It was very heavy this morning
I suppose that could apply to many things
Not just all the excess soft tissue on my frame
Not just the dense bones of my frame
The atmosphere could be described as heavy
No sun, but it was warm, muggy, oppressive
Recent rain had washed the pollen off the trees
I could feel it invading every orifice
All of those could be considered as heavy
But it wasn’t any of them that was weighing me down
No it was my feelings doing that
A dread pushing down on my shoulders
Fear crushing against my internal organs
Apathy shattering the bones holding me together
Like I am now a primordial sludge
Wanting to seep away from this life
To be able to hibernate
Not for the winter like a hairy bear
But from the pressure enveloping me
Confidence, usually low, is now in negative
Block the world out with headphones and sunglasses
I can’t hear them talking about me
I can’t see them looking at me
Not that they are doing either
It’s just my fractured self, imagining it
I don’t want to deal with the world
No people, no nature, no concrete cells
No forced conversations, no phone, no e-mail, no skype
Just me curled up in a foetal position in bed
Just me and what’s inside my head
But is that wise?
Isn’t what is in there the thing that is making me this way?
Is it a self-fulfilling cycle I’m in?
Revolving around like in a wall of death
If I slow down I crash in a heap at the bottom
Yet if I could pick up my pace somehow
Speed up to the top and take off
And it’s a cycle no more
As I fly through the air
I’ve broken away in a straight line
I may fall to earth soon enough
But my spirit will have soared
Physical injuries can be healed in time
So why not the ones of the mind
The people may still look
They may still talk about me
But why should I let them worry me
If I am fine with myself and Helen is too
Then nothing else matters, that is all I need