Johnny Remember Me

Following on from my reference at the end of the last piece about hoping we would be one of Charles Bronson, James Coburn, or Johnny Leyton, rather than the more likely seeming Steve McQueen from The Great Escape, and the fact we are playing Leyton Orient, then here I am using the title of Johnny Leyton’s 1961 number one hit (his only number one single).

We are back in action at home a week after the spirit sapping disappointment of another lacklustre away performance as we contrived to make the equally shite Stevenage look remotely decent in the last ten minutes and let them come away with all three points in a 3-1 loss for us.

Being a bit of a stats geek I was looking at SoccerSTATS.com during the week, and after last weekend’s game we have the unenviable record of being the team in League One who has had the lead in games for the least time on average (15.1% – even Shrewsbury have 15.3%), and not content with that, we are also the team who have been losing in games for the longest time on average – 40.8% (again Shrewsbury are the next worst on 37.2%).

What I was actually looking for was the added time at the end of the game for the season to save me having to go into each game separately. But I had to do that anyway. I was interested to see what the difference was in added time when we were winning as opposed to trailing. When losing, the added time indicated averaged out at 4 minutes and 44 seconds, and on average 5 minutes and 55 seconds were played. When drawing these times went up to 5 minutes 16 seconds and 6 minutes 38 seconds, and when winning then went up again to 5 minutes 38 seconds and 7 minutes dead. So not only does the added time go up if we are drawing or winning, but the additional time played after the indicated time also goes up more when winning or drawing.

And whilst I’m moaning about seeming inequalities, we have the fourth least fouls conceded in the division, yet the second highest number of yellow cards, the only side with less than five fouls conceded per yellow card. I know some of that is Bradley Ibrahim’s mouth, but it is ridiculous. We are the ninth most fouled side, yet yellows against us is down in fifteenth. And it’s an absolute joke that we’ve only been given one penalty all season, back in September against Stockport.

On Friday we announced the emergency loan signing of yet another keeper, this time Luke Hutchinson from Bolton Wanderers as he is in due to an ‘unfortunate injury’ to JoJo Wollacott. When he plays it will be the seventh goalkeeper of the season, only one behind the number of clean sheets.

That was following other announcements during the week, such as the design a new Reggie is back on, this time without CTSA involvement, and then the one that the pissheads may enjoy more, a CTFC lager is being released in time for today’s game – Red Devils Lager – with the strap line of ‘one hell of a beer’. It would need one hell of a lot of them to wipe the memories of this season out.

The latest Four Four Two magazine has an article on the best fifty players in the EFL. It may surprise you to know but no Crawley players make the list. However, they do include one player from each club who didn’t ‘quite’ make the list, and for us it is Charlie Barker.

Back to today and our opponents. We have played Leyton Orient eighteen times in the league, winning ten, drawing one, and losing seven, with a record of five wins, a draw, and three losses at The Broadfield. And there is one loss in the football league trophy three years ago.

That includes the terrible away defeat back on Boxing Day, where we lost 3-0, and we were lucky to score nil, and even luckier that the goals against wasn’t in double figures. Going into the game we are six points off safety, meanwhile Leyton Orient are five points and three places off the play off places, and both of us are realistically chasing the one side.

As is always the case, here’s hoping we don’t get a perfectly good goal disallowed like we did in our last home game of the season back in 2022. But given the state of some of the ridiculous decisions and non-decisions given against us this season I’m not going to hold my breath.

For the away game I managed to dig out a Topps Card from the last of the seasons they did the standard sized cards when they were in Division Two and had just signed Ian Moores from Tottenham Hotspur. The thing was I was sure I’d remembered one from that era for John Chiedozie. But after scouring the checklists, there wasn’t. That was because I was misremembering, and the John Chiedozie card wasn’t from Topps, but was a Top Trumps card from their British Strikers set. So only partially losing my mind.

My football card obsession is covered in this piece.

I’m at the ground early, even by my standards, so early the Leyton Orient team bus hadn’t even turned up yet, and I was waiting to be let through the turnstiles before half one, so with being here so early I hope I’m not flagging by the end.

The woolly hats, six layers of branded clothing, and gloves have been replaced for today and it is short sleeves, a cap, and sunglasses needed as I take my seat in the east marquee and finish off writing the short story I started at writing group earlier. It is a welcome change.

The away end is filling up with fans in good voice well before kick-off. Leyton Orient are in an all pale blue kit, almost Coventry City from the eighties like. And as usual we are in our all red home kit. Before we kick off, the early results saw Wrexham fail to win, which means we will be doing the guard of honour thing on Good Friday as Brimingham City have been confirmed as League One champions. It could be a double celebration for them as they are also in the Bristol Street Motors Trophy final tomorrow, so they will be going all out to put on a performance next week. Just what we need.

Our emergency loan keeper signing, Luke Hutchinson appears to have a hell of a kick on him. Watching in warm up he was effortlessly booming the ball down the pitch into the opposite penalty area.

It’s kick off time, and we start well, a god early attack down the right wing, Armando Junior Quitirna and Toby Mullarkey link up well, and the latter puts a ball through for Kamari Doyle to get on the end of, his cross is deflected off an Orient boot into Rushian Hepburn-Murphy’s face and goes back across to Doyle, only for the flag to go up for offside a good ten seconds later.

Which wakes TAFKAL up nice and early. He is in fine voice throughout, having been away on holiday for the last couple of games he has given his throat a much-needed rest and is looking to get involved.

We attack down the left and Jeremy Kelly plays it across midfield to Liam Fraser, and his shot from twenty-five yards out is closed down and blocked on the edge of the area. There is lots of attacking intent, a ball down the channel finds RHM on the right for a change and his ball into Doyle in the box is just too close to the keeper. We have a break down the left and Doyle is hauled down and an Orient player picks up an early booking.

The lino on our side is fiddling with his earpiece. I’m assuming he is making sure the cheese is firmly embedded in there to protect against TAFKAL. (Yes, that is an incredibly old ‘Allo ‘Allo reference.)

Orient break down the right and get a cross in and force a good save from Hutchinson. Then they break down the left only for it to be stopped by a great sliding challenge from Fraser. Charlie Barker plays a long ball over the top from the back and Doyle is onto it and away, and from the left edge of the box he shoots but it goes wide right.

There is another break down the left, a well-timed pass from Kelly finds RHM is lots of space, he cuts inside in the box and has a shot, but it is straight at the keeper, and he saves down low.

We have a sustained bit of possession across the front of the Orient box but can’t find a telling pass in to get a shot, and although we keep possession, we end up playing it all the way back. A ball is played through and Panutche Camara goes down under a challenge, nothing is given and Orient break and win a corner. It’s difficult to tell, but Camara picks up a booking before the corner is taken, whether it is because the ref thought he dived, or because Camara was bending his ear too vociferously about being fouled, who knows. The corner is well claimed by Hutchinson.

AJQ is showing lots of good stuff in attack, beating players with pace and skill and tricks, and is getting manhandled on and off the ball, including a stray knee to the head for which the ref doesn’t stop play. But he finally wins a free kick just over halfway, and it is swung into the box by Kelly. Barker gets his head to it but is stretching and can’t control the contact and it goes over the bar. We are having a lot of decent possession, but as with so many other games this season, we are desperately in need of that final killer ball.

The Orient keeper goes down with an injury, and whilst he is down all the other players on the pitch are over by the dugouts in the shade. It takes a couple of minutes for him to get up and he is moving gingerly, so surely time to try and put some pressure on him. But it’s Orient doing the attacking down the left, they work in a good cross, and only some reasonable defending pressure sees the header at the back post go harmlessly wide.

We have been doing our usual fannying about taking goal kicks and free kicks in the box, and it looks as if the ref is striding toward Hutchinson to give him a yellow card. Dion Conroy makes a decent interception and takes the long talking to by the ref who has obviously had enough of us fucking about with the ball in the box at set pieces. A bit cheeky, he’s only here for today, we have to put up with it every week. Can see a timewasting yellow card coming if they persist with this shit in the second half.

There are two added minutes at the end of the half, which sees another break down the right from Orient, and they win a corner, from it they work it short, and get a cross in and a header at the back post, but Hutchinson claims it and the whistle goes for half time with it 0-0.

It was a good job I’d been to writing before the game, I didn’t realise how little space I had left in my little matchday notepad and would have run out if I hadn’t got my other stuff with me today.

And we start the second half quickly as well, a switch from the right finds Kelly on the left, he plays Bradley Ibrahim into the box, his attempted cross is blocked but it comes back to him, and he shoots which is saved and goes for a corner. It comes in and goes high in the air and Mullarkey wins a header and when it comes back down there is a handball (although it did look more like a forearm smash on Mullarkey and should have been a red). Miracle of miracles, we get a penalty, only the second of the season, which still leaves us bottom of the list. Anyway when everyone is back on their feet AJQ steps up and smashes the ball down the middle and we lead 1-0.

From the restart we attack again through AJQ, but his cross is cleared. It is hoofed down the pitch and is in the air a long time (someone we were speaking to after the game suggested it was in the air so long; he’d had the chance to go to the bar and get a drink before it landed). Anyway Conroy lets it bounce and then misjudges it and doesn’t get near it when it comes down a second time, an Orient attacker is on it and slots it in to equalise 1-1. (That time leading stat isn’t going to improve like that.)

I blinked and missed what the fuck we were doing at the restart but suddenly Orient have the ball in our box again, somehow, they have three on one over on the left wing and play it through the statues of our defence. Hutchinson saves twice but is at the feet of an attacker trying to prevent a third attempt and is deemed to have brought him down and it is a penalty. And a yellow card for Hutchinson. Who gets sent the wrong way and we trail 2-1.

Seriously, what the fuck was that mad three minutes about.

We haven’t let heads drop though and Doyle wins the ball in midfield and slides a lovely ball through to Fraser in the box, but his shot is saved. RHM is having an afternoon of it. He gets wrestled to the ground (again) and gets a free kick, but where was the deserved yellow card for that piece of thuggery? He is bundled over again seconds later but nothing given this time, instead Orient play on and have a shot which is deflected for a corner.

On the other side of the pitch AJQ is down injured, and it isn’t good as he has to be replaced, with Will Swan coming on in his stead. We also withdraw Doyle from proceedings with Jack Roles coming on, much to Rick’s excitement behind me. There is a lot of pushing and shoving going on in the box before the corner is taken and the ref goes in to have words. No sooner does the corner leave the taker’s foot then the ref has blown the whistle for a free kick to us.

RHM is bundled over yet again in midfield and the Orient brick shithouse is given a yellow card on totting up I would assume, rather than for that somewhat less innocuous one. Orient are making subs and send both subs on when the board is up for the first change. When the board goes up for the second one and no one comes on the ref goes looking for the second sub and finding him already lined up on the pitch gives him a yellow card as well.

As is often the case we are trying to do a spell of attacking but are almost undone by a fast break down the left wing, but at least the Orient shot is wide. We attack down the right and win a corner. It is cleared to where Camara is standing in the centre circle, but he makes a hash of controlling it and leaves us having to defend again. A free kick isn’t cleared and a cross flashes across the six-yard box only we are fortunate that there is no one following it up at the back post. The Orient striker lies on the edge of the box injured and takes an absolute age to be subbed. We make a substitution as well with Fraser going off to be replaced by Tyreese John-Jules.

Orient have a long throw into the box from the left wing which is just about smuggled clear. The board goes up to show eight added minutes (and the second of my pre-match stat rambles to get shot down).

And yet again we are masters of our own downfall, pressure down the left on Barker sees him play it back to Hutchinson, but the box is full of Orient players, he plays it toward Ibrahim on the edge of the box, but it is too short and slow and an Orient player nips in and slots the ball in and we now trail 1-3, and no amount of added time is going to save us. This prompts a serious attempt at a fire drill from the east marquee. I have a lot of sympathy for Hutchinson. He’s brought in as an emergency loan without much a chance to get up to speed (granted, that of a snail) with how we play. Surely it would be far better just to stop the fannying about at the back and just tell him to launch it.

