. The officials had wisely retreated to the safety of their dressing rooms by the time the replay came up on the big screen post-match.

Most Needed Change – On Pitch

Stop high and / or long balls when we’ve got a line up made of hobbit heighted players, and don’t have anyone with out and out pace to beat the defenders.

Most Needed Change – Off Pitch

The DJ. Or at least buy him some new songs. Yes, The Cure are from Crawley. No, “Boys Don’t Cry” playing after we lose isn’t funny.

Best Steward

Al. had to find a way to shoe him in to this somehow.

The new season is only two months away. Let’s get a manager hired sooner rather than later, get the shooting and crossing issues sorted, and let’s make a good start next season.

Come on you Reds.

More Ref Robbery

It’s the final home game of the season for Crawley, against a Leyton Orient side who are the only team who can prevent us finishing the season in the position we currently occupy – 12^th. We are six points behind 11^th plus a whole shed load of goal difference, but only five points ahead of today’s opponents who are in 13^th.

We have already played Leyton Orient at home this season in the Papa John’s Trophy back in the dim distant past of the Autumn. We put out a much-changed side and got a 4-0 whupping. However, in the reverse league fixture in Northeast London we managed another away win, one which sent Leyton Orient into a bit of a tailspin which leaves them behind us now. If they beat us and win their last game, and we fail to beat already relegated Oldham Athletic in our last game of the season then they can overtake us and put us in the bottom half of the table.

Since out last home game on Easter Monday, we have had two away games, one against Mansfield Town last Saturday and a midweek catch up game against Sutton United, both of whom are challenging for playoff places (and in Mansfield’s case for an automatic place). We lost both games and in doing so failed to secure the top half finish and throw more spanners in the works of promotion playing teams as we had done recently (Swindon Town and Newport County spring to mind).

We have Tom and Terri in tow with us for the second time this season with the second batch of free tickets from our season tickets (nothing like leaving using them until the last possible moment). I meet them and Helen at the ground after writing group, but not checking my phone before arriving meant, not only did I get a programme, but Helen got one as well, so two programmes to make up for the couple missed during the season (Sutton and Swindon if anyone has spares, they’d like to let me have).

It’s a bright sunny day and as we are at the ground early, we have a drink in Redz Bar. There is someone outside playing music on a keyboard and singing – well attempting to. They could have run a competition to see who could guess what he was supposed to be playing. The longer he sings, the more serious the danger of rain arriving. But as it stands there are only the sprinklers spraying water everywhere.

Leyton Orient have brough a large vocal crowd with them, but still part of the away end had the canvassed off area, which splits the away support in two. The canvas covering of a block of seats in our stand has been removed for this game.

It is a very grey away kit for Leyton Orient. Hopefully, they’ll be as bad as Manchester United were in their infamous grey kit against Southampton all those years ago.

The opposition make the brighter start, and on seven minutes, before the other three have managed to get to their seats, there is a soft, soft goal, a gentle lob over Glenn Morris from the edge of the penalty area that falls into the back of the net as if in slow motion, and a 1-0 lead for Leyton Orient.

Just after the goal I finally spotted Al. he was patrolling the away end this week. He seems to have put himself in charge of the section covered by the canvas between the two sets of away fans, but without any actual fans to look after. A nice cushy number if you can get it, I suppose.

On seventeen minutes there is a penalty awarded to Leyton Orient. Up to this point the game is following the pattern of the Papa John’s Trophy game. The Crawley players are arguing about it, but it was blatant. However, it was a poor penalty, saved by Morris with his feet and the header from the rebound was weak and dropped into Morris’s arms.

There are some quickfire chances for Crawley straight after the saved penalty, but it was more like pinball wizard as it wouldn’t go in.

A lot of small white feathers are floating around in the air. I’m not sure who blew up half a dozen chickens before the match, but I wish they hadn’t have bothered.

A few minutes before half time ball one disappears over the People’s Pension Stand. It probably went straight over the A23 and into the school beyond as not even the netting behind the stand was going to be stopping that one.

