Celebrity Skin

Some nineties grunge for a title this week, courtesy of the Courtney Love led Hole, the reason for which will become apparent later.

Another week, another Tuesday night game, another competition. After the disappointing 2-0 loss to Mansfield Town last week (after which there were reminders, such as the two brothers who sit behind us (and who you can blame for encouraging me with all the terrible role/rolls puns to come), and the name of the street near the bus station when I was in Leicester at the weekend),

there was a game away at Wycombe Wanderers on Saturday, which ended up with another disappointing loss, this time 1-0. It is strange when you watch the EFL show, what they show in highlights. The mutterings from those who had gone to Wycombe on Saturday was it was a mediocre performance. Yet in contrast to games where we had played much better in the run of losses, the highlights showed us having good chances, and not a slough of Wycombe ones. Performance, it would seem, is in the eye of the highlight editors.

That defeat left us in the relegation zone, but we stayed in twenty-first (even if at one point in proceedings on Saturday afternoon we were down in twenty-third).

But it isn’t league action we have come to watch this evening; it is the second of the group stage games in the Bristol Street Motors Trophy. And we host (not you will notice, welcome) AFC Wimbledon. Which brings me back to the title of this piece, a nod to the massive hole in their pitch after not so recent flooding. (But not a ‘Super Massive Black Hole’, something to Muse on.)

The last time we played them it was a 1-0 win on a dark Tuesday night in south London last February when they were looking the more likely playoff candidates. Nearly eight months later we are a division above them, but still can’t get away from playing them.

We start with a new keeper. With JoJo Wollacott on international duty, and Eddie Beach injured we have an emergency loan keeper in from Millwall in the shape of Connal Trueman. The lineup may be quite different from Saturday’s loss as the new manager being likely to take a look at some playing time for those not involved in the last three league matches.

There may be some apathy to this competition, and for some fans it isn’t a priority, but getting a goal and a win might just be a kick start and confidence building ahead of the important league game on Saturday.

AFC were in all blue, and the officials were in the Stabilo Boss yellow highlighters. Quite a few changes for us from recent league action. We have an early attack and Jack Roles feeds Gavan Holohan in the box (not sausage rolls though) and his shot is just wide. A couple of minutes later Rushian Hepburn-Murphy drives down the left and cuts inside and has a low shot from the edge of the area which is straight at the keeper. At the other end AFC get a shot off which is blocked.

There is decent work down the right with Toby Mullarkey, Rafiq Khaleel, and Holohan working well together, and the final ball into the box is just knocked back off Holohan for a goal kick. On the other side RHM is taken down after beating the last defender for pace on the wing, which brings a yellow card for the defender. The cross is headed clear for a throw on the other side. It is cleared and Khaleel pulls an AFC attacker back to prevent a counter, but somehow doesn’t pick up a yellow for it.

Tola Showunmi is put through and takes the ball into the box but seems scared to shoot and stops and tries to pass only for it to go out for a goal kick. We have more possession and work the ball from the right to the left wing to RHM who cuts in and takes a shot which is well saved for a corner. That is played in, bounces about and we get another shot off, but it is straight at the keeper.

AFC attack and a mix up in defence sees a one-on-one opportunity, and the attacker sends our emergency loan keeper Connal Trueman the wrong way, but the shot is well wide. Back on the offensive down the right wing Showunmi crosses, and Roles attempts to play the ball into the middle of the box only for it to be cleared (like bowls after some Arctic Roll). Showunmi manages to find himself offside a couple of times in quick succession.

There is another great ball into the box and Holohan’s shot just comes off the toe of the tracking defender and out for a corner. It is cleared and AFC get up the other end and shoot which Trueman saves well. At the other end, Roles has a shot which clears the KRL Logistics stand for ball loss one of the game (and is still rolling). AFC attack again and Trueman saves well again, it is cleared but put back in and he is forced into another save. AFC get a free kick on the right corner of the area and shoot, and Trueman completes a hat trick of saves in just under a minute.