We do win a corner from the restart, but it should have been more, the ball to TJJ was a peach, but his control was terrible and instead of a decent shooting opportunity, it went wide, and he had to attempt a cross. We take it short and waste it.

TAFKAL has been getting on at the full back to hurry up and for the lino to do his job, but some of the locally seated fans seem to not be in the mood for his return from holiday and three of them have turned around angrily and shouted at him to shut up. Not going to happen.

Eight minutes are soon up, and the final whistle goes, and it is another defeat 1-3. It isn’t good. There are more harsh words from fans to players and the manager who looks less than impressed by this.

The crowd shown on the scoreboard said 4,796, but we’ve given up announcing it and there is no mention of how many of them were away fans (or how many of us can actually see the fucking scoreboard).

Although Bristol Rovers lost again, Burton Albion had a comfortable 3-0 win against Huddersfield (that 5-1 looks worse and worse now), and they have gone ahead of Bristol Rovers. In reality we can only catch these two, the gap to anyone else is now 11 points and there are only 12 to play for. In reality we need seven and hope neither Bristol Rovers nor Burton pick up any points (the extra point required is because of the massive seventeen goals better goal different Burton have over us).

And we have champions Birmingham City on Friday. I have my ticket and have five days in Lisbon in between to not think about football.

Come on you reds.

No One Knows

Trying to get any title even remotely related to Stevenage is tough, No one wants or needs Shakin’ Stevens, so I end up going with Queens Of The Stone Age and their 2002 top ten hit. One of my all-time favourites, and I still love it and the mad video, even though I had the CD single as my alarm for eighteen months. Every day waking up to the same song would put most people off a song for life, but not me, even if it were like Groundhog Day all over again. And it is quite apt as no one knows what kind of performance Crawley are going to put in from game to game.

Following on from the roller coaster, but ultimately disappointing 4-3 loss on Tuesday night at home to Peterborough (the second loss to them of the same score this season, and our fifth 4-3 loss in all competitions this season), it’s an away game in our twin town of Stevenage.

Just over two years ago this was my second away game following Crawley. And the first time of really taking in the special atmosphere generated by the Crawley away support. It was the game where Preston Johnson was on the bench after Matthew Etherington had resigned and Eben Smith had spent all afternoon toxically tweeting. The match ended up being like a long game of Simon Says. “Stand Up / Sit Down” if you “Love Crawley / hate WAGMI,” and “shoes off,” which led to the surprise of turning to my right and seeing two hundred fans stood up waving one shoe at the pitch. Lots of worried stewards as the chant of “we’re coming on the pitch,” and then “Preston Johnson, we’re coming for you” rang out as we lost, and then surrounding the team coach after the game chanting, “Preston Johnson, we’re waiting for you.” What that second away game showed which has been seen countless times since is just how good the away support is.

It was such an enormous difference to the first away game I’d gone to up at Harrogate Town at the start of that season. A sedate August afternoon and a boring 0-0 in the early Kevin Betsy days. Where I found out that seat numbers on tickets were only a guideline. When I got the first season ticket (this is my fourth season of it now), I never expected to be going to away games. And once going to an away game I never expected it to be anything approaching a regular thing. But it sucks you in, and you end up working out which games can be attended. And building in visits to relatives, trips to towns and cities with history to soak up before and after a game, and anything remotely local. Only for it now to feel off not to be going to any game, home or away.

Stevenage weren’t a league club back in the twentieth century (having only gained league status the season before Crawley), so there is nothing resembling a football card for them. But I did dig into the big box of old programmes I picked up a couple of years ago, and there are some Conference encounters against them in there, back when they still had Borough in their name, and a couple of more recent ones from League Two that I’ve been to.

There is an away one from Stevenage Borough from 2006.

In it they had a piece by Leigh Edwards where he had apparently spoken to a lot of Crawley fans and team officials and then put together a Crawley Town dream team, which was made up of; John Maggs, Bob Glozier, Roy Jennings, Cliff Cant, Tony Vessey, John Leedham, Tony Towner, Brian Gregory, Terry Robbins, Eric Whitington, & Vic Bragg. If the same people were asked now, how much would that have changed?

Speaking of programmes, that away game was the first game I’d ever been to where there wasn’t a physical programme available. We were still doing them at the time, so it was odd, but it’s more common now, more’s the pity.

Wandering charity shops yesterday I found this book. I was kind of hoping with me being in my fifties, it was a guide to how I could still play football now, but it’s not. It is interesting that in the last year covered in the book five of the teams currently in our division were in the top flight, and only four of the current League One were in the old Third Division (the first one after they stopped having third division north and south and had third and fourth divisions) – Reading, Wrexham, Mansfield Town, and Stockport County. Four teams are no longer in the league, and three of them are in the Premiership.

Then last night there was the news that Jack Roles has been recalled from his loan spell at Gateshead. Rick will be a happy man. Obviously, although he’s been recalled and will be available for selection, it doesn’t mean he will be. But he may get plenty of game time, just like Antony Papadopoulos did when he was recalled at new year.

Anyway, back to the game and today’s opponents Stevenage. In the league we have won six, drawn six and lost nine against Stevenage, away it’s three wins, three draws and five losses, and in League One, it’s two wins, a loss and two draws, with a win and a loss at Stevenage. We also played against them for six seasons in the Conference, where our record against them wasn’t great either with only three wins, one draw, and eight losses, plus a loss in the Conference Cup. We beat them in the home fixture less than two months ago 3-1, in one of our better performances (and results) of the season.

We need more of the same this afternoon, and every other afternoon for the rest of the season. Well, results more than performances. We start the day six points from safety.

Helen and I were on an early train, a chance to get brunch in Stevenage. We went to a place called Lolo, which to me summed up our form for most of the season – Lost One, Lost (another) One – which as it turns out was also a premonition.

I wanted to check out the record shop in the old town, but that was as unsuccessful as the game.

Then poking around in charity shops as well, where I saw this in one. Unfortunately, it wasn’t based on us last season, but apparently on Tottenham winning the FA Cup in 1981. I vaguely remember having the game when I was a kid, and randomly took a card out, apparently, I’ve drawn Hull City of the fourth division in the next round and will earn £17,000 pounds from the tie.

We came through the town centre and only knew it wasn’t Crawley because they still have their clock,

And then on up to the ground through the underpasses, where someone has managed to stick a CTFC sticker in the middle of the helmet of the mural of the astronaut.

In the ground the away end is filling up nicely twenty minutes before kick off and they are in fine voice, so many crowding in up at the back that they were spilling down the gangways and standing on the stairs, which meant we had to change seats to see any of the game.

Pregame, and at half time, it was nice to see the sprinklers were coming out in support of the LGBTQ+ community.

Stevenage were in white tops with some dashes of red in them, red shorts, and white socks, which meant we were in our blue / black third kit.

It was a slow start, both sides were struggling to get going. It was five minutes or possibly more before there was an attack from us, a break down the right wing after decent work from Bradley Ibrahim set Armando Junior Quitirna free, and his cross was cleared away.

There is a lot of play in midfield without much coming from it, and of course as soon as I wrote that sentence down in my notebook there is a chance and Rushian Hepburn-Murphy has a shot which is saved. It is what you would call cagey at best, and piss poor if being honest.

Stevenage win a corner, and it goes straight out for a goal kick. Which as was the fashion for most of the game we fannyed about with and slowly played it out. We lost the ball in midfield, and Panutche Camara made clumsy challenge and gave away a free kick about twenty-five yards out to the right of the box. JoJo Wollacott is trying to set his three man wall up and wants them to move further across, but they’ve turned their back and he gives up shouting at them, lines up too far to the right of the goal and the free kick is whipped in, and with the help of the wind flies into the top corner and we trail 0-1.

We are having a lot of possession. Slow possession. Very slow possession. There were a couple of snails on the sideline getting up the pitch quicker than we were. It seemed as if there were five minutes where we had the ball but didn’t really get past the halfway line. When we do we win a free kick about twenty-five to thirty yards out on the right wing. It is played in, and cleared, Jeremy Kelly gets bundled over as play goes on, and then we win another free kick about thirty-five yards out, dead centre. It is lifted into the box and headed back, and we play it all the way back to Wollacott. Again.

I don’t know what it is, but the pace and urgency of the last few games has gone out of the window. As it has been most of the season, we are just so painfully slow whenever returning captain Dion Conroy is playing. I’m going to have to assume that there is a gold-plated clause in his contract which states if he is even remotely fit, he will start.

There is a decent attack down the left, Charlie Barker injects a bit of pace to proceedings, playing it to Kelly, and he plays it on to Kamari Doyle, he switches it to the right to AJQ, and his shot is blocked for a corner. It is taken short and AJQ gets a shot off which is well high and wide.

Meanwhile the Stevenage timewasting has started in earnest, which just contributes to the ridiculously slow pace of the game. It is a surprise there is only one added minute at the end of the half (there was a collision between a Stevenage player and the Crawley bench which saw a stoppage of longer than that in the half), and as with much of the rest of the half, nothing happens in that minute, the half time whistle goes and we traipse off (slowly) trailing 0-1.

Hopefully, a whole box of rockets were used at half time.

We do start a little brighter than in the first half. Camara is wiped out on the edge of the area for a free kick, and it brings a booking for a Stevenage player. Doyle lines up to take but can’t replicate the free kick by Stevenage in the first half and it goes harmlessly over the bar for a goal kick.

There may well have been some rockets at half time as there is a lot more urgency now, more intent to get forward. We win a free kick in midfield, and it is put in deep to the far post and Toby Mullarkey wins the header, but there isn’t much power on it and their keeper – Cooper – collects easily. He is really rolling out the barrel with his timewasting. By this point against Bristol Rovers, Wollacott had already got a yellow for it. Just saying.

A long ball is played from the right and finds Kelly on the left wing, he plays it across the edge of the area to Camara, and once he gets it under control, he manages to get a shot off, which goes over the bar.

We make our first substitution with Camara going off to be replaced by the returning Jack Roles, to a mixed reception running from Arctic through to mini. Stevenage make a couple of subs as well and it leads to a drop in the quality of the play (no, I didn’t think it was possible either).

After five dull minutes we have an attack down the right, when not getting in each other’s way, AJQ, Doyle, and Roles combine, and Roles get to the byline and puts a cross in. Ibrahim chests it down and pokes the ball goalwards and into the corner of the net and we have equalised 1-1. Time for a celebratory sausage roll then. It takes seconds for Rick to message the WhatsApp group with praise for the role played by Roles.

Stevenage have a free kick in their own half, and the keeper has a long punt into our box, Wollacott comes to punch, or collect, or something, no one knows really, but he gets nowhere near it, but the header on goes nowhere dangerous and we manage to clear. We counter down the right, AJQ plays in Mullarkey, and he gets a cross into the box, but the keeper makes a barrel dive and the ball rolls to him before Doyle can get on the end of it. It goes straight up the other end down their right and a shot is saved by Wollacott.

Substitution time again, Liam Fraser goes off and is replaced like for like by another defensive midfielder – Tyreese John-Jules. Eh? What do you mean that isn’t right? TJJ is a striker? Are you sure?

Anyway we are still trying to attack, and AJQ and Mullarkey are combining well down the right, another Mullarkey cross is deflected out for a corner, which is taken and goes straight to the keeper. TAFKAL would be absolutely doing his nut yelling at the keeper to ‘get on with it,’ but the ref doesn’t seem bothered, his wave seems more of the ‘hi, how are you doing’ variety than ‘hurry up.’

