Won’t Get Fooled Again

Who better to start off the new season preview than The Who? This season it will be the actual song titles, and not bastardised versions. How relevant the titles will be to what is going on will be anyone’s guess.

Do you remember that brilliant end to last season, the playoff wins, the Wembley victory, and the promotion it secured. The celebration at the Broadfield Stadium two days later? The pictures with the playoff winner’s trophy?

How long did it take for that balloon to deflate? Well, not long, after a day of get your picture taken with the playoff win trophy, and the initial burst of record season ticket sales (which are now over 1900) came lots of pieces of news that were less than optimum.

It could have been a case of having a title of Another One Bites The Dust, as for a couple of weeks that was what it was like, another day saw another of the promotion winning squad disappear off out the door. Incoming players weren’t quite as quick at appearing. There were plenty of gallows humour posts, and things like ‘the turnstile number 8 operator has been transferred to Dorking’, and ‘the tea lady has moved on to Three Bridges’.

I was disappointed to see the programme editor had moved on as well. Oh, no, hold on, we don’t have a programme do we. (I can’t promise that this will be my last mention of this, even if I should follow the suggestion one of our fans shouted to Scott at the Lewes friendly – ‘Let it go.’ Although there is talk of a monthly fanzine / magazine to start in September which will cover some of the programme needs, so need to see how that pans out I suppose.)

On the forums there was the inevitable outcry, and the thread to throw any incoming player rumours into. Of course, I made my own less than helpful suggestion based on a lifetime of reading comic strips.

Can we get the following XI, sod the formation.

Ben Leiper

Kurt Panzer

Sebastian Griswell

Bobby Booth

Hamish Balfour

Billy Dane (as long as he’s still got his old boots)

Kevin Mouse

Jon Stark

Nick Jarvis

Roy Race

Billy the Fish

That lot should see us get promoted.

We had the saga of Preston Johnson standing down as co-chairman, only to come back and relocate his family to Crawley to step back in after the worst of sales furore. There have been some reasonable pieces coming out from him as the off season has gone on. And the fan forum with new co-chair Ben Levin on Monday was very positive and there were a lot of things covered that I have moaned about previously (club shop, extra turnstiles, east marquee – if not immediate fixes then at least they are on the radar, along with a new digital ticketing system before the end of the year.)

There have been signings. The same kind of mix of players who were hardly household names in their own households as we had last season, but there are players in that mix who have played in the top flight, albeit (apart from the new keeper) not the English top flight, but the Dutch and Scottish ones, and we have got a couple of loans in from Premiership sides. But we are still at least a couple of players short, and especially light up front. But that is apparently being worked on as I write this.

And the turnover of players will mean there will need to be some turnover in the fan chants. It depends on who plays regularly and does well, but Pat Boone’s ‘Speedy Gonzales’ seems a possibility

Oh Speedy Gonzalez (speedy Gonzalez)

Down the wing he roams

Oh Speedy Gonzalez (speedy Gonzalez)

Leaves the defender all alone

Then, as I mentioned in my friendlies piece, traditional Irish classic, Molly Malone has been bouncing around in my head already.

In Crawley’s fair town

At the Broadfield Stadium Ground

We all set eyes on our own Scott Malone

As he runs down the wing

And gets his cross in

We cry, head it, or kick it, just get the ball in

And I’m sure someone could do something with Meet The Flintstones for Josh Flint.

The new kits were unveiled, red, white, and blue, and all with a very nice trident design in the pattern of them. We have gone back to them being produced by Errea, which as I have mentioned before is the Italian for ‘two sizes smaller than it says on the label’. Although when they have gone on presale, the footer note says to buy a size bigger than you would usually wear, so at least they know their sizes are a bit on the snug side. The sell off of all the old Adidas gear did see me pick up a lot of bargain clothing, including the day before the Palace game where there was a lot of stuff not at the trophy picture day sell off. I got one of the puffer hooded coats for £25, a bargain not to be missed. Now I’m wondering just how many layers of CTFC gear I can wear at the same time.

I made it to the first two preseason friendly, the remainder were trickier. The two other midweek games were too far to get to on time on a workday evening, and the only home (and weekend) game, against Crystal Palace, was a ridiculous 12:30 kick off. Which as it is a friendly and clashes with my writing group, means the writing group wins. It will be a tougher choice once the proper season starts. It’s a battle of things important to me which is going to happen more often during the season now that Sky Sports is on the scene fucking up kick off times. I understand it brings in a fair amount of money for the club, and it raises the club’s profile both here and overseas, but as usual, no one gives a shit about the fans. Shifting game start times (and days) willy nilly. Making travel more difficult. Just leave them at 3pm on a Saturday. Crawley have a few televised games early in the season. I would love to have a big banner screaming FUCK SKY SPORTS to unfurl at those games (and in smaller print underneath ‘we want our 3pm back’). But I suspect that would just get me banned, something I definitely don’t want to be. Anyway, I did make it to the last of the friendlies as well, and there is a piece on all of them together at the link below.

Are Friends Electric

A wish from me for the season is for people to clear up after themselves. I can guarantee that by the end of the game the stands will be litter strewn hovels. People can manage to get the food and drink to their seats but can’t possibly take the litter away with them at the end. They just drop it and expect someone else to clean it up. And again most of them have to walk past the wheelie bins placed next to the bottom of each set of stairs out of the stands when they are leaving. And the clean up all costs the club money, which might be able to be spent on other things, such as the playing budget or stadium improvements.

It does look as if something has been done along the back of the east marquee as when passing it the last few times it doesn’t look as if there is still tatty, flappy tarpaulin there. I’ll see when at the game on Saturday what they’ve actually done, but hopefully it is something a bit more solid / wind resistant.

It was my birthday over the summer break and one of the presents was a print of the painting of the Broadfield Stadium, so that has now been framed and is up for people to see as soon as they walk into the house.

I found the book Soccernomics in a charity shop over the summer, and although it is about ten years old now, there are a couple of chapters in there that show how the kind of data driven transfers we have seen from WAGMI came about at first, and how clubs are somewhat reluctantly beginning to use that kind of data. It was an interesting read.

There was also time to watch the latest series of Welcome To Wrexham. We had a few seconds of action included from our home game, but there was no mention of the drubbing at their place towards the end of the season. I know they get berated as FC Hollywood, but it is still interesting to see what they are doing to help the wider community as well, not just the football side of it.

And with a week to go, the season preview football magazines are out. Both Four Four Two and When Saturday Comes have the same predictions as they did for us last season. Rock bottom of the division. But as we all know, this season it is a different division, as we defied their predictions and got promoted, so what do they know?

Both Sam Jordan (in FFT) and Carol Bates (in WSC) were well reasoned and optimistic in their answers to the questions set.

The answers from other teams amused me as well. In WSC, Mansfield said their worst moment of last season was us thumping them 4-1 at their place, and Crewe had their playoff final loss to us as their worst moment. We might have made it a hat trick, but WSC still boycott asking the MK Dons questions.

It would seem Mansfield take the cue from their manager and are obsessed with us. In FFT their respondent said they were least looking forward to playing us this season, and the one player they wanted there was Klaidi Lolos. Crewe’s respondent was saying that Jack Powell will be their key player for the new season. And Gillingham’s respondent said the player they would gladly drive to another club was Ashley Nadesan, so I’m assuming they went on a trip to Sutton last week.

Opta weren’t quite so pessimistic about us, they still had us as being relegated, but going down fighting in 21st and not dead last, and less than two points from survival.

Elsewhere on the web, the Real EFL followed the magazines and had us rock bottom. The common denominator for them all is we are taking Shrewsbury with us.

Whilst reading the magazines I did find the most random of stats which piqued my interest. Apparently, there is now only one side in the Premier League / Football League whose ground is situated in a parliamentary constituency with a Conservative MP this season, and that is the newly promoted Bromley.

So, enough random tangents, time for my predictions for the season. I tend to be a natural pessimist, but I won’t be going for us for relegation, no matter what all the magazines and websites and bookies (fucking pox on the world) say. I would be happy with 20th, but that leaves a lot of squeaky bum time to have to contend with during the season. I will go for us being somewhere in the teens.