Mullarkey picks the ball up near halfway and surges forward. There are shouts of ‘shoot’ from behind me, he does, and it goes well wide, which brings out shouts of ‘don’t shoot’ from behind me. At the other end, an innocuous right-wing cross is allowed to bounce in the middle of the six-yard box and is easily slotted home by the unmarked attacked and we are down 0-1 just before one added minute at the end of the half is announced. There is time for a Charlie Barker clearance to sail over the east marquee before the half time whistle goes and we traipse into the dressing room somehow down 0-1.

We start brightly in the second half as well winning an early corner after some decent persistence from RHM. A couple of minutes later a ball into the box sees the keeper just about beat RHM to the ball and it won’t quite fall for Roles who slips trying to get a shot off (a buttered roll?). Barker goes down with a blow to the face, from the angle I’m at I can’t tell if it was from the ball or a stray hand (and I remembered my glasses this week but no additional help).

A couple of minutes later and AFC get a corner, it comes all the way over to the back post and from all of about two yards out it is easily headed in and we trail 0-2. It doesn’t get any better as almost from the restart AFC attack again down the left and cross it in and there is James Tilley of all people with the freedom of the penalty area to head it in and it is 0-3.

Which brings the first of the subs out. Khaleel and Holohan are off and replaced by Jeremy Kelly and Ronan Darcy. The change in play isn’t immediate, AFC get another cross in, there is another free header, but Trueman saves this one at the expense of a corner, which is cleared, and played back in and mishit for a goal kick. Barker is still feeling the effects of the earlier incident and is subbed with Bradley Ibrahim coming on to replace him.

And still AFC are attacking, getting another shot, this one well wide. Which brings our last two subs into play, Showunmi and Roles depart (they will play no more role in this show) with Armando Junior Quitirna and Will Swan coming on in their places.

There is some Crawley attacking now. Kelly gets a shot blocked, we win it back and get a corner. Armando has a shot, and we get another corner. It is played in, and Armando gets fouled just inside the left of the box and the ref points to the spot. Darcy steps up to takes, sends the keeper the wrong way and we have out first goal in over six hours of play. 1-3.

We win a free kick twenty-five yards out on the right-hand side. It is played into the box and headed in. The celebrations are short lived as the flag is up for offside. Back down the right Armando cuts inside and gets a shot away which is just wide. We win a corner, and Darcy whips it in and RHM is there to head it in, and it is 2-3.

AFC attack and the defence is a bit nervy, we half clear and it is put back in and their header is just wide. We attack again, this time down the left, Kelly to Darcy, and the cross goes through the six-yard box with no able to get near it. Armando wins it back and crosses it, it falls to Kelly and his volley is well saved. Another cross gets to Kelly and he pokes it back to Josh Flint who controls, turns, shoots, and scores and it is 3-3.

Tails are up. A Kelly cross is clipped in and RHM heads it wide. Another attack and an Ibrahim shot is blocked for a corner. It is played short and then crossed and another RHM header goes in slow motion and hits the post and bounces wide.

The board goes up for seven added minutes. We have two more shots, both blocked, one on each side of the area. AFC have woken up again and get a shot just wide, and another is well saved by Trueman. Kelly puts a cross over from the left wing and it looks to be a blatant handball in the middle of the box to clear it, but nothing is given. AFC attack again and a shot is blocked on the edge of the area, only to fall back to the same player who shoots again, and it goes into the top right-hand corner off the underside of the bar, and we trail again 3-4.

Ball three sails over the KRL Logistics stand from another AFC shot as they try to waste the time to see the game out. We attack again and there is another penalty shout for another handball as a shot is deflected out for a corner, only for the final whistle to go before it can be taken and we have lost 3-4.

A loss isn’t ideal, but it is only the Bristol Street Motors Trophy, and even if some of the defending wasn’t great, there were three goals scored, which after the recent drought will hopefully give the team a bit of confidence to get on and take a few more shots.