Again down the right an AJQ cross finds Kelly at the back post and his first time volley is on target but lacks power and is straight at the keeper. Stevenage counterattack down the left and have a shot which goes over the bar. Ibrahim gets a booking in midfield; it wouldn’t be a Crawley game without that happening. The resulting free kick is floated to the back post and headed over.

We have the ball in the back of the net a cross comes on, it is flicked on and finds Kelly at the back post, he puts it in, and it comes off a defender and goes in. But the lino has the flag up. I would like to say it was premature eflagulation from the lino, but more just because having made the phrase up I need to use it at any given opportunity, not because I think Kelly wasn’t offside – he was.

More substitutions. Mullarkey is replaced by Ben Radcliffe, and Doyle is replaced by Gavan Holohan. A minute later Stevenage have a throw down the right wing it is taken long, flicked on, and unlike anything we’ve seen this season, there is a free header available to an opposing attacker at the back post, and it is nodded in, and we trail 1-2.

The board goes up for four added minutes. Four. Their keeper took longer than that for a single goal kick. Eight substitutions, two goals, a faked injury, and a piss taking goalkeeper, and it’s just four minutes. Seriously all the officials in this league can just fuck off now, the discrepancy in added time between when we are leading, and when we are chasing a game, with there being the exact same kinds of timewasting going on is a fucking joke.

Not that more time would have done us any good (as has been the case most of the season), but the time there was, was plenty to make it worse. A break down the right sees Stevenage cross it to the edge of the box and there is a shot which seems to go straight through Wollacott, and the score is worse 1-3. People are moaning that Wollacott is too inconsistent. I disagree; he is most consistent. He is the most consistently inconsistent player on the team.

Four minutes actually seems a godsend now, before it can get any worse the final whistle goes, and we have lost 3-1. Burton also lost, as did Bristol Rovers, but we are still six points off safety with five games to go, and Burton have a game in hand and a much, much better goal difference. We can catch Bristol Rovers’ goal difference, but if Burton get ahead of them, then we will struggle. Even if we win all five of our remaining games, which looks unlikely now the new manger bounce bubble has popped, we are still reliant on other teams picking up only one or two points themselves. I fear we are more likely to be Steve McQueen than Johnny Leyton, Charles Bronson, or James Coburn this season.

The crowd was announced as being 4,403 with a spectacular 688 away fans having made the trip up from Crawley. And a vocal minority of them weren’t helping matters post-game, chants of ‘you’re not fit to wear the shirt’ aren’t helpful when we’re in the relegation places. I’m not a fan of club captain Dion Conroy, him being given the nickname calamity by others does make me smile but singling him out and abusing him and making gestures at him when the players came over to clap the support isn’t on. At least some fans were supportive, and there were shouts of ‘keep your chins up,’ which gave me a flashback to that hostile night when I was last here, and Nick Tsaroulla coming over to the fans at the end of that defeat and gesturing for us to keep our chins up.

Post-game we went back to the old town for a curry in Spice Rouge, which certainly saw the spiciest performance of the day. I love a Downsman curry, but if for no other reason, we need to stay up so we can try some other dishes on the menu from here.

Next week sees the visit of Leyton Orient. A week to calm down. A week to try and get some semblance of order to the team, to try and get the best eleven out on the pitch if the injury to Josh Flint isn’t serious. And then to turn up next Saturday and support the fuck out of the team. No abuse of the players, no sneaking off early as if there’s a fire drill. Just support and hope for the best. Even if it is the hope that kills you.

Come on you reds.

P.O.S.H.

I had a few titles in mind depending on how the game went, it was bright sunshine all day and it was still light when getting to the ground for the first time in six months, so was tempted by The Questions’ “Tuesday Sunshine”, if it went badly then there was always Stevie Wonder’s “Tuesday Heartbreak”, and a tough game could have been Sheryl Crow’s “No One Said It Would Be Easy” from her album “Tuesday Night Music Club”, but I couldn’t resist Lionel Jefferies from the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang soundtrack, linking in with our opponent’s nickname, and by the end we were certainly Pissed Off, Sodding Hell.

We didn’t go to the Rotherham game on Saturday but spent most of Thursday evening and all day Friday to make the decision yes or no. it had been bouncing around in my head all week to go. There was FOMO there without a doubt. And unlike Huddersfield two weeks before they were selling tickets at Rotherham on the day. I had confirmed this at the club shop when I’d gone in Friday afternoon to get Stevenage away tickets, and Helen had double confirmed by ringing Rotherham. We had been through all the different time combinations on ticket splitter (for some reason it was cheaper to go from Crawley than Three Bridges), had selected trains and clicked on buy, only to not complete the purchase. The umming and aahing suggesting to Helen I wasn’t fully committed. I should be, I think the rightful FOMO was being overtaken by the fear of memories – all bad – of Rotherham itself.

What a dumbass decision. Our best result of the season. The new (old) manager bounce continuing apace, even if it does question (to me anyway) just how fucking unprofessional a lot of the players were being the last couple of months. I busied myself doing other things, writing, and going to the last of the month’s Crawley WORDfest events, ten choirs singing in the bandstand in Memorial Gardens. I probably knew then I’d made the wrong decision, as just about the time the game was due to kick off, the rock choir were on the bandstand just about to start singing ‘Somewhere Only We Know,’ talk about signs. And it made a change not to be walking past there when there were performances on and them not to be singing god damn ‘Boys Don’t Cry.’ And as it turns out, the win turned out to be the last game of this Steve Evans era at Rotherham, as he was let go on Sunday morning, his post-match interview suggested he knew the writing was on the wall.

Anyway, after the Bristol Rovers match when I had mentioned thinking about using Second Coming as the title, I did put a poem together containing most of all the Stone Roses song titles as an ode to Scott Lindsay

The Second Coming

I am the resurrection.

As the second coming is declared,

So the fan’s love spreads.

You’d have to be made of stone,

Not to feel it in the air.

In the stands, in the crowd.

It is a ten storey love song.

As she bangs the drum,

It echoes in the heartbeat,

And there are tears like a waterfall,

As the crowd is united with one love.

Is it what the world is waiting for,

Or at least the Crawley fans.

Give it straight to the man.

He is driving south, it’s daybreak.

Now he stands arms open wide,

As if saying I wanna be adored.

Everyone hopes the team are now all for one.

Don’t stop bringing the good times,

We don’t want to shoot you down,

Or be walking the tightrope.

The need is that your star will shine.

Make us feel as if we are breaking into heaven.

Tell me, I’m begging you,

That this beautiful thing, so young

Will not turn out to be fools gold.

Without a doubt there is a manager bounce from the arrival of Scott and his motivational powers, but there is an element of luck with the return of Josh Flint, and some of the other players need to take a long hard look at themselves for the lack of effort over the last couple of months under Rob.

Having gone to the away game against Peterborough I’d already done one old card from them, so as for Bristol Rovers last time it’s back to the faithful 1991-92 Proset series this time.

Me constantly reminding myself about old football cards did lead me to write a piece about that obsession which can be found at the link below.

And linking to that, whilst casually flicking through eBay (as you do) I found these beauties from the 1976-77 Scottish set at an incredibly low price.

What fascinated me more about these was as part of the packaging they had wrapped the cards in four random pages torn out of a January 1978 Mansfield Town football club programme. Once I’d gotten over the horror of such sacrilege, I found it was an interesting snapshot from FA Cup third round weekend, and that it included their club shop price list. It seems our club shop is missing a few tricks. Who wouldn’t want from CTFC underpants, or even a club ashtray. Especially at those kinds of prices.

This, along with stuff I’d picked up when staying at my mums for the Blackpool game, led to me to write another piece, this time on the love of any kind of old programmes.

I was selling my exercise bike (clothes rack / dust collector) through Facebook marketplace, and it had been on for about a week with no interest, so it was a surprise when someone was interested and that they just happened to be Mark Dunford. After he picked it up, Helen’s son casually remarked, ‘he’s going to use it less than you did.’ Thus nailing two insults with one sentence.

I’ve gone off at so many tangents that I’ve started to develop sidelines in other trigonometric functions, which now sees me going off at sines, cosines, secants, cosecants, and cotangents. I know I can be obtuse, but it is a reflex. It may not be right, but it is an acute issue.

This will be our eighth game against Peterborough. We won our first two against them in our second season in League One in 2013-14, but then have lost the other five, three others in League One, one in the League Cup, and one in the Bristol Street Motors Trophy last season. Our home record against them is won one and lost one. Our fixture away to them back in December was another slobber knocker of a game when we scored three but still conspired to lose 4-3. Their games in League one this season have the total most goals scored, and we are third (after Bolton), so this one has goals written all over it. Perhaps I should change my standard prediction from 2-1 to something more realistic with the goals per game involved here. 0-0 anyone?

We go into the game seven places and nine points behind our opponents, but with two wins on the bounce we are now only six points off safety, and another win tonight would make the hope of survival so much more tangible.

No Helen for tonight’s game as she is at an enforced work meeting / prison up in London, and I worked from home, so was able to get to the ground nearly as early as I do for Saturday afternoon kick-offs. It was still light before kick off and the sun was just disappearing over the corner next to the west stand.

In the warmup it looked as if the two Peterborough full backs, and one of the linos were wearing ear defenders. Word of TAFKAL must have gotten out there. But they are worrying in vain as we have a TAFKAL free zone this evening whilst he is on holiday.

Speaking of TAFKAL, I’m sure he’d have had a field day yelling at their number 10, as the lettering looked as if his name were OOOH not Odoh. Peterborough were in all blue with some white trim on their shirts, and we were in out home all red.

We start well, pressing high up the pitch and force a mistake by a defender and Rushian Hepburn-Murphy is on to it but his shot is just wide. At the other end it doesn’t take long for ball one to disappear over the gap between the west stand and the Eden Utilities stand as JoJo Wollacott takes a bit too long with a clearance and it is closed down and deflected out. We have a lot of the ball in the Peterborough half, but they break quickly and Oooh is away down the left and his cross low into the box is cleared for a corner.

From it we break, and the ball gets to RHM, but his shot is deflected which takes the sting out of it and it falls into the waiting arms of the keeper. A ball out of defence and Jeremy Kelly goes across midfield and clips its through to the edge of the box, Armando Junior Quitirna just beats the keeper to the ball on the edge of the area and is in and calmly slots it in to give us a 1-0 lead.

More pressure wins us a throw down by the right corner flag and Charlie Barker’s long throw is cleared, and Bradley Ibrahim picks up a booking in midfield, more for the intent of the sliding tackle, rather than there being any contact before the Peterborough player dived over his leg. That free kick gets through to the edge of our area and Toby Mullarkey picks up a booking for a challenge. The shot from that free kick is well saved by Wollacott. The corner is headed over the Eden Utilities Stand by Barker for ball loss two and another corner.

We break down the left and Kamari Doyle and Kelly exchange passes, and Kelly puts a cross in which gets blocked and cleared. Peterborough break down the right and Mullarkey has to be careful already being on a yellow, the ball is crossed over and Barker goes full stretch to cut it out but misses it, and Oooh picks it up, cuts back inside and curls a shot past Barker and Wollacott into the far corner of the net and it is all square 1-1.

The game is being played at breakneck speed, and there are quick breaks by both sides, but Peterborough’s wingers look to have the pace advantage on our defence. Mullarkey keeps going backwards with the ball under pressure and gives away a needless corner. It comes in and Barker wins the header which is more up than out and on the edge of the area Oooh hits a first-time volley into the other bottom corner of the net and we now trail 1-2. Oooh goes and celebrates in front of the home fans.

After the restart it feels as we have possession in the Peterborough half for an age, playing it back and forth across the front of the area. Over on the left it looks as if Doyle has lost the ball, but he shows some determination and wins it back, gets to the byline and crosses it low into the six yard box, and Kelly gets a touch on it and the ball dribbles over the line and we are level again 2-2.

