The Final Countdown

Some mid-eighties soft rock, a 1986 number one from the band Europe (not the continent). Which is somewhere (the continent, not the band) Wrexham won’t be in the foreseeable future after the Welsh FA’s attempt to have the five Welsh clubs in the English league pyramid enter the Welsh Cup and get European Football if they won (something which the Welsh FA hoped would then help their coefficient) was torpedoed by the English FA. Which means it may well be quite a few years before we see any Europe tour (the continent, not the band – well, hopefully not the band on tour either) on Welcome To Wrexham.

A lot can go on in a fortnight. I’ve been for a week away in Spain, only getting back late last night. But since leaving the country a week after the disappointing 1-1 draw at home to the then bottom of the table Burton Albion, and the fall out which came after it from the Carol Bates saga, I honestly wasn’t expecting much to happen, and that what did, wouldn’t be good.

Stockport County away last Saturday delivered a 2-0 defeat, with us lucky to get nil, and us lucky to only concede the two goals. The only upside to the depressing live updates was the sunshine and spectacular scenery out of the window of the train as we travelled from Malaga to Granada. Other results saw us drop in the table, a Burton win, a Cambridge United win, and what looked like a Shrewsbury Town draw saw us bottom of the table on goal difference with all four sides on twenty-one points, only to be saved by Charlton Athletic getting a ninety-sixth minute winner against Shrewsbury to keep us off the bottom, but it was a fall to twenty-third.

There was then an announcement of an open forum to take place on the Thursday night, which was almost six months to the day from the last one and so meets the twice a year requirements. Prior to it there was a lot of moaning about it being an in-person session only with no online questions. But there again a fair few of our supporters would moan about absolutely anything.

After the Stockport game someone woke up in the club’s transfer department. We picked up attacking midfielder Kamari Doyle on loan for the rest of the season from Brighton & Hove Albion, he had been playing Exeter City for the first half of the season. Then Matthew Cox came in on loan from Brentford to bolster the goalkeeping position, and we signed Rory Feely from Barrow as another defender.

Tuesday night saw a second away game in three days, this time at Mansfield Town. It wasn’t as good as the spectacular 4-1 victory away there in April last year, but a 1-0 win with a late winner from Ade Adeyemo, and an even later goal line clearance from Charlie Barker was a boost and saw us climb back up a place to twenty-second in the league as both Cambridge and Shrewsbury lost, but Burton won again and stay ahead of us on goal difference. But the gap to safety is now only three points again, and we have at least one game in hand on all of the teams within reach above us in the table.

And speaking of games in hand, the one against Charlton which was postponed way too late for anyone sensible on New Year’s Day, has been rearranged for a Tuesday night in the middle of March.

On Wednesday X kicked off more transfer rumours. First, that Ronan Darcy had signed for Wigan Athletic, something which was confirmed late on Thursday just before the forum started. There was also a rumour we had signed nineteen-year-old striker Josh Ayres from Rotherham United, but there has been nothing further on that one as yet.

Thursday saw the forum taking place with only Preston Johnson on hand from the club to answer questions. There was some real embarrassment from the live streamed question and answer session. But that is what our supporters are like. Toe curlingly bad cringe inducers.

And the survey was mentioned. The club had released a Q&A on it on the club’s website. Which explained it was put together by a “professional” company called The Deep. That may explain the superhero question then, as the first thought is of the character called The Deep from the TV series, “The Boys”. That character is completely barking mad, but even he would have produced a more measured set of questions. My final moan about the survey is the club have said that it is an anonymous survey. Yet, at the same time the original blurb said prizes would be available for randoms completing the survey. These are mutually exclusive statements. So, which one is the lie? (Or are they both lies?)

And the transfer rumours continued. Armando Junior Quitirna is in Argentina apparently doing a deal to sign for a club there, not a good sign, as a player would be hard pushed to find a club further away from Crawley if they tried. And Sonny Fish is off on loan to Solihull Moors for the rest of the season.

No matter where we go there is no getting away from reminders of Crawley Town. Wandering the back streets of Sevilla, and in a shop window is a tote bag of The Cure – “Boys Don’t Cry”. Shit, have we lost again, and I didn’t even realise we were playing?

Saturday morning sees the first gathering of the newly formed Devil’s Advocates, which Helen is part of. Apparently, there is no getting away from white middle-aged men who like to talk over the top of women and laugh when they are introducing themselves. Aside from that, she thought it was a positive session, and that Ben Levin was supportive in it.

Anyway, onto the action today. In town are Hollywood FC, the third game in a run which sees us play all the other three promoted clubs from League Two last season in the space of eight days. Someone was having fun with the fixture computer.

Wrexham are in third but aren’t on a great run and are in danger of losing touch with the top two and went out and spent a lot of money on a couple of players yesterday, which will not make our afternoon any easier for us.

It was Wrexham who first triggered my memory about old football cards, with their old striker Arfon Griffiths on the Topps 1976 card being to blame for the ongoing use of them in each of these pieces for the last few months.

In the league, we have lost all three of our games against Wrexham, but digging back and including National League games our record against them is won four, lost four, and drawn one. Keeping that record at level or above would be a great result for us.

Getting to the ground early there is plenty of buzz around, and finally as we hit February, there are now new woolly hats available in a couple of varieties. They aren’t likely to fall off in a strong breeze. A bit tight around the head is an understatement, it may well be cutting off the blood flow to my brain. Which will be my excuse for anything I write today.

Jeez, what a difference two weeks does make. Reggie has been on a diet and a half. I though I’d done well over the last year, but I need to go and have a word to get some further diet tips.

Meanwhile, after his stunning photo of Charlie Barker in action at the Burton game two weeks ago,

Grant has now got official EFL accreditation to do media work at the club (and at Brighton), and is pitch side fully kitted out, taking photos today.

Wrexham are in a kind of gone off mustard looking shirt and socks with black shorts. Someone has said to me they were supposed to be gold. Yeah, they wish. Crawley are in all red.

Not even two minutes gone. Wrexham attack down the right wing, and Will Swan stops claiming the ball has gone out for a throw, the linesman doesn’t agree, and the ball is crossed over, passed on and then stroked into the net and we trail very early doors 0-1. And almost immediately Wrexham are through on goal again with a quick break, a ball into the box and Matthew Cox saves well as the defenders are looking for an offside flag to be raised. It is a sluggish start, and for fuck’s sake, play to the whistle lads.

Ball one disappears, a headed clearance from a cross goes out over the Eden Utilities Stand for a corner, which is cleared.

After the initial headless chicken routine, the team settle down and get a spell of decent possession. They work it down the right wing before Harry Forster rolls it back to Ben Radcliffe who pumps a ball to the far post where Swan meets it, but the header is high and wide, and not very handsome. The next attack sees ball loss number two of the game as a clearance from a cross disappears through the gap between the east marquee and the KRL Logistics stand for a corner.

We are definitely coming into the game more, and again there is decent work down the right. Panutche Camara plays the ball back to Bradley Ibrahim, who slots it into the box to Tyreese John-Jules, but his shot is just over the bar. Then down the left, Swan crosses it over to the right to Forster who cuts inside and plays it to Ibrahim who curls a shot on target, but it is saved by the keeper. Wrexham break and have a shot saved by Cox.

It took half an hour for it to happen, but then Lockets did get involved with some predictable advice to the linesman. But once awake, he is in fine voice for the rest of the match.

Wrexham have the ball in the net again, but Cox had slid out and collected the ball only for a Wrexham striker to kick him in the head, the ball came loose, and another striker put it in. Somewhat remarkably the referee did give us a free kick, but inexplicably, it would appear that kicking the keeper in the head deliberately doesn’t warrant a yellow card.

From a Wrexham corner we break down the left, the ball is played across to the right and Radcliffe pumps another ball into the box, Swan is being held by what appears to be an octopus, and the ball bounces to Camara and his shot is deflected for a corner. It is played short and then worked into the box and Swan’s effort is deflected for another corner. That goes all the way across and out for a throw to us. Charlie Barker throws it long and Rushian Hepburn-Murphy and Camara both have shots blocked on the edge of the area.

At the other end Camara picks up a booking for a foul about thirty yards out from goal, which is much less of a foul than some of the thuggery which has gone unpunished from the Wrexham players. The free kick gets put behind for a corner, which happens in four added minutes at the end of the first half, for which no board went up, and three quarters of the ground would have no clue about because the tannoy system was only working in the west stand, and we only get snippets of faint mumbles when the wind is in the right direction.

The second half starts much better than the first half did, two minutes in and we haven’t conceded. A dangerous looking break down the left is brought to a crashing halt as RHM is hacked down, and the referee surprises everyone by giving the butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth Wrexham defender a yellow card for the challenge. A ball in from the left finds RHM and his shot is blocked, and so is Max Anderson’s follow up effort.

Here come the first of the substitutions. TTJ and Camara are off with Tola Showumni and Jeremy Kelly on to replace them. The next action of any sort is Wrexham winning a corner. There is a lot of pushing and shoving in the box and the referee has words a couple of times. And despite what has so often gone before, we make another substitution before it is taken with Forster being replaced by Ade Adeyemo. The corner leads to another, which goes straight out for a goal kick.

We attack down the right and Adeyemo wins a corner which leads to nothing. Only for us to break down the right again, the ball is played all the way over to the left and Swan passes it across to Anderson, and then onto Kelly and his shot goes just over. We win the ball in midfield and Ibrahim surges forward to the edge of the box and shoots, but it is deflected and goes for a corner. Barker wins the header in the box, but it goes high and wide. Both Swan and RHM win corners in quick succession on the left, but the second just skims off a head and goes for a goal kick.

The last substitutions for us come on with Swan and Anderson being replaced by recent signings Kamari Doyle and Rory Feely. Another attack sees a bit of pinball in the area and a header from RHM is saved. RHM is then tripped in the area and Stevie Reffing Wonder waves it away from two yards in front of him.

It looks suspiciously like there might have been a fire drill in the east marquee as there seem to be hundreds of fans streaming out before the end of normal time. Seriously, where the fuck are you all going?

There is a long ball forward and Showumni goes up for the header on the edge of the box but is beaten to it, however it comes down to Ibrahim and he shoots from twenty-five yards out and it dips into the top corner to make it 1-1. Probably the best goal we have scored all season. And all you streaky bastards who left early missed it.

As they restart the board goes up to say there are five added minutes to play. And with most of them gone, Wrexham play a long ball left to right, a cross comes in deep and is headed at the far post and it may have got another touch but it squirms in from Elliott Lee who fouled Kelly in the build up without anything being given, and the goal stands to make it 1-2.