The crowd was announced as 1,438 with 273 of them being visiting fans to see an entertaining game played at times in torrential rain and with a lightshow and sound show from the accompanying storm. With Barker’s facial injury and the storm, it really could be called a blood and thunder cup tie. It did sound as if the east marquee might blow away at any point in the second half. With this weather it is likely the hole at Plough Lane is just getting bigger. The sponsors’ man of the match was RHM. The loss sees us stay in third in our group with just an away game at Wycombe to come, a game which if won would see us through to the knockout stages.

It is back to league action on Saturday with the visit of Shrewsbury Town, one of the few teams below us in the league, and what really should be a must win game for us.

Come on you reds.

Programme Notes

In the hours leading up to the kick off to this season it would be safe to say outside of the dressing room, the confidence about how the season would go wasn’t high. Crawley Town had a terrible 2022-23 season and only just escaped relegation with a game to go.

We could have named an eighteen-man squad from players who had departed from the club in the previous twelve months. A lot of the fan favourites had gone. And a lot of replacements had come in. Although a lot them had had league experience previously, we had signed the majority of them from non-league clubs. It didn’t inspire confidence.

Off the pitch was a mixed bag as well. There had been improvements in the match day experience. Season ticket prices, reduced the season before, had been held at the same level (which has contributed to the continued increase in home and away support). The Fanzone was up and running, and there are more food and drink options in and around the ground. Yet to some fans there was disgust (definitely mine), the programme had been scrapped. Completely, not even online. And for the second season running the new kits weren’t available before the season started.

The bookies had us as favourites for relegation. Both Four Four Two and When Saturday Comes predicted we would finish rock bottom of League 2.

And then we kicked off. A home game opener for the first time in six years. And a win against the team WAGMI tried to buy before taking us over – Bradford City. With it, the glorious sight of Mark Hughes throwing his toys out of the pram on our touchline. Again.

There was a quick exit in the Carabao Cup away at Exeter City, a contrast to the only real bright spot of the previous season in the same competition where we got to the third round and beat Premier League Fulham along the way.

The new players gelled quickly, and it looked and felt a lot better on the pitch. The grumbling about the wholesale changes of personnel gave way to an acknowledgement the players who had gone over the summer were those on the pitch as we finished twenty-second last season, and therefore them going wasn’t necessarily the terrible thing we had thought it to be.

After the good start, however, came a thumping away 0-6 at Swindon Town following a 0-1 defeat to early leaders Gillingham. But after that we went on a great, and on the whole, unexpected run. We played more attacking football, created chances, scored goals, and picked up points. And towards the end of September, we were top of the league for about eight minutes on goal difference. Not long enough to get a screen grab of it for posterity though.

Then came a dreadful October. Gillingham sacked Neil Harris and our manager Scott Lindsey was closely linked with the vacancy. The saga went on for a while, and it seemed to affect the team and we only picked up a single point in six games during the month, and then went out of the FA Cup in the first round away to Notts County the first weekend in November.

Since then, it was a case of win one, lose one, or win a couple, lose a couple. We are scoring goals in most games, but at the same time, we are conceding goals in most games as well. It is exciting, but not necessarily particularly good for the nerves. But since the turn of the year the form hasn’t been great, and we’ve had postponements and have slipped into the bottom half of the table and out of playoff contention (but not mathematically, so there is always hope).

We have picked up a lot of bookings. The team is relatively inexperienced. They are getting drawn in, falling for the gamesmanship that more experience brings, they are getting bullied off the ball far too often. We have a lot of possession but play ourselves into trouble trying to play out. We create chances, but the shot accuracy isn’t great.

The transfer window was always going to be a worry. Scott Lindsey mentioned he expected there to be changes. But there has been no indication from the owners about how much they were willing to back the team with incoming players. There has been pretty much complete radio silence from WAGMI this season. After last January’s window, where we lost some of players, including out to relegation rivals, back to parent clubs, or out on loan for off field reasons, there is an anxiety about losing players.

For me Liam Kelly, Klaidi Lolos, Danilo Orsi, and Nick Tsaroulla would have been players we couldn’t afford to lose, and we didn’t. There were many other players who divide opinion. Some of our loan players went go back to parent clubs due to the lack of playing time. And we got a couple of new signings in the last couple of hours of the window, a central defender, and a midfielder, but attempts to get an additional striker fell short.