We’ve only just subbed Joel Lynch when Jordan Tunnicliffe goes down, as does one of the Leyton Orient players, and another one of ours is limping. There are more crocks out there than the London to Brighton old car rally.

We are behind 1-0 at half time. There is a reason I shouldn’t be allowed out in polite company. My head is a total sewer. The charity collectors this week were sat behind us. They are collecting for Parkinson’s research. They are finding it surprisingly easy to shake their buckets.

There is some impressive drumming early in the second half, only for me to see the drummer making his way back to his seat from the bar, which meant someone else was using his kit in his absence.

There is a lot of early Crawley pressure in the second half, and we have a penalty shout waved away (it looked remarkably similar to the one given to Leyton Orient in the first half). It would help if the referee was even looking in the right direction as he had – inexplicably – his back to the play.

Ball two flies out over the Ryan Cantor Club Stand, one of those ambulances out there is going to have a big dent in it. The resulting corner for Crawley is wasted. Yet again. Not long later ball three disappears. This one doesn’t go over one of the stands, it goes into the KRL Logistics Stand and the away fans refuse to give it back.

Leyton Orient have some good chances, one of which is blocked by Will Ferry in a great goal line clearance. This brings about a change from the usual “Morris in our goal” chant with a quick burst of “We’ve got Ferry in our goal.” Ferry then has a mini meltdown at the lineman on Leyton Orient’s next attack as their striker obviously bats the ball past him with his hand and gets a shot away and neither the linesman nor ref notice it.

Four minutes of injury time are shown, which is a joke as the Leyton Orient players have been down injured, or just generally having a kip for at least ten minutes during the half. Cue Murray and Murray in front of us leaving. You would have thought they would have treated themselves and stayed until the final whistle at least once this season.

But Crawley have a breakaway and Tilley fires in a shot off the bar and we are all up off our feet cheering the equaliser, but wait, the linesman has waved it away saying the ball hasn’t crossed the line and it is ruled out. Our stand in manager gets booked, as does at least one player for arguing with the officials. Replays on the big screen (after the game as they aren’t allowed for ‘contentious’ issues during the game) show the ball was at least two feet over the line.

The crowd is announced as 3,373 with 688 away fans, giving a total of 2,685 home fans for the game, our highest of the season. And Glenn Morris is announced as the sponsor’s man of the match.

In the sixth minute of injury time (yes, of those four measly minutes announced) there is a Leyton Orient breakaway and a blatant offside is ignored, their striker runs on and curls it over Morris into the corner of the net to make it 2-0 to Leyton Orient. It brings out chants of 2-0 to the referee, and a fire drill exit of Crawley fans.

An orange flare is thrown onto the pitch from the home terrace which holds play up some more and the final whistle goes after over nine minutes of injury time. Post-match one fan makes it on to the pitch and runs around the pitch and players before heading back towards the KRL Logistics Stand, only to slip and fall just before the goal line. But he got up, evaded the somewhat slow stewards who weren’t in a massive rush to get hold of him. So much so that as he ran for the exit on the far side of the pitch, the head steward for that section jumped over the fence and on to the pitch to get out of the way instead of blocking him.

We stayed behind to applaud the players for the final time at home this season. Quite a large crowd remained behind to do so.

And so, there is just the one away game left this season. Although it still hasn’t been decided whether the game will be behind closed doors yet after Oldham fans invading the pitch on their relegation.

Games Are Longer Than Eighty Minutes

It’s the penultimate home game of the season. Walsall. Just don’t call the Brummies. Since the las home game, we’ve only had the one game, away on Good Friday to Newport County, where we managed a 2-1 victory, which consolidated our twelfth place in the league, still eight points behind eleventh, but now four points above Hartlepool in thirteenth. And with a game in hand. It also managed to knock Newport out of the play off places. If we can’t make the playoffs ourselves, then wrecking other teams’ chances in the run in seems a perfectly acceptable alternative.

Today’s opponents sit three places and seven points behind us in the table. And we come into the game with the third best form in the division, after the teams in second and third in the table (Exeter City and Port Vale). Let’s hope we can continue that.