And that’s it, no sooner do we kick off than the referee blows the final whistle and pockets his bonus. Rob Elliot is less than impressed and marches over to give the referee a mouthful at the end. It is a loss, and definitely not deserved. Don’t let the shitty match stats fool you. Their keeper made two saves, so to say we only had one shot on target is bullshit. And the stat that says their keeper made no saves is then shown to be a lie by the line underneath which says he made one diving save. The number of blocked shots they show for us is a joke, as if trying to show we did worse than we actually did. Granted we still pass it around at the back too much and don’t move it forward quick enough, often enough, but we created plenty of chances. Let’s keep that going.

We stay in twenty-second, but everyone else who played around us today picked up points, and the two teams that didn’t play each other tomorrow. So not the greatest afternoon from a league perspective, but there are real positives to take from the game, and more overall performances like this, and some decent deadline day transfer action in (definitely not out) would give us a real opportunity of staying up.

The crowd may have been announced, but unless you were in the west stand you had no hope of hearing it, but apparently it was 5,049 with 949 away fans. And for a supposed sell-out, there were still a lot of empty seats around us in the marquee.

Next up is Bolton Wanderers away next Saturday before a run of three home games in eight days. The hunt for points is on.

Come on you reds.

A Pub With No Beer

Going all the way back to 1957 for this worldwide hit by Australian Slim Dusty. After all we are playing the Brewers, and it probably sums up the feelings of both sets of fans on how their seasons have gone so far.

Speaking of 1957, it feels as if it has been that long since I was last at a game. That game being the rollercoaster events of the crazy 4-4 draw away at Exeter City in late December, which felt more like a defeat after being 4-1 up at half time and was all the more maddening as we were screwed over by more piss-poor officiating. It was the fourth time this season we had scored three goals or more in a match and not won.

Then there was the New Year’s Day debacle where the same useless ref we had away at Bristol Rovers ummed and ahhed about calling the game against Charlton Athletic off for what seemed like hours, finally only calling it off twelve minutes before it was due to kick off. With further pitch inspections being called seemingly all day, we had left it as late as possible to leave the house only to set off with it still in the air but making sure we were there before kick off if it did start, only to get most of the way down Wakehurst Drive before it was called off.

I didn’t make the trip up to the wastelands of South Yorkshire for the Barnsley game. And for the second time this season they steamrolled us for a 3-0 win. Then last week we didn’t have a game as Wigan Athletic were still in the FA Cup, so this is my first, and as it will turn out, only game in January, with us being in Spain when the away games against Stockport County and Mansfield Town are taking place.

In the meantime, we have let two of our loan signings, Cameron Bragg and Eddie Beach, return to their parent clubs, and the saga of Jay Williams has ended up with him unsurprisingly leaving to join up with Scott Lindsey at MK Dons. Coming the other way, we have recalled Antony Papadopoulos from his (quite successful) loan spell at Maidstone United, and have signed Ben Radcliffe from Derby County, although he had been on loan at manager Rob Elliot’s former side, Gateshead.

Eddie Beach going back to Chelsea does leave us with only the one goalkeeper in the squad. There was a rumour of Hull City’s Thimothee Lo-Tutala joining us on loan until the end of the season, but that seems to have disappeared into the ether.

And talking of disappearing into the ether, it has been announced that the monthly Reds magazine is no more, after four issues the club have pulled the plug on it. and so, we go back to being completely programme less. Helen has now heard back about the Devil’s Advocate scheme, and their first meeting will be the weekend of the Wrexham home game.

Two of the three postponed games have now been given new dates, with the Stevenage and Wigan games coming on consecutive Tuesday nights in February, sandwiching the Saturday home game against Wycombe Wanderers, giving us three home games in eight days. We still await a new date for the Charlton game.

The lack of games, and the less than great results in the ones we have played sees us go into today’s game in twenty-second in the table, behind Shrewsbury Town on goal difference after they beat Wrexham on Thursday night, and five points off safety, although we do have at least one game in hand on the four sides immediately above us in the table. We are two places and six points above our opponents today, Burton Albion, who sit rock bottom of the table.

When we played them earlier in the season on Bonfire Night, there weren’t any fireworks as it finished in a drab 0-0, where both sides were lucky to get nil. Our only previous league games against them were back in out first season in the league, where we also drew 0-0 away from home, but we did beat them 3-0 in the home fixture. What we wouldn’t give for a similar result today. There is also history of playing them in the Southern League and Conference over the years, spending twenty-five seasons in the same division as them between 1963 and 2009. As a team who were only promoted to the league two years before we were, they are another of the teams for who I can’t find any football cards for.

Burton rock up with Danilo Orsi, our star striker from last season leading the line. Let’s hope he doesn’t add to his impressive tally of goals at the Broadfield Stadium. On our side we have Jack Roles who played a couple of games for Burton on loan five years ago, and new signing Ben Radcliffe started his senior career there playing just the one game for them.

So, after a twenty-six-day break since the last home game it is back to the Broadfield Stadium today. Only to be met by nincompoops wearing Crawley Town, shirts, hats, and scarfs at the top of the walk in from the underpass, trying to sign people up to the Reform Party. Deliberately stood on the other side of the road from the site of the ground, but political scumbags from any party shouldn’t be allowed to be peddling their bullshit whilst wearing club colours.

After an even longer lay off, Reggie is back. I’m not sure he’s going to be up for any acrobatics, as it does look like he’s spent the last six months leading a very sedentary lifestyle. At least the team news has a positive, Jasper Sheik is on the bench, so we do have two active keepers, but it must have been a stealth recall from loan as there has been no mention of it from the club at all.

Being in the ground early and with some time to kill before kick-off I started doing the club survey. And wish I hadn’t, what an incoherent, meandering, overly long piece of shit, it makes my writing look like well informed bullet points. Why have one scale to rate things by when you can have three different ones. Some out of ten, some out of five, and others out of seven. Out of seven? Seriously? What the fuck? And why the fuck are we comparing the club to a film character, an animal, or a meal? And finally, any survey which takes over twenty minutes to complete is a waste of everyone’s time, both those taking it, and those having to decipher it.

Apparently, the new T Boards are working well and are very nice, but the information on them is out of date. Who would have thought that was possible?

Anyway, the game. Burton Albion are in an all-white kit, and we are in the all red. There is an early Burton corner, and we break from it, the Burton defender has Will Swan in a headlock, but there is no free kick. We get the ball into the box and have lots of touches in there, but it just won’t fall for anyone to try and get a shot away and it is cleared.

Lockets has his first bellow at the linesman, and the lino does have a giggle at it. I’m sure that feeling wore off the longer the match went on and the more Lockets got into his stride.

We are having a lot of good approach play, the interplay is good, but the final ball just isn’t there. There is the usual complete lack of protection for Tola Showumni. I dread to think what shape his shirt will be by the end, and he gets dragged down and gets nothing. It appears to be a concerted campaign, both from opposition players wanted to swap shirts with him from the first minute, and from the officials who all seem to think it is fine to have open season out on him. We are having a lot of the ball in the Burton half, but it takes a while to register the first shot, and Armando Junior Quitirna cuts in from the right and curls his shot well wide.

On the next attack we attack down the right after decent work from Showumni who plays it to AJQ, who lays it back to Jeremy Kelly, but his shot curls away from goal and goes wide. At the other end Burton have a shot well over the bar from outside the box. We attack again and a ball is played to Showumni on the edge of the box, he is dragged down from behind, but nothing given again. Burton break and their striker looks yards offside, but the flag stays down, we get back only for the striker to miscue their shot, and it dribbles into the net to make it 0-1.

We are back on the attack, having good possession and pressure, the ball comes to Kelly in midfield, and he plays Swan in, and his shot is well saved down low for a corner. It is taken deep and AJQ is dragged down beyond the far post as the ball sails out for a goal kick. There are muted appeals for a penalty. Dion Conroy plays the ball well out of defence, beating two players and he passes to Swan, who moves it on to AJQ and his shot is saved at the expense of a corner. It is played out and eventually comes to Kelly who swings it back in and Swan’s shot is wide.

There are two added minutes at the end of the half, and we almost get a gift. AJQ has the ball down the left and his cross is straight at the keeper, but he drops it and only just drops on it before it rolls over the line. And the half time whistle goes with us trailing 0-1.

At half time Reggie is going around and throwing t-shirts into the crowd. He stops to do one just in front of where we are. He winds up and throws it hard but hits the board at the top of the east marquee and falls in the walkway. It was such a hard throw that Reggie’s shirt comes untucked and shows a flash of white belly.

There is a half time substitution with Toby Mullarkey going off to be replaced by new signing Ben Radcliffe. Who within a couple of minutes manages to give the ball away when attacking and then picks up a yellow card for blocking the attacker off on the counterattack. We have a free kick just inside the Burton half, which Kelly takes long and Showumni gets on the end of it, but his header is well over the bar. We win a corner and as it comes in there is a free kick given against us. There is a lot of pushing and shoving and arguing after it, mainly involving Conroy.

Burton have a bit of pressure, they have a shot that is over the bar. Then they win a corner which we clear before making a second substitution with Max Anderson going off to be replaced by Rushian Hepburn-Murphy. Only for Burton to win another corner. And then for us to attempt Hari Kari as neither Conroy or JoJo Wollacott make a decision as a ball bounces slowly between them in out own half, only for neither of them to get to it and they allow the Burton attacker in first, but thankfully his touch takes it a bit wide and cover gets back for us to clear the ball.

There are two more subs, with Kelly and Swan going off to be replaced by Bradley Ibrahim and Tyreese John-Jules. A clearance from Charlie Barker hits a Burton player and balloons over the west stand for ball loss one of the day. The Burton player then does the dying swan act to waste some more time and Ibrahim picks up a booking for trying to “help” him off the pitch.

We win a throw down near the right corner flag. Barker throws it long into the box, and it bounces around a bit and Showumni gets a flick on it, and it floats over the keeper and into the net and we have equalised 1-1. AJQ appeared to pick up a booking before the restart.

Pretty much straight away we attack down the left, RHM feeds Showumni and his cross is just behind TJJ, but AJQ is following it up, but he skies the shot, and it clears the Eden Utilities Stand for ball loss number two. It is all us now, and another ball into the box sees a shot and the ball ricochets off half a dozen players and body parts and claims for a handball are ignored. As Burton clear Panutche Camara gets a booking for a blatant pull back. RHM gets another shot off, but it is wide, and we make our last substitution with Ade Adeyemo going off to be replaced by a returning Harry Forster.

The ball is in the Burton box again. A Showumni shot is blocked and it goes out to RHM, and his shot is saved and cleared just before it spins out for a corner. Barker is next to pick up a booking. And an absolute joke of one as he clearly won the ball, and it wasn’t a foul. We break down the right and the ball is played to TJJ, but his shot is well over the bar. The ball is worked to Showumni, and the shot is just wide. Then played down the right and switched over to the left to RHM, he cuts inside and shoots, but it is just wide.