Looking forward, is a play-off place a realistic expectation? Blind faith would say why not? We were close, and aren’t that far away on points, but are probably a couple of players short of being able to make it. In a pre-season piece, I went with what felt like an optimistic prediction of fourteenth and a bit of a cup run. We have had the latter in the Bristol Street Motors Trophy, making the third round for the first time in our history, beating a couple of League 1 teams along the way before losing to Peterborough. And I’m going to upgrade my prediction to a top half finish for us but missing out on the playoffs. Our recent form hasn’t been great, but up is where I’m looking, and not down, getting dragged into another relegation battle is unlikely.

Come on you reds.

Cherry Oh (Yeah) Baby

I’m mangling UB40 this time (although it was a cover of an Eric Donaldson song – also covered by The Rolling Stones). It could have been different as it was tempting to take one of the artists on Cherry Red Records instead and have The Dead Kennedys and Too Drunk To (Give A) Fuck as the title.

Another Tuesday night, another game, an away one this time, with the relatively short trip over to the Cherry Red Records Stadium to face rivals AFC Wimbledon.

The game follows hot on the heels of a welcome win and clean sheet on Saturday against Forest Green Rovers. Going into the match we are seven places behind AFC, but only four points, as it is still ridiculously close from the last playoff place down to nineteenth, with only three wins separating the lot, and only two points separating seventh from fourteenth, and a win tonight would put us into that group as well.

Our last game against AFC was the Friday before Christmas where we fell to a 1-2 defeat in a game we should have got something out of, and marked by individual errors to give them both goals (have we heard that before this season?) This game is rearranged from January when they had a frozen pitch. They were busier than us in the transfer window, but disappointingly still haven’t signed a Bulgarian uncle.

It is our third away trip of the season, and it is the first time we have gone on one of the GH Travel supporters’ coaches. It means sloping off work early so we can get to the Broadfield Stadium for 5pm.

The game will be the first chance this season to get a programme (yes, I’m still banging on about programmes). And I’m aiming to get a few, not to make up for the lack of them over the rest of the season, but because I’ve got some writing in the programme, as the away fan’s perspective section of it. Always good to have copies of stuff that make it into print.

There were two coaches for this trip. And they were both quite full. Have I mentioned I don’t travel well on coaches. It is slow going pretty much from turning off near Coulsdon South station to the ground, and the access road in to park the coach isn’t a reversing job I’d particularly want to do in my car. I’m glad to be off the coach and in the fresh air. I don’t think coach travel to long distance games is for me.

I haven’t been to this ground before, and never made it to the old Plough Lane ground either, so went and found the Wimbledon FC monument whilst getting some pre match food. Aptly it is only fifty meters away from the Wimbledon cemetery.

I got into the ground after food, about fifteen minutes before kick-off and there were no programmes, they had all sold out just before I got there, so I didn’t get one, let alone a few. But the guy who collates them for the club is going to get a copy sent to me.

The stewards didn’t seem able to cope with the volume of the fans trying to get into the stand through just the one opening. In both senses of the word, the number of fans, and the sound. There is a lot of noise being generated by the Crawley support, a hell of a lot more than by the AFC support, something which carried on all game.

Crawley were in their all-white kit, and Corey Addai was in a striking pink and purple outfit. AFC were in their all dark blue kit with the one large yellow stripe.

Most of the early going is AFC Wimbledon pressure and it takes nearly ten minutes for us to get into the game at all. We have an attack and the ball bounces around in the box though we have difficulty getting a shot off in the box before one is attempted and skied over.

There is a clash on the edge of our D and Jay Williams is penalised. The free kick to AFC is dead centre, and the attempt is on target to the top right-hand corner, but Addai saves it, and it goes for a corner. A few minutes later an AFC player goes down on the edge of the area claiming an elbow. He gets a free kick but there is no booking for Williams but it’s his final warning from the referee.

