I was going to go for Abba’s 1976 number three hit ‘Money, Money, Money’ as the title for today’s report, but then thought of this 1988 Harry Enfield number four hit as it sampled Abba’s song, to refer to our opponent’s financial state. And once it came to mind it has stayed there all week. So much so that I ended up writing a separate piece just on that song.
After the rollercoaster, amazing, but ultimately disappointing defensively error prone 4-3 loss away at Peterborough United last weekend, we play nine days later on Monday night football against the real moneybags of League One – Birmingham City, in what is a clash of the biggest budget in League One against the smallest budget – us.
With it being Christmas in less than twenty-five hours (by the time I publish this anyway) it would be nice if the moneybags could afford to give us a generous Christmas present. Three points preferably.
Growing up in Leicester in a family who didn’t own a car, a lot of trips to anywhere involved changing trains at Birmingham New Street station. Which is where the demons of the underworld will break through to our plain when the world comes to an end. Specifically, on platform nine of the stinking cess pit of a station.
You might be able to tell, I’m not a fan of Birmingham. On anything from there. The city, the station, their teams, or their really stupid sounding accent. A housemate from my time in Manchester accused me of having a Brummie accent. I have never been as insulted in my life. (And there have been a shit load of insults thrown in my direction over the years.)
For some reason Topps cards loved Birmingham City in the mid to late seventies, over the five years of them issuing the standard size trading cards, they only issued more cards for Liverpool, Manchester United, and Leeds United. And for the 1977-78 season they had the most cards of any team. That was the first season I really bought cards when they were first out. And they used to share colour schemes across two or three teams, and it seemed every pack I bought had a Birmingham City card in it, you’d have a brief hope it might be a Manchester United or Millwall player when you saw the colour, but no, it was Birmingham City, and a ridiculous amount of times it was John Connolly. But I’ve gone back to my favoured 1976-77 series for a couple of cards, Howard Kendall, and the team leader one they did that year.
We are playing at 8pm on a Monday night because, as we haven’t already got enough games crammed together in the holiday period, fuck Sky Sports have chosen this game to move two days later than originally scheduled so that the games are even more crammed in for us, and with the Boxing Day game having been moved forward a couple of hours to a 1pm kick off they have royally screwed us over.
Birmingham have sold over 1900 tickets for the game in what promises to be a packed away end, and block B in the east marquee sold out suspiciously quickly as well, with the game being a sell out more than two days before the kick off.
There was one of those stupid social media rumours saying that Birmingham had agreed a £150k deal to sign Ronan Darcy in the transfer window. But the account leading the rumour is renowned for being a fantasist, and it is likely it’s just a deliberate attempt to unsettle us. (It was something apparently FSS were talking about before the game as well.)
This is our first ever league game against them and we have only played Birmingham City once before, back in the first round of the League Cup in 2017 when we took a bit of a tonking at St Andrews, losing 5-1.
Helen has applied to be a Devil’s Advocate. The link on the website wasn’t working so she sent in an e-mail with a CV attached for it. Only for Ben Levin to e-mail back and apologise that the link wasn’t working, but it was fixed now, and could she use the link to apply now. She has but hasn’t heard back yet.
There were a mixed bag of results on Saturday, with most teams around us not doing too well, but Wrexham managed to allow Bristol Rovers a late equaliser for a point, Barnsley (who I think were the best team we’ve played so far), managed to loss 4-0 to Leyton Orient at home, but Northampton Town did take a 5-0 beating at home to Charlton Athletic, and Cambridge United lost. We therefore go into the game in the relegation places two points off safety, but a win would jump us up two places to nineteenth. However, Birmingham City sit in second in the table, two points off the top with this being one of two games they have in hand over Wycombe Wanderers, and so a win for them would take them top.
Even with it being a later evening start than usual it was still not my usual hour before kick off getting to the ground. We were carrying bags of stuff for the Open House collection, clothing, and toiletries, and although we found one of the lorries to drop them off at, it wasn’t manned, so hopefully they will get the stuff. The TV trucks were taking up lots of room in the car park, and so there wasn’t much room for the away fan coaches, it looked as if they were dropping them off and going to find somewhere else to park. There were long queues to get in half an hour before the scheduled kick off, only for that kick off to be delayed by quarter of an hour due to there being a serious medical incident in the crowd.
There were lots of Santa hats and Christmas jumpers in evidence, but as I’m still in full on grinch mode the only nod to it being a Christmas fixture was wearing the new white coat so that I looked like a bad East 17 tribute act who had gone to seed. Although at least I haven’t run myself over with my own car. Yet.
Birmingham City are in their traditional kit of blue shirt and socks and white shorts, but for some reason their shirt sponsors appear to be a badly drawn five bar gate. Let’s hope they aren’t able to get up to that number today. And we are in our all-red kit.
A minute into the game and JoJo Wollacott hoofs a clearance out over the east marquee, for possibly the earliest ball loss at a game I’ve seen, but it did end up being the only one of the game. From the throw Birmingham win a corner, but we clear it.
There is lots of back and forth in the first ten minutes, but there is one obvious note to make, and that is the continuing absolute lack of anything nearing protection for Tola Showumni. I swear, if someone brought a knife on and stabbed him, there still wouldn’t be a free kick. He makes a challenge, and the ref can’t blow his whistle quick enough to give a foul against him, but continued, sustained pushing, and shirt tugging is just ignored. It is as if the EFL has told the refs at all our games it is open season on him. It’s beyond a fucking joke.