There are five added minutes. AJQ wins a free kick for being hacked down on the edge of the area, but there is no sign of any yellow card for a Burton player. AJQ takes, but he blasts it high and wide, and the chance is gone, and the final whistle goes with the score 1-1.

The crowd was announced as being 3,521 with 188 hardy souls making the trip down from Burton, and picking up from some of our away songs repertoire.

A draw does nobody any favours, and it feels like two points dropped rather than a point gained. The point sees us go up a place in the league, jumping back over Shrewsbury Town, but we are still five points off safety as Bristol Rovers won. We really need to be converting more of the plethora of chances we create. Sixteen shots but only four on target tells a story, and the number of times we don’t get a shot off at all is frustrating as hell. And it doesn’t bode well for the rest of the season with the apparent lack of transfer activity.

Two away games follow, against fellow promoted clubs from last year Stockport County and Mansfield Town, before the final other promoted club in two weeks’ time as we host Wrexham. All of which are tricky bastards, but we need to get something out of those games.

Come on you reds.

I Wonder Why

I wonder why.

About many things really.

Following on from my previous witterings, why, after a few days of not much activity with the digging up of the pavement, was there suddenly a flurry of activity on a Sunday afternoon to work on filling it in? Is it just the cynic in me thinking that the only likely reason would be because it is a Sunday, the people doing the work would be able to claim double time overtime for it instead of the standard wage for doing it during the week?

Am I as bad at not being self-aware as some other people are? I don’t think my work at anything is brilliant, but at the same time I don’t think it is shockingly awful, but some people make me cringe as they struggle through what I think is really poor stuff, yet they are under the impression Shakespeare has nothing on them.

Why does the cat automatically gravitate to the most awkward or inappropriate place to settle down and pretend to be comfortable. Surely wrapping itself up in amongst all the leads from the computer can’t be comfortable.

Do companies do it on purpose? Do they wait until you are at the point where you are going to give up on them, on their services, on their website, on their app, in their queue, and at the point you are turning round, logging off, hanging up, they are suddenly working, and up in your face, effectively shouting, look at us, we are here, how can we help? Just as the writing group are getting ready to leave Lloyds Bank due to them introducing charges for their community account, they have finally given me a working online log on for them. Only twenty-one months after the account was opened and it was requested from them.

Why is it that the moment you are not around is the exact moment people turn up to do what it is you have been waiting for them to do. It doesn’t matter if you have been waiting minutes, hours, days, or weeks. The moment you let your guard down and go off to do something else will be the time they will be there to do it and they will be moaning because you’ve had the audacity to go and do something else because you got sick of waiting for them.

Was I always this irascible? Or have I used up what my lifetime quota of patience was. Is it natural for everyone and everything to annoy me? Should it be such a struggle for me not to want to scream at people to shut the fuck up or for them to stop being so deliberately stupid. I’m sure life in general used to be more fun than this. Finally, was work always such a crock of shit. On my way back to work (after a less than wonderful writing group session), I found myself desperately disappointed that in the couple of hours I was away that, I hadn’t come into a sudden fortune which would mean never working again, or that the world hadn’t ended. The most worrying thing being that where work is concerned, I don’t appear to be overly bothered which end of the spectrum it is, as long as it means no more work.

January Witterings

There is an everlasting lack of coordination when it comes to digging up roads and pavements. Or so it would seem. I make an almost daily trek up from my house to the parade of shops nearby. It isn’t very far to go, but if working at home it does mean an outside venture at least once a day. The row of shops is much in demand and the parking spaces there are often full (especially bearing in mind it is also the parking for the flats above the shops). And people are more impatient now, and often don’t give a shit where they park their enormous beasts of cars. Quite often the open space on the corner of Wakehurst Drive and Southgate Drive will have at least one gigantic SUV abandoned there. Normally some tosser in the typically arrogant collection of high-end German cars. You know the types, BMW, Audi, Mercedes Benz. If you are in a wheelchair or having to steer a pushchair or pram around, they make it difficult. And it would appear all this abandonment adds up to damage the paving slabs there. Just before Christmas someone had been round inspecting the slabs and had spraypainted marks on a number that needed replacing / relaying. On Monday they were all replaced with fresh black tarmac. Two days later I go to the shops at lunchtime, and that new tarmac, and quite an area around it was all dug up and piled up as UKPN conducted planned work. Note. Planned works. So if they were planned, what the fuck were the council doing putting in fresh tarmac in the area being dug up just two days before it was dug up? And they moan about budget constraints. I think it would benefit us all if they spent a bit of the budget on learning how to read. And plan. Or how to read plans even. It really can’t be that difficult, can it?

From there it was off to hospital again, and the journey gave lots of examples of where some of that – now wasted – tarmac could have been put to better use. There are some potholes on the way to East Surrey hospital which would put the Grand Canyon to shame.

It’s strange that at quarter past four, they are only running five minutes late on appointments. Seeing (pun intended) as when I went in December and was the first scheduled appointment in the morning, they were running fifty minutes late. Both eyeballs injected again. The right one feels it more, and the pools of liquid moving around in the eyes is a weird sensation for hours afterwards. I was glad I’m not allowed to drive afterwards, as the journey back was during the heaviest of the local snow flurries. It did make our minds up about the possibility of going into the office on Thursday. Not happening.

With the now on roofs from overnight, and a heavy frost earlier in the week, the seat at the kitchen table when working at home gives a view out over the backs of houses on Malthouse Road. I can see the backs of three pairs of semi-detached houses. And on all three pairs it is easy to see that the one to the left as I look at them is well insulated, and the ones to the right aren’t. The snow and ice stays on he left hand ones well into the afternoon, but is gone by nine in the morning on the right-hand ones. If you were selling insulation, these kinds of days would be great for trying to suss out new business.

Just before Christmas one of the many, many, many food purchases was a box of dates. On the top of the box it says Dates From Jordan. And every time I pass the box, I have the same insanity running through my mind. That it should read Dates With Jordan, and be the ultimate in car crash (quite often literally) reality TV shows.

Fade To Grey

More tenuous links to pick up a title for this game’s piece. As Exeter City are known as the Grecians, my mind automatically goes to the eighties adverts for Grecian 2000, which was the treatment to restore grey hair back to its ‘original’ colour. And so, this Visage 1981 top ten hit sprang to mind. (And in retrospect, it sums up the second half.)

Three days after the somewhat below par performance on Boxing Day away at Leyton Orient, we are back in away action, this time in the far southwest at Exeter City. Which is interesting to the ten-year-old me, as it was one of the answers in another of the common football questions back in the late seventies and early eighties. Following on from the three teams starting with O which had Orient in it, the other question was name the five league clubs with an X in their name. There are only four in the league now (Halifax Town having gone many years ago), and three years ago there were only the three, but we’ve seen Wrexham come back up. We played the trickiest of the answers in the playoff final, as the other kids always forgot the Alexandra part of Crewe’s name, which then just left Oxford United, who were the common answer in both of those teasers of the time.

There were no Topps or A&BC cards with Exeter City players, but there is a default fallback position for most sides who were around in 1991, as Proset did a collection that year which had at least one player from each side in the league in 1991-92. One of the two Exeter players included was Vince Hilaire, who I didn’t even realise had played for Exeter.

This will be our nineteenth game against Exeter City, the first three were FA Cup ties when we were a non-league side, which saw a draw and two losses, and our last game was a first-round loss away to them in the League Cup. In the league we have four wins, four draws, and six losses. At St James Park (not to be confused with Newcastle United’s St James’ Park (it’s all about the apostrophe) we have two wins, two losses, and three draws.

We go into the game in the relegation places, whereas our opponents sit just inside the top half of the table, nine places and eleven points ahead of us, having won their last two games, including a come from behind win on Boxing Day against Bristol Rovers.

There are a couple of ex Crawley players in the Exeter squad, with Caleb Watts who played one game for us on loan from Southampton back in 2022, getting a hamstring injury after eighteen minutes in his first and what turned out to be last appearance for us. And Mustapha Carayol was on loan to us back in the 2007-08 season when he played twenty-five games for us.

As days of the week don’t matter at this time of the year, it is a Sunday afternoon fixture, and it is a bit of a trek down to Exeter, so we came down on the Saturday and are spending a couple of nights here to have a look around the historic city.

In doing after following the city walls trail, we get to the ground earlier than planned as Google Maps are lying again about how long it takes to get anywhere.

We pick up a programme from some nice friendly and chatty sellers outside the ground. It was only £2.50 and is a double header one covering their game on Boxing Day against Bristol Rovers, and our game today. It is rich in content and easily well worth the money.

Nipped into the club shop, which isn’t as big as some of the others I’ve been in recently on away trips but is well stocked and has a vast array of items, and I managed to pick up a fridge magnet and pen to add to the ridiculous collections I already have.

It was also interesting to see that Exeter City is a fan owned club, and the graphic on one of the walls of the fan zone area showing what they have down, but laid out as a starting eleven, was a good one to see.

Sat having a chat with a couple of home fans before the game in the fan zone area, both of whom were part of the two thousand owners the club has. They were feeling as uncertain about how their team was going to do as we were about ours. The stewards on the way down to the away fans turnstile and inside the ground were all friendly and chatty as well. Right up until we got to our chosen seat, and I started to take photos. Got barked at by one telling me I couldn’t take photos using a camera (which has less pixels than the phone), and no sooner had he told me that then there was an announcement in the stadium saying ‘take lots of photos and put them on social media’, so I just switched to the phone and took some photos whilst the steward glared at me.

I’m not sure what I was expecting, but definitely not for it to look as if someone had stolen large parts of the stands in the northeast corner of the ground. With that missing, and balls flying over the west terrace where most of our fans are in the warmup, I would say the chances of no balls being lost out of the ground as being zero.

Exeter City are in Red and white striped shirts, red and white socks, and black shorts, whereas we are in the all blue third kit. There are quite a few changes to the starting line up again. And early on Armando Junior Quitirna is causing issues for them down the right and wins a couple of free kicks for fouls on him.

We have good possession and most of the play is by us and in the Exeter half. Toby Mullarkey has a shot over the bar. There is decent play out from our own right corner flag, with Mullarkey, Bradley Ibrahim, and AJQ, and the latter takes the ball into the centre and drives through to the edge of their area and has a shot, but it is easily saved. We win a corner on the right soon after, and it is taken long but headed behind for a goal kick. Another corner on the left is flicked on and then headed back in from the back post and cleared.

Once again there is decent work down the right and AJQ cuts inside and passes across to Will Swan, he slips the ball into the box towards Panutche Camara, and he pokes it in, and we lead 1-0. And the chanting from the away fans starts with ‘how shit must you be, we’re winning away’.