After some more AFC pressure, we get some of our own at the other end and win a corner. We have a couple of shots and then win a free kick on the edge of their area which amounts to nothing. AFC attack again and Dion Conroy is only inches away from deflecting the cross into his own net.

Towards the end of the half Crawley are beginning to get on top. There is one added minute before the half ends with the score at 0-0.

Random half time observation. So, on one side of the ground there are flats overlooking the ground. What is amusing (to me at least) is the number of lights on with closed curtains. Why move to a flat overlooking the ground if you don’t like football?

AFC start the second half quicker than Crawley again and get an early corner which is cleared. Ball 1 sails over the flats’ side stand from an AFC clearance. Then we give another free kick away on the edge of our area it is crossed but the shot is sliced high and wide. We attack and Ronan D’Arcy has a shot from outside the box but it’s an easy save for their keeper.

There is more AFC pressure, the ball goes back and forth across the goal area and the final shot forces a great save from Addai. And from the resulting corner there is another shot which is straight at Addai. There was a flurry of subs on both sides, and we seemed to pick up our play almost immediately.

Kellan Gordon looks like he was brought down in the box, but penalty appeals are waved away. Our next attack sees Adam Campbell try and lift the ball over the keeper, only for him not to get enough power on it and for it to drop into the keeper’s hands. We have another attack and there is a Klaidi Lolos shot which goes wide from the edge of the area.

Another good spell of pressure follows, and a ball comes into the area and an AFC player slices it across the front of the six-yard box and Danilo Orsi is there to turn it in and we lead 1 – 0. Cue mass celebrations, a large number of worried looking stewards, and the inevitable idiotic flare going off. When everyone has returned to their seats (to stand in front of), one of the stewards was then laughing and pointing out to a colleague that there was a Crawley fan with their top off in the stand.

We keep attacking and another Lolos shot is easily saved. There are three added minutes which start with a Nick Tsaroulla shot over the stand we are in, and it is ball loss number two of the evening. The added time sees AFC pumping the ball into the box, but Addai is collecting everything, falling to the floor, and taking his time. The full-time whistle goes and it’s a 1-0 win for us.

Another flare is thrown onto the pitch as part of the post-match celebrations, and the police get involved and there looks to be a couple of arrests.

The win moves us up one place to fourteenth we are now only two points behind the final play off place. Next up Accrington Stanley away a team only a point ahead of us.

Come on you Reds.

Simply Having A Terrible Christmas Time

As I’m not a massive fan of Paul McCartney, any apology can be shoved where the sun doesn’t shine.

And it certainly won’t be shining for a 7.45pm kick off the day after the winter solstice. A Friday night before Christmas fixture, pulled forward from the Saturday afternoon, which at my stage of life, seems a wonderful thing. Going back years, the Friday night before Christmas would have been prime work Christmas party territory, alcohol fests. But now they tend to be low key meals a few weeks before Christmas, which suits the now teetotal me.

It also helps with travel arrangements. The long journey north to Morecambe for Christmas can start ten hours earlier and not involve an overnight stay at somewhere like Lichfield before the hostage handover (Helen’s mum) at Lymm services to other relatives to take her to north Wales. It’s a shame the original fixture got postponed, as it means the rearranged one will be a Tuesday night affair some time in the new year. Which isn’t as conducive to visiting family and staying over. I did wonder about going to see a Morecambe game over the period we are up there, but like Crawley, both of their fixtures between Christmas and New Year are away.

The European Super League has raised its ugly head again this week, and the greedy six have been quick to distance themselves from it. It’s interesting to note that WAGMI haven’t made a statement about it yet. Watch this space I suppose.

There is still a disappointment over last weekend’s loss to the cheating, HGH filled Mansfield team. The more I watch the Jay Williams incident the more I wonder what he got one yellow card for, let alone two. (I hope the second was for calling the extra from Platoon an effing cheating see you next Tuesday.)

Tonight’s game sees the rapscallions from southwest London, recent ‘rivals,’ the Wombles from Wimbledon (or the moniker I’ve seen this week, the Merton morons). Common are they. Yet again I am disappointed to see that they have no Bulgarian players, let alone one who is an uncle. (And it’s us who have Tobi Omole, even if he didn’t make the pitch.)