As for the cups, well, I’d hope we were able to get out of the group stage of the Bristol Street Motors Trophy again this year. Given the draw I’d also hope to see us make the second round of the Carabao Cup, but that might well be it for us this season. And I’m hopeful that we will get a January FA Cup game this season as well.

All that is left is to get the new kit, get my custom name and number on it and settle down in the usual place near the halfway line in the east marquee and welcome Blackpool for the first game of the season. Tickets for the first two cup games of the season are in pocket, as is the one for the first away game of the season at Cambridge.

There are some tasty away trips this season, both from a perspective of big clubs to be pitted against, and some lovely historic cities to visit. Lincoln being a Tuesday night is a pain as will probably miss that one, and Exeter between Christmas and New Year is an arse, but still lots of others to go to, and nice weekends away to be had (oh, and Birmingham as well).

Come on you reds.

Are Friends Electric

Tubeway Army kick off the latest season as there is a brief look at the three preseason friendlies I managed to get to. I hadn’t been to any Crawley preseason friendlies before as a Crawley fan, I had been to a couple at the Broadfield Stadium back when I was a Tottenham fan, and their kids would get their preseason beating as I stood in the away end. So new ground for me really.

First up was the game at Lewes on the 16th of July.

I hadn’t had the pleasure of going to Lewes’s ground before and really liked it, and the whole friendly atmosphere. The seats are comfortable (they are old Wembley ones), but the leg room is non-existent, they would be ideal if I could unscrew my legs. It is also the first time I’ve been to a preseason friendly as a Crawley Town supporter. I had been to a couple years ago, but that was in the away end and as a Tottenham fan. There is a good turnout and a lot of familiar faces. With all the comings and (mainly) goings, it’s difficult to tell who a lot of the players are, and which are new signings, and which are the trialists. It takes me a few minutes to work out that if there is a name on the back of the shirt they are signed, and just a number is a trialist. We are in the new blue third kit, and the more I see it the more I like it. I am also getting kit envy about the squad’s black training kit with the red trident on the back of it.

There is some good passing play and plenty of chances created, the Lewes keeper is having a blinder, but we eventually get a goal just before half time after Ronan Darcy knocks in the rebound after another decent save. For me, the standout player of the first half is the triallist in the number 2 shirt. Flying up and down the left wing getting involved. He’s quick, and does decent work, even if he is a bit rough around the edges.

There is a complete change of personnel for the second half, and the triallist wearing the number 2 shirt in the second half isn’t anywhere near as involved as the one in the first half. Another triallist, wearing the number 12 shirt scores a second goal for us, but that concluded our scoring for the game. Jay Williams is on, and he really doesn’t understand the concept of friendly – whoosh – through anybody and anything. Scott Lindsey is giving the ref verbals about a few decisions, and the ref gets to the point where he’s had enough and marches over to tell Scott to keep his opinions to himself. Scott is still chuntering away later in the half and a fan yells from the crowd ‘let it go Scott, it’s only a friendly’, Scott turns around with a smile and asks, ‘what’s that?’

We need to get a CTFC scarf up on the wall with all the other club’s ones.

I did toy with writing a full match report but was on a bit of a writing CBA then. I had a killer title lined up as well – “Out Of The Dripping Pan And Into The Dire”. But we weren’t that bad.

Roll on East Grinstead on Saturday. Which followed on the 20th of July.

East Grinstead are certainly taking their wasps nickname serious. Perhaps this is where Wiz Khalifa got his inspiration for “Black And Yellow”. Everything is decked out in black and yellow, even the goal nets. We look as if it is pretty much a first XI to play the first half. The ground is filling up nicely, and it’s not a bad ground, not as good as the Dripping Pan on Tuesday night though. As people are coming to their seats and to stand around the perimeter of the pitch a lot are carrying beers. I wonder what level does no drinking in sight of the pitch go down to? Or does it not apply for preseason friendlies?

A few notes from me on the game. There was a decent sized crowd, and always interesting to see people changing what end they stand in at half time, following their team’s goalmouth action (hopefully).

I think it was almost a full strength first XI for the first half, and they did look quite cohesive. They were wearing their white second kit, there looks to be a lot more grey in it than there looked at the kit launch.

Didn’t hear what the two minutes silence was for as their PA system doesn’t make it out as far as the seats, but it was well respected. Jeremy Kelly was playing in the position vacated by his namesake Liam, and I thought he did a decent job there. Jay Williams opened the scoring with a well taken goal from outside the area. He really has no chill at all and could easily start a fight in a phone box, it is a worry as to just how many yellow cards he’s going to rack up in the forthcoming season.

Rushian Hepburn-Murphy is not inspiring confidence as our main (only) striker. He works hard but the finishing looks woeful. There is a lack of composure. One shot cleared the ground, and headed off through the trees and the last time anyone checked it was halfway down the A264 on its way to Tunbridge Wells.

Everything seemed to come down our left-hand side, Harry Forster doesn’t quite look fully fit yet. On the other side Malone got himself into acres of space numerous times but rarely saw the ball and took a knock just before half time and was subbed off.

A complete change at half time saw us field five trialists in the second half. The number nine showed some of the composure RHM is missing and slotted in a nice second goal. Ade Adeyemo was immense. Raf played well in that central midfield pivot role, and I told him so when I saw him on his way into EG train station after the match (by himself – a bit strange I thought), he seems quite shy. I hope he gets more game time this season, even if it is off the bench.

Gonzalez showed flashes, but looks a bit raw, but does seem to link up well with Adeyemo down the right. And although he didn’t see as much of the ball as on Tuesday night, the left wing back trialist in the number 2 shirt still looked useful when he did get the ball.

Overall, it was a reasonable pair of performances, albeit against much lower league opposition. But as Sooty and others have been saying repeatedly, we desperately need additional strikers.

As for EG, none of them stood out as much as the Lewes number 4 did on Tuesday night, but I did wonder if their sub in the number 12 shirt was wearing number 12 because that’s his squad number, or because that’s a reminder as to how old he was.

And finally, their number 15 inspired me no end. So much so that I decided to walk home to Southgate from EG along the Worth Way (which is how I saw Raf going into the station). I thought that if I lose a couple of more pounds and sharpen my fitness a bit, then I too might be able to win a raffle and get a game with some club or other.

The next Tuesday saw an away game against Wealdstone, too much of a trek on a working day for me, and it was a 1-0 loss.

Although I didn’t go to the Palace game, Helen did, and I missed a goal fest and by all accounts some great comedy defending, with it finishing as a 6-3 loss. RHM scored a couple which will hopefully settle him down.

And he scored in the Tuesday night game away at Aldershot, one of those places that is a pain in the arse to get to at the best of times, let alone on a Tuesday evening after work. After scoring we gave away a comedy goal within a minute but got another in the second half to win 2-1.

Then on to the final preseason friendly. You would think that two hours should be more than enough to get to Ebbsfleet from Crawley, but no period ever seems to be enough when having to deal with the vagaries of the M25, with two long hold ups, which seemed to be caused by people who don’t know how to drive on the motorway. And then Google maps was its shitty self, sending us round the houses (literally) to get to the car park.

First impression of the Ebbsfleet ground was the stand on the main road looks good, and even redder than our own. If only they could spell cufflink properly. The signs pointed us the wrong way, seeing as there was no segregation, signs to the away end were redundant, but fortunately a woman told us there was only the one entrance before we’d gotten all the way around.

They have a ladies toilet block, so despite being non-league they are already ahead of Mansfield Town in the facilities stakes.

We got there about ten minutes in, and it was 0-0, and for most of the first half it seemed like there was a forcefield at the halfway line preventing Crawley from attacking. I don’t know what the first ten minutes were like, but for most of the rest of the half we were having plenty of defending practise. Dion Conroy went down a couple of times with injuries in the first half and was subbed at half time. It took until the forty-third minute for us to see Crawley get a shot off, and RHM put it just wide and over after some decent work from Malone (for some reason all I can think of now is ‘cockles and mussels, alive, alive-o’).