More attacking, down the right wing again and AJQ beating people, and he plays it back for Mullarkey who crosses it in, and Swan’s header is just over the bar. Ball one disappears out of the ground, but not over one of the missing areas, or the low west terrace, but impressively clearing the main stand we are in from an Exeter keeper clearance. An Exeter player picks up a yellow card after a coming together will Mullarkey, it looks a bit harsh but given some of the stinkers against us this season, we’ll take it.

More decent play, and Jeremy Kelly plays a great ball out of midfield to Swan, and his ball into the box for Max Anderson is just too strong. At the other end, a misplaced pass sees Exeter through on goal, but Charlie Barker makes a great saving tackle at the expense of a corner. It is punched, then headed out and the pressure is relieved as we get a free kick for a blatant push on Tola Showumni, and an Exeter player is down injured.

And out of nothing the Exeter number 11 gets the ball down the left wing, beats a player and cuts inside running along the edge of the penalty box before taking a shot which sneaks into the corner of the goal, and it is all square at 1-1.

From the restart we win the ball and Dion Conroy plays it over the top and Swan gets on the end of it, he rounds the keeper, and his shot just about goes over the line despite the best efforts of their defender to prevent it and we retake the lead straight away, 2-1.

Exeter attack and get a corner, and we clear it and play out down the right, work the ball across to the left and a Camara cross gets deflected behind for a corner. The keeper claims it the third time it is in the air, and then inexplicably makes a howler and presents it to Showumni ten yards out, and he says thank you very much and taps it in and we lead 3-1.

There are four added minutes at the end of the half, and we attack again, AJQ passes it across to Swan, and he plays a return ball to AJQ, and he slots it past the keeper, and we lead 4-1. It is so much that the scoreboard can’t believe it either and starts to go on the fritz, blinking off and back on a few times.

Exeter get a corner before the end of the half, and we clear it easily enough and the whistle goes for half time with us leading 4-1. There is a sense of both euphoria and of disbelief as we wander around at half time, like what the actual fuck just happened?

The second half kicks off with Exeter having made three substitutions at half time. We attack early and have a clear shout for a penalty as Showumni is pulled back as the ball is played to him after decent work down the left between Anderson and Swan, but the ref waves the claims away.

But Exeter are noticing the effect their three subs have had and are getting back into the game. They are claiming a penalty themselves as one of their players goes down in the box, only for the ref to blow and book the Exeter player for diving (again it looked a bit harsh). We have a free kick in midfield and bang bang bang, it is Conroy to Anderson to Showumni to Swan and his shot is just over the bar.

The change in formation and pressing from Exeter is causing us problems now and we play ourselves into trouble at the back and concede a free kick on the edge of the penalty area. It hits the wall, and the second effort flicks the outside of the post. A bit of possession follows, but more sloppy play almost sees Exeter in again, and Barker has to get another last-ditch challenge in to clear well. More kamikaze back-passing sees JoJo Wollacott hack a clearance out over the big stand we are in for ball loss number two of the day. An Exeter shot is tipped wide by Wollacott, and the corner is cleared.

Exeter are definitely on the front foot now and are the ones applying all the pressure. We make a couple of substitutions, with AJQ and Showumni coming off with Joy Mukena and Tyreese John-Jules coming on in their places. And almost immediately Exeter attack down the right, switch the ball over to the left and their players cuts inside and curls a shot into the top corner, and it is 4-2.

We pick up a yellow card (couldn’t tell if it was Anderson or Ibrahim) and give them a free kick thirty yards out on the left. It is floated in, and bounces and Exeter get a shot which goes over the bar. Another free kick is given away on the left wing, we clear it and break and Swan’s run in on goal is stopped by a good tackle. But it is mainly Exeter now, they are the first to every ball, they are getting crosses and shots in, and time appears to be going backwards, there are ten minutes after their goal which seemed at least half an hour long if not more. I keep glancing up at the screen and the time doesn’t seem to have changed at all.

There is another substitution made, with Swan being replaced by Rushian Hepburn- Murphy. And another Exeter attack follows, there is a cross, and a shot, and a save from Wollacott. We try to play out down the left and give it away and Mullarkey picks up a yellow for a pull back. Another free kick in a dangerous area, it is long and headed well wide for a goal kick for us. Then a free kick down the right side which is put behind for a corner. It looks as if the corner went straight in, but it may have had the slightest of touches from one of the Exeter defenders up for it and it is 3-4. The Crawley players are complaining bitterly for a foul in the six-yard box when the ball came over, but nothing is doing, and there is reaction from both dug outs and the ref comes over and books both managers.

We make our last substitution with Anderson being replaced by Jack Roles. It is fucking nerve shredding now. In fact, since the first goal of the second half went in there has been a heavy dread feeling rippling through the away support, and to a large extent to the players. Even the scoreboard is feeling it, and it gives up the ghost completely with about six minutes to go. All the confidence and nice passing from the first half has gone. It is like a demented game of hungry hippos or something. There is no composure, and the ball is getting hooved up in the air at every missed opportunity.

The board goes up to say there are five added minutes at the end of the game. And a minute in there is a stunning save from Wollacott. But we just can’t get the ball out of our own half. There is another attack down the right, and it goes into the box, and another beautifully executed curling shot beats Wollacott again and goes into the top corner and it is all square at 4-4.

For the first time in about quarter of an hour we have a couple of half hearted attempts at an attack, but it is hearts in mouth time when Exeter get the ball back, and it is somewhat of a relief when the final whistle goes with the scores still level and we finish with a point for a 4-4 draw. Seriously not a line I could have imagined writing during that euphoric half time period.

The crowd was announced as being 6,805 with there being 210 hardy away fans. 210 people who couldn’t believe just what the hell they had seen in the second half. I’m sure there will be the usual negativity towards the manager and the substitutions, but with the illnesses and recovery from injuries they were needed. But you have to wonder what the hell they were doing having all the bromine in their half time cuppas. Before the game if you had offered me a point in a tricky away game such as this, I would have snatched your hand off, but only having a point at the end of the game after being 4-1 up at half time makes it seem like a loss instead.

The point keeps us in the relegation places. Above us, Northampton Town got a point, and Bristol Rovers lost 3-0, so both sit two points above us on the same goal difference as us, and we have a game in hand on Northampton. Cambridge United lost, Shrewsbury Town drew (against Northampton), and Burton Albion lost.

It is another three days before our next game, a home encounter on New Year’s Day against Charlton Athletic, who we beat at The Valley at the beginning of the month in one of our best performances of the season. Since then, we haven’t won, and they can’t stop winning. We really need the same performance and result next time out.

Come on you reds.

Down Under

Nothing like a bad tenuous link to get a title for a piece. And so, it is Men At Work’s 1983 number one single. Seeing as the band were Australian, the song was about being Australian, and Leyton Orient play at Brisbane Road, with Brisbane being an Australian city, so that’s enough of a link for me. But let’s hope that the fact it’s from the ‘Business As Usual’ album isn’t a commentary on the result today and what it means for the rest of the season.

My last piece got a few more views and reads than usual. In fact, six times as many as normal as one of the Birmingham City fans posted it on their Small Heath Alliance forum. A brief summary of comments would say I’m a miserable, sad, old, fat, bitter, red spectacle wearing, angry prick, with a shit coat. So, much better feedback than usual, and all good for the stats. Also, it needs pointing out, they don’t know the difference between cards and stickers.

I did however miss mentioning something I wrote in my notebook during the match, that somehow we had made six substitutions. I had to look up whether this was possible, and it turns out that there can be an additional one made to the standard five subs allowed if there is a concussion substitution allowed. So, I assume it must have been the reason for Ade’s substitution, which I didn’t know at the time. I was worried we’d made a mistake, and it would come back to bite us.

Anyway, hot on the heels of the valiant, if somewhat predictable defeat on Monday night and just over sixty-two hours after the final whistle in the 1-0 loss to Birmingham City we have the only early kick off in the division with a 1pm visit to Leyton Orient.

One of the abiding memories of my first season supporting Crawley, is the last home game of the season playing Leyton Orient, when we were trailing 1-0 late in the game, a shot crashed against the underside of the bar, bounced down two feet over the line and then bounced out again. We were all celebrating the equaliser, as were half the players before they realised the goal hadn’t been given, and that Leyton Orient were breaking, a pass to a player ten yards offside, and not seen by the final member of the officiating crew of Stevie Wonder, Helen Keller, and Chris McCausland, and the move was finished off for a final score of 2-0 to Leyton Orient. The media team at the time did include the phantom non-goal in their goal of the season compilation. In a quirk of the fixture computer, we played them in our first home game of the following season, and lost that too, this time 1-0.

But overall, we have played them seventeen times in the league, winning ten, drawing one, and losing six, with a record of five wins and four losses at Brisbane Road. And there is one loss in the football league trophy three years ago.

Leyton Orient are the fourth side we’ve played this season to have registered just a single season in the top-flight in their history (after Swindon Town, Barnsley, and Northampton Town). We won’t be playing the fifth of the league sides to achieve this, as we are out of all cup competitions, and Carlisle United are in League 2. The only other team to achieve it are Glossop North End who currently sit at level nine in the North West Counties Football League Premier Division. So, no matter how bad we end up this season it would still be a long time before we might end up playing them.

I did manage to dig out a Topps Card from the last of the seasons they did the standard sized cards when they were in Division Two and had just signed Ian Moores from Tottenham Hotspur. Only back then they were just Orient, and part of the question of which three sides begin with the letter O. Since then, they’ve retaken the Leyton part of their name, and with Oldham Athletic no longer in the league, it only leaves Oxford United as an answer nowadays.

We go into the game in the relegation places, and start six points and six places behind today’s opponents, who have won ten of the last twelve points available to them, so it may not be the best time to play them, especially when they’ve had over two days more to recover since their last game.

For the second time this season it is the supporters coach to the game for me, this time Helen is also going, and for a festive escape from the house we are also bringing her son Nathan.

We get off the coach and I nip into Coronation Gardens to see the statue there to Laurie Cunningham, who started his career at Orient. Besides the statue, there is a blue plaque on the east stand of the ground, apartments named after him to the northwest corner, and other mentions in the ground.

With plenty of time before kick-off we were looking at getting a pre match drink / coffee, and were heading to the pub we’d passed on the coach, in the impressive looking, former Leyton Town Hall building, only to bump into Matt the drummer, who told us not to bother as it no longer allowed away fans in. Neither did the Coach and Horses, and so had to trek for a bit to find somewhere that did allow away fans.

Back at the ground they have other plaques up as well in various spots, to the history of the club and its players, which I always find interesting.