Going into tonight’s game AFC Wimbledon are in the final playoff place, six places above us. Although they are only two points ahead of us, so a win would see us leapfrog over them in the table. It looks as if there will be a packed Broadfield Stadium tonight, as it appears the Wombles have sold all of their tickets, and by mid-afternoon, Crawley had sold over four thousand tickets.

With this in mind, the plan is to leave the house in plenty of time to get there as there will be queues everywhere, and with it being such a bumper crowd against local rivals they might actually be treating bag checks seriously tonight.

The queue to get in near the fan zone was ridiculous, so we turned and went back in by the west stand and walked round. Both terraces were filled early, the seats taking a bit longer to fill up. Seriously, what is with the additional ticket check to walk down to the east marquee. How the fuck do you think we got in the ground in the first place. And why do you refuse to answer the simple question of why are you doing an additional check of tickets.

AFC are in an all-white kit, which is a surprise seeing as it isn’t listed as any of their three kits online.

We get a nice early chance as Nick Tsaroulla beats a couple of players on a run from the halfway line, but the final ball is somewhere between a cross and a shot, it goes wide, but out of reach of the strikers coming in.

There is an early injury to Liam Kelly. He goes down after a delayed reaction a minute or so after he is whacked in the head when trying to clear a ball from the edge of our area. It must be serious as he is subbed off.

Just before the quarter of an hour mark we get a corner, but AFC break, and there are a couple of incidents that see Crawley players on the deck. There is an innocuous header from an AFC striker which somehow squirms through Luca Ashby-Hammond and trickles into the net to make it 0-1.

From the restart Crawley break only for Kellen Gordon to be hacked down on the edge of the D, and we get a free kick in a promising position. Will Wright lines it up, but he goes for precision instead of power, and doesn’t manage it, and the shot goes over and wide.

It wasn’t a great five minutes for Wright who managed to lose the ball in the middle of his own half and the ball was fed through for another AFC striker to smack the ball in from the edge of the area to make it 0-2. (Which apparently was their last shot on target for the whole game.)

Late in the half and it looks like it gets worse. AFC get a corner and the ball is headed in, but the offside flag goes up, so there must have been a touch on before the header. The AFC bench goes mad at the decision, and their manager gets a booking. Not content with that he carries on, and the ref goes back, shows him a second yellow and he is banished to the stands.

With injuries and incidents there are eight added minutes at the end of the first half, which still wasn’t enough time for Crawley to get another decent chance. The half time whistle goes with us trailing 0-2. We were half a yard short and half a second late to everything all half. Hopefully there will be an “enthusiastic” team talk. (See Welcome to Wrexham for the context of that one.)

I have moaned a lot about the half time playlist being repetitive, but they did throw some new songs in today. Which is fine, but for crying out loud, what are you playing at Whamaggedoning everyone by playing Last Christmas?

The second half starts with some early AFC pressure and a wayward shot is out over the KRL Logistics stand for the only ball loss of the game.

Klaidi Lolos comes on for Ben Gladwin, just after the latter gets booked, and is in the thick of it quickly as he forces an exceptionally good save from the AFC keeper. And then we break, and this time Danilo Orsi forces another good shot, which is quickly followed by a Tsaroulla effort which is unfortunately straight at the keeper.

It definitely seems the team are more up for it now. But AFC are still dangerous, from a corner there is a free header which hits the inside of the post and ends up in the grateful arms of Ashby-Hammond.

There is a tackle in midfield, which to be honest didn’t look that bad, but the ref has his yellow card out for the AFC player, and it happens to be a second one, so the red follows, and AFC are down to ten men. Nice to get some ref luck after the shocker from the imbecile we had for the Mansfield game.