As for most of the Easter weekend, it looks sunny out there, and I’ve been and searched (successfully) for my prescription sunglasses for the game, something I could have done with for a few of the previous games.

It does seem strange to be playing on a Monday afternoon, but there is no rushed feeling on a Bank Holiday, and we amble to the ground with plenty of time to get there. There weren’t very many cars parked along Wakehurst Drive as we walk to the ground and precious few people walking in our ground. There were lots of parking spots available, usually unheard on match days.

We see Al before we even get to the programmes, but he did sound as happy as Larry.

There was soe seating confusion around us. A family of five arrived and plonked themselves down next to us. Only for another bloke to turn up and have a ticket for one of the seats they were sat in. Turns out the family of five should have been in row E, not F. Only when they moved forward a row, they still weren’t right as one of the five seats belonged to a season ticket holder. But they shuffled across one. Personally, I’m not sure they had the right stand.

Walsall were playing in an all-green kit, and they started well and had the ball in the net within the first four minutes. A deflected shot fell to a Walsall player who turned it in. it looked offside and there was a nervous ten seconds before the linesman put his flag up.

And breathe.

Halfway through the first half and there is a disappearing ball, out over the corner of the KRL Logistics stand after Nadesan kicked a ball away after being called for a foul. After a few warnings to players from both sides about ‘stealing’ yards at throw-ins, the referee decides he’s had enough and penalises Walsall by giving a throw the other way after another yard stealing attempt.

Ten minutes later there is a strong penalty shout, as Sam Matthews appears to be wrestled to the ground with an arm around his neck, but the referee waves play on.

The half time whistle goes. There has been some decent play, but it’s the final ball in again. Case in point is a corner in the final minute of the half, we send everyone up for it, and then take it short, fanny about with it before putting in a belated cross which is easily cleared.

We have new owners, hopefully the DJ will be one of those to go in the inevitable shake up. And if not, then at least buy him some new tunes.

Just before a quarter of an hour into the second half a Walsall corner doesn’t get cleared and a Walsall player slides in to shoot, and the shot hits the post and then it bounces into the grateful arms of Glenn Morris.

Halfway through the half ball two disappears after a huge hoof from the Walsall keeper flies over the Mayo Wynne Baxter stand. The ball is only just back in play when there is some great work down the left from Joel Lynch, Mark Marshall has a shot blocked and Isaac Hutchinson rifles in from outside the area to give Crawley the lead.

With a few minutes left Morris launches a ball over the People’s Pension Stand, in what seems a deliberate time-wasting ploy. Whilst the ball is out, the sponsor’s man of the match is named as Will Ferry, and the crowd was announced as 2,258 with 264 away fans, and so we just missed out on two thousand home fans.

There was lots of late Walsall pressure, nothing new for late in Crawley games. And with a minute left of normal time Walsall hit the crossbar after another poorly defended corner.

The board goes up for four minutes of injury time, and with it up pop Murray and Murray Goldberg in front of us to head for the car park to beat the rush.

The final whistle goes and puts us out of the tense misery of defend, defend, defend.

We stay twelfth, as we knew we would, but are now five points behind eleventh (Swindon Town) and also five points ahead of thirteenth (Leyton Orient – who we play in our final home game). Before then we have two away games, both against playoff chasing teams, with Mansfield Town on Saturday and Sutton United next Tuesday. Let’s see if we can throw some more spanners in the works in those two games.

She Wheeled Her Wheel Barrow

It’s game day, and it’s a strange one. The original plan would have seen us being away this weekend and missing the game against Barrow as we would have been in Leicester preparing for a Paul Weller concert at De Montfort Hall, a perfectly acceptable reason to miss any home game. Plus, a weekend in Leicester would have meant meeting up with old friends, and we’d also got a Van Gogh immersive experience at All Saints church booked in (me more for the chance to nose around inside the medieval church than for Van Gogh).