The away fans guide on the club website mentioned the club shop and that they had mementos of the visit to the club, such as pens and magnets, only for it to have neither. They do have programmes though. It is a decent enough one, and at sixty pages it was twenty less than Peterborough, but they still had a dozen more pages of proper content, instead of it being an ad-fest. The only thing letting it down is not including some of the players in our match day squad, as they missed out starter Tyreese John-Jules from the list both inside and on the back cover.

Leyton Orient were in an all-red kit apart from two thin vertical stripes down the front of their shirts, whilst we were in out all white/grey away kit.

They make an early break from their own half, with pace down the right wing, and force a good early save out of JoJo Wollacott, which is a bit worrying getting opened up so easily so early on.

But we settle down a bit, get a bit of pressure down the other end and force a corner. It is half cleared to Jeremy Kelly and his attempt to chip it back over the keeper doesn’t have enough on it and it is easily collected, but it is a shot on target early on. Almost straight away we attack again, down the left and Rushian Hepburn-Murphy cuts inside and into the box and curls a shot goalwards which is well saved by the LO keeper.

Both sides have plenty of the ball going back and forth, but a long punt up field from LO sees the ball come down in our box and a shot which is blocked and scrambled away. We attack and win a throw on the right side near the corner flag. Charlie Barker goes over to take a long throw; it is half cleared and then pumped back into the box and falls to Will Swan about five yards out, but his shot is saved at close quarters.

There are attacks at either end, crosses going into the boxes, but no one is getting on the end of them. LO break and Wollacott comes out of the box and tackles their striker, winning the ball, only for it to be given as a foul and a free kick to LO, and a booking for Wollacott. The free kick hits the wall, as does the effort from the rebound before we clear it.

RHM is causing their right back issues, and we win a free kick down the left-hand side near their penalty area as he is pulled back. Jack Roles takes and curls it just over the bar.

Only for us to be undone by pace down the wings again. The LO left winger beats the defenders and puts a low cross into the edge of the six-yard box and a striker is on hand to fire the ball between Wollacott’s legs and into the net and we trail 0-1.

We are trying to attack, only for there to be a misplaced pass on the edge of their penalty area, they break and only a heavy touch from the right winger sees the ball run far enough far Wollacott to collect. This time we break quickly and win a corner, only for us to concede a free kick for a foul on the keeper as the ball comes in. An attempted cross from Bradley Ibrahim goes all the way up on top of the south stand and bounces into the gutter behind it not to be seen again for the only ball loss of the day.

There are two added minutes at the end of the half. Enough time for Roles to pick up a needless booking for pushing one of their players over near the corner flag. The resulting free kick is headed clear for a corner. That corner is headed for another, but the half time whistle goes, and we traipse off trailing 0-1.

Hope for a better second half goes out of the window, and far, far away as the LO number twelve surges down the left from his own half, evading lunging challenges on his way, before fizzing it across the edge of the six-yard box. It evades the striker in the middle of the box, but the right winger following up on the far side slams it in from the back post area and we trail 2-0. And Kelly picks up a booking for the attempted hack in midfield which was easily hurdled.

Not much after that there is a simple LO free kick into the box. Dion Conroy attempts to control and clear the ball, only for him to slam the attempted clearance straight at the nearby LO player and see it bounce into the net, and it is very quickly 0-3.

And the substitutions start for us. Roles and RHM go off to be replaced by Panutche Camara and Armando Junior Quitirna. Nothing changes however. LO have a free kick twenty-five yards out not far right of centre. It is fired in and skims of the join of post and bar and goes over.

The LO fans start to chant taunts, but the gallows humour of our own fans take them and run with them, and there are a few minutes of alternating chants of, “We’re fucking shit”, “We’ve got the ball, “ “We’ve lost the ball”, “We’re going down”, It’s only 3-0, It’s only 3-0, how shit must you be, it’s only 3-0”. That five-minute spell does see laughter, applause, and an ovation for us from some of the home fans.

But on the pitch is still dire. We give away a corner with a misplaced pass under no pressure at all. That comes in and is cleared off the line. Another shot comes in which Wollacott saves, it comes back again, bounces around the six-yard box for a bit before a shot is poked wide, and somehow the score stays at 0-3. Kelly is replaced (as he’s on a booking anyway) and Benjamin Tanimu comes on in his place. But he can’t deal with the pace down the left wing either.

There is another free kick on the wing, and it leads to another LO shot, this one goes over the bar. Followed by something similar, only the shot from this one is blocked and cleared. There is some respite as Tanimu is taken out near our penalty area, and the LO player picks up a booking for it. We have an attack, Camara crosses, and Max Anderson has a shot deflected for a corner. Which comes to nothing.

As LO make some subs, Camara gets into it with a couple of their players, having a go at one leaving the pitch by going all the way across the pitch from being stood on the near touchline instead of going around. Then he has a shoving match with another of the LO players and they both get booked. From there on every time Camara touches the ball the LO fans boo him. They weren’t doing a lot of booing.

We make our final two substitutions with TJJ and Conroy going off to be replaced by Tola Showumni and Joy Mukena. And another LO attack follows, with a shot just wide, and from the restart we give it straight back to them. It is poor stuff.

There are six added minutes, just to prolong the agony for us, I’m sure LO would be happy playing all day. Their number twelve flies down the left again and gets a cross in. the shot is saved, and the loose ball is cleared off the line. The final whistle goes to put us out of our misery with a 0-3 loss.

As the players come across to applaud the fans, one of the fans is having an utter meltdown at manager Rob Eliott. That kind of abuse is not helpful to anyone, as it can be seen the players are trying for him, and a number of them like him as they were dragging him away to protect him from more abuse. Similarly, the chants during the match at the players of ‘you’re not fit to wear the shirt’ aren’t useful. The players are trying, and it is like we forget we are in a higher league, without most of the team who got us there. We have a squad where so many players are coming back from injuries or illness, and we have been done over by FSS and the EFL with the schedule.

It is fine to be disappointed or upset with the results or the overall performance, but abuse of the players or manager is going over the top. Especially as some have a pre sharpened axe to grind, or their own agenda, that it doesn’t matter what the manager does there are people on his back. ‘Too many subs’, ‘not enough subs’, ‘subs too early’, ‘subs too late’, ‘wrong players subbed’ (which as we don’t know what injuries and illnesses players are carrying is just stupid). He can’t win. As if we weren’t on a terrible run with our supposed best players all available before Scott jumped ship.

The crowd was announced as being 8,195 with 419 Crawley fans in attendance. The result sees us stay in the relegation places, Shrewsbury beneath us won but are still four points behind us. The six teams above us in the table now all lost as well, and we are still two points from safety.

And we do it all again in three days’ time, this time away in Devon playing Exeter City, which will be a weekend away for me. Let’s hope the team can pick themselves up from today, make the long journey and bring something back on Sunday. Come on you reds.

Loadsamoney (Doin’ Up The House)

I was going to go for Abba’s 1976 number three hit ‘Money, Money, Money’ as the title for today’s report, but then thought of this 1988 Harry Enfield number four hit as it sampled Abba’s song, to refer to our opponent’s financial state. And once it came to mind it has stayed there all week. So much so that I ended up writing a separate piece just on that song.

After the rollercoaster, amazing, but ultimately disappointing defensively error prone 4-3 loss away at Peterborough United last weekend, we play nine days later on Monday night football against the real moneybags of League One – Birmingham City, in what is a clash of the biggest budget in League One against the smallest budget – us.

With it being Christmas in less than twenty-five hours (by the time I publish this anyway) it would be nice if the moneybags could afford to give us a generous Christmas present. Three points preferably.

Growing up in Leicester in a family who didn’t own a car, a lot of trips to anywhere involved changing trains at Birmingham New Street station. Which is where the demons of the underworld will break through to our plain when the world comes to an end. Specifically, on platform nine of the stinking cess pit of a station.

You might be able to tell, I’m not a fan of Birmingham. On anything from there. The city, the station, their teams, or their really stupid sounding accent. A housemate from my time in Manchester accused me of having a Brummie accent. I have never been as insulted in my life. (And there have been a shit load of insults thrown in my direction over the years.)

For some reason Topps cards loved Birmingham City in the mid to late seventies, over the five years of them issuing the standard size trading cards, they only issued more cards for Liverpool, Manchester United, and Leeds United. And for the 1977-78 season they had the most cards of any team. That was the first season I really bought cards when they were first out. And they used to share colour schemes across two or three teams, and it seemed every pack I bought had a Birmingham City card in it, you’d have a brief hope it might be a Manchester United or Millwall player when you saw the colour, but no, it was Birmingham City, and a ridiculous amount of times it was John Connolly.  But I’ve gone back to my favoured 1976-77 series for a couple of cards, Howard Kendall, and the team leader one they did that year.

We are playing at 8pm on a Monday night because, as we haven’t already got enough games crammed together in the holiday period, fuck Sky Sports have chosen this game to move two days later than originally scheduled so that the games are even more crammed in for us, and with the Boxing Day game having been moved forward a couple of hours to a 1pm kick off they have royally screwed us over.

Birmingham have sold over 1900 tickets for the game in what promises to be a packed away end, and block B in the east marquee sold out suspiciously quickly as well, with the game being a sell out more than two days before the kick off.

There was one of those stupid social media rumours saying that Birmingham had agreed a £150k deal to sign Ronan Darcy in the transfer window. But the account leading the rumour is renowned for being a fantasist, and it is likely it’s just a deliberate attempt to unsettle us. (It was something apparently FSS were talking about before the game as well.)

This is our first ever league game against them and we have only played Birmingham City once before, back in the first round of the League Cup in 2017 when we took a bit of a tonking at St Andrews, losing 5-1.

Helen has applied to be a Devil’s Advocate. The link on the website wasn’t working so she sent in an e-mail with a CV attached for it. Only for Ben Levin to e-mail back and apologise that the link wasn’t working, but it was fixed now, and could she use the link to apply now. She has but hasn’t heard back yet.

There were a mixed bag of results on Saturday, with most teams around us not doing too well, but Wrexham managed to allow Bristol Rovers a late equaliser for a point, Barnsley (who I think were the best team we’ve played so far), managed to loss 4-0 to Leyton Orient at home, but Northampton Town did take a 5-0 beating at home to Charlton Athletic, and Cambridge United lost. We therefore go into the game in the relegation places two points off safety, but a win would jump us up two places to nineteenth. However, Birmingham City sit in second in the table, two points off the top with this being one of two games they have in hand over Wycombe Wanderers, and so a win for them would take them top.

Even with it being a later evening start than usual it was still not my usual hour before kick off getting to the ground. We were carrying bags of stuff for the Open House collection, clothing, and toiletries, and although we found one of the lorries to drop them off at, it wasn’t manned, so hopefully they will get the stuff. The TV trucks were taking up lots of room in the car park, and so there wasn’t much room for the away fan coaches, it looked as if they were dropping them off and going to find somewhere else to park. There were long queues to get in half an hour before the scheduled kick off, only for that kick off to be delayed by quarter of an hour due to there being a serious medical incident in the crowd.