In the blue away kit, and I noticed we now have short sponsors. Beaufort. Now, I have no idea what the company Beaufort does, but I have heard of the Beaufort Scale, which is what they use to measure wind speeds. Does this mean we now have indicators with the squad numbers as to how many tins of beans each of the players have been eating?

I have a wander about at half time and again quite like the ground. You can see that the new shiny stand is a change of sides for the main stand. The seats have plenty of leg room compared to the ones on the other side, and that stand still has the old brick built dug outs in place. You wonder if it gets a bit too feisty on the sidelines whether one side can bugger off and use the set on the other side. It is an interesting ground, looking out from it you can see the old fossil fuel industry of the area with a refinery in the background, and then further along, the more modern renewables shows its face with wind turbine tips rotating above the top of the trees, and pylons carry lines over one corner of the ground.

We come out much better in the second half, I think there may well have been a lot of ‘enthusiasm’ from Scott at half time. And when Ade Adeyemo and Harry Forster come on just after the hour mark it was easy to see the jump in intensity and attacking threat those changes brought.

Ebbsfleet brought former Crawley player Tom Dallinson on at seventy minutes. I happened to bump into his dad in the toilets when leaving after the game and he was saying how much Tom enjoyed his time playing for us.

A couple of minutes after he came on, we scored. A cross-field ball took a slight deflection straight into Forster’s path, he took it into the area and his shot took a slight deflection as well and went in the top corner.

Although we were better going forward, it is clear to see we are still susceptible to pace at the back. And to the soft own goal. And on eight six minutes that is what happened, a pacy attack down the left saw a cross come in and Joy Mukena (I think) prod it in from a few yards out. It could have been worse as in injury time another cross from the left ended up hitting the crossbar, and not long after the final whistle went.

It was probably a fair result, but it doesn’t inspire masses of confidence for the step up in opposition when the season starts next weekend.

The crowd was announced as 885, no idea how many Crawley fans there were there, as both sets of fans were in red and they were inter-mingled and spread out all over the place in their 5k or so capacity ground.

After the game Utred recognised me from my terrible profile picture and introduced himself, and a few Ebbsfleet fans came up and wished us well for the new season as we were leaving. And the journey home wasn’t anywhere near as painful as the one going.

It’s been good fun getting to the friendlies, seeing a few new grounds, and having that totally different atmosphere from competitive and segregated games during the season. How much of a serious guide it gives to the season ahead is debateable though. But there have been enough flashes to give even an eternal pessimist like me some cause for optimism for the forthcoming season.

Come on you reds.

We Need More Than Wombles

You have to wonder about some people’s mentality. I was out on Friday, just as it had turned to the afternoon. I had nipped into the shop on the local parade to get a drink. There was a teenage girl in front of me buying lots of random stuff. And because one drink doesn’t take long to scan and pay for, especially when I had already prepared the correct change to pay for it, I was walking towards the Downsman not far behind the girl.

Her mum was parked up at the side of the pub and the girl passed the bag of shopping into her through the driver side window. The mum passed her a couple of things and told the girl to throw them away. So, the girl took them, walked back across the road, and then just threw them at the base of the tree there. Two more steps away there is a bin. Her mum did shout at her to pick them up and put them in the bin. “It’s literally just there next to you.” There was a lot of huffing then involved.

But when you hear how it’s my generation that doesn’t give a shit about the planet, it isn’t. it’s the lazy entitled little shits of Greta Thunberg’s generation. And they seem to be worse in this country than anywhere else. (Even Vienna.) it is why our streets are litter strewn messes, whereas the streets of most foreign cities we visit tend to be litter free. (That and a lack of council resources to have that early, five in the morning street cleaning crews they seem to have overseas.)

And to be fair it isn’t just the younger generation in this country, it seems to be an epidemic of lazy bastards. I had my usual pre writing group Maccy D’s breakfast on Saturday morning. Pretty much every table had the detritus of wrappings left behind on them by lazy fuckwits. They managed to get their food and drink to the tables (OK, half of them probably used the deliver to table option when ordering), but they couldn’t possibly manage to take the empty bits to the bin. Which they have to walk past to get out the door. It beggars’ belief.

Although I didn’t make it to the football on Saturday (because of the stupid time of the friendly clashing with writing group), I can guarantee that by the end of the game the stands will be litter strewn hovels. People can manage to get the food and drink to their seats but can’t possibly take the litter away with them at the end. They just drop it and expect someone else to clean it up. And again most of them have to walk past the wheelie bins placed next to the bottom of each set of stairs out of the stands when they are leaving.

Why oh why are we such a nation of lazy, slovenly halfwits?

Another Leicester Weekend

A trip to Leicester? Don’t mind if I do. A nice early train from Crawley. Earlier than the one specified. But I know how rubbish Thamestink are at being on time, and the window at St Pancras to change trains is a narrow one. As it turned out it was the correct decision. The original scheduled train on my ticket was late and I would have missed the booked train from St Pancras to Leicester.

I’m travelling solo for the weekend. Helen is going to a rum and reggae festival tomorrow and it clashes with the reunion meetup I’m going to. I have come up to Leicester early to get a chance to wander around. Take more photos, and to get information so I can write some more pieces about Leicester. And it just so happened that there is a home 20/20 game for Leicestershire (la-la-la) tonight against Durham. So I have tickets and have arranged to meet up with old friends, Chris and Karl to go to that. It’s always good to have a catch-up, and the weather looks as if it is being kind as well. I will also be taking the opportunity to have a poke around in some record shops and see if I can make any more progress with the top fifty singles from my date of birth hunt that I’ve got going. I have identified four shops to have a look in.

I will be staying at the Holiday Inn at St Nicholas’ Circle, and am hoping for a view out over the church and Jewry Wall. The latter of which is still closed as the upgrade to the museum, work which seems to have been going on forever, but which should be complete by the time we come back to Leicester at the beginning of October. It is a nice central location for me to be starting at, with lots to see in every direction. Covering ground not really done much before. I want to cover the strip between Vaughan Way / Burleys Way and the canal all the way from the hotel to Abbey Street / Belgrave Road. And then do the bits the other side around Wharf Street (north and south) and up to St Georges retail park.

And as the reunion tomorrow is in the same place as last year it will give me the opportunity to get better pictures up the New Walk and back down London Road after last year’s were a bit blurry after I’d knocked the auto-focus off and couldn’t figure out how to turn it back on until I got back home. I’m also hoping its third time lucky for me to get inside the magnificent St James the Greater church on London Road and get some photos.

There will be some old favourites revisited as well. I want a couple of sets of photos. First up some nighttime shots, I have a list of places to shoot. And then to do the same list of places early on Sunday morning to get them as black and white photos as the streets are likely to be empty at that time, and then it will be time to head home. I also promise not to comment on any more Leicester institutions. I did a piece on them last year, mentioning ten of them which were permanent fixtures and part of the identity of Leicester. Less than a week after I wrote that piece and posted it, one of them announced it was closing, and now, just a year on, four of them have gone. It may not be me jinxing things, but I’m not going to tempt fate anymore. Perhaps I should just comment on soulless coffee chops and bland chains stores instead, or perhaps there are places that need to go. That should be mentioned. Let me know.

Loved The Rollercoaster

My end of season review.

Well, that went a lot better than expected. After all, we were the bookies favourites to be relegated, both Four Four Two and When Saturday Comes had us to finish bottom of the league, as did the Real EFL website, and there wasn’t much hope around. In my pre-season piece I had us to finish fourteenth. By the time we were originally due to play AFC Wimbledon, I wrote a piece for their programme on our season to date and how I expected it to end up for us. At that point I had us missing the playoffs on goal difference. But that game got postponed, and we went on an iffy run, so by the time the AFC game went ahead I had tweaked it again and had us with a top half finish. So much for anyone’s Nostradamus abilities.

It is possible the first game of the season set the tone. We beat playoff tipped Bradford City at home. Mark Hughes was toys out of pram again, and wasn’t long left for his job. By the end of September we were second in the league after a 3-0 home win against Sutton United, and for eight minutes were top on goal difference as games were played on that Saturday.