Instead, I’ve got the lurg, which meant we cancelled the entire trip to Leicester. And not wanting to cough over anyone (I’m mainly thinking of the two Murray Goldbergs who sit in front of us), plus still not feeling great, I decide I’m not going. Helen is umming and aahing and makes the decision to go by herself late on. I doubt she would have made it in time for the kick off, and all the programme sellers will have disappeared.

Since our last game, there was a mid-week defeat away to Salford City, and our scheduled away game to Sutton United was postponed as they’d made it to the Papa Johns Trophy final. Inaction coupled with other results saw us slip back into the bottom half, and we start the game in thirteenth, eight places and fourteen points ahead of our opponents today, opponents who are only three points above the relegation places.

And so, I’m at home “watching” the game with Gillette Soccer Saturday on the TV, and BBC live feed on the laptop, and it doesn’t have the same feel to it. There is no random drum beating and basic chanting. There is no telling from the very ‘just the facts’ text updates if the ball has gone sailing out over the stands. There is no knowing whether the manager has shat upon the officials’ lunch again and the decisions are all going one way. (Although the post-match debrief from Helen suggested the latter may have been the case in the first half.)

There doesn’t seem to be much action at all. The sun isn’t in my eyes at home, no need for a cap, and even though I’m not there I know what songs are being played over the PA at half time when it eventually comes after six minutes of added time. But at least I can see ours is not the only game goalless at half time in the division, it’s one of nine of them.

A different text report (from Helen) suggests the game is comedy gold. I suppose it doesn’t always translate. The BBC text show a flurry of early pressure from Crawley, but not quite a breakthrough. The excitement was getting too much for the cat and he’s curled up and gone to sleep on the pouffe.

It’s the text from Helen which wins the race to tell me Crawley have scored, Soccer Saturday came second, and it was Kwesi Appiah. And then three minutes later BBC catch up. There is more pressure, but not a second goal.

Then there’s the nervous period where a few chances are shown for Barrow, and a late save, and it’s Soccer Saturday that sneaks the final score in first, then a text from Helen to say it’s official. Not the score, but the fact that I’m the jinx. And about five minutes later BBC confirm full time. Even watching by text when Crawley are trying to hang on to a lead is stressful. Watching through my fingers again.

Helen reports back that Al asked where I was, it’s good to see he’s concerned that he wouldn’t be getting a mention in the latest blog.

With a Hartlepool draw, the win sees us jump back above them and back into the top half of the table, only the eight points behind eleventh place.

Down The Dale

In the three weeks since we were last at a home game, the loss to Bristol Rovers, Crawley have played three games, a 2-1 loss away to Exeter City in a midweek game, where there was a lot of controversy about the winning goal that followed a push on Glenn Morris. The Saturday after saw us take an early lead thanks to a first minute own goal, but Port Vale came back to beat us 4-1 for the second time this season.

Then there was last weekend’s home game against Swindon Town, who are competing for an automatic promotion place, and for whom a win would have taken them second in the table. However, we were away in Budapest for the weekend, and without us there to jinx the team they ran out with a great 3-1 victory.

We start today’s game against Rochdale in thirteenth place. Our opponents today, who we beat 1-0 in the corresponding away fixture thanks to a Kwesi Appiah goal during the period where he was the only able to hit a cow’s arse with a banjo. They start today’s game six places and eight points behind us in the league and one of the league’s poorest recent form records. That should be reasons for optimism, however we all know how that wound up against Oldham Athletic and Scunthorpe United.

It’s a lovely sunny day for a nice amble down to the ground, with plenty of time to get a programme, get in, have a quick chat with Al, for Helen to get refreshments and for us to be seated before the teams came out.

Rochdale are playing in their away kit of black and white vertical stripes. There is a pre-kick-off collective groan as the ref is named as Trevor Kettle, who has made some abysmal decisions in previous games he refereed of ours.

There is another early injury to a defender, a head injury and blood, but at least for a change there doesn’t need to be an early substitution. It takes nine minutes for the first (and what turns out to be the last) ball out of the ground, a wayward Rochdale shot that flew out over the Ryan Cantor Club stand.