There were lots of Santa hats and Christmas jumpers in evidence, but as I’m still in full on grinch mode the only nod to it being a Christmas fixture was wearing the new white coat so that I looked like a bad East 17 tribute act who had gone to seed. Although at least I haven’t run myself over with my own car. Yet.

Birmingham City are in their traditional kit of blue shirt and socks and white shorts, but for some reason their shirt sponsors appear to be a badly drawn five bar gate. Let’s hope they aren’t able to get up to that number today. And we are in our all-red kit.

A minute into the game and JoJo Wollacott hoofs a clearance out over the east marquee, for possibly the earliest ball loss at a game I’ve seen, but it did end up being the only one of the game. From the throw Birmingham win a corner, but we clear it.

There is lots of back and forth in the first ten minutes, but there is one obvious note to make, and that is the continuing absolute lack of anything nearing protection for Tola Showumni. I swear, if someone brought a knife on and stabbed him, there still wouldn’t be a free kick. He makes a challenge, and the ref can’t blow his whistle quick enough to give a foul against him, but continued, sustained pushing, and shirt tugging is just ignored. It is as if the EFL has told the refs at all our games it is open season on him. It’s beyond a fucking joke.

Quarter of an hour in and we win our first corner, which sails across and is easily collected by their keeper.

Am I seeing things, but it appears a free kick has been given for a foul on Showumni. There again it is difficult to ignore something as blatant as a push in the chest, with no attempt to even look where the ball was. It should have been a booking. We are having a bit of pressure, and getting balls into the box, but aren’t quite getting that final ball right to be able to get a shot off.

Only for Birmingham to have a quick break and win a corner. It is headed clear, but only as far as a Birmingham player and their shot is well saved by Wollacott. As we clear it, Ade Adeyemo is down off the ball in our own half and gets treatment. They bring the stretcher on for him, but he just about manages to make it off the pitch under his own steam and is replaced by Ronan Darcy.

Birmingham get a dubious corner with Harry Forster clearly not happy about the decision. They force another save from Wollacott, for another corner. We break down the right, and Will Swan plays the ball into Showumni in the box, and the Birmingham defender is trying to swap shirts with him, that’s how much he is being pulled back. We get a corner, but again, fouls on Showumni obviously don’t count as that should have been a penalty. The corner is taken back up the line and a cross is swung into the box, and headed on, and there is a header which goes wide, only for the flag to go up for offside anyway.

The £20million man gets stroppy at not winning a throw, and has a right old rant at the ref, and when it still doesn’t go his way, punches the ball away. Where the fuck is the booking for that, or does paying £20million for a player mean they are immune from picking up bookings for dissent?

There are five added minutes at the end of the first half. Darcy beats a player on the left wing and is hacked down near the edge of the box, and finally a Birmingham player gets a deserved booking. Which should have been a second one as it is the same tosser who pushed Showumni earlier in the half. The free kick is headed clear, and put back in, headed clear again, and put in for the third time, but the offside flag is up again. And the half time whistle goes with the scores level at 0-0.

The second half starts with us pressing well, keeping Birmingham pinned back, and then they break and get a shot which is only just over the bar. They have a bit of pressure themselves, a free kick on the right is played into the box, there are a couple of scrambles in and around the six-yard box, but they are both cleared.

Obviously tired of being pulled from pillar to post with no reward, Showumni is replaced by Tyreese John-Jules. We do some attacking. Getting crosses into the box three times in quick succession, only for them to be cleared without any shot being made before there is an offside flag up again.

Wollacott is down and receiving treatment for a couple of minutes before continuing. Birmingham win a free kick near the left corner flag, but we head it clear. There is a coming together in midfield with a Birmingham player and Harry Forster down. When they both get up, unsurprisingly, despite the chants of ‘off, off, off’ from the west stand, the free kick goes to Birmingham.

We have some decent, patient possession, a ball is played to Jeremy Kelly in midfield, and he plays a defence splitting pass through to Darcy on the left wing, he cuts into the box, only for his shot to be deflected wide for a corner, which is easily cleared. Another attack follows, and the cross is blocked, and comes back to Panutche Camara, who crosses it again, only for it to go straight out for a goal kick.

It is his last action as he and Max Anderson are subbed, with Bradley Ibrahim and Rushian Hepburn-Murphy coming on to replace them. There is another stoppage as returning captain Dion Conroy is down injured. He is helped off and replaced by Jack Roles, and Forster is replaced by the returning Armando Junior Quitirna.

There is reshuffling being done and Birmingham break down the right, and their playacting winger shows pace to get past Charlie Barker and get a cross into the box where the £20million man heads past Wollacott and we trail 0-1.

TJJ picks up a booking for hacking down their left wing back, who hadn’t been on the pitch long, but was showing to be a pacy bastard down that side. The free kick comes in and is headed out as far as a Birmingham player and their shot is over the bar.

We break and the ball is played to RHM down the left, he cuts into the box and attempts a shot, but it is well wide. There is decent work down the right between AJQ and TJJ and a shot is blocked on the edge of the area and comes out to Barker and his shot from about twenty-five yards is just over the bar.

The board goes up to say there are six added minutes, which still seems a bit light with the number of stoppages, and substitutions. We do get an attack in, down the right, the ball is played long and kept in well at the back post, it is played to Darcy, and his shot just misses the angle and goes wide.

Birmingham play the added time out and the final whistle goes for the game, and it is a disappointing 0-1 loss. It doesn’t see us move at all in the table, we stay in the relegation places, but with the game in hand we had now wiped out. Birmingham, meanwhile, go top of the table with their three points. One of their sarky fans on the way out comes up to me and half shouts ‘thanks for the three points’ and scuttles off towards their coach. Not sure what they expect when they have signed a player for over twenty times the cost of our entire squad. We weren’t outclassed, and with a stronger ref could have had a penalty and been playing against ten men for the second half.

The crowd was announced as being 5,530 with there being 1,476 away fans (not the 1,900 suggested pre-game). Even with it being a sell out, there were still a fair few empty seats around us in the east marquee. I hope the guy who sits a couple of rows back and a few seats across gets those throat lozenges for Christmas as his throat must be red raw from the constant, but amusing, barracking he gives the officials and opposing players.

We don’t have long before our next game, away at Leyton Orient on Boxing Day, less than sixty-two hours as I publish this. Roll on the coach trip.

Come on you reds.

Nincompoop

There is no logical reason for this 1969 Desmond Dekker & The Aces number off their Israelites album. I was looking at a copy of the album in HMV yesterday and saw this was one of the tracks, and just thought it is such a wonderful name to call people, that it really needs using more often. So, I’m going to start with it here. I’m sure it could be applied to many on the forum as well. I was briefly swayed to going for some 808 State based on the time of the train I caught this morning, “In Yer Face” would have been good if we won.

Somewhat cold on the heels of an excellent away win at Charlton Athletic last Tuesday night, it is back to action today with the visit to Peterborough United. It feels even longer than the eleven days it has been, as we should have had a home game against Stevenage last Saturday which Storm Darragh put paid to, much to some nincompoops displeasure. Granted it wasn’t as bad as some other parts of the country, but there were trees down on the main road near the ground that morning, and plenty of other trees down across roads elsewhere in Crawley all day. With the marquee nature of the east stand, and the fan zone, it was felt best to postpone. It may have hit the momentum a bit, but also allows a respite to try and get some of our overly long injury list of players fit again.

With the win on last Tuesday night taking us up one place to nineteenth, it felt a bit flat, but other results saw the table above us concertina. Only with us not playing last weekend it saw both Leyton Orient and Northampton Town win and jump above us in the table, and put us back in the relegation places, the latter doing so on Monday night against today’s opponents. Only five points separate us from tenth in the league (although our poor goal difference effectively makes us another point behind). A win today would jump us above Peterborough as although they are six places above us in fifteenth, they are only two points ahead. And they are one of the few sides with a worse defensive record than we have.

I saw something which said they hadn’t kept a clean sheet for twenty-four games (all their games in all competitions this season). As far as I can tell, they haven’t kept one for the last twenty-two league games, going back to last season, but have kept one against Stevenage in the BSM Trophy this season.

It is my third visit to Peterborough this year. The first attempt saw our January quarter final game in the BSM trophy get postponed due to a frozen pitch as we sat on the Charters bar on the river with less than two hours to go before the game. I made the return trip when it was replayed, and I’m here again, on a nice and early train so I can get some sightseeing done. I was thinking about getting on the tower tour of the cathedral, only for this to be the only weekend they aren’t doing them. I was going to try to get a proper aerial shot of the ground from the top of the cathedral instead of the accidental one I got a few years ago when I did the tower tour previously.

We did lose that BSM game earlier this year and have lost in our only other cup visit here in the League Cup, but in the league, we have a win and a loss at London Road (and the same record at home).

Peterborough’s manager is Darren Ferguson, son of Sir Alex, and who seems to be on a bungy rope attached to the club, as he is in his fourth spell as manager here. Perhaps he is forever entwined with Peterborough’s other serial returner, Barry Fry, almost as if they are the modern-day footballing equivalent of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. He featured on a Topps card, but not as a player, it was as Peterborough manager in his second spell back in 2013.

Outside of that, A&BC had a few Peterborough players in the mid-sixties after they joined the league in 1960 and made quick progress to division two. From 1964-65 is Roy Horobin. If it had been ten years later that image might have been soundtracked by ‘everybody was kung-fu footballing’.

With the game being off last Saturday it threw ticket purchasing plans out a bit, so it required a trip to the club shop on Monday to get a ticket for today, and tickets for Leyton Orient. It also meant I could pick up the latest issue of Reds magazine, which has a couple of decent interviews with Charlie Barker and Max Anderson in, and a nice retro reds piece from Mick Fox. The shop also had a glut of Christmas t-shirts and jumpers, which as I’m the satanic bastard spawn of Scrooge and the Grinch, and for clarity’s sake, that is the pre ghost visits Scrooge, I didn’t buy.

The train journey up to Peterborough went through Stevenage, who we should have been playing last week. I was surprised to see they had set up one of those big wheels you see pop up in big cities and despite my fear of heights I’ve been dragged onto in places like Manchester, Birmingham, Budapest, Copenhagen, and others. You know, places with things to see from the top. So, fuck knows why there’s one set up in Stevenage town centre. Unless there’s an industrial estate appreciation society convention in town. Nincompoops.