Then came a dreadful October, where we had four losses, a draw, and a postponement in the league, and slipped towards the bottom half of the table. We had been knocked out of the Carabao Cup in the first round away to Exeter City, and we went out of the FA Cup in the first week of November away to Notts County, but did manage to win our Bristol Street Motors Trophy group, and a knockout game, only to go out to Peterborough in January in a rearranged game.

We were going through a run of win a game, lose a game for the first part of 2024, and were stuck in mid table, but only ever a handful of points outside the playoff spots. More often than not we were more places outside the playoffs than we were points behind the seventh spot.

And away win in the AFC game seemed to galvanise us, and we went on a decent run, where apart from a loss to the steamroller that Doncaster Rovers had become, we were on fire. Back-to-back away wins after Easter where we scored four, first against Newport County, and then against the automatic promotion placed Mansfield Town saw us get into the playoff places.

Only for us to forget how to win. We lost at Wrexham, relegation threatened Colchester United beat us, and there were tense draws against playoff rival Barrow, and eventually relegated Sutton United. Which meant going into the final game of the season we had dropped out of the playoff places and into eighth.

Grimsby Town were the visitors on the last day of the season. We won 2-0, and Barrow were held to a draw, and we had beat the odds and the naysayers and made it to the playoffs. The day after was the end of season awards ceremony at Lingfield Park, which we were lucky enough to get a ticket for, and a positive night, looking forward to the playoffs.

The first leg against the Milton Keynes Dons went better than anyone really expected, with a comfortable 3-0 win. The away leg saw sixteen hundred fans watch an amazing 5-1 victory, recording the largest ever playoff margin of victory of any side. And with it, booking the first ever trip to Wembley for the club.

And that trip to Wembley was full of firsts, in our first ever playoff campaign, we played our first game at Wembley, won our first game at Wembley, and had our first ever VAR decision in one of our games – which went in our favour (quite rightly too), and our largest ever match crowd for any fixture, the first time in five figures.

The following day it was a promotion party at the Broadfield Stadium. A chance to celebrate the amazing feat that promotion had been. Quickly arranged the day after Wembley, there were comments about there being two thousand tickets sold for it, and there were definitely more people there than there had been for any of the Bristol Street Motors trophy games back in the autumn / winter.

The trophy for the playoff final win was on display.

And then came out all the on and off field staff. Then the players. The third one out was Liam Kelly, and they gave him the microphone to announce the rest of the players. Which was somewhat of a surprise as he had avoided saying more than two words at the awards ceremony, and is somewhat reticent in any post-match interviews. But what you need to get him going apparently is a few pre mic beers, some sunglasses, and someone else’s shirt (him and Jeremy Kelly had swapped shirts and come out in each other’s).

With that the season is a wrap. How good has that been? Check out my freshly penned poem to the season at the link below – Ode To Crawley Town FC 2023-24.

An Ode To Crawley Town FC 2023-24

Along the way there have been other things to reflect upon. December and January saw a wonderful temporary display of Crawley Town’s history put together by Steve Leake and Mick Fox at the museum. For a relatively new fan such as myself it was a fascinating trove of information, and I hope that a permanent home for at least some of it can be found to display it at the stadium. It would be good for our fans, and for visiting supporters to see that Crawley is far more than the new town / Gatwick airport appendage that so many see us as. As a season ticket holder and a lifetime member of the museum I was happy to have donated to the cost of them putting the exhibition together.

We have made friends with other fans (more Helen’s doing really), which considering I’m an introverted misanthrope isn’t bad going for me. I recognise a lot more familiar faces nowadays, especially from going to more away games in the second half of the season. My big yellow puffer jacket is easily recognisable, and we have seen ourselves in the stands in the EFL highlights show, and on the back of the Crawley & Horley Observer a couple of times.

Speaking of the EFL highlights show, that, along with iFollow are biting the dust. Due to the new Sky Sports contract they are disappearing next season. And the new Sky contract does worry me somewhat. Obviously, there is the good part of there being more money coming into the club. But with the number of televised games at our level increasing exponentially it does mean that the nice steady 3pm Saturday afternoon and 7:45pm Tuesday night fixture pattern is going to take a beating, and often at short notice. Games will be shifted. Any day of the week will be possible, as will pretty much any time of day for Saturday (and Sunday) kick-offs. It will make trying to organise going to games difficult. No early booking of hotels or trains, just increased costs for the fans, something we already know Sky doesn’t give a shit about. (As the rearranged Stockport County game showed.)

This season has also seen our first forays into going to away games with GH travel on the fan coaches. Only the short hop journeys to AFC Wimbledon and Sutton United, as that is about the limit of what my coach induced travel sickness will allow. But they are well organised and there is a good atmosphere on them, and for short trips I’d like to think we would use them again.

Now we wait for the season ticket release for the 2024-25 season. Regardless of whether there is a price increase or not we will definitely be renewing our season tickets and having the same seats in the east marquee. Having moved up a division, the teams we are playing has taken a massive overhaul, and although we have the third most travelling to do in the division, there are a lot of places that are prime for tourism and football weekends.

It is going to seem an empty three months before the new season starts. Speaking of the east marquee, it would be good if there could be more turnstiles in the southeast corner to help reduce the congestion getting into busy games (which we have more and more of now) – especially with the additional bag checks there are now. And if I am in cloud cuckoo land thinking, put a solid back on the east marquee. Part of this is because as I keep losing weight (and get old I suppose) I get cold a lot easier now, and not having the wind whipping in through the flappy unsecured tarpaulin would be a bonus.

And if there was a genie available for wishes, then on my list, it would surprise no one to know that bringing back the programme would be at the top. Getting them at away games is one of the highlights of going to away games for me. The next thing would be the merchandise available. When we go away, we like to have a poke around in their club shop, and they have so many all kinds of everything there, and it makes our offerings seem embarrassing. I think there are missed opportunities here. The final wish is for survival at the very least.

So the title for this piece came from stretching the lyrics of Love Rollercoaster by the Ohio Players (not the cover by the Red Hot Chili Peppers). And so it brings the season of loosely based song lyric titles to an end. It’s quite the eclectic playlist that has been put together over the course. The full playlist is below.

Average White Band – Let’s Go Round Again

Reverend & The Makers – I Could Have Been The Heavyweight Champion Of The World

Style Council – Come To Milton Keynes

Paper Lace – Billy Don’t Be A Hero

Donovan – Mellow Yellow

Peter Gabriel – Digging In The Dirt

Alexei Sayle – Ullo John (Got A New Motor)

Kelis – Milkshake

Bill Haley & His Comets – See You Later Alligator

Rolling Stones – Jumping Jack Flash

James Brown – It’s A Man’s, Man’s, Man’s World

Paul McCartney – Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time

U2 – New Year’s Day

Sabrina Johnston – Peace In The Valley

Lionel Jeffries – P.O.S.H.

Guns ‘n’ Roses – Paradise City

Kim Wilde – The Second Time

Andrea True Connection – More, More, More

Russ Conway – Side Saddle

David Christie – Saddle Up

The Cure – A Forest

UB40 – Cherry Oh Baby

Del Shannon – Hats Off To Larry

Pet Shop Boys feat Dusty Springfield – What Have I Done To Deserve This

Camera Obscura – We Have Made It In A Man’s World

Leftfield & Lydon – Open Up

The Smiths – Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One Before

The Dubliners – Molly Malone

Weird Al Yankovic – Close But No Cigar

Jr Walker & The All Stars – What Does It Take (To Win Your Love For Me)

Teardrop Explodes – Reward

Aerosmith – I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing

Doris Day – Que Sera Sera (Whatever Will Be, Will Be)

The 5th Dimension – Up, Up, And Away

Bobbie Gentry – Ode To Billie Joe

Ohio Players – Love Rollercoaster

And of course, there is the track I’ve mentioned no end in passing this year, Modern Romance – Ay Ay Ay Ay Moosey

Which brings this piece, and this season to an end. Roll on next season.