Another attack and RHM has a shot blocked on the edge of the area. Peterborough break and Barker slides in and clears the ball and then Oooh goes over him a couple of seconds later trying to claim a foul. The terrace are less than impressed with him and are chanting at him ‘you’re going to cry in a minute.’

At the other end AJQ gets a booking for breaking up a possible attack. Then in midfield Panutche Camara is shoved over and the ref waves play on, Peterborough play it to the right and their wingers gets into the box and plays a ball nearly across the goal line and it is us who are crying as Oooh is there again at the back post to tap it in and claim his hat trick. Again he celebrates in front of the home crowd, and this time he picks up a booking for doing so.

From the restart Peterborough pick up another booking for pulling back Kelly on the left wing. There are three added minutes to the end of the half. AJQ gets down the right and crosses, it is half cleared, and Ibrahim gets a shot in which is blocked. AJQ gets taken out in midfield, and the ref plays advantage, and we get another free kick, this time on the edge of the box just left of the D. The ref comes back and books the Peterborough player who took AJQ out. Doyle takes the free kick which hits one of the wall, the one who had already ran three yards out from it before the kick was taken. And the half time whistle goes, and we trail 2-3.

There was a lot going on. I check to make sure I have a spare pen and enough paper if the second half carries on in the same vein.

And we get an early chance in the second half with Doyle through, but his shot is well saved and goes out for a corner. Caught by the keeper. Kelly slides a ball down the left to RHM and his cross just gets slid out for a corner, which is caught again.

Meanwhile Peterborough break and it is Oooh again, he gets a cross into the box and it finds an attacker and their shot is saved by Wollacott and then cleared. We are still trying to keep the high press going and in doing so we force a poor back pass, RHM beats the keeper to it, but takes it out wide, but then slots it in from an acute angle (the trigonometry is back again) and it is level yet again 3-3.

We get an unforced corner in almost a repeat of the one Mullarkey gave away in the first half. But we can’t take advantage as it comes in and is caught by the keeper again. We win it back and Doyle gets a shot in the box which comes back off the post and is cleared.

More decent work down the left between Doyle and Kelly, a cross comes into the six-yard box and is cleared, it comes to Ibrahim and his shot is saved and goes for a corner. There is an absolute melee in the box with the ball bouncing around all over the place, but there is no clear-cut chance, and it is cleared. RHM is down in midfield injured.

Peterborough break down the right and win a corner, and one of their players is now down in midfield injured and gets subbed. The corner is headed clear by Barker. We work the ball forward, Kelly plays it over the top to Camara on the edge of the area and he knocks it down to RHM, his shot takes a deflection and ends up with the keeper. We win it back quickly and get it out to the left only for Doyle to slice his cross and it to end up on top of the net.

A ball down the right and RHM is haring after it, the keeper comes out and picks the ball up. The Ref blows to say he has handled it outside the area, gives a free kick and a booking. Should that be a red? The free kick is taken short to AJQ, and his shot skims the top of the cross bar and goes out for a goal kick. Which as with everything else this half the Peterborough players take an absolute age to take.

We attack again, and again Doyle is in the box with the ball, but his shot is blocked and cleared. And it is time for our first substitutions of the evening, with Camara and Kelly coming off to be replaced by Ade Adeyemo and Will Swan.

The next five minutes are a bit of a stalemate, but we are trying to pressure up the field more. Swan has a shot which is deflected for a corner, it is half cleared and played back in, and a header goes just wide. Adeyemo picks up a booking to prevent a break. But Peterborough are attacking more, down the right they beat us for pace again and the cross goes right across the six-yard box, but fortunately there is no one there to turn it in and we clear.

There are six added minutes, which is probably less than there would have been if we had been wasting as much time as Peterborough were. But Peterborough are threatening again and a ball into the box sees something akin to pinball with there being three shots blocked by who knows what in quick succession before it is cleared. We make another substitution, with Doyle going off to be replaced by Gavan Holohan (although not according to the BBC website).

Again Oooh goes down the left and Adeyemo is struggling to keep up and clips his heels and it is a penalty. There is a lot of pushing and shoving on the edge of the area before it is taken. Wollacott dives the right way, but it is a good penalty, right into the side netting and we trail 3-4. As most of the Peterborough players celebrate in front of their own fans in the corner, their number 14 slaps Holohan round the back of the head nearer to midfield and Holohan reacts and pushes him back and is moaning at the lino about it. Nothing is doing, but one of the Peterborough subs gets a booking for joining in with the celebrations on the pitch, and the Peterborough bench get a talking to.

We try to hoof it up into the area, but it is being cleared time and time again and the full-time whistle goes, and we have lost 3-4. Their number 14 carries on being a dick after the final whistle and being in the Crawley players faces and gets a post-match booking, which doesn’t stop him still giving them shit before one of their coaches drags and then carries the little shit away.

It is another of those heartbreaking losses, one we have seen more times than we care to remember this season. It finished with the same scoreline as the away fixture against Peterborough did back in December. It is the sixth time this season we have scored three goals and lost, and the seventh we have scored three or more and not won. It does keep up both teams records of being in high scoring games.

The defeat sees us stay six points off safety, with Bristol Rovers, and Northampton Town (another point ahead) both losing, But Burton Albion won, and they are only three points from safety with a game in hand.

Six games left, probably five wins needed, next up is the twin town derby away at Stevenage. Come on you reds.

Step Stickers

I was back in the library again today, it was writing group time again, and my rain man tendencies were kicking in whilst going up the steps to the first floor. Counting how many there were. I do it every time I’m in there, and I know that there are three sets of ten steps each up to the first floor, and that there are the same sequence and number of steps from the first floor up to the second floor.

When I came to the WORDfest crime panel event earlier in the month I had stopped on the ninth step up to the second floor and had a random thought (yes, I know, most of my thoughts are very random), should this step be named the 39th step and have a sticker across its riser saying – John Buchan – The 39 Steps?

I hadn’t thought about that since then until this morning, and then sat in the library I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Could there be a case for having a sticker across each riser on each step, each with an author and book title on it, where the title includes a number of the step it is attached to? I immediately thought about step two and it having J.R.R. Tolkien – The Two Towers.

Seriously, it is a rabbit hole and a half for my poor underworked brain to fall down into. I read a hell of a lot, but it goes to show how much music tends to override everything else in my head as the numbers coming to mind were turning out to be song titles first and not book titles. ‘Seven Drunken Nights’ by the Dubliners was straight there a long time before Enid Blyton’s Secret Seven slowly crawled through the mire of my mind. And if it wasn’t song titles then film titles were flooding in. Although I suppose there is always a good chance that the film is an adaptation of a book.

And then I found that the numbers coming to mind that were related to books were a lot higher than needed for only having sixty steps to fill. Fahrenheit 451, A Hundred And One Dalmatians, 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea. For some reason, my knees started screaming at me when that one came to mind, the thought of 20,000 steps up obviously scaring the shit out of them.

I didn’t go through all sixty, in fact I’ve just quickly noted enough to come up with about twenty percent of the steps and they are very much influenced by stuff I’ve read more recently, so Olivie Blake – The Atlas Six, Kevin Rodriguez-Sanchez – Five Go Mad In Manchester, Richard Marsh – Under One Flag, Nick Hornby – 31 Songs, Martin Cruz Smith – Three Stations, Alex Pavesi – Eight Detectives, Robin Sloan – Mr Penumbra’s 24 Hour Bookstore, Paulo Coelho – Eleven Minutes, and Mark Hayden – The 13th Witch. But not that I’ve started I’m sure I will come back to fill in the rest of the list. All I will have to do once it is complete is talk to the library and persuade them it is a great idea to do the step riser stickers.

Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come

The lead single from The Wombat’s current album ‘Oh! The Ocean’. Partly due to the fact we went to see them in concert on Wednesday night, and also because it has felt a bit like that when sorting ourselves out to get motivation to get to recent games.

That kind of feeling was intensified by the poor 5-1 drubbing away last Saturday at the hands of Huddersfield Town. Sometimes I’m not sure how things are going to be for any given weekend. But it is harder and harder to just wing it and go to away games of football. Despite Crawley hardly ever selling out its allocation of tickets, a lot of clubs refuse to sell to the away fans on the day at the ground, which means you have to plan ahead by at least one day, if not two because you have to go to the club to get a ticket, and the cut off is usually 3pm on the Friday, sometimes the Thursday, which takes the last minute decision making off the table. Add the ridiculous on the day train fares, and it could be expensive. I was looking out of idle interest at what it would be to get to Huddersfield and for just me a return was £166, reduced to £119 via ticket splitter, but would have been another forty quid less if booked a week before. It is a lot for an impulse decision to go. It turned out it was probably a blessing not going.

But whilst at the gig on Wednesday night, between the opening act, Red Rum Club, and main support, Everything Everything, I glanced at my phone and saw the announcement that Rob Elliot was no longer our manager. And that his coach, Louis Storey was going to be interim manager. I was rubbing my hands together at the prospect of deliberately using a misspelling to make lots of ‘story’ related quips. But as it turns out, it wasn’t even a short story, even flash fiction might have been stretching it. Not even a drabble would have been short enough (one-hundred-word stories – for examples buy my book of them), more a #vss. As late on Thursday evening it was announced that Scott Lindsey was returning as manager and had a contract through to 2028.

Cue much rejoicing. I can see why, last season’s glorious playoff win is fresh in people’s memory. I’m going to hold my rejoicing. For a while at least. Most seem to have forgotten we were on a seven-game winless streak before he moved on earlier in the season. One nincompoop on the forum even seems to have forgotten he was managing us at the start of the season.

Besides the potential diabetes diagnosis and subsequent eye injections because of it, my last full medical showed that I was made up of eighty-seven percent cynicism. And it is certainly to the fore here. There has been a clammer from fans to bring Scott back since the MK Dons parted company with him last month. And as if by magic their wish has been granted. The deeply ingrained cynic in my feels that with the shitstorm of anti WAGMI sentiment that has been growing with the Carol Bates incident, the quiet January transfer window, Sam Jordan stepping down from the board, CTSA calling for them to sell up, Tobias Phoenix doing whatever happened (depending on which side you want to believe), and the almost certain relegation facing us, it seems a great time to have a ‘don’t look behind the curtain’ moment of misdirection. And that if the second coming doesn’t work out how we’d all like it to (perhaps promises aren’t kept), then WAGMI have the ready-made opportunity to throw it back in the fans faces of ‘you wanted this’. Plus there is the old adage of ‘Never Go Back’!

After the return of Scott we also announced the emergency loan signing of goalkeeper Thimothée Lo-Tutala from Hull City for seven days to cover for JoJo Wollacott who is away on international duty.

And to think, I’ve been trying to be overly optimistic all season. Anyway, the second coming (unfortunately a Stone Roses album title, not a song title) is in time for a game where Bristol Rovers are our visitors. There is a coincidence for me, as I went to the away game back in November, and that was just after going to a gig at the O2 as well. That game finished 0-0, where after an abysmal first half display, we were on top in the second half and had five decent penalty shouts waved away, including a stonewall one in added time. That was by the same muppet referee who waited until eleven minutes before kick-off on New Year’s Day before calling the game against Charlton Athletic off.

We have played Bristol Rovers fourteen times previously, seven in the league, four in the FA Cup (losing replays to them twice), twice in the league cup, both wins at home, including the first win for the club under Kevin Betsy two seasons ago, and we beat them in the first of the knockout stages in the Bristol Streets Motors Trophy, with to me what should have been our goal of the season last season from Harry Forster. In the league we only have one win against them, along with two draws and four losses.

They have Isaac Hutchinson, who was on loan with us back in 2022, in their squad and for some reason usually plays out of his skin when up against us.

Having had to dig to find any old football card for Bristol Rovers, eventually finding an A&BC from the 1964–65 season, I’ve moved forward and used the 1991-92 Proset and had six to choose from, but went for Devon White, a big old unit I remember from the time, and despite the fact he is now in his sixties, one I’m quite glad isn’t playing today given our issues with defending set pieces.