Apparently, David Pleat was in their club shop for a couple of hours earlier doing a book signing. I hadn’t realised he’d had anything to do with Peterborough, but he played for them in the 1970-71 season. I remember him from my Tottenham supporting days and the free scoring 1986-87 team when he managed them to their only FA Cup final loss, against Coventry City. He left later that year due to “personal circumstances” and rocked up in Leicester where I lived, and those “personal circumstances” were quickly turned into a joke punchline. ‘How can you tell a prostitute in Highfields (Leicester’s red-light district)? They have a pleat in their skirt.’

Speaking of their club shop, I thought it was impressive when here back in January, but they’ve moved it into a bigger space and it’s even better now.

Got a programme. It’s a hefty affair of eighty pages, but it is an advert fest and only about a quarter of it is actual content.

I Swerved getting a pie at the ground in fear of it being as radioactively hot as the one at Charlton last Tuesday. Even now the roof of my mouth still hasn’t fully recovered.

I could have done with a cap pregame with the bright sunshine, but it had retreated behind the west stand by the time kick off arrived. There is great noisy support well before kick-off, and sorry Matt, the away drummer is better than you.

And there are a whole series of new stickers on any available surface before kick-off.

The stands have some proper old school wooden flip down seatage going on.

The teams line up with Peterborough in all blue and us in all red, as if we’re going to start an old school game of table football.

We start well, with good possession and pressure, but struggle with that final telling ball to get a shooting opportunity. And it’s nearly ten minutes before Peterborough have their first proper attack and they win a corner. It’s half cleared, fired back in, JoJo Wollacott saves, and some pinball breaks out in the six-yard box before the ball is cleared off the line and away up the right where Ronan Darcy picks up a booking for a clash in midfield.

Peterborough win another corner and the shot flies over the tall, empty south stand for the only ball loss of the day. Another corner soon follows, we clear and Darcy crosses from the right and Tola Showumni’s shot is blocked on the edge of the area. We go down the left and Ade Adeyemo cuts into the box, wrongfoots a couple of defenders before his shot is blocked. It falls to Panutche Camara, and his shot is over the bar.

There is a long clearance, and Toby Mullarkey fails to deal with the ball or the attacker, Joy Mukena makes a hash of an attempted headed back to Wollacott, leaving it short, the attacker rounds Wollacott and slides it in past the despairing lunge from Charlie Barker to score and it’s 0-1.

We attack and have a shot blocked on the edge of the area, Peterborough break and their right winger cuts inside, across the box, past three statues and slots it into the corner and in true Tommy Cooper style, just like that, we are down 0-2.

It could have been worse. Camara is fouled in their half, but nothing is given, they break quickly again, and force a save from Wollacott. It’s followed by another Peterborough corner and another shot over the bar. Mukena picks up a yellow card for a mistimed lunge trying to stop their flying right winger.

We break from the free kick down the right, but Darcy’s ball is too strong for Showumni to get on the end of. A minute later another Darcy cross goes deep and it’s Peterborough’s turn to make a hash of things, and Adeyemo slams it in to pull one back and it’s 1-2.

And again, Peterborough give the ball away in the box, this time to Showumni but his shot is blocked. We go back down the right and win our first corner. Put into box and headed clear for another one, only for that to be too long and go out for a goal kick.

A left-wing attack sees a deep cross from Camara and Darcy has his shot saved. We keep the pressure on and a ball into the box sees Showumni tangle with a defender and them both go to the ground and a free kick for Peterborough. Two minutes of added time are played before the half time whistle goes with us trailing 1-2.

The promising end to the first half is deflated on Peterborough’s first attack of the second half. There is a long cross right to left, it’s played into the six-yard box, and two Peterborough players have unchallenged touches before ignored is turned in and we trail 1-3.

But we pick up the pace quickly. Adeyemo goes down the left and his cross is deflected for a corner. The cross bounces around in the six yard before their keeper saves it. Peterborough attack, have a shot blocked and the follow up goes wide. Adeyemo down the left again and his cross is put behind for another corner.

We rob Peterborough in midfield and the ball is fed to Will Swan on the edge of the area, he goes past a defender and slots it in the corner, and it is back to 2-3.

A throw in front of the away support on the left gets played over to the right and Darcy floats a cross over the keeper and Showumni is on hand to poke in from an inch out and we are level 3-3. What a fucking game this is.

Adeyemo again down the left, cuts inside and has a shot from twenty-five yards out which the keeper saves on the second attempt. We go back down the right, and it’s crossed to Swan who has two shots blocked. Only for Peterborough to break with speed again, two passes and slotted in for us to trail again 3-4.

We’re back on it again, Adeyemo down the left, cross blocked for a corner. Cleared for another which is played short before the cross in is collected by the keeper. And it’s time for the substitutions to start. Darcy, Showumni, and Swan are off and replaced by Harry Forster, Tyreese John-Jules, and Rushian Hepburn-Murphy.

Forster is straight into the action and crosses from the right, Adeyemo’s shot ix spilled by the keeper, who just beats RHM to the ball and stays down “injured”. Once we restart, it’s Adeyemo down the left, (and please stop me if you’ve heard this before) and his cross is put behind for a corner.

Camara is the next to be subbed being replaced by Jack Roles. There is a bit of a lull in proceedings, some back and forth. Peterborough win a corner and we make our final substitution with Max Anderson being replaced by Bradley Ibrahim before the corner is headed clear. A Wollacott clearance is flicked on by Adeyemo to Roles who feeds it to RHM who beats a defender and gets into the box and shoots, but it is inches past the far post.

Peterborough attack and Wollacott makes a save for a corner. Roles smacks a clearance in the face of a Peterborough player, it rebounds to RHM who is off only for the ref to blow for a stoppage for a potential head injury. And then to start with a drop ball giving it to Peterborough on the edge of our area despite us being in possession twenty yards up the pitch when he blew his whistle. Absolute nincompoop.

There are five added minutes, which is a total piss take. Four goals, nine subs, two “injuries” and blatant time wasting. Ten would have been more appropriate. Not that the ref would have allowed us to score anyway. Forster is hacked down in full flight only for nothing to be given, as if it were Stevie Wonder reffing. That was a nailed on yellow card and free kick. Absolute fucking nincompoop.

And the final whistle goes, and it is a disappointing 3-4 loss. Another where defensive lapses have cost us. If we could attack with the kind of pace Peterborough showed we’d be unstoppable. We have shown we can score, but the defending is still our Achilles heel. That is the fourth time this season (in all competitions) where we have scored three and lost. The away support were immense all game, a wall of noise, so much so, that if the crowd was announced over the piss-poor tannoy system, then it was drowned out.

The result leaves us in the relegation zone now two points behind Bristol Rovers and Northampton Town, yet only six points behind eleventh place. It is tight.

Outside the ground a random Peterborough fan came up to me and shook my hand and wished us the best of luck for the rest of the season. And walking back to the city centre I was in amongst the Peterborough fans and all any of the weirdos were talking about was next year’s impending visit of Birmingham City. Not one was talking about today’s game.

There was time to get a very tasty post-match curry in at 1498 The Spice Affair,

And some night photos of the cathedral before the seemingly long train journey back to Crawley.

There are nine days until our next game, one rearranged by FSS against the aforementioned Birmingham City side now in the automatic promotion places in a game pitching the league’s biggest budget against the smallest. But as we know, anything can happen.

Come on you reds.

Into The Valley

Yes, I know it’s a very obvious title, using The Skids’ 1979 top ten hit for a game played at The Valley, and when the home team use it as a theme song (along with Dunfermline Athletic where The Skids came from). I was thinking about using something from The Who, in reference to their concert at The Valley back in 1976 which is in the Guinness Book of Records as being the loudest rock concert ever; but I’ve already used a Who song this season, and I vowed to myself not to use more than one song title per artist across the season. Mainly to prevent myself from using thirty Jam songs. I could have used a more oblique reference and had a Big Country song (“Wonderland” or “Look Away” depending on the result) instead, as a nod to Stuart Adamson, co-writer of “Into The Valley”, who left The Skids to form Big Country. But instead, I’ve gone for the lowest common denominator and obvious choice. And I noticed a bit later than I should what the name of the Charlton manager is. That would have been an even lower common denominator song title to use, or perhaps I could have gone for something else from The Supremes.

The Valley is a lot bigger than the Broadfield, but back in the day it used to be mahoosive, and they managed a crowd of over 75,000 back in the 1930s for a FA Cup tie, one of only eight clubs to get over the 75k mark for a domestic game at their home ground. Although it was nearly lost completely under a disastrous spell in the 1980s which saw Charlton ground sharing with Crystal Palace and West Ham before it was reopened in 1992.

Oh yes, today’s opponents are Charlton Athletic, another of the contingent of former Premier League clubs we line up to play this season.

Although not being in the top flight in the seventies, there were one or two players picked up in the Topps cards each year during the period. There were two from my favourite 1976 set, Colin Powell, and Mike Flanagan. The latter being best known for being sent off, along with teammate Derek Hales, for fighting each other, in a 1979 FA Cup tie against Maidstone.

This is our first league outing against them, but we have met four times in the various guises of the Football League Trophy, winning two and losing two, and it being one win and one (pretty heavy) loss at the Valley.

We go into the game eight places behind Charlton, but only six points, with them in indifferent form in the league, but probably buoyed by an easy 4-0 win away from home in the FA Cup on Saturday. We had a different outcome ourselves, but we are down to absolute bare bones with injuries, and for tonight’s game, suspensions, and if people leaving their mics on whilst doing commentary are to be believed, discipline issues, but whoever is out on the pitch they are giving it their all; regardless of what some absolute Clangers are spouting on the forums.

The Clangers moan about our manager, and Rob Elliot is returning to the club he supported as a child, and whom he played for between 2004 and 2011. And squad members JoJo Wollacott, Charlie Barker, Panutche Camara, and Armando Junior Quitirna have all played for Charlton previously, with three of them likely to play some part this evening.

It’s a Tuesday night away game, which is an unusual venture out for me, but I’ve sloped off from work an hour early and have come up on the coach, which is always easier for both evening games and games in London. Sat next to Sooty on the coach and at the game and had a good chat about a variety of things.

It is my first trip to The Valley. There is a programme, which Sooty had flagged up on the forum at the weekend, so scuttled quickly to get one of them,

and had a wander around taking pictures and a poke in their club shop. I can’t help myself. I need to find or create some more metal surfaces in the house to be able to deal with even more fridge magnets, this one is quite large. (And we still need some for Crawley.)

On the whole the programme is decent, eighty pages and some good articles in there, but there are only two pages on us in there, one of which is a nice piece from Steve Herbert, and the other managed to fail the proof reading test as I’m fairly sure we haven’t changed our nickname from The Reds to The Res.

In a rarity for me I got food at the ground and was happy to see Pukka Pies, always a good reminder of my home city of Leicester. And it wasn’t lukewarm in the slightest, if anything I think there might be a volcano somewhere which is missing its lava. I have one less layer of skin on the inside of my mouth.