Come on you reds.

An Ode To Crawley Town FC 2023-24

Doom and gloom was the mood before a ball was kicked

To finish dead last was our fate all the experts picked

So many players gone, so many inexperienced new faces

No one knew who was going to play in which places

But we started with a win, then another and a draw

There we were in the table, sat in the top four

On the last day of September as we played we were able

To say that for seven short minutes we were top of the table

Then October came and a slide down did begin

As for the whole of the month we were unable to win

The winter months came full of ups and downs

One win, all smiles, followed by one loss and frowns

Then as the coldest spring came we began to hit form

And wins at home and more importantly away became the norm

By the start of April it was a playoff place we were in

Only for something akin to a golfer’s yips to begin

With one game left to play we dropped from seven to eight

And so out of our own hands was our promotion fate

The last game was won, the team had done their bit

Into the playoffs we went as one of our rivals took a hit

MK Dons were the opponents, a home three nil win

Away in dreamland, five one victory, get MK in the bin

Wembley here we come for the first time in our history

That tickets sold so fast was no kind of mystery

At Wembley the nerves are with us, it’s cagey, we score

Orsi, then Kelly, and it could well have been more

The final whistle goes, we have won and been promoted

What a way to end the season, feeling so elated.

Come on you reds.

Up Up And Away To A Beautiful League One

The 5th Dimension. There were lots of red and white balloons floating around this afternoon, but none of them feel as light and floaty as I do writing this.

Here it is. Wembley. The League 2 playoff final. It is sinking in. After the incredible 5-1 away victory last Saturday night against the Milton Keynes Dons, one that made Crawley Town record breakers as we recorded the biggest ever aggregate winning margin in our 8-1 aggregate win. The seven-goal margin breaking the previous six goal margin someone racked up in a 9-3 aggregate win previously.

That someone happened to be today’s opponents, Crewe Alexandra who took Walsall to the cleaners back in 2016. They made it to the final after overcoming a 2-0 home defeat against the seemingly previously unstoppable Doncaster Rovers. They won the away leg by the same 2-0 margin, even after extra time, and it went to penalties. The Crewe keeper spotted the Doncaster keeper’s water bottle had details of which way to dive when facing Crewe player’s penalties and took the water bottle and threw it into the crowd. Crewe then won on penalties to make Wembley.

They won the toss to be the nominal home team for the playoff final and so will be playing in their red kits, which means we will be playing in white. Which someone pointed out was the colour of kits worn when securing the club’s last three promotions. Saying that, we don’t have the best record against Crewe, we lost both home and away against them in the league this year (and they did look like one of the best sides we played all season), and in total we have a poor record against them, having won only the one in thirteen attempts.

Sunday was a day to try and take in just what Crawley had accomplished on the Saturday night, with securing their first ever visit to Wembley, which we passed on the train on the way back from Milton Keynes, before tickets went on sale on the Monday morning.

Ah yes, Wembley ticket sales. Which means having to deal with those ultimate of robbing bastards, Ticketmasterbators. In releasing tickets only block by block they called caused the illusion of sold-out tickets by 9:30am, half an hour after went on sale. And for fans, desperate to be a part of Crawley’s big day, to panic buy odd tickets dotted around instead of being able to get them together. Only for more blocks to be released piecemeal. At least there was a belated service to be able to ring and change tickets to ones together or in more wanted areas.

We were waiting for level two tickets to be released, and for them to be more to the side rather than directly behind the goal. More comfortable seats and a better view for this particular old git. In the meantime, our neighbour Clare secured us Club Wembley level tickets through her friend (thank you Kelly – the seats were great) and besides Helen and I, Clare’s dad Pete and another neighbour Lynn will be heading to Wembley. The fretting went away somewhat, but better communication would have helped seeing as Helen had already bought Ticketmasterbators vouchers to get the tickets with. And better general communications from Wembley and Ticketmasterbators about how they were planning on releasing tickets would have been more helpful and less stressful for fans all round. Anyway, the club had sold twelve thousand tickets by the end of the day, a figure that had risen to over sixteen thousand by the end of Thursday.

Playoff merchandise was sorted and on sale by Tuesday afternoon to order for pickup at the club later in the week. I thought I was remarkably restrained in not ordering one of everything. Instead, just getting the Corey Addai t-shirt, the Que Sera Sera t-shirt, and a scarf for me, and the Nick Tsaroulla t-shirt for Helen. Some items sold out quickly and it intrigued me to see that all items were available in the following sizes: 9-10 years old, XS, small, medium, large, XL, 2XL, and 4XL, but none in 3XL, which for a number of years was my required size.

Friday was spent wating for the email from the club to say that my order was ready for collection. But as I was out and about, I nipped into the shop at 5pm and they sorted the order there and then, so all good.

I realised in the build up to this game that will be the first time I have been to the new Wembley stadium to watch a football game. I had been to the original Wembley to see England and Tottenham play before, but I had only been to the new ground to watch numerous NFL games.

This morning saw the mass exodus from the town by train, car, and coach, and an early Thamestink train from Crawley, a change at Farringdon to the tube, and then the Metropolitan line up to Wembley.

The platform at Crawley station was busy and once everyone got on a Crawley the train was standing room only. Only for lots more to get on at Three Bridges, and then for carrying amounts of people wearing Crawley gear all the way up to Purley. The other platform at Three Bridges was absolutely jam packed with fans waiting for the faster Thamestink train from Brighton. Our train had been a couple of minutes late due to the volumes getting on at Ifield before it got to us.

Wembley has a strict bag policy, where nothing bigger than A4 size is permitted. And then they produce a programme which is A4 in size and therefore won’t fit in any bag that you are allowed to bring to the ground, You really couldn’t make this shit up. But the programme, although expensive at a tenner, is a great programme, as it should be for a game of this stature at the home of English football.

There is the view up Wembley Way when you come out of the tube station before heading down the steps at Wembley Park, and it is a view that no one should ever tire of.

We were in the ground and seated before half eleven, which meant I was there in time to watch the Utilita Kids cup final between Walsall and Bradford City, which Walsall won. Which could be a bad omen seeing as they were in red and Bradford were in white, and Crewe being in red today and us in white. Although I’m hoping the good omen of Oxford United winning yesterday’s League One playoff final cancels that out, seeing as, like us, they scraped into the final playoff spot on the last day of the season and won their final.

Having left the house with it being a bit overcast we were pleased to see that the sun was trying to get out by the time we passed Horley, and it was clear blue skies and sunny once at Wembley.

I was hoping they put enough lotion on the head of the bald pundit down on the pitch, as the one who opted for a jacket was looking uncomfortable down there in the hot sun and kept wiping the sweat from his brow.

And filed under things I never thought I would see is this shirt.

Crewe aren’t in all red, as they’ve managed to wangle wearing white shorts without us having to change to black ones. A bit odd, but here we go. Kick off.

The first ten minutes are very cagey. No shots, no half chances, nothing in either penalty area. It takes until the fourteenth minute before the first shot arrives. Kellen Gordon cross is headed out and it comes to Liam Kelly, but his volley is over the bar.

The action is starting to warm up. We work the ball down the left wing, there are some nice one-twos along the way, and it gets into the box, and L Kelly gets a shot on target which is comfortably saved by the Crewe keeper. The first yellow of the game follows shortly afterwards as Dion Conroy is taken out in the middle of the park.

On twenty-four minutes the ball goes out for a throw and a drinks break is called. Something I didn’t see watching the League One playoff game on TV yesterday. After the restart we work it down the left again and play a ball into Klaidi Lolos, he turns back and forth to get a shot off, but it is a weak effort and straight at the keeper.

It takes thirty-six minutes for Crewe to get their first shot, one from outside the box, and Corey Addai is down well to push the ball around the post for a corner. Five minutes later there is a long clearance from Addai, it is collected and passed to L Kelly, who pings it to Danilo Orsi, who turns to find room to take a shot and buries it in the corner of the goal and Crawley lead 1-0. Absolute scenes.