The black and white stripes of the away kit seem to be inspiring Rochdale to be playing like Juventus (and not Notts County) in the early going. Or it could just be that we’re not playing very well.

But that soon changes. In the eighteenth minute there is some good play down the right wing and Tom Nicholls plays a ball back from the by-line just inside the penalty area and it hits a Rochdale arm, but penalty claims are waved away. It falls to James Tilley whose shot is deflected by Ashley Nadesan and is saved by the keeper, it comes back toward Nadesan who is on the ground, and he manages to poke it in for a 1-0 lead.

There are some chances for Crawley, but half an hour in there is nearly an equaliser, with only a good save from Glenn Morris prevents an own goal. There are a lack of free kicks being given in the middle of the park for a series of pushing and shoving incidents from both sides. The ref is walking everywhere in the hot sun. you have to wonder if he is boiling (yes, I’ll get my coat). Chances are coming at either end, interspersed with some more bizarre Kettle decisions, and after two minutes of added time we reach half time 1-0 ahead.

The second half starts, and it doesn’t fizz at all really. There are substitutions by both sides, although one of the Rochdale ones appears to be teeny weenie and looks like he’s come from a primary school game. It does make a change for an opposing team to have smaller players than us on the pitch.

The ref didn’t really move out of the shade of the Mayo Wynne Baxter stand for the whole of the second half. He obviously doesn’t want to be boiling this half (yes, I’ll get the scarf and hat to go with my coat).

The sponsors man of the match is named as Glenn Morris, which kind of shows what kind of game it has been, and no sooner has the announcement been made than he is forced into action again. The crowd is announced as 2,164 with 191 away fans, meaning there are just under two thousand Crawley fans again.

There are four minutes of added time, in time added to the time added (for a Crawley injury) there is a good chance for Rochdale which only just creeps over the bar, and the full-time whistle is blown and the game ends in a 1-0 victory.

It’s a first victory for me whilst wearing the Crawley shirt, so let’s hope there will be more now. The win, coupled with a Hartlepool loss sees us climb back into the top half of the table.

Ran Out Of Gas

It’s the final game of the four home games in eleven days, and this time it’s Bristol Rovers, a game postponed from December 29^th due to Covid. When the game was originally due to take place, we were one place and one point behind them, with a game in hand. They lost their next game, and we leapfrogged them in the table. Ten weeks later, and they come into tonight’s game six points and four places above us, with a defeat on Saturday being their first loss since New Year’s Day. It’s all about timing.

We had bought extra tickets for Ciaran and Nathan the night before, and I was dropped off on the way home from work to collect the tickets. I also took the opportunity to get a programme, as I knew it was going to be tight for getting back to the game on time. The programme was a bit surprising, it was the one originally made for the postponed game. The date was the same, the reports in it were from games in December, the table was from December, and the squad hadn’t been updated with January moves. I did feel a bit seen off.

Anyway, Bristol Rovers, known as The Gas, but for some reason I seem to remember them being referred to as The Pirates as well. An eye patch is probably a pre-requisite for their players when their manager is around. Joey Barton being well known for having stubbed a cigar out in a team mate’s eye whilst at a Christmas party back in his Manchester City days. (Perhaps that was the reason for the December postponement – they didn’t have enough players who could see at the time).

We weren’t quite as late to the game as we had been last Tuesday, we heard the whistle for kick off, but it takes two minutes to get all the way around the ground to where our turnstile is. We get in as there is a decent chance and a shot just over the bar from the captain. And there is another chance a couple of minutes later. A promising start.

There are a lot of away fans, and as we were walking around the stadium, we could hear them chanting, “we want to go home, we want to go home, Crawley’s a shit hole, we want to go home.” Well, feel free to fuck off any time you want.

A blocked shot during a sustained period of pressure from Bristol Rovers spins out over the Ryan Cantor Club stand for ball loss number one of the day. And we get a breakaway, and Nadesan is through one on one with the keeper only to hit it straight at him, the ball to bounce back and hit Nadesan in the face and go out for a goal kick.