It takes a while for the extra man to show any effect. There’s a wasted five to ten minutes where if anyone were asked, they would have probably said Crawley were down to ten, but then belatedly we did start to make the man advantage count. Adam Campbell gets a shot on target which the AFC keeper did flap at a bit, but the ball goes over the bar for a corner. Which is played in, then out again, and back in, but Tsaroulla’s shot ends up going wide.

Finally, against the ten men there is some concerted pressure and Lolos lays the ball back to Wright after some splendid work, and Wright strokes the ball into the net from the edge of the area. And it is 1-2. Another Tsaroulla effort follows, but it is straight at the keeper again.

There are six minutes of added time, during which the AFC keeper is picking stuff up in the area and showing it to the ref claiming it was stuff thrown at him. Another AFC player gets booked for time wasting. But we can’t get a final ball right and any remaining pressure comes to naught, and the final whistle goes, and we lose 1-2.

The crowd is announced as being 4,792, with 1,330 away fans, and the sponsor’s man of the match is Nick Tsaroulla.

It is a disappointing loss just before Christmas, and with other results we slide another place to fourteenth before two away games over the Christmas period before our next home game on New Year’s Day against Swindon Town.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to everyone.

And, Come on you reds.

Try Not To Remember The Wombles

It’s all a blur, after Tuesday night’s late drama and another loss, we are at home again, this time to AFC Wimbledon. A team that were fierce rivals in the seasons leading up to Crawley and Wimbledon getting promoted to the football league. Since that first season in the league this is only the third season we have been in the same league, and the last time we played Wimbledon in the league was back in the 2015-16 season. We did play them in the 2020-21 FA Cup second round where we came out 2-1 winners.

We go into the game 22nd in the league after just the single point in the first four games. Wimbledon start the day in the same position we finished the league in last season – 12th. They’ve won one, lost one and drawn two of their four games so far.

It had been a sunny morning, which I spent in the library promoting our creative writing group, and it was a trek down to the ground with a big rucksack, but it had become overcast by the time I was walking down.

The new home strip went on sale today, somewhat amusingly to me out the back of the kit man’s van. Now, if we’d have known that we would have pestered him for some when he was parked outside the Crowne Plaza last Friday night in Harrogate. The kit is by Adidas this year and not Errea (the Italian for two sizes smaller than the label says), so the sizes might be a better fit. Despite getting to the ground quite early, they had already sold out of fat git sizes. I tried an XL on, but it would be a choice of wearing the shirt or breathing, there is no way both are happening at the same time.

That said, I was in plenty of time to get a programme before they all went to the hordes of Wimbledon fans that were streaming to the ground as well, learning from the mistakes of last season where I didn’t manage to get programmes for the Swindon and Sutton games from getting there just before kick-off. I also saw Al doing some work outside the ground before the game, helping some random who was walking around with one of last season’s shirts on a hanger from the supposedly closed club shop.

I found it a disappointment that Wimbledon, in blue kit with yellow trim, had no Bulgarian players, or even any Great Uncles. I was also hoping that they would be playing rubbish. In fact, Crawley were playing the most womble like name, not quite Tobermory, but we did have Toby Omole starting. Plus, we were trying the usual triangle shaped passing routines, as if around an imaginary Toblerone.

The programmes may have a lot of small print in them, but who the hell is doing the proof reading of the large print? Stevie Wonder or Helen Keller? Tuesday night’s programme had the quiz on Northampton Town, but with a header of Leyton Orient Quiz. Today’s programme had three to watch, and they were all Wimbledon players, under the heading Northampton Town. And the classic match was out aforementioned 2020 FA Cup win over Wimbledon, which was headed AFC Wimbledon 2 Crawley Town 1, when the score was the other way around. It really is basic stuff.

There is a lot of away support, and the whole of the away terrace is packed, all the way around. Definitely the fullest I’ve ever seen it. (Many years ago, before I became a Crawley supporter, I was in that away stand with twenty-three Southport fans, times change.) Meanwhile in the home terrace there is an inflatable bouncing around the fans. But being Crawley, it isn’t a bouncy ball, but a blow-up doll in the hands and knees position.