And we are nearly straight back in from the restart. Going down the right Gordon gets a cross in and Jeremy Kelly has a shot deflected for a corner, and from it there is a header over the bar. There are four added minutes at the end of the half. During which Crewe get a throw near the corner flag (they were blatantly offside though), and a long throw comes in, and Addai collects well amongst bodies. We get it up field to Lolos again, and he has a shot from thirty yards out which is high and wide, and the whistle goes for half time with us leading 1-0.

We start the second half as we finished the first, on the front foot, getting an early corner. Only for there to be a kamikaze back pass from Adam Campbell which has Addai in no man’s land and the Crewe attacker one-on-one with him. The ball goes past Addai who sticks a foot out. The attacker goes to the ground and a penalty is given and Addai is shown a yellow card. But here comes our first VAR decision in a game ever, the ref goes over to the pitch side monitor and the penalty is rescinded, as is the yellow card and it is a corner instead. No, a goal kick. No, a drop ball. Not sure anyone knows what is going on at the moment. But thank you VAR. Not that there was ever any doubt that Addai was going to save the penalty.

And that is the last action for Campbell. He is subbed off, seemingly as a result of that back pass, but more likely a planned change and Ronan Darcy comes on. We get another corner; a Gordon cross is deflected behind. The corner is short to L Kelly and his cross is headed out. Gordon wins it back and charges into the box and his shot is well saved. Another cross follows, and there are some appeals for handball, but nothing given and no VAR check.

More substitutions are made, Crewe make a couple, and Gordon goes off to be replaced by Ade Adeyemo. L Kelly is hauled down and it draws another yellow card and a free kick thirty yards out on left hand side of penalty area. It comes in and is headed away as far as Adeyemo whose shot is over the bar.

Jesus wept, another kamikaze back pass sees Crewe with the ball on the byline in the box, but the cross is cleared. We break and the ball is worked across for Darcy to have a shot which is deflected over for a corner. We are having a great spell of possession, pinging it about on the edge of the Crewe box, and Darcy gets another shot off which is just over. And there is a second half drinks break as well.

We are having more pressure now. J Kelly is down the left to the byline, with a lovely piece of skill to get a cross in, but it is just too deep. Recovered by Darcy and he gets it to L Kelly whose shot is saved for a corner. It is cleared but it is won back, and Lolos can’t get space for a shot, it goes to L Kelly who can’t either, and out to J Kelly whose cross is blocked for a corner which is cleared. That is won back in midfield, and we get a free kick forty yards out which is cleared.

Crewe get a long throw near the box, and it is worked back in, but the header is easily saved by Addai. Dion Conroy steps out of defence, wonderfully cutting two Crewe players out of the game, then pings a ball of beauty through to the onrushing L Kelly in the box. He initially tries to square it for Orsi, but it is deflected back to him and with the keeper going the wrong way he slots it in, and it is 2-0. Deep breaths. Nearly there.

There are ten added minutes as the crowd is announced as being 33,341. We make a couple of more subs when the ball eventually goes out of play, with J Kelly and Lolos coming off to be replaced by Nick Tsaroulla and Jack Roles. Crewe get a couple of shots in quick succession, one is easily claimed by Addai, and the other goes over the bar. At the other end there is a late chance for Orsi to put the icing on the cake as he brilliantly leaves the defender for dead and gets his shot away, but the keeper saves.

The full-time whistle goes, and we have won. 2-0. Promoted. Can you believe what we have witnessed over the last couple of weeks.

It is party time. The players make their torturous way up to the royal box to pick up the playoff winner’s trophy, with Liam Kelly being named as man of the match, before coming back down onto the pitch for the set-up photo opportunities and ticker tape parade.

We are there a long time after the final whistle, still trying to soak up as much of the glorious atmosphere a win at Wembley and promotion can give you.

The walk back down Wembley Way is just like those floaty balloons. Walking on air. And the montage on the screen just before getting back to Wembley Park station says it all. Crawley Town certainly stepped up in the playoffs, and next season it will be a new set of teams to bamboozle and beat in League One.

The journey home is full of happy fans in crowded carriages. The parade is tomorrow night. It is not a day that will be forgotten.

Come on you reds.

Something To Pass The Time

People are strange sometimes. I was walking into town along Malthouse Road. On the other side of the road a man was walking in the same direction as me. He turned out of Brewer Road and all the way along until we got to East Park we were going at the same pace. But when I turned into East Park to then go over the railway, as I was on the side of Malthouse Road that was closer to the bridge, I was ahead of him. Cue him speeding up to almost a jog to get in front of me and then taking the stairs two at a time to keep ahead as if it was a race.

The level of service in Maccy D’s really does seem to depend on the staff in there. They pretty much force you to use the self-service kiosks. I have gotten used to that by now. But then when the order comes to be done, depending on who is working, they act as if they can’t read. I always eat in. A chance to watch the world go by, and possibly see little vignettes to write about. Therefore on the machine I select the eat in option, and I always go and collect it from the counter. When the usual Saturday crew is on, it comes on a tray, they give you some serviettes, and everyone is happy after I clear my own tray and rubbish away once I’ve finished eating. It was a replacement crew this week. When I did get my collection, it was in a takeaway paper bag, slung in my general direct and no serviettes. I checked the sticker on the bag which had the details on it, and at the top in large bold print were the words EAT IN. it’s not fucking rocket science now is it?

Speaking of which, some of the Deliveroo / Just Eat / Uber Eats delivery bods aren’t on this planet either. You do see the occasional one with the proper large bags with the different sections in for hot and cold items to keep them separate. Then you see the muppet collection two large orders this morning. He appeared to have a large, padded bag for life. Which wasn’t big enough for the larger of the two orders he was collecting, let alone both of them. And he was cramming hot food and cold drinks in next to each other and on top of each other, with bits sticking out the top of his bag. Which is exactly the reason why no one in their right mind should ever order via these shitty delivery companies. The drivers don’t give a fuck, and the food will be cold when it arrives. And no one wants to have to microwave low quality fast food. It is only just about okay when ‘fresh’ off the conveyor belt.

Que Hurrah Hurrah, Whether By Train, Coach, Or Taxi, We’re Going To Wembley

Doris Day ladies and gentlemen, somewhat traditional for this kind of thing. All the way back to her 1956 chart topper. Not necessarily hoping it’s chips though.

The playoffs continue. After the wonderful 3-0 home win on Tuesday night it’s the second leg, away to Milton Keynes Dons.

I quite often comment to say that I’ve gone straight to home games from writing group, as that finishes at one, and a wander down to the ground gives me my chance to be there as they are opening the turnstiles. It seems most Saturday home games align with writing group sessions which is handy. When they don’t and it is an away game, then it is writing and then home to watch Soccer Saturday for score updates. But today is a first. Writing group in the morning, and then straight to an away game. With it being an evening kick-off, it gives the right amount of time to meet Helen at the train station and get up to Milton Keynes with enough time to check in and drop a bag off at the hotel, and then wander towards the ground finding somewhere to get some food. It’s just a longer wander to the game than usual.

As we travel there four days after the first leg, I’m still pinching myself at the position we find ourselves in. There is a lot of confidence amongst fans. But I’m going around with fingers crossed (which makes typing the first half of this quite difficult), and a mantra in my head of ‘stop jinxing it,’ as I see the wave of social media and forum posts talking about a Wembley visit.

If our home game hadn’t succumbed to ark training and been played on Monday, then this game would have been played Thursday night. But now it’s been rearranged, it isn’t easy to drive up to Milton Keynes. The M25 westbound is closed for the weekend as they continue to work on the A3 junction, and there are roadworks at Dartford, which is why we’ve gone for the train.

Crawley were allocated two thousand tickets for the game; the minimum MK were allowed to offer. There was a lot of moaning about only having two thousand tickets available, but that is still nine hundred more than made the short trip to Sutton a few weeks ago, and we didn’t manage to sell them all anyway, the final tally of sold tickets coming to 1,630.