Going into the game we sit twenty-second in the league, with nine games left. We are twelve points from safety, the team occupying that holy grail of twentieth place being today’s opponents, who themselves were on the wrong end of a five-goal salvo last weekend. A decent win today would not only close that points gap but also help massively to close that additional point our terrible goal difference makes.

Pre-game this morning sees the second meeting of a now Sam Jordan-less Devils Advocates group. Having heard the agenda, it sounds quite busy, especially to cram into an hour and a half. I think the only things not being covered this morning were third world hunger and the potential shortage of Donald Trump’s spray tan.

It’s funny how much an appointment the fans clambered for happening makes a difference to the atmosphere. There is a real buzz in and around the ground. There are lots of fans inside and around the pitch before I get in.

I spoke to Grant before the game and he is doing his fan cam shots pregame, but he is actually going to be sat in the stands today for the first time in ages, well, since his shot of Charlie Barker took off and got him pitch side access and in the papers. He has kindly given me the use of some of his photos from today taken whilst (mainly) sat behind me. If you aren’t already, then you need to be following his Mansfield Media page on Facebook.

The banner is back.

Bristol Rovers have the blue and white quartered shirts, at least on the front, the back, their shorts, and socks are all blue. We are in our usual all red home kit.

It is a bit of a cagey start from two teams not in the best of form. It is mostly back and forth in the middle of the park, and it takes nine minutes before there is a shot in anger, which comes from Rovers and is over the bar from outside the box.

Which seems to inject some life into us, we attack down the right, Charlie Barker plays it to Armando Junior Quitirna, and then on to Kamari Doyle who’s cross along the floor of the box eludes Rushian Hepburn-Murphy and gets cleared. Then there is a break into the box, a nice one-two between AJQ and Louie Watson and AJQ is shoved over from behind. No penalty is the decision, and although it is a different ref from the one in the away game, it is the same level of not giving us a penalty. (As a side note, there was moaning on the forums about how we are worst in the league at winning penalties. As if that is our fault. It’s not, it’s the shocking standard of refereeing.)

But we aren’t overly perturbed, again there is a ball out from the back down the right, RHM slips his man on halfway brilliantly and he races forward, and cuts inside and goes across the field before feeding Doyle on the left, and he goes into the box and shoots and it is in and we lead 1-0.

Almost straight away we are down the right again, Barker to Watson to AJQ, and he is in on goal and shapes to shoot. Not sure if it was a poor shot, or an intended cross, but it finds Doyle on the left of the box again, only his shot hits the side netting, from what looked to be an easier chance than the one he scored.

In the middle of the park Watson dances his way through tackles in midfield, pirouetting like a ballerina before he feeds it through to AJQ, who goes into the box, and his shot takes a deflection which wrong foots the keeper, but it is saved. On a side note, it does seem unfair that Rovers have two people in goal, even if they are only those annoying Irish failed pop stars JedWard.

There are two fouls on our players at the same time in different parts of the field, but they are ignored, and Rovers play on and get in the box, but we clear it. This wakes TAFKAL up for his first contribution of the afternoon with the Lino on the receiving end. Josh Flint, in his first start back from injury, gives the ball away in our own half and Rovers are through on goal, but their shot is wide.

Barker picks up a booking in midfield for breaking up a break. A deserved booking, but it doesn’t work both ways. A Rovers player goes straight through AJQ after the ball is gone, there is a free kick but no booking. Then RHM is bundled over near the box as the last man, again a free kick, but no booking. The free kick is in a good position, but it comes into the box and is easily caught by the keeper.

We break down the left, RHM cuts into the box and shoots and his shot is well saved, it falls to the right of the box and Watson picks it up, he plays it to AJQ, and he lays it back to Liam Fraser whose shot is on target but lacks pace and is easily saved. There is a bizarre yellow card for a Rovers defender who picks up a booking for trying to take a free kick early and deliberately playing it against one of our players. Perhaps I’m surprised it isn’t us picking up the yellow card for preventing the kick being taken.

There is one added minute, and the free kick goes long and falls into the box and a Rovers shot is saved by emergency loan keeper Timothée Lo-Tutala. And then the half time whistle goes with us on the attack again and we go into the break with a 1-0 lead.

The second half starts nearly as slowly as the first half did. There are some bemusing refereeing decisions against both sides. An attack down the right sees AJQ and RHM and it is crossed but it eludes Doyle in the middle. There is more pressure, a Doyle shot from the edge of the area is blocked up and out for a corner. It is half cleared and AJQ shoots from the edge of the area and his shot is saved.

We make a couple of substitutions with Watson and Jeremy Kelly coming off to be replaced by Panutche Camara and Harry Forster. And almost immediately Forster is in action down the left and his cross finds AJQ, but the ball is smuggled away for a throw. We win a free kick on the edge of the area on the right, but the cross is too deep and goes out for a throw.

Forster and Doyle are linking up well, one cross gets cleared, and then Forster feeds Doyle, his cross goes through the six-yard box to AJQ who slots it in, but the offside flag is up against Doyle in the build up and it is ruled out.

A Rovers free kick in midfield is played long into the box and it is cleared for a corner. The ref is talking to the players before the kick is taken, and when the corner comes in the ref blows for a free kick for us.

It is time for more subs. RHM, AJQ, and Bradley Ibrahim are going off and being replaced by Tyreese John-Jules, Will Swan, and Max Anderson. And Rovers have made all their subs as well. One of the Rovers subs has the first name of Lino (it may be pronounced differently), so it is a difficulty for TAFKAL, as it is mixed messages shouting ‘get involved Lino’ now.

It is a bit disjointed now. The energy and verve of the first half seems to have dissipated, back to one of those old bromine in the tea half times we were used to last season. The Rovers number 24 is spending a lot of time diving trying to win free kicks and penalties. In fact more of the play is coming from Rovers now. They get a somewhat dubious free kick on the right-hand edge of the box, it is headed clear, put back in, headed clear, put back in as well, and TLT collects.

At the other end we are not getting any decisions in the attacking half going our way now. TLT picks up a booking for timewasting, another joke of a decision. I fluke managing to see the unannounced crowd on the scoreboard, and I think from the bottom of the numbers I saw it was 4,427, no idea how many away fans that included.

Forster and Doyle do keep trying to plug away down the left wing, getting crosses in but they are getting cleared. Meanwhile TAFKAL has adapted his usual shout of ‘get a move on xxx’ at the opposing full back. instead he is now shouting ‘take your time Hunt’.

Ball one goes over the Eden Utilities Stand as we block an attempted clearance in the corner. Liam Fraser picks up the sponsor’s man of the match, and the board goes up for seven added minutes. It is amazing how much more added time there is when Crawley are leading a game.

It is a nervy seven minutes. There is a free kick to Rovers thirty yards out dead centre, but they play it short and wide and cross it in and we head it clear. It seems a lot longer than seven minutes before the final whistle goes and we have won 1-0.

There is the old Scott Lindsey fist pump celebration post-game. It is a win, and the first half was good, but the second half wasn’t. The substitutions seemed to deflate us, although it is worth pointing out we did hold on for a change, but they were timed poorly, and were exactly the same kind of substitutions Rob Elliot had been getting dogs abuse for all season.

The win means we are now nine points from safety, having caught up three on today’s opponents and Northampton Town. Next up is another trip up to Yorkshire for an away game, this time it is Rotherham United. Let’s hope the new manager bounce can continue and that those above us can keep on failing to win.

Let’s see what this week brings, I’m sure it can’t be as crazy as last week. But who knows.

Come on you reds.

March Mutterings

I may be getting sensitive due to having all the eye injections over the last six months, but I do find myself wondering more and more whether my eye and brain connect the same way as they used to, and as they should. On the train I glanced up at one of the posters in the clipboards on the train and automatically thought it said, “A little blindness goes a long way”. Which is a very strange thing to be advertising. I immediately thought, are they trying to take the piss? Are they trying to say that blind people end up travelling further because they can’t see when the train is at the station they need to get off at? Only for it to click on about the fourth or fifth glance up at the poster that it didn’t say ‘blindness’, but the word was actually ‘kindness’, which makes a lot more sense. But I’m still left with the quandary of, is it my eyes or is it my brain that is fucking with me now? Spookily, I wrote that in my notebook on Saturday afternoon. I started to type it up on Monday, and I had only completed as far as saying eye injections when my phone rang. It was East Surrey hospital, saying that looking at the scans from last month they want to arrange further, urgent, eye injections for my right eye, and could they book me in for later in the week. It would therefore appear to be my eyes which probably have the issue.

Anyway, up in London on Saturday and we have arranged to meet in a pub called the Earl of Essex, which we followed up by going in one a hundred yards along the road called the Duke of Cambridge, as if we were doing a tour of East Anglian lorded gentry before heading for dinner in the Tamil Crown. And all on a day when we had been to the football playing against a side nicknamed ‘the Royals’. So of course, after having eaten the post food pub would be called the Island Queen. But only one of the group was heading on home via King’s Cross.

I did an author talk on Sunday. Even writing that still doesn’t feel right. It is difficult to label myself as an author, even if I do have three books published. I had been asked to do a talk on life writing and self-publishing. For a change I had done some preparation. I had put a slide pack together and written up extensive notes a long time before the day. The problem is, between writing them and the event I hadn’t really looked at them, and was then internally flapping about how I would cope with getting the words out and making it sound as if I knew what I was doing. Lots of dread and nerves. But it was fine. Nobody left during the session. People laughed. In the right places. And there were relevant questions. I even sold a couple of books. And the time flew past. Whether I’d do another one is debatable. We’ll see.

After more than four months having camera club meetings via Zoom, we are back in the huts in Tilgate Park, which to me is a blessed relief. I don’t care if it is cold, or if there is rain. It is a good twenty minute walk each way, well twenty there and about nineteen back. it may seem strange for someone who doesn’t do social activity very well, but I fucking hate Zoom, as who wants to be on conference calls in the evening when I’ve spent most of the day on calls at work. People are sat in the huts in their coats, some hats, some gloves, but it is real life and not a little screen. And as it is prints competition night, there is a need to have the physical items there in person. (Came in the middle of the entrants, three of my four photos were middle shelf, so reasonably happy with that.)

Then it was another night, something else to do. It has been one of those fortnights, Previous Monday was camera club on Zoom, Tuesday Mother Tongue, Wednesday camera club in the huts, Thursday, a writing group, Friday, wilding talk at Ifield Barn, Saturday was a writing group, football, then up to London for Helen’s birthday meal, Sunday I was presenting a session on life writing and self-publishing, Monday fantasy author’s panel, Tuesday football, Wednesday camera club, Thursday crime writers panel, Friday book club / romance authors panel. So roll on Saturday and a break.

Well, I say that. I’m well known for DIY standing for destroy it yourself. As a child my nickname (from my parents) was Clouseau. But there was a success on Saturday. The old blinds in the living room have been up there longer than I’ve lived in the house. There has been a new set of venetian blinds sat in the storage cupboard at the front of the house for at least three years waiting to be put up. Mainly because I’m scared of making my usual monumental mess, this time of the walls around the window and / or the new blinds. Taking the old blinds off was interesting, they hadn’t been screwed into the walls or the lintel above the window space, no, they had been screwed into the pvc frame of the double-glazed windows themselves (and I thought I was a fuckwit at DIY). But we managed to get them down, drill holes into the walls for twelve plasplugs and they all worked, a wooden block was added to mean the blinds would fit snugly and then installed the blinds. More than twenty-four hours later they are still in place, and working as expected, which means they are doing a hell of a sight better than the fold down desk I attempted to put into the spare room which fell off the wall on its first use.