The next time we attack a few minutes later it finishes in a dreadful wayward shot that soars out over the KRL Logistics stand. When (or if) it landed it may well have joined the big red and white concrete football on the roundabout.

There was an injury to a Crawley player in our own penalty area, but even when escorted off the play didn’t restart, and all the players were milling about before the announcement came that there was a delay due to the ref being replaced as he’d injured himself. Cue the biggest cheer of the night from all sides of the ground. The substitution that took place for us saw the return from a long period of injury of Jake Hessenthaler.

In the 39^th minute ball number three sailed over the Mayo Wynne Baxter stand from a miscued (and a half) clearance. And then came the breakthrough. The defence went to sleep expecting an offside call, but the ball was picked up by a player coming from deeper and they ambled into the box and shot past Morris to make it 1-0 to Rovers.

There were eight minutes of injury time indicated at the end of the first half, but more were played, and with it came some of the best Crawley pressure since the early chances at the beginning of the half. For most of the time in between, Rovers had shown why they were on such a good run, and making us look a bit bad.

There was another trip to Redz bar at half time, anything to avoid the imbecilic same playlist coming out of the tinny speakers. And Crawley make another substitution at half time, and it is another return after a long time out with injury, this time it’s Kwesi Appiah, which did add another song to the chanting repertoire for the second half.

We are much more in the game in the second half and it’s a really good game. Twenty minutes into it there’s a poor pass on the edge of the Rovers’ area and they break and score to make it 2-0.

But less than five minutes later we have one back. A corner comes in and bounces around before being poked home by (according to the bloke on the tannoy) Jake Hessenthaler, but what looked to be suspiciously like an own goal from where we were sat.

I said there looked to be a lot of away fans, and this was confirmed by the crowd announcements, there was a crowd of 2,223, with 556 of them being away fans. No wonder they were able to make so much noise. At least Al wasn’t on away fan patrol all game tonight.

A couple of games ago, Morris got a booking for time wasting, but we’ve seen some dreadful time wasting from away teams, especially keepers, and there is no hint of a booking. Rovers’ keeper was just taking the piss for the whole of the second half.

With five minutes to go, ball four finds its way out over the Mayo Wynne Baxter stand after a clearance from a corner. We get a free kick a few yards outside the penalty area and Powell hits the bar with his only good delivery of the night. Despite all the time wasting, numerous injuries and substitutions there are only three minutes of injury time. But what were we left to expect from the ref who blatantly body checked a Crawley player two yards away from being able to make a tackle, and then when the ball hit him, didn’t restart with the required drop ball, but instead passed to a Rovers’ player and waved play on?

Perhaps we should stop laying on the spread of food for the officials before the match and tell them to fuck off and buy their own down the Barton.

The sponsor’s man of the match was announced as Will Ferry. And then the twat in charge of music played “Boys Don’t Cry” again. Perhaps we ought to chip in a few quid for him to buy some new tunes.

We have an away game this weekend, and then we are going to miss the following weekend’s home game against Swindon Town as we will be in Budapest, so the next game will be against Rochdale at the end of the month.

Screw Ten Top (Or Should That Be Bottom?)

Home game three of four in eleven days, and today’s opponents are Scunthorpe United. The fourth most famous team to play in claret and blue (and second most famous to have Iron as their nickname). The only team to have been blocked by an over zealous e-mail filter because it contains the word cunt within its name. (Which I’m sure is why the town managed to find itself name checked in the Tinie Tempah song “Pass Out” as a place he’d never been to.)

It is a team that came to my attention in the late seventies or early eighties purely down to the fact that my dad couldn’t (or more likely wouldn’t) pronounce it as Scunthorpe. It was always pronounced as screw-ten-top. Something which is catching apparently as I say that nowadays myself. Much to the confusion of whoever it is I’m speaking to.

For their home games, Scunthorpe United come out to Sham 69’s classic “The Kids Are United”. And although they won’t be running out to that today, they are much more in Sham 69’s neck of the woods. (The closest they can play a league game to it.)