Quarter of an hour in and we win our first corner, which sails across and is easily collected by their keeper.
Am I seeing things, but it appears a free kick has been given for a foul on Showumni. There again it is difficult to ignore something as blatant as a push in the chest, with no attempt to even look where the ball was. It should have been a booking. We are having a bit of pressure, and getting balls into the box, but aren’t quite getting that final ball right to be able to get a shot off.
Only for Birmingham to have a quick break and win a corner. It is headed clear, but only as far as a Birmingham player and their shot is well saved by Wollacott. As we clear it, Ade Adeyemo is down off the ball in our own half and gets treatment. They bring the stretcher on for him, but he just about manages to make it off the pitch under his own steam and is replaced by Ronan Darcy.
Birmingham get a dubious corner with Harry Forster clearly not happy about the decision. They force another save from Wollacott, for another corner. We break down the right, and Will Swan plays the ball into Showumni in the box, and the Birmingham defender is trying to swap shirts with him, that’s how much he is being pulled back. We get a corner, but again, fouls on Showumni obviously don’t count as that should have been a penalty. The corner is taken back up the line and a cross is swung into the box, and headed on, and there is a header which goes wide, only for the flag to go up for offside anyway.
The £20million man gets stroppy at not winning a throw, and has a right old rant at the ref, and when it still doesn’t go his way, punches the ball away. Where the fuck is the booking for that, or does paying £20million for a player mean they are immune from picking up bookings for dissent?
There are five added minutes at the end of the first half. Darcy beats a player on the left wing and is hacked down near the edge of the box, and finally a Birmingham player gets a deserved booking. Which should have been a second one as it is the same tosser who pushed Showumni earlier in the half. The free kick is headed clear, and put back in, headed clear again, and put in for the third time, but the offside flag is up again. And the half time whistle goes with the scores level at 0-0.
The second half starts with us pressing well, keeping Birmingham pinned back, and then they break and get a shot which is only just over the bar. They have a bit of pressure themselves, a free kick on the right is played into the box, there are a couple of scrambles in and around the six-yard box, but they are both cleared.
Obviously tired of being pulled from pillar to post with no reward, Showumni is replaced by Tyreese John-Jules. We do some attacking. Getting crosses into the box three times in quick succession, only for them to be cleared without any shot being made before there is an offside flag up again.
Wollacott is down and receiving treatment for a couple of minutes before continuing. Birmingham win a free kick near the left corner flag, but we head it clear. There is a coming together in midfield with a Birmingham player and Harry Forster down. When they both get up, unsurprisingly, despite the chants of ‘off, off, off’ from the west stand, the free kick goes to Birmingham.
We have some decent, patient possession, a ball is played to Jeremy Kelly in midfield, and he plays a defence splitting pass through to Darcy on the left wing, he cuts into the box, only for his shot to be deflected wide for a corner, which is easily cleared. Another attack follows, and the cross is blocked, and comes back to Panutche Camara, who crosses it again, only for it to go straight out for a goal kick.
It is his last action as he and Max Anderson are subbed, with Bradley Ibrahim and Rushian Hepburn-Murphy coming on to replace them. There is another stoppage as returning captain Dion Conroy is down injured. He is helped off and replaced by Jack Roles, and Forster is replaced by the returning Armando Junior Quitirna.
There is reshuffling being done and Birmingham break down the right, and their playacting winger shows pace to get past Charlie Barker and get a cross into the box where the £20million man heads past Wollacott and we trail 0-1.
TJJ picks up a booking for hacking down their left wing back, who hadn’t been on the pitch long, but was showing to be a pacy bastard down that side. The free kick comes in and is headed out as far as a Birmingham player and their shot is over the bar.
We break and the ball is played to RHM down the left, he cuts into the box and attempts a shot, but it is well wide. There is decent work down the right between AJQ and TJJ and a shot is blocked on the edge of the area and comes out to Barker and his shot from about twenty-five yards is just over the bar.
The board goes up to say there are six added minutes, which still seems a bit light with the number of stoppages, and substitutions. We do get an attack in, down the right, the ball is played long and kept in well at the back post, it is played to Darcy, and his shot just misses the angle and goes wide.
Birmingham play the added time out and the final whistle goes for the game, and it is a disappointing 0-1 loss. It doesn’t see us move at all in the table, we stay in the relegation places, but with the game in hand we had now wiped out. Birmingham, meanwhile, go top of the table with their three points. One of their sarky fans on the way out comes up to me and half shouts ‘thanks for the three points’ and scuttles off towards their coach. Not sure what they expect when they have signed a player for over twenty times the cost of our entire squad. We weren’t outclassed, and with a stronger ref could have had a penalty and been playing against ten men for the second half.
The crowd was announced as being 5,530 with there being 1,476 away fans (not the 1,900 suggested pre-game). Even with it being a sell out, there were still a fair few empty seats around us in the east marquee. I hope the guy who sits a couple of rows back and a few seats across gets those throat lozenges for Christmas as his throat must be red raw from the constant, but amusing, barracking he gives the officials and opposing players.
We don’t have long before our next game, away at Leyton Orient on Boxing Day, less than sixty-two hours as I publish this. Roll on the coach trip.
Come on you reds.