Sometimes you’re not sure how things are going to be for any given weekend. But it is harder and harder to just wing it and go to away games of football. Despite following a League One side which never sells out its allocation of tickets, a lot of clubs refuse to sell to the away fans on the day at the ground, which means you have to plan ahead by at least one day, if not two because you have to go to the club to get a ticket, and the cut off is usually 3pm on the Friday, sometimes the Thursday, which takes the last minute decision making off the table. Add the ridiculous on the day train fares, and it could be expensive. I was looking out of idle interest at what it would be to get to Huddersfield and for just me a return was £166, reduced to £119 via ticket splitter, but would have been another forty quid less if booked a week before. It is a lot for an impulse decision to go. It turned out it was probably a blessing not going as it ended up being a 5-1 walloping, which would have definitely put a damper on the day out.

This Is The Nite

The original title I had lined up for New year’s Day isn’t applicable for a fresh Tuesday night in March, so had to dig something else up instead. And I have gone for this 1957 early soul single from the group The Valiants. Which may seem to have no relation to this game, but one of the lesser-known nicknames of tonight’s opponents is The Valiants, and it is a night (nite) game after all.

This is a rearranged game from New Year’s Day when the incompetent ref (I’m sure auto-complete could write those words all by itself quite easily by this point in the season) called the game off due to a waterlogged pitch with eleven minutes to go before kick-off. It should have been the follow up game to the crazy 4-4 draw away at Exeter City and would originally have marked the halfway point in the season.

It is the return fixture from the one at the start of December and the wonderful 2-1 away win at The Valley on a Tuesday night where we took over seven hundred away fans with us, and there was a lot more hope around.

Back when I originally prepared this, I had had two games which had reminded me of old football related quiz questions. I remembered that Charlton Athletic was an answer to another of those questions from the same period, this time, name the five league sides whose full names start and end with the same letter. As with those other remembered questions back in December, the numbers are now depleted as there only the four now as York City are no longer in the league. And the others being Aston Villa, Liverpool, and Northampton Town.

Although not being in the top-flight in the seventies, there were Charlton players in most of the Topps cards series each year during the period, and after using the 76-77 set last time, I’ve gone a year later to get Alan Dugdale.

This is only our second league outing against them after the 2-1 away win earlier in the season. We have also met four times in the various guises of the Football League Trophy, winning two and losing two.

How fortunes have gone in opposite directions since that game at the start of December, after which we were only three points and four places behind Charlton. We go into the game today seventeen places behind Charlton, who are now in the playoff places, and thirty points behind them. So, in just over three months they’ve picked up twenty-seven more points than we have.

We come into the game on the back of the last minute (of normal time) equaliser to get a point against Reading, in a game where another five seconds would have seen us win, but ref was doing his best Clive Thomas impression. We are far from safety and need to win every game now to stand a hope of staying up.

Under pressure manager, Rob Elliot, is returning to the club he supported as a child, and whom he played for between 2004 and 2011. And squad members JoJo Wollacott, Charlie Barker, Panutche Camara, and Armando Junior Quitirna have all played for Charlton previously, with all of them likely to play some part this evening. Former loanee Aaron Henry is on Charlton’s books, but is recovering from injury so definitely won’t be playing tonight.

Not too much of a rush for a Tuesday night game for a change, there with twenty minutes to spare. The club have fixed the broken seat in front of us since the Cambridge game. I’m sure that the speed they have fixed that will lead to questions about the hand driers in the west stand.

Charlton are in pale yellow shirts and socks and black shorts. Almost as if they are a load of highlighters which have been left out in the sun and faded. We are in our all red. Our mate Al the steward was helping people to their seats, but neither he nor the people he was helped noticed that their tickets were for seats in the 190s, and not the 90s they were guided to.

It takes less than a minute for TAFKAL to bellow ‘get on with it’. There was a five-minute spell where he headed off and the Charlton full back didn’t know what to do with himself when taking a throw, but normal service was resumed after the throat operation.

We have an early counterattack and Armando Junior Quitirna wins a corner. It is deep and headed back to Panutche Camara and his shot is blocked at close quarters in the box.

There is a lot of intent going forward from both sides. Charlton look to have a bit more quality up front, but we are attacking well. Right up until the moment of the final ball. Will Swan is offside when played through, and if he hadn’t been, the shot was well wide anyway. Thirty seconds later and Camara plays Swan through again, and he puts the shot wide the other side this time.

A Charlton corner is headed away by Charlie Barker. The throw in is worked across and they get a shot from the edge of the area which goes well over. We get down the other end and win a throw and it is a long one from Barker, half cleared back to him, and he crosses it, it hits an attacker in the box, but it is just a hit and falls to their keeper.

Camara is caught late in midfield and the Charlton player picks up a yellow card for the challenge. We do a bit of fannying about, and then someone slips in midfield, Charlton get a shot off which goes just wide. Toby Mullarkey loses the ball going forward in his own half, Charlton cross to the back post and Ade Adeyemo slips leaving their attacker to be able to get a shot which takes a deflection and seems to go through JoJo Wollacott into the goal and we trail 0-1.

At the other end, an AJQ cross goes right through the six-yard box without either team getting a touch on it. Mullarkey lets a long ball go over his head and bounce and then can’t get to it before the Charlton attacker, but their shot is well saved by Wollacott at the expense of a corner. They work a shot from that, but it goes wide.

AJQ has another cross which sails through the box and still we can’t get a body on the end of it, you can hear and feel the frustration from the crowd. We can’t get on the end of a decent final ball at all. There is one added minute at the end of the half before the half time whistle goes with it 0-1.

The second half takes a while to warm up, it’s a few minutes before there is any hint of an attacking threat from either side. We win a corner from a Kamara Doyle shot which is blocked wide. It comes in and is easily caught by the keeper.

There is some indecisive defending in our own box and Charlton get a shot on target which Wollacott saves at the second attempt. And the timewasting has started in earnest. Their number 16 is down at the other end of the pitch injured, what from no one knows. Perhaps he is missing TAFKAL bellowing at him. AJQ picks up a booking for a dive in the box. Not convinced that was a dive.

After more Charlton possession we break down the left wing, Camara plays it to Swan, and he cuts inside but the shot drifts wide. Not convinced that was his best option with two in the box, but the chances of a final ball actually finding one of them would probably have been slim to none anyway.

Charlton have another shot from the edge of the box which is saved by Wollacott. We attack down the left and Doyle gets a cross in. Swan jumps for it and misses but it bounces to Max Anderson and his attempt is blocked away for a throw. A long throw comes in from Barker and it is headed for a corner. Taken short to AJQ who cuts in and shoots, his shot is saved, and it comes out to the edge of the area and Camara tries a blasted shot only for it to be blocked and nearly play a Charlton attacker in on our own goal.

We break again and Camara plays it to Doyle, who passes it on to Swan and his cross / shot goes for a corner. It’s Camara’s last involvement as he and Anderson are subbed off with Tyreese John-Jules and Louie Watson coming on to replace them. The corner is worked well with the two subs and AJQ and we win another corner. That gets to Adeyemo, and his shot just curls wide.

Charlton have a right-wing attack which cuts us open easily, Adeyemo slips again, for about the eighth time, he needs some longer studs. The shot comes in and Wollacott saves, and the ball is bundled out for a corner which Barker heads clear again.

And in almost an action replay, Adeyemo is beaten again by their right winger and ends up on the floor, and they are through on goal but shoot wide. Thankfully. But at the other end Adeyemo stays upright and gets a cross in and it is just flicked headed over Swan by a defender. Barker’s long throw on the other side is flicked on and tipped over the bar by the keeper. It is taken short, and the cross misses everyone in the box and it comes back out to Watson and his shot goes just wide.

Barker picks up a booking on the far side for stopping their left winger at pace, though he is protesting the winger dived. But we break down the left and Charlton get a booking for a pull back on TJJ.

There are more substitutions, Liam Fraser and Adeyemo come off to be replaced by Bradley Ibrahim and the return of Jeremy Kelly from injury. And after a couple of Charlton subs, a minute later we make our final substitution with Mullarkey going off to be replaced by Gavan Holohan.

Doyle puts a cross in and it won’t fall for anyone and is half cleared to Ibrahim who attempts to follow up his goal of the month contender from last month, but it spins off the outside of his foot and goes high and wide.

There are five added minutes, during which Charlton have no intention of doing anything but professional shithousery. And they do it very well. An AJQ cross gets to Swan, but the ball is blocked and falls to the keeper. A Doyle cross goes for a corner, which comes in and see a Crawley player down in the box, for which Charlton get a free kick. One of their players is stood over the player on the ground taunting them, but Barker is having none of that and some handbags kick off. Which continues all over the pitch with Charlton players deliberately throwing and kicking the ball away from where the free kick should be taken. And then again down in the far corner, Barker is squaring up again to more shithousery.

The full-time whistle goes to put us out of our misery for this game. It is a 0-1 loss, which on the whole seemed a fair, if very frustrating, result. As it has been for most of the season, that final ball quality isn’t quite there, and the finishing isn’t great. There will be moans about the lack of shots on target, and I will say again, we have a lot more shots on target than we get credit for. If a shot is on target and hits a defender, it gets counted as a blocked shot. Only shots that go in or are saved by the keeper get counted as on target, which is a bullshit way to keep stats.

Cambridge lost as well, so we stay twenty-second, but as they lost to Bristol Rovers, we are now even more goal difference and the nine points from safety. It looks as if it will take the recuperative powers of Lazarus, Captain Jack Harkness, and Wolverine to prevent relegation now. But it isn’t mathematically impossible. Yet. Next up is Huddersfield Town away on Saturday.

Come on you reds.

All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit

I know it isn’t near Christmas, but there is a logic to my choice of title for today’s game. It is actually football related. Due to Fuck Sky Sports messing with kick off times, and my involvement in Crawley WORDfest events, I wasn’t able to get to today’s game until half time. So it is only half a match report. The opponents are Reading, who, although they prefer to be known as the Royals, were traditionally known as the Biscuitmen. This track is by Half Man Half Biscuit from their 1987 album “Back In The DHSS Again”. And in honour to this there is a picture of a half-eaten biscuit, which is shortbread, in tribute to the shorter piece this time around.

For some inexplicable reason, FSS have fucked with the kick off time for our game against Reading for the second time this season, as the away game in October was also moved to be a 12:30 kick off. Why both of our games against Reading needed to be shown on TV is anyone’s guess. We lost that game 4-1. That being our only league game against Reading. We had played them in the third round of the FA Cup in 2005, losing 3-1. Our only other games were pre-season friendlies against them in 1972, which we won 2-0, and in 2015 which we won1-0.

This game comes a week after the wading through treacle loss against at home to Cambridge United last Saturday, after which somehow the FA managed to find trumped up charges against Tola Showumni and hand down a three match ban for alleged violent conduct, but as I remarked at the time, it was more extra from Platoon acting from Cambridge. Plus other allegations relating to our director of football and a now former fan board member as we lurch from one shit show to another.

Then there was the capitulation 4-1 loss away at Lincoln City on Tuesday night midweek, where we picked up more injuries to the lengthy list we already have, and with two suspensions, it wouldn’t have been a surprise to find Reggie named on the bench for the game today. That game made our goal difference worse, but at least we didn’t slip to the bottom of the table, staying in twenty-third, but with other results we are now seven points, and even more goals, off safety. Meanwhile Reading are in eighth and twenty-five points ahead of us, and are on a long unbeaten run. Just what we need.

Reading were one of the sides which despite being a long-established league club, Topps and A&BC wouldn’t touch with a barge pole. More recently they have been in the Premier League and so will have been Match Attax-ed up, but there is the 1992 Proset collection to fall back on, and the one player included was Trevor Senior who was in his second spell with them, almost a decade on from when he had been the league’s top scorer in the 1983-84 season.

So, after this morning’s WORDfest event, where our writing group’s 2025 booklets were given out. It was a rush down to the ground to arrive at half time.