That continues bouncing around until the fourteenth minute when Wimbledon’s number seven goes into the area without really being challenged and from a very tight angle manages to squeeze the ball into the net and give Wimbledon the lead. 0-1.

We aren’t playing great, an example of which comes just before the half hour mark. Powell goes to try and win a header in midfield, overshoots where the ball is coming down by two yards, jumps, misses it by miles and falls over on landing, and tries to claim a foul from the invisible player next to him. It is not a stellar performance from our number eight, the only thing he is doing better than anyone else is whinging at the referee.

It had been a quite subdued performance through to the half hour mark, as if the players had something else on their minds, or they were Ful of Ham? The longer the half goes on, the tastier the challenges are getting, and there are a couple of yellow cards out.

There was a brief chant of Super Tommy Nichols, to which I’m wondering that seeing as we are playing Wimbledon, should it have been Super Tomsk Nichols?

The fourth official puts up the board for two minutes of injury time, and no sooner does that happen then there is a free kick awarded to Wimbledon on the edge of the area. Their number 7 was already on his way down when Craig went in with a challenge. The ref bought it, gave a free kick, and booker Craig into the process as well. And just like the free kick Northampton had on Tuesday night from the other side of the area, this one just floated over the wall and into the net without the keeper getting anywhere near it, the Wimbledon number 11 making it 0-2, and pretty much straight after the half time whistle goes.

You know what usually goes here, but only half of the usual happened today, yes it was the same playlist again, but the Crawley players were not out late, they were sent out early to warm up, as it would appear Kevin Betsy was not happy with the first half performance. A message reinforced when they announced three half time substitutes. The way things had been going and the crowd’s feeling were summed up when, what turned out to be the loudest cheer of the match, came when the second of the substitutions was announced as Powell being hooked. Not a good sign. In fact, there were so many misplaced passes that you have to wonder if he was wearing Wellington boots.

There is an improvement in play with the changes, but ten minutes into the second half Wimbledon’s answer to Tom Daley, their number seven is chasing a ball, runs into the back of Craig and falls over. The game carries on, only for the referee to blow his whistle thirty seconds later, give a free kick and a yellow card to Craig, which meant a red, and we were down to ten men. It is yet another ridiculous decision in a season of them. Stop defecating on the officials pre match meal. FFS.

The games carries on and it is pretty even despite us only having ten men, but Wimbledon players are going to ground with the slightest touch, as if they know they’ll get a free kick. Meanwhile for Crawley to get a free kick it requires a WWE style throw to the ground, and even that took a bit of time to give.

It is all a bit wishy washy since we went down to ten men. There are five minutes of normal time left and it is looking like there is the start of a fire drill from the Crawley fans.

The Wimbledon fans were cheering passes towards the end, although I’m sure they were shouting Cholet and not Ole. They have also been passing into the channels (islands – Alderney in particular) all game. In fact, they were definitely in the (Orinoco) flow. There was no sign of them having Bungo playing, although there were many signs of Crawley having Bungle playing for them.

In the last minute of normal time, we get a free kick on the far edge of the penalty area as Nadesan gets kicked in the head. Still not enough to get a Wimbledon player a yellow card. The shot by Tilley is well saved, and there is a corner, and another shot which missed. It is the best period of pressure Crawley have had in the game. There are three minutes of injury time, and there are a couple of more corners, but the final whistle goes, and it is a loss. 0-2.

The PA starts up, and of course it is ‘Boys Don’t Cry.” Again. Stop it. It might have been funny in the six months after the single was released in 1979, but the joke is so old and worn so thin it wouldn’t even be any good as net curtains.

The crowd was announced as 3,890 with 1,352 away fans, so over two and a half thousand Crawley fans, which is good. It was telling however that there was no announcement of the Crawley man of the match, and that the players didn’t make their way over to the east stand to clap the fans, and only a cursory clap to the terrace and west stand.

It doesn’t bode well. Let’s see how much the players are up for the Carabao Cup game against Premier League Fulham on Tuesday. It is due to be another bumper crowd.

And yes, I did manager to shoehorn all eight of the main Wombles characters into this write up.

Come on you reds.