I’m out early on a Saturday morning. It’s a writing group day which means there is always going to be a Maccy D’s breakfast involved. And being in town before nine in the morning means I get one of my cherished window seats so I can watch what is going on in the world outside.
The market – as it is – is already set out and awaiting customers. But Crawley isn’t really an early bird kind of town and there isn’t much footfall. Most of the passers-by are picking up food to be delivered – Deliveroo, Just Eat, Uber Eats, Too Fucking Lazy To Get It Yourself? (that last one’s name may not catch on) – both from Maccy D’s and Greggs next door.
The stall opposite where I am looking out is selling watches, sunglasses, and mobile related items. All at cheap knock-off style prices, and has a couple of big signs saying, “Cash Only,” so it isn’t dodgy in the slightest, is it? I’m intrigued that in one of the trays of sunglasses on display there appears to be a pair with the Maccy D’s logo on them. It takes me longer than it should to realise it’s reflecting the logo from the Maccy D’s I’m sat in. I’m not going to lie. I’m not quite at full capacity this early in the morning.
The mall is nearly empty and WH Smith has more people on tills than there are customers in the shop. Something that is unheard of as they are usually trying to shepherd you to the useless self-service tills instead of serving you. Perhaps it’s too early for them to be pretending to look busy elsewhere in the shop.
I then jump to after the Crawley game and our now traditional post-match curry at The Downsman. When we were there last week, they closed the main men’s toilets due to flooding. They were still closed due to flooding when we went in this evening. I went to the other toilet in the pub, only to find that they weren’t going to be long in being open before they too were closed to flooding, mainly due to the fact that the inbreeds in there were incapable of hitting the urinals.
From where I was sat, I could see the door of the closed toilets, with the sign on the door saying they were closed due to flooding. Now, if I wasn’t at full capacity early in the morning whilst in Maccy D’s, then there were loads of blokes nowhere near full capacity in the early evening in the Downsman.
At least half a dozen of them walk up to the door, push it several times, look confused as to why the door isn’t opening, and then look up at the sign on the door as if it had suddenly appeared since they had tried pushing the door. If there was a camera on the door then there would be a great gallery of gormless looking morons. At least one of them did it twice. Not a single one looked at the notice first, every single one of them tried the door first and then read the notice.
For all the use it is, the notice might have well read,
“If you notice this notice, then you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing.”