And it is a quick scuttle off after the game as well, as there is a quick change before heading up to London as we go out to celebrate Helen’s birthday.

There is little time to catch our breath as we have the final one of our rearranged games on Tuesday night, this one at home against Charlton Athletic which was postponed eleven minutes before kick off on New Year’s Day.

Come on you reds.

March Of The Mods

It’s a new month, after January took about thirty-four weeks to get through, February has gone in little more than thirty-four hours. It’s March, hence the title of this piece, a 1964 single from The Joe Loss Orchestra, which just about hit the top forty, their last chart hit. It is a nice fast tempo piece, which is more than can be said about our performance.

It has been a long week since the disappointing non-performance last weekend in the 3-1 defeat away at Blackpool, but it gives the players a full week to prepare after a couple of weeks with midweek fixtures crammed in.

Cambridge was our first away game of the season, and we came away with a 1-0 win courtesy of a late Ade Adeyemo goal. Since then neither of us have been ripping up trees in League One, and both of us have different managers now with Garry Monk finally getting the boot and being replaced by Neil Harris less than two weeks ago.

In total we have played them thirteen times in the league, with six wins and seven defeats and no draws at all. We have also played them in the Southern League back in the 1969-70 season, losing both, and in the Conference for a few seasons in the noughties, where we were much better against them, winning six, losing two, and drawing four, there was also a win against them in the FA Trophy during that six season run of games.

Going into the game today we are in twenty-second in the league, with Cambridge two places and three points behind us, so this is a game we absolutely have to win, and we need to improve our abysmal record in playing sides bottom of the table. We are five points from safety, but the places and points above that have been concertinaing over the last couple of weeks. But we need wins, bugger the performance, as long as we score one more than them it is all that matters at this point in the season.

In the Cambridge squad there is Sullai Kaikai, who had a brief loan sojourn with us back in 2014. In the other direction, Rushian Hepburn-Murphy, was on loan there back in 2019.

And in the pre-John Beck days, so before they were hoofing it up the league and threatening promotion to the top flight, Topps did manage to feature a couple of Cambridge players in their last set of the seventies. I knew there was one – Alan Biley but didn’t realise / remember there was a second player in the set as well – Bill Garner.

It is a gloriously sunny afternoon which should raise the spirits. Let’s hope it raises the team, and they aren’t as under the weather as I’m feeling today. It is good to see our injured quartet of players out doing light warmups before the game. Hopefully, it won’t be too long before they are fully fit and ready to make a return to playing action. (Albeit that ship of saving us may well have sailed.)

A surprise to see that Rory Feely is starting today, but it’s probably best not to be too touchy about it.

Cambridge had sold 1,2000 tickets, and the away end was filling up quickly early on. Those direct trains must have been full earlier on.

Some of the seats are cracking up more than the poor supporters sat in them in the east marquee as the season goes on.

And I’m not sure they had the most experienced of teams out on the pitch during the pre-match warm up.

Cambridge are in some strange patterned sky blue and white shirts, with sky blue shorts and socks, as if they are some kind of nineties Coventry City wannabes. And they enforce the change of ends before kick-off, which I can only hope backfires as much as us doing the same thing away at Blackpool last weekend did. Meanwhile we are in our usual all red home kit.

The whole Mansfield clan row behind us was missing. Rick was the only one to turn up as he joined at half time, only to go off to get some chips a few minutes into the game and never come back.

Almost straight from the kick-off we have an attack and a shot with Kamari Doyle trying to catch their keeper off guard with an early effort, but it drifts wide. Cambridge come back down the other end and win a corner, it is half cleared, put back in and a shot from outside the box is just wide.

It doesn’t take TAFKAL long to get “get on with it” bawled out at the Cambridge wing back, offering some hilarity early on, but as with most of the Crawley performances, it became less enthusiastic the longer the game went on.

Dion Conroy gets taken out in midfield and it brings an early yellow card for a Cambridge player. The free kick is put in and headed back out and is then crossed in by Charlie Barker, but it is easily collected by the keeper. Cambridge attack and win a corner which comes in and is headed over.

We attack down the left and Doyle plays it back to Feely whose cross becomes more of a shot and just drifts past the far post. Another left-wing attack is broken up and Cambridge counterattack and get a cross into the back post and the header is only just over.

Back to us, attacking down the right wing this time, with Armando Junior Quitirna and Barker combining, the ball comes back to Barker, and he puts a deep cross in, where only Harry Forster in is the box. He just about gets his head on it, but it loops high over the bar.

So much slow play at the back, left to right to left to right to left to right all without moving more than five yards up or down the pitch. But then Barker pings a great deep cross field ball to Forster, and he cuts inside to the edge of the box and his curling shot takes a deflection and goes out for a corner. There is a ridiculous amount of pushing, shoving, shirt pulling, and other shenanigans in the box, with the ref holding up the taking of the corner three times to go in and try and sort it out. Only for when the corner does get taken it to go straight into the arms of the keeper.

And it comes straight up the other end for a Cambridge corner. After clearing we go down the left and Tyreese John-Jules and Kamari Doyle link up, the cross is half cleared, the ball goes up in the air and Forster heads it to Rushian Hepburn-Murphy and his shot is blocked and it spins out to Doyle and his shot curls just wide.

The Cambridge keeper goes down with an injury which takes a few minutes to clear up. At the other end, their number 22 just skips through our defence like it isn’t there and JoJo Wollacott blocks the cross out for a corner. Which comes in and see Wollacott blatantly barged into, and the loose ball turned into the net. And it stands. FFS, it’s just fucking blatant, and just like Exeter the opposition are allowed to get away with it. It is 0-1.

We get an attack and win a corner, it is half cleared and pumped back in long to the far side of the area, TJJ crosses it back only for it to bounce back off him and go out for a goal kick. A corner follows soon after and it is easily cleared.

As usual most of our decent play is coming down the left wing and is through Forster. Bradley Ibrahim plays a ball through to him and Forster has a shot which is blocked for a corner. More blatant holding and pulling going on unpunished by the Cambridge defence, much like it was at the other end for their goal.

The board goes up for two added minutes, which is a piss take seeing as their keeper was down injured for three minutes, and there is plenty of time wasting going on. TJJ gets cynically taken out after the ball has gone, but the ref isn’t interested and lets Cambridge attack before the half time whistle goes with us 0-1 down.

Half time is a bit weird; the subs didn’t come out to warm up until about ten minutes into the break, and then the team were out early and well before the Cambridge players. Which hopefully means they’ve had a fucking rocket at half time. And not the ice lolly.

The first action of the half is a booking for the Cambridge number 18. It was coming, he was lucky not to get one early in the first half when he just barged Conroy over off the ball, getting a talking to, and then before half time he got another talking to, but finally he worked his way into the book. Then AJQ gets a booking for a sliding challenge after not getting a decision when being kicked by two Cambridge defenders just before that.

There is a somewhat frustrated effort from Conroy from thirty-five yards which is dragged wide left. Then we get a corner, which is taken twice, a shot is easily cleared and then their number 26 stamps on Doyle whilst he is on the floor, but miraculously no one sees anything.

We give the ball away carelessly in midfield and a Cambridge player takes a speculative shot from their own half. It looks as if it has the beating of Wollacott, but happily it just drifts wide right as he scrambled back.

There is another foul on Forster on the left wing and we get a free kick, the ball goes into the box and is cleared but the games comes to a halt with a Cambridge player down in the box and the ref pulls out a straight red for RHM. No idea what happened, but there isn’t much arguing about it. The second RHM is off the pitch though the Cambridge player is straight up and running up field with a broad smile on his face.

And almost their next attack their right winger gets past Forster and puts a low ball into the box which is swept home with nonchalant ease, and we are 0-2 down with ten men.

Which brings our first substitution, with Ibrahim being replaced by Tola Showumni, assumedly before he can talk his way into any more trouble as the ref had the look of having enough of his chirruping.

An attack is half cleared, and Barker gets to the ball first on the right wing only for the Cambridge number 26 to get what he should have had earlier for the stamp on Doyle, by getting a straight red for a studs up challenge. Barker shows remarkable restraint not to get up and lamp a couple of the Cambridge players stood over him yelling in his face and prodding him and trying to drag him to his feet. It is now ten a side. And their keeper is down again with what is obvious a tactical injury to hold up play so that Cambridge can reorganise and get a substitution on before we can take the free kick. Which we waste.

Conroy is obviously of the mind that we need to be shooting more, and has another pop from thirty-five yards, this one goes wide right. And it is time for another couple of substitutions. AJQ and Forster go off to be replaced by Ade Adeyemo and Will Swan. I can understand AJQ, who hasn’t seemed quite with it since the transfer window debacle, but replacing Forster at this stage of the game for the second week running is somewhat mind-boggling. If only the rest of them put in as much effort as he and Barker do, then perhaps we wouldn’t be in this sorry mess.

We are having plenty of possession but appear to be under the impression we are only allowed to do crab impersonations and pass the ball sideways and back again. Finally a through ball is played, Doyle finds Adeyemo in the box, but his shot hits the side netting on the wrong side of the post, so failing to repeat his effort from the away game.

Cambridge get a corner which goes straight to Wollacott without anyone attempting a rugby tackle on him, we get the ball forward and into the box, but Swan’s first touch is too heavy, and the keeper collects and feigns another injury. Liam Fraser has a pop from about thirty yards out which skids just wide. And again there is plenty of possession and crab like passing which is neither use nor fucking ornament. Doyle does get a shooting opportunity, but it hits a defender and just loops nicely to the keeper.

Time for the final substitutions, Fraser and Doyle are off with Max Alexander and Panutche Camara coming on in their places. Another ball into the Cambridge box sees another extra from Platoon bravely throw themselves to the ground to waste as much time as possible.

And there is more tippy tappy bollocks back and forth but never forward. Until Barker takes a ball and puts a deep cross in, TJJ (who for some inexplicable reason is still on the pitch) heads it, but it is deflected for a corner. The east marquee appears to be having a fire drill. Or my BO problem has taken on gargantuan status, as it is nearly deserted around us. Adeyemo has a shot, but it is blocked.

The board goes up for six added minutes. Which is fuck all in the scheme of the monumental timewasting and play acting that has gone on from the Cambridge players in the second half, and all the subs. Compare and contrast with the twelve minutes at Bolton, and it is clear that the officials are just making shit up as they go along.

A Barker cross in sees a Showumni header but it goes wide. And finally the Cambridge keeper picks up his academy award, sorry, yellow card for timewasting, only about an hour later than it should have come.

Camara has a shot from the edge of the area but slices it and it just bounces over the roof of the KRL Logistics stand for the only ball loss of the game. Cambridge break, and Anderson is trying to pull back their player in midfield, without any success, and he carries on into the box being forced wide and Barker concedes a corner, and then picks up a yellow card, which I’m assuming was for the Anderson pull back, the ref couldn’t even get that right.

There are eight minutes added time played, and even if there had been another ten after the Cambridge players had left the pitch, I doubt we could have levelled things up. The final whistle goes, and it is a 0-2 loss. To the side bottom of the table. Again. God, we are shit when playing bottom of the table. Every fucking year.

The defeat sees Cambridge leapfrog us into twenty-second, with us being saved the bottom place by virtue of Shrewsbury losing to Peterborough after they had a record equalling thirteenth second sending off. We are now six points adrift of safety, and all it seems we can do is shuffle the deckchairs on the Titanic.

Tuesday night sees us away at Lincoln City, before FSS screw up next Saturday with a stupid 12:30 kick off at home to Reading, which I’ll miss the first half of. If it is anything like today, that may well be a blessing. It goes without saying, but I will say it anyway, these games are now must win games, as every game is from here in.

From this point on, sod whatever Rob Elliot is telling you to do, just take inspiration from Forster and Barker and put your fucking heart and souls into these games.