It was a lovely sunny day for the trip up, a wander to the hotel. The city centre is just bizarre, ghost town, wide open spaces, lots of greenery though, and a grid formation, but it makes the Marie Celeste look claustrophobic. Then out for food in the centre of the city, Ask, which just reminds us how much we miss the one in Crawley. It’s worth ten Prezzo’s.

Their stadium is seriously impressive, a case of build a stadium for what you want to achieve. They had proper searches, sniffer dogs, bag check, pat downs on the way in. The concourse was packed with chanting fans, and the noise is immense. We see Reuben to say hello, and the Mansfield brothers once in our seats. However, for such a modern, supposed state of the art, stadium, the PA system is rubbish, couldn’t pick up a single announcement from their voice over man all game.

I get a programme, it was only three quid, and was thicker than ours on Tuesday, but is half full of adverts. But at least they had the common courtesy to include four pages on their opposition – i.e. us.

It is a repeat of Tuesday night as far as strips are concerned, all red for us, and all white (flag?) for the MK Dons. Two minutes in and there is a poor pass out from the MK keeper, it is pounced on by Jay Williams who takes it into the box and slots it in the corner and we lead 1-0 on the night and 4-0 on aggregate. Can this be happening?

MK get some attacking going, and win a corner, which is put out for another corner, and we clear it. Clever work from Harry Forster down the right, ball comes across to Adam Campbell who chips it over the defenders, but Danilo Orsi can’t get a telling finishing touch on the ball. More decent work, down the left this time, but again we can’t get the final shot away.

The MK toerag, number eighteen, stamps on Williams’ thigh after the ball has gone. The officials are like the four blind mice, and nothing is given. MK as a whole are going for the kick lumps out of Crawley approach at every opportunity. Campbell is barged over with a forearm smash to the back of the head, and again the officials see nothing wrong with it. The MK players are in the ref’s face at every opportunity, as if they’re the hard done ones. A two footed lunge straight through Klaidi Lolos just gets waved on by the ref.

We are having lots of possession. But it wouldn’t be a game without a Corey Addai heart in your mouth moment. A pass out goes straight to a MK player, but their shot is straight at Addai, and we survive. A MK shot from twenty-five yards out is saved at full stretch by Addai for a corner. MK’s number eighteen is down in the box claiming a penalty like the cheating scumbag he is.

On half an hour after some MK pressure we play the ball out well, flicked on towards Orsi, the MK defender misjudges the bounce, Orsi pulls in under control goes outside the defender and pulls a shot back across the keeper and into the corner and it is 2-0, and a 5-0 aggregate lead.

Another two footed lunge, this time through the back of Jeremy Kelly at least wins a free kick, but again there is no yellow card. FFS ref, some protection from the MK thugs would be good. Lolos is clattered in the back again and down injured, but nothing is given. A couple of minutes later, Lolos wins a tackle in midfield, but to everyone’s bemusement, the ref awards a free kick to MK and books Lolos. So, the blind twat does have his cards with then.

There is an injury to Forster, and he is subbed off to be replaced by Kellen Gordon. MK win a free kick on the left-hand edge of the area as the board goes up for five minutes of added time. The ball is swung over to the back post and an outstretched leg plays it back across for the cheating thug number eighteen to score. 2-1 on the night and 5-1 on aggregate.

It looks as if we have restored the advantage almost immediately. Lolos plays it through to Orsi, who helps it on the Jeremy Kelly, and his touch beats the keeper. We are all up celebrating the goal, but it is cleared off the line. There is another hefty challenge, this time on Will Wright and yet again it goes unpunished. After seven extra minutes the ref finally blows for half time.

The second half kicks off with Wright having been replaced by Joy Mukena after the heavy challenge at the end of the first half. Two minutes in there is a ball to Lolos, who drifts inside, and plays a perfect ball to Liam Kelly, who is in on goal with just the keeper to beat, but he squares it to Orsi for a simple tap in and it’s 3-1 on the night and now 6-1 on aggregate. This is dreamland.

The MK toerag dives in the penalty area again trying to cheat for a penalty, and a goal kick is awarded. Lolos is pulled back in midfield and appears to be smacked in the face for bad measure. A free kick is given, but still no yellow card for any MK player. Lolos is subbed off, and Campbell is at the same time, Ronan Darcy and Jack Roles come on for fresh legs.

MK get a corner and force an Addai save, but the offside flag was up anyway. There is a foul by Mukena in his own half, and somewhat unbelievably, the ref books him. They play it wide, and the cross is blocked away by Addai, and he saves the follow up shot. There is finally a booking for MK as one of their players drags Roles down thirty-five yards out. It is played into the box, but cleared, played back in from the other side, two players stretch to try and get a shot away and both fail, but the flag has gone up for offside anyway.

We make the fifth and final substitution, with Williams replaced by Nick Tsaroulla. MK attack and a cross is blasted against an arm two yards away from where it is hit, and the ref has no hesitation in giving MK a penalty. Which Addai saves, and justice is served. MK attack again, but their shot from twenty-five yards out is high and wide.

A break down the right sees a cross come in only to be collected by the MK keeper, but his ball out is won back quickly and a cross from Tsaroulla is blocked for a corner. We are having a lot of the ball and passing it around amongst ourselves all over the pitch, accompanied by a series of ‘oles.’ MK get hacked off with this and hack down Darcy. Another hack on Liam Kelly follows quickly, there is a serious lack of yellow cards for such thuggish play from MK, it is deliberate brutality.

Roles gets the ball in midfield and his shot from thirty yards sees the MK keeper make a hash of the save, but he is lucky as the deflected ball comes back off the post. Another MK lunge through the back of a player, this time Gordon, and no yellow card.

On eighty minutes we break down the right, the ball is played into Orsi, who tries twisting and turning every which way trying to get a shot away to get his hat trick, and the ball ends up with Roles, who slots it in, and it is 4-1 on the night, 7-1 on aggregate. A mass exodus is occurring in the home end now.

There is finally a second booking for the thugs after a foul on Tsaroulla. Scumbag number eighteen kicks the ball away after another foul, but somehow doesn’t pick up a booking. Is he immune or something?

Four added minutes are indicated. Thankfully, it is shown how long on the big screen, as no one can make out a word the bloke on the PA is trying to say. We move the ball down the left after more sustained possession, just playing it around and having MK chasing shadows. The ball comes to Darcy, but his shot is over.

Back down the left again, it is worked through into the box and Darcy squares it across two yards out and Orsi is there at the far post to chest the ball into the net for his hat trick, and to make the score 5-1 on the night and 8-1 on aggregate. Seriously, how fucking good is this?

From the restart MK attack and they crash a shot that comes back off the crossbar. Their number fourteen hauls Darcy down, both hand pulling the back of the shirt and throwing him to the ground, and there are ironic cheers as he finally gets booked.

The final whistle goes. We have done. Crawley Town are heading to Wembley for the first time in their history. They will be up against Crewe Alexandra, who upset the odds to come back from a first leg deficit against the steamroller that was Doncaster Rovers and beat them on penalties. I don’t know if the crowd was announced, it was impossible to tell what was being said, but the MK website had the official crowd as being 10,053 with 1,630 away fans.

It took quite some time for the elated fans to come down from their seats up in the gods and may take them some time to stop pinching themselves at what they have witnessed over the two legs. The long journey home is probably still ongoing for most fans. Meanwhile it was back to the hotel to write this, watch highlights and be generally deliriously happy, only to find the lead I have to charge the camera doesn’t work as a data transfer lead, and so the photos from the night can’t be added to this.

Roll on the bun fight for the tickets for Wembley, there should be more than enough to go around. One more win for that unexpected promotion.

Come on you reds.

I Dons Want To Miss A Thing

A bit of Aerosmith lyric mangling for our last home game of the season.

Here it is – The Playoffs. A first for Crawley Town. Victory in the last home game of the season saw us grab the final playoff place, and today is the first leg of the semi-final against the Milton Keynes Dons. It hasn’t been a quiet ten days since that win against Grimsby Town. The usual post-match curry at The Downsman had a change of venue, as The Downsman is closed for refurbishment until the end of May. The refurb I can understand (get rid of the furry lightshades etc.), but whoever thought of the timing needs a kick up the arse. Missing the last home game of the season seemed silly, but with a home playoff game, and both legs of the playoffs being televised, they will be missing out.