After playing (and drawing) to Oldham Athletic who are second from bottom, we play the team who are bottom of the division today. Scunthorpe United start the day eight points adrift of Oldham Athletic and another point from safety. We start the game in twelfth having crept into the top half after the draw on Tuesday night.

We have used one set of the free ticket vouchers we got with the season tickets for this game and are joined by Tom and Terri. And with this we were extra early for the game. So early that I was able to get a programme, make a stop in the club shop to pick up some merch (including a jumper which Helen is already calling my school jumper), and then into Redz bar for pre-game refreshments. We hadn’t been into Redz bar so far this season (cutting it fine as we usually do). In fact, I’ve only been in the once before. Way back in the 2006-07 season when I came as an away “fan” to a Conference game against Southport. It wasn’t long after I’d moved to Crawley, and Howard, a friend from work in Manchester and a Southport season ticket holder was in town and persuaded me to go.

We were stood outside the bar under a gazebo, but even with there being a light drizzle it was probably safer to be out from under it, as it did look as if it was going to take off into the breeze. I’d never seen much of the ground this empty on a match day, but mainly because I’m never here this early.

The light drizzle did mean there was no sprinkler action during the warm up. But there was no sign of Al. I checked and Brighton were playing away, so no idea where he was. (Only to notice a quarter of an hour into the game he was over patrolling the away fans for this game.)

After the mention of claret and blue, it was always going to be an away kit Scunthorpe were wearing. Black with yellow trim and seemingly moving bits that showed yellow tiger style stipes. The second Saturday on the trot the away side were going for the tiger look. At least there were no short shorts this week.

Crawley start with some good early pressure, but the first save of the match is from Morris. Just after spotting Al the first ball of the day disappears after a bit on pinball on the roof of the Mayo Wynne Baxter stand it goes out over the corner of the KRL Logistics stand instead.

Ball two follows a few minutes later, this time from a wayward Scunthorpe shot over the Ryan Cantor Club stand. And two minutes later we are all up as we think that we’ve scored, only for it to have been cleared off the line. Ball three disappears over our heads and the People’s Pension stand. I’m quite happy that was over the stand as it was seriously travelling and in a direct line with where I was sat.

After two minutes on injury time the half time whistle goes, and it is still 0-0. And half time brings another visit to Redz bar, another first for us. Yes, the half time play list was the same as ever. And as usual Crawley came out a couple of minutes after the away side had appeared.

I’m not quite sure what the ref had dropped, but he spent some time picking up bits and pieces from the ground and shaking water off them. We were probably lucky he wasn’t paying full attention as if he had been then George Francomb may well have got a booking for slamming the ball into the pitch in disgust at a decision given.

Just after the half hour mark of the second half and ball number four disappears, this time from an abysmal sliced cross, out over the Ryan Cantor Club stand. An ongoing theme for the team today. There was a lot of pressure, and some nice slick passing moves. However, I lost count of a number of things.

How many times the final ball was absolutely fucking useless.
How many times the shot or attempted shot would have struggled to break out of a paper bag.
How many times we didn’t shoot. For crying out loud, just have a pop, stop trying to walk the bloody ball in, we are not Arsenal in the later Wenger years. It’s wet, the ball is slippy, just fucking shoot.

Three minutes of injury time was never going to be enough for us to score a goal. I doubt that three hours, or even three days would have been enough today. The sponsors’ man of the match was Joel Lynch, well they have to give it to someone. They didn’t announce the crowd, but it was 2,144 with 125 away fans, which meant that we broke the two thousand mark for home fans for the first time in months.

It’s just a shame that we had this frustrating 0-0 draw with the bottom side in the league (a side that beat us in the corresponding fixture earlier in the season, meaning they have four of their twenty-four points in the league this season against us.) And that it followed on from a draw against the second from bottom side. After a win against the top of the league.

And that leaves the last of the four home games on the trot on Tuesday night against Bristol Rovers. They are above us in the league, so hopefully we can raise our game. And perhaps SHOOT more.