The teams come out onto the pitch for the pre-game line up and there comes the unwanted addition of a red smoke flare thrown onto the pitch from our support. The Clangers aren’t only on the forum.

Charlton were in their traditional home kit of red shirts and socks and white socks (and almost a full set of players in yellow boots), and we were in out great looking blue third kit.

We start reasonably well, and an early attack gets the ball out to Ronan Darcy on the right wing, but his cross is a bit long and drifts out for a goal kick. There isn’t a lot happening early on, Charlton get a couple of shots away, one is wide, and the other is more of a pass back to JoJo Wollacott. Then we start having some decent possession. A long clearance from Wollacott bounces in their box, does that count as a shot? It was on target and would have trickled over the line if all their players had dropped down dead.

A Darcy cross flicks off a defender and forces a save from the keeper. We get a free kick in the middle of the attacking half; it is worked wide but the subsequent cross is too long. We haven’t quite managed to nail the correct range for crosses yet, they are either going long or hitting the first man.

It is noticeable that Rob Elliot is quite animated and involved on the touchline, there are a few occasions where players are over getting instructions from him as play is progressing. After one such chat with Darcy there is an attack down the left, the ball goes to Will Swan, and he feeds Tola Showunmi, who cuts inside into the box and curls a beauty of a shot into the top corner, and we lead 1-0.

Which brings a chant from the substantial away support of ‘We’re winning away, we’re winning away, how shit must you be, we’re winning away.’

Charlton have a couple of minutes with a bit of pressure, and get a corner which is punched clear, headed back in, headed clear again, and then they have a shot which fizzes wide. But we settle and are putting decent pressure on their players all over the pitch, forcing them to get rid of the ball quickly and inaccurately and are winning a lot of cheap throw ins from it.

The officials signal for a minute of added time at the end of the half and the half time whistle goes with us leading 1-0 and the Charlton fans booing their players off.

The food and drink outlet is swamped, as they have only bothered opening the one stand by the entrance, the other one inside the ground being closed. And they managed to beat us in the early closing stakes as well, as Sooty went to get something not long into the second half and they had shut up entirely.

It is a quiet start to the second half from both sides, and there is nearly ten minutes gone in the half before we get anything resembling a decent attack going. We attack down the left, get it over to the right and Darcy (who on the whole is being well shepherded by their full back) gets a shot that is well saved. Panutche Camara follows up and his shot is well saved as well, it goes back out to Ade Adeyemo, who nearly manages a swing and a miss with more slice than a branch of Greggs. It falls to another player, but they are relieved of the ball and Charlton manage to clear. That little burst of life from the team wakes the away support up and put them back in fine voice again.

Joy Mukena picks up a yellow card for a challenge on the left side outside the penalty area, which seemed a bit harsh. The cross cum shot from the resulting free kick goes wide.

Play is steady, neither side is creating much, but general play is more controlled from Crawley, and we look almost comfortable, an attack down the left see the play switched and put over to Benjamin Tanimu on the right and he hits a shot from about thirty five yards out which dips somewhat worryingly for the keeper to have to make a good save.

Of course, I no sooner make the above observation in my notebook and Charlton go up the other end. A nothing ball across see Wollacott start to come for the ball, only to stop and find himself in no mans land and the Charlton attacker has an easy job of lobbing the ball over his mis-positioned head and into the net to equalise things at 1-1. Which doesn’t dampen the ongoing noisy support of the away fans, if anything, we get louder.

We make out first substitution with Showunmi coming off to be replaced by Bradley Ibrahim. We attack down the right and Tanimu gets a bit of a shove in the back near the penalty area and goes down over dramatically and the ref waves any claims of a foul away (which might not have been the case if he hadn’t made such a meal of it). It is his last action as he and Darcy are substituted, with Harry Forster and Tyreese John-Jules coming on to replace them.

Another attack sees us work the ball out from the back down the right, and then across to the left, where Adeyemo plays it back towards the right and Jeremy Kelly picks it up thirty yards out and shoots. The keeper saves by pushing it away to the right of the area and Max Anderson (who contrary to some sources pre-game, obviously wasn’t suspended) follows up and slams it in from a tight angle for us to retake the lead 2-1.

Before the restart we make our final two substitutions with Camara and Swan going off to be replaced by Jack Roles and Rushian Hepburn-Murphy. From the restart Charlton get a corner almost straight away, and it comes in and a shot is taken. It is high, wide, and not very handsome.

The board goes up for six added minutes. It isn’t nervy in the slightest. I say with no fingernails left and now holes in the tips of each finger in my gloves. There are a lot of nervous glances up at the clock on the scoreboard and it doesn’t appear to be moving at all. The ninety minutes have flown by, these six minutes are taking about three days.

Rob Elliot picks up a booking as he was down the touchline somewhere past Charlton’s technical area and may well have said something to an official as the ref trots over forty yards to wave the yellow card at him.

Charlton get a corner right at the death, by the time they take it there is about ten seconds left of the six added minutes, and they send their keeper up for it. We clear the box and someone tries a vastly ambitious shot from the edge of our own area which looks like it might not even reach the goal even if it was on target, and as it is retrieved by a scurrying Charlton defender the ref blows the final whistle and we have won 2-1.

Cue lots of happy away fans and scenes from players and the manager reminiscent of the last couple of months of last season. Whilst the Charlton fans booed a bit more and traipsed away unhappy with their team’s performance. Albeit there is no need to be saying they lost to ‘a pub team’, or ‘relegation certainties’ as some of their more classless supporters were saying on the BBC HYS.

Most teams around us got wins as well, so we only went up one place in the league, leapfrogging Northampton Town, to go up to nineteenth. We were eighteenth at the final whistle, but in the later kick-off, Rotherham got a late winner against a Lincoln team who I assume were doing it on purpose and stayed above us. But it is tight. Charlton stayed in twelfth, but they are now only three points ahead of us, so we are only a win away from the top half of the table (granted it would need to be by a lot of goals and everyone else would need to lose).

There was no mention of what the crowd was. It was said we had sold more than 600 tickets, but if there were 8,000 in total at the game then they were fiddling the stats.

It was a happy coach going back to Crawley, and the coach voted Jeremy Kelly as their man of the match (with Max Anderson second and Charlie Barker third). Two wins on the spin, and five games unbeaten in the league now. Let’s keep that going as we go again on Saturday, with a home game against Stevenage.

Come on you reds.

More November Musings

Lloyds Bank are muppets. As it would appear most banks are. I’m the treasurer of the Crawley Writers Circle. We took ages to get a bank account opened, and even when we did, they took ages to get a card to me for me to be able to use the online account facilities. I only got one about four weeks ago. Only for less than a fortnight later then to send a letter to say that from the 15th of January next year, they will no longer be allowing clubs and societies accounts free banking. No, just for holding an account they are going to charge £4.25 per month, and then charge 0.8% fees on any incoming or outgoing transaction. Before the ins and outs that is fifty-one quid a year. For an account that at the end of the CWC’s last accounted year had less than one hundred quid in it, so they want half of the account just for fees. Needless to say we will be looking elsewhere, although the options aren’t massive. Two banks who are open to all, and three who allow clubs and societies accounts, as long as one of the signatories already bank with them. That’s all who don’t charge. That number will probably shrink, so changing accounts may become an annual event.

I had an interesting chat with the doctor at my eye appointment las Friday. It would seem the injections I have been having into my right eyeball are working and the condition in the back of them is improving. All of the eye drops, scans, photos, and general prodding show my right eye is getting better. My left eye meanwhile has got slightly worse. The reasoning behind why that may be the case is surprising. The fact that my blood sugar has been reducing a lot during the year can cause the macular oedema to worsen as the blood vessels adjust to the lower blood sugar before they calm down again. There was a fair bit of fence sitting by the doctor when pressed on whether I should start having injections in my left eye to help that one along. Yes, it would help, but we can’t advise as there are the potential side effects. Yeah, the same ones I’ve already agreed to for the right eye. It took a lot of pointed questions before they would even give a yes or no answer into whether injections would help the left eye. When they finally relented and said it would then I’ve agreed to have the course of injections for the left eye as well. It would appear it would be easier to get blood out of a stone rather than to get a straight answer about helping the blood vessels in the back of my eyes to calm the fuck down.

Whilst in Horsham hospital waiting in the disorganised queue for my appointment, I was looking around and looked at my shoulder bag. Tie fighter are the words in largest print on the bag. And I was thinking it seems a strange thing to have a fight with. What did the tie do to offend you in the first place? Was it the wrong king of knot? Did the bow not bow to your will? Seriously, who fights with inanimate objects? It’s just stupid.

The night before I was at my Horsham writing group (a lot of Horsham visits this month). There was an exercise run getting people to write about Christmas. Which is not a subject I am happy to write about. It would appear that any kind of Christmas spirit I may have had relied on me having copious amounts of spirits at Christmas. Seriously, being drunk was the only way to be able to deal with all the faux jollity. They say it’s a time to spend with your family. Why? You can see those fuckers any time of the year. Don’t let them come over and interrupt a few days of work when you can spend the time relaxing instead of having to put up with all the family bullshit. Being teetotal nowadays I can’t even mainline rum and port to block this shit out. And don’t get me started on the food. What’s the big deal about turkey? It’s like a chicken on steroids only not very tasty and dry as fuck. And I’m not a fan of roasts anyway. Curry for Christmas dinner was one of the high spots of living in Manchester. No need for seventeen different types of vegetable. No sugar anymore means the nice stuff is off the menu for me. No mince pies, no Christmas pudding, so what is the point? Roll on Boxing Day when all the fuckers piss off back to whence they came, and we can go to the football and watch even more stuffing balls.

It would appear there is no such thing as a quick nip into town. Leaving the house just after ten in the morning, and it nearly being five at night when we get back. But on the plus side a lot of the Christmas shopping is done.

Speaking of shopping, does Poundland actually sell anything for a pound anymore? There’s a bloke with a random trolley/table down near Queens Square selling perfume off it. I’m sure there is no possibility that they are knock off perfumes, or that they have been knocked off the back of a lorry.

Whilst out I think a goldfish would do better than me on the memory front. I have little snippets of what I think are great (and often funny) ideas for things to write flash into my head, only for it to disappear into the ether in the couple of minutes before I get to sit down somewhere and whip the notepad out. Perhaps I should go full Alan Partridge and start carrying around a Dictaphone.

Taking the cat to the vets for his monthly arthritis jab, I saw a poster on the wall which said that 1.2 million cats visit a shelter every year. Why do I think that 1.199 million of that number are just nosy little bastards having a quick look around to see if there is anything to eat, or something interesting to sniff?