Come on you reds.

The Cabaret

A long forgotten 1983 single from the band Time UK, which only just about struggled into the lower reaches of the chart. It was their only charting single (and they only had one more single full stop). Whilst prepping for Tuesday night’s game I hadn’t seen the news or social media, and so it wasn’t until after the game that I heard about the death of the greatest band ever – The Jam – drummer Rick Buckler. Time UK was the band he formed after Paul Weller had broken The Jam up at the end of 1982. He then drifted out of music and into carpentry, before forming From The Jam, along with Bruce Foxton and Russell Hastings, but left again after a couple of years. From The Jam are still touring, but it is Bruce Foxton’s last hurrah as he is retiring this year. Before the news I was thinking about having something from Tangerine Dream for the title of this piece or following up on Tuesday night’s title with some more Northern Soul, seeing as one of the other famous seventies venues was the Blackpool Mecca. And I suppose if you wanted to find a cabaret anywhere, Blackpool is one of the most likely places. There is a campaign to download and stream The Jam’s ‘Funeral Pyre’ so that it charts in his memory. (Yes, it sounds a bit off, but it really is the greatest example of his drumming skills.) But I’ve already used a Jam song for a title this year (coincidentally in the home fixture against Blackpool), so this is the next best thing. RIP Rick.

Games are coming thick and fast, Saturday, Tuesday, Saturday, Tuesday, Saturday, but there is then a week before the next game. After a run of three home games which have seen a win and two draws. We need to be keeping that unbeaten run going (we got away with one on Tuesday really) but convert some draws into wins.

We travelled up halfway Thursday night, and the rest Friday morning to stay with my mum in Morecambe. But as we’re staying with my mum and need to deliver her from the much hated (by her) Blackpool, there will be no post-match curry, we’ll have to save that for the Sunday night when we get back to Crawley. Such hardship.

And late on Friday it was announced that we have signed free agent Louie Watson (assuming he plays for us, with a name like that there is a real danger of that becoming Louis Walsh). He has been without a club since August when he was released by Luton but has been training with us for the last couple of weeks and is another defensive midfielder.

It so happens that two of my oldest friends back from when I lived in Leicester are currently living in Blackpool, so I had squeezed in meeting up with them pre-game, only to try and upgrade that into persuading them to come and see the mighty Crawley play, but I went to get tickets from the stadium at 10:30 only for the grinning fools to gleefully say they weren’t selling on the day to away fans until !3:30, by which point they’d come to their senses and decided not to come. We were talking of away days; we were remembering an infamous away trip to see Leicester City play Grimsby Town in the early nineties. One of our other friends got arrested for bringing cans into the ground, and we had to pick him up from the police station on the way home, as the driver of the minibus went in to collect him (the only sober person there), everyone else nipped out of the minibus and relieved themselves on the police station wall.

Today’s opponents are Blackpool, and we are up in their own ‘temporary’ east stand (though it isn’t a marquee), which is supposedly being replaced this year after fifteen years in operation. Bloomfield Road has been their home since 1901, and the other three stands are named after their three most famous players, Sir Stanley Matthews, Stan Mortensen, and Jimmy Armfield. But in my childhood Topps addled brain, the team Blackpool is synonymous with Mickey Walsh, as he was their sole representative in both the 1976-77 red backs (pictured below) and the 1977-78 orange backs. He was also in the 1978-79 set, but by then he had transferred to Everton.

We have played Blackpool three times now, twice back in the 2016–17 season, and we won 1–0 at home and had a 0–0 draw away. We managed to repeat the win at home in the first game of the season, this time 2-1 (one of only twice I’ve got the prediction correct this season), let’s hope we can better the away draw this time around. Although I did read during the week that Blackpool have managed to draw their last eight home games, and they are the division’s draw specialists with fourteen out of thirty-one games finishing level. Like us they have a different manager from that season opener, with them wheeling Steve Bruce out of retirement.

At kick off we are ten places and twelve points behind Blackpool as they sit twelfth. That is exactly the same differences as we had when we played Stevenage on the Tuesday before last. (I’m willing to go for any clutching at straws omens I can find.) They don’t have any of our former players, but Tyreese John-Jules did play for them on loan from Arsenal back in the 2021-22 season. He didn’t score for them either in his twelve appearances.

After a morning wandering around parts of Blackpool taking a few photos and bumping into other random Crawley fans in random locations,

I did manage to pick up a programme, which isn’t bad for the money, not too advert heavy, and there are a few pages about Crawley, and an interesting piece about our non-league days.

Blackpool are in their traditional tangerine shirts, white shorts, and tangerine socks. Their number 3 is called Husband, but they don’t have a player called Wife in their squad, so they aren’t a husband and wife team. We are in our blue and black third kit. And Crawley have enforced the change of ends before the kick off.

Blackpool have started quicker than us, and they get an early corner, which we do manage to defend quite easily. We give the ball away in our own half (a foul was claimed but not given), and a Blackpool striker is in on goal with a one-on-one chance, but he doesn’t test JoJo Wollacott in goal as he drags the shot wide.

But it is only a temporary respite, as Blackpool attack again down the right wing and get a cross into the box and there is an unchallenged header, and it is in, and we trail 0-1. And again only a minute later, this time there is a blatant handball in midfield before the ball is played down the right, and we stop the effort at the expense of a corner.

We have an attack down the right wing, Kamari Doyle gets a cross in and it headed back out, Ben Radcliffe puts it back in and it is headed clear for a throw on the far side. It gets played into the box again but is cleared. We have some more decent possession and attack down the right, get a cross into the box again and Tyreese John-Jules heads it just wide.

At the other end there is a harmless looking shot from the Blackpool number eight, but another striker nips in behind a sleeping defence and flicks it past the waiting Wollacott to make it 0-2. We are really struggling to get into the game at all.

Blackpool have another corner, which is half cleared, the ball back in is put out for another corner which we clear and have a break, but Rushian Hepburn-Murphy takes a shot from thirty-five yards out which just dribbles wide. It is temporary respite as Blackpool have the ball in our box again and a smart turn sees their attacker in plenty of space to get a shot off, it goes through someone’s legs but fortunately out wide.

We construct an attack and get the ball down the left, Will Swan and RHM exchange passes, and Swan is into the box, and he squares it across the six-yard box and Kamari Doyle is there to stroke it in and we are back into it 1-2.

It looks like there is a clash of heads on the other side of the pitch, the Blackpool player is up quicker, but Charlie Barker is down for longer and looks a bit groggy when he gets back up. The ref is called to the sideline by the fourth official, and he comes back and shows the Blackpool player a straight red and they are down to ten men. (Apparently there was a head butt involved.) A minute later Steve Bruce picks up a booking for moaning about another decision.

Playing against ten men we are having a bit of pressure. RHM gets down the left, has two crosses in, both are cleared, Radcliffe crosses from the other side and that takes a glancing header to go out for a throw. Barker does a long throw in, but it is cleared. Barker is getting booed for every touch now, as it’s obviously his fault for the Blackpool player being a head-butting thug. It is becoming more of a pantomime than a cabaret.

The ball is played out from the back and down the left, then across to TJJ in the box only for his shot to be blocked by the keeper. We have a lot of possession, lots of passing it across the back and midfield, right up until the point where Dion Conroy gets bored and just smashes a shot from thirty-five yards out which goes over.

The board is put up for three added minutes. Enough time for Swan to get wiped out on the left wing. Which brings another booking for a Blackpool player, and the home crowd aren’t happy with the refereeing display. The free kick comes in and is cleared and the half time whistle goes with the score 1-2.

At half time I noticed this banner up on the wall above the north stand, and it reminded me of another random away trip. Back on Easter Monday 2002 I was persuaded to go to Ewood Park as an away fan to watch Southampton play Blackburn. In the away end there were twenty fans in orange Blackpool shirts. I thought to myself perhaps they have come to the wrong black town, but it turns out they had come to see Brett Ormerod play having sold him to Southampton earlier in the season.

The queue for refreshments at half time was ridiculous, not enough people for the volume of away fans, and it’s a couple of minutes into the second half before we are back to our seats, just in time to see a ball in from Radcliffe get headed onto the roof of the net by TJJ. It would appear that there has been a swap around at half time. Barker and Radcliffe have changed sides, and Harry Forster is now being busy down the left wing. Swan picks up a booking for a pull back.

The first substitution of the afternoon comes as Max Alexander departs to be replaced by Armando Junior Quitirna. Conroy slips up at halfway and gives it away to a Blackpool striker, and they are in one on one with the keeper, but fortunately he drags his shot wide.

TJJ runs with the ball from midfield and passes to Swan who cuts in and shoots, but it is easily saved. A minute later TJJ has his legs taken away in the box, but the ref isn’t interested. Blackpool break and win a corner. It is caught by Wollacott, and he rolls it out to Swan who runs past halfway before switching it over to the right to AJQ, who cuts inside and shoots, but it is well over. The AJQ gets taken out on the right wing. The free kick is headed out for a corner which comes in only for the whistle to go for a foul.

We are making hard work of this, playing against ten men. There is a lack of energy out there as if they were fed bromide in their half time cups of tea. There is plenty of possession but absolutely no penetration. Two more subs are made Radcliffe and Forster are off to be replaced by Gavan Holohan and Ade Adeyemo. Forster looks nearly as surprised as we are when he hears his name called out by the stadium announcer as he certainly wasn’t looking over at the board and expecting his number to be up.

Despite the man advantage we are still shocking at the back. A ball gets into the box, and we make a mess of challenging for it, Wollacott makes a good save, and then somehow gets across to make it a double save, and a third shot goes just wide. But that initial mess of a challenge is pulled up and the ref brings it back to give Blackpool a penalty. And although he goes the right way Wollacott can’t stop the well taken penalty from going right into the corner, and we go further behind against the ten men, 1-3.

The ball is finding its way into the Blackpool box, but there is no shot at the end of it, time after time. As you might expect from ten men, every goal kick, free kick and throw in is taking an age. We win a corner, and another. Adeyemo finds TJJ and his deflected shot is collected by the keeper, easily over the line but neither the ref or lino spot it, and we don’t get the corner. We do get one on the other side a minute later, and it is flicked on at the near post only for RHM’s header to be straight at the keeper.

We make the final two substitutions with TJJ and Doyle going off to be replaced by Rory Feely and new signing Louie Watson. They come on and the board goes up to say three minutes of added time. Which after the Bolton game is an absolute fucking piss take. Three fucking minutes, for all the time wasting, nine subs, a goal, the fannying about before the penalty. Where is the fucking consistency. Although to be fair, even if we had had another forty minutes, we still wouldn’t have really looked like scoring in the second half.

The final whistle goes to end what has been one of the most insipid halves of football I’ve seen us play all season. We lose 1-3, despite playing against ten men for sixty minutes, and letting them score whilst we had a man advantage. They weren’t even that good. We are shit at playing against ten men, there was no energy out there especially after taking Forster off.

9,231 was the attendance announced and shown on the scoreboard, I’m sure the announcer did mention how many away fans there were, but he went into mumble mode whilst doing it, so I don’t know how many poor Crawley fans had to watch that. And then after the final whistle we were shepherded out of a fire exit and down dead-end streets instead of being able to leave the way we came in. The way they treat the away fans there is a bit shit.

Results around us weren’t great, bottom of the table Cambridge United won, but they stay behind us, and with them visiting us next Saturday, we could have done without them getting a morale boosting win. Burton won, and Peterborough won, but at least Shrewsbury lost. We stay twenty-second in the table, but are now again five points from safety, and three points behind Burton. We can’t afford any more lackadaisical performances like the one today if we are going to survive. What the hell happened to the team we saw ten days ago in the games against Stevenage and Wycombe. Come back. Please.

A week to calm down now before it is home action again (next month now).

Come on you reds.