The Sunday night saw Helen and I go to the Crawley Town end of season awards ceremony at Lingfield Park, and they had a different kind of horsey / Orsi to the ones usually found there. It was a good night and something I’ve already written about.

Then came Tuesday and the start of the ticket sales. I wandered down to the ground Tuesday lunchtime and it took and hour in the queue before getting tickets. Being able to work from home and flex to do the hours at other times of the day helped. The queue kept moving though, which by all accounts is more than the phone lines were managing to do. Wednesday was calmer, only for Thursday to be mental again as general sales started. Queues were mental, phone lines were mental, and the website packed up and fucked off for most of the day until all seats and the south terrace tickets had sold out. Queues dispersed only for the north terrace tickets to go on sale forty minutes later.

Friday saw the last lot of one hundred north terrace tickets on sale, plus the away leg tickets went on sale for the season ticket holders. The queue when we got there at nine was back to the player’s entrance and it took nearly an hour to get tickets, and it wasn’t long before the final first leg tickets sold out. There were not separate queues for the two sets of tickets, which wasn’t helping matters. Spotted Crawley nicked my photo to show the queue on their Facebook page.

Talking about missed opportunities, there did seem to be one in the club’s car park. With all the queues all week, it would have been the perfect spot for a mobile fast-food van to set up. Teas and coffees, sausage and bacon baps, chip and burgers, and anything else. A captive audience in the queue. The club could have made some money as well by charging them for the pitch. Or was that just my stomach thinking?

Then came the rain. Noah would have been busy. The pitch was declared unplayable, and the game was moved from the Bank Holiday Monday at 3pm to the Tuesday night at 7:30pm. There was a lot of moaning about the pitch not being covered when they knew rain was coming. But it really wouldn’t have made any difference. I live a ten-minute walk away from the ground, and in the nine years I’ve lived where I have the little front garden has never flooded before, but this was the state of it at 10am, and it stayed like that until well into the late evening.

It may well be out first playoff appearance, but the MK Dons have been here five times before at various levels. And they have gone out at the semi-final stage every single time. It would be nice if we could help them keep that particular streak going.

We played them at home back in August in our second home game of the season and we won by my perennial favourite prediction score of 2-1. The return fixture at their place came between Christmas and New Year and they won that one 2-0 which Scott Lindsey and many watching suggested was not a fair reflection of how well we played.

But none of that matters now. All that does is these two games, and the opportunity to make it to Wembley.

I am happy as the rumours that we would be producing a programme for our home leg happened to be true, with pictures of it being shared on the club website on Sunday. It did mean that I made my way to the ground even earlier than I usually do to make sure I got myself one.

It also was a chance to take some pregame photos. The TV gantries are up as the game is also live on the so-called necessary evil of Sky Sports. We have two neighbours with us again, with Clare and Lynn joining us, which I’m hoping is a good luck charm, as the other games they have attended of the last couple of years have ended with home wins for Crawley.

I got a programme, four quid for twenty pages, not terrific value for money, but better than nothing, and not as error strewn as the ones we had last season, although, somewhat disgracefully, there was nothing about the MK Dons in the programme. Somewhat ironically, they were watering the pitch pre-kick-off.

Not only were the Sky cameras set up in various places in the ground, but the centre circle was covered by a big advert for Sky Bet.

New banners were unfurled before kick-off across the front of the south terrace.

MK were in an all-white kit, and we hadn’t even kicked off before there a was a red smoke flare going off in the south terrace. MK get a first minute corner which takes them at least another minute to take before they waste it. Corey Addai is coming a long way out his goal to clear it, and his second one is caught by the MK keeper and booted back, the striker takes it round Addai, but his shot is brilliantly cleared off the line by Will Wright and the follow up is saved by Addai.

We break down the left and Liam Kelly swaps passes with Adam Campbell on the edge of the area, takes a step into the area and fires a shot into the back of the net and four minutes in we are leading 1-0. Smoke flare number two quickly follows.

A corner follows, swung in, and cleared, but Campbell picks the ball up and his shot is saved, and then cleared. It is a bit nervy. A pass from Addai out to Jay Williams nearly ends in disaster, and not long after an overhit back pass has Addai scrambling to stop an own goal, but there is an outrageous piece of control, before he skips over a desperate lunge from a striker before clearing.

At the other end Klaidi Lolos is causing his own usual brand of chaos, and feeds Danilo Orsi who gets a shot off that goes just wide. We work the ball into the box a couple of times, but just can’t seem to get it to fall for someone to get a shot off. A nice ball is worked to Orsi and his shot from outside the box is just tipped over the bar and on to the top of the net. The corner is headed straight at the keeper by Laurence Maguire from point blank range and cleared.

Harry Forster is giving the ripping the left back a new arsehole, and after skinning him again draws a booking. The MK captain takes Campbell out about a week after the ball had gone, but somehow escapes a booking. Orsi gets a shot that is saved, but the flag goes up for offside.

Liam Kelly is chopped down on the left wing and Wright fires the free kick into the box where Williams stretches out a leg and gets a touch on it to steer it past the keeper and as we reach the end of normal time in the half, we lead 2-0.

I was too busy celebrating the goal to see how many added minutes went up on the board, but two minutes were played, and we go into the break 2-0 up.

We have a steady start to the second half and work a chance to Forster on the edge of the penalty area, but his shot is just over. Maguire gets a booking for an innocuous challenge in midfield. MK get a shot from the resulting free kick, which Addai saves. At the other end a Wright long throw ends up with Lolos, whose shot is blocked, as is Wright’s follow up effort. Forster is taken out again, and another MK player goes into the book.

There are a couple of substitutions made, with Campbell and Forster coming off to be replaced by Ronan Darcy and Kellen Gordon just before the hour mark.

MK have a break, but their striker puts it wide trying to curl it around Addai. We attack and Darcy gets the ball in the right corner of their penalty area and shoots, it looks like it takes a deflection on the way to looping over the keeper and into the net and we lead 3-0. Wow.

Dion Conroy gets a booking for kicking the ball away in midfield. The free kick from MK gets to their striker, but the shot is easily saved by Addai. MK have a spell of possession. They work it to the absolute tool wearing the number eighteen shirt and his shot flies high over the KRL Logistics stand to a chorus of ironic cheers, and that is the only ball loss of the game.

At the other end Darcy has the ball again just outside the box and tries to chip the keeper, but it hasn’t quite got enough pace on it, and the keeper manages to get to it. MK have a corner, which Addai collects, but he gets clouted by a stray knee in doing so and gets some treatment.

Jeremy Kelly is substituted, with Nick Tsaroulla coming on to replace him. Another Wright free kick causes chaos in the box, there are a couple of efforts before the ball is bundled over the line. But the flag is up on the far side for offside.

MK get a shot over the bar. Then run the ball out of play and their number eighteen boots the pitch side microphone in frustration. It’s his best shot of the game so far. We make another substitution, with Orsi leaving the field to be replaced by Ade Adeyemi for the final five minutes plus added time. Of which there are six minutes.

We pick up another booking for kicking the ball away, but it is telling that the referee didn’t book an MK player for doing the same thing just a minute before. Lolos goes on another of those mazy runs where you think he’s lost the ball half a dozen times, but he still has in the box, but his pass is cut out when everyone was screaming for him to have a shot.

The full-time whistle goes, and we have won 3-0. It is a great result. But it is only a job half done. Yes, there is cautious optimism going into Saturday’s second leg, but nothing to take for granted. Think Peterborough last year giving up a 4-0 first leg lead to miss out.

The crowd was announced as 5,564 with 675 away fans, and the atmosphere was electric. The official man of the match was announced as Jay Williams. All in all, that was probably out best home performance of the season and saved for exactly the right time. More of the same on Saturday please.

Tickets are purchased, train tickets are booked, hotel is secured. Milton Keynes here we come.

Come